Not as many calls and texts

D has finally given up on calling and texting me, thankfully. Just so tired of him trying to butt into my personal business and to find out what’s going on with A. A is still calling and texting me; he wants to talk but I’m being a stubborn pain in the ass. Personally, I think it’s slightly wrong to screw someone on the anniversary of a spouse’s death. It doesn’t seem right to me.

Anyways, I don’t really feel used by A but he should’ve used a little bit more discretion when we had sex. Plus there have been many opportunities for A and I to have sex before this past Thursday. If I had known that his wife had passed away a few years ago to the day, I would’ve said for us to have sex another time.

I just wish both D and A could make up their minds and decide what they want. I’m tired of the bi polar moods, flirtiness, the anger and the hatred that D shows me. I’m not really tired of A always coming around, being super friendly, having a big ass smile around when I’m nearby, always waving at me. * Le sigh*.

Kinda hoping that A and I can maybe work out after I return his calls and texts. I really do enjoy working with him (when he’s working day shifts, that is). Plus he’s super sweet. I just hope that he understands where I’m coming from when I call him back. Should he have told me that he’s a widower? Yes. Was the timing right? No. He’s human just like the rest of us…..a damn good looking guy.

Not getting left alone.

The last day that I worked this week was Thursday (I had my best friend’s wedding yesterday; Friday). Between leaving work Thursday afternoon, yesterday and today, I had more phone calls and text messages than I had in the past 2 weeks. Most were from D and the others were from A.

The messages that were from D were asking me if I was ok, to see what happened after work on Thursday, wondering why I was at A’s house….that kinda thing. It was so annoying. I mean, seriously? My boss checking on me about what I was doing with another person after work is crossing the line. He has no business to know what I’m doing outside of work. It’s solely my business…..unless it involves him (which we all know, it does NOT).

A’s messages were just him apologizing to me about not telling me about his deceased wife. He made an attempt to say that since it was something personal, he didn’t tell me at work but because he wants me in his life, he wanted to tell me on Thursday when he arrived home but I found out before he had the chance to say something.

Not too long ago, I received a phone call from an unknown number but I usually don’t answer it. I hit the “end call” button so my phone would stop vibrating. A few seconds later, the unknown number called me again. Hesitatingly, I answered.

“Hello?” I answered sweetly.

“It’s D. Please don’t hang up!”

“D, its 12:45 am. I was dead asleep and yet you had the nerve to wake me up?? For what? To make me dislike you even more??”

“I’m sorry that I’m calling you so late and waking you up. I’ve been wanting to call you all night….I finally had the nerve to after spending half the night drinking.”

“Ok. You called after you drank. You called me after blocking your number just in case I actually looked at my caller id. Now that you called, you can hang up and let me get back to bed. I’ll see you in a few days!”

“Deppgrl……please don’t hang up there’s something I wanted to tell you the afternoon that you came up here to tell me about the operator who made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Look, D, I don’t care what it is at this point. I just want my bed. Good night”

“But……”

“No buts. It’s time for bed and I won’t be thinking of you!”

After hanging up with D, I turned off my cell phone but set the alarm across the room so I can actually get up on time for church.

Kissing one man but desiring another

I was working in a different area yesterday than I was on Tuesday. I enjoy NOT working in the same area all the time but the not so good thing about where I was working yesterday, I barely saw A. I hadn’t seen him since he kissed me on Tuesday and D wasn’t in (for which I was kinda grateful for).

Anyways, the conveyor belt on the line that I was working on was a little shakey on its stands so I told the operator. A few minutes later as he’s coming back with tools, the conveyor belt falls off its stands and crashes to the floor (and breaks), throwing a thousand pounds of candy on the floor. I hop over the spilling candy, hit the E stop and then run back over to the operator. As I’m waiting for instructions, I end up getting knee deep in candy.  Of all the times to walk in, A had chosen this moment to walk in. I’m a little embarrassed but he knows that it wasn’t my fault.

The operator, A and I move the pieces of machinery out of the way and start to sweep up the candy. As we sweep up the candy, we have to look for various pieces of machinery. Looking for bits and pieces made the clean up tedious and took about 2 hours. We finally get the area cleaned up and since the line is broken and no work for me, A takes me to another line to work.

As we head to another line, he pulls me to a small corner where practically no one goes to. I know the look in his eyes. He leans down and kisses me, gently guiding me to the wall and pushes me up against the wall. I push away a little to say not to kiss me while working but instead he deepens the kiss. I kiss him back with the same passion he’s kissing me with.

I can feel his sexual arousal. I slide two fingers in between the space of two snaps of his shirt and unsnap that area of his shirt as well as unsnapping the snap below it and slide my hand against his abdomen. With one of his hands, he gently grabs one of my breasts and squeezes my breast a little; I let out a moan. He pulls away and grabs me by my hand and leads me to a supply closet.

After we’re both in the closet, he locks the door from the inside, he rips his uniform off, rips mine off and throws me on the utility table. He drops to his knees, spreads my legs and dove face first into my apex. In a matter of seconds, I’m moaning and screaming in pleasure.

When the release is over, he reaches to his pants to grab his wallet, pulls out a condom and rolls it on. He moves me a little bit on the table and slides his appendage in me. We moan in unison. A starts to thrust into me.

“Deppgrl, you’re amazing.” A pants. “I never thought this would happen with us."

“A…don’t stop!” I moan. “I always wanted us to have sex!”

 “With you? It’s making love!” A thrusts deeper and a little harder. “You deserve better than this table. Come home with me after work. I live a minute down the road.”

“Ok” I said.

Seconds later we climax together. We get our clothes back on. As I leave A stops me. He told me that it was time for me to leave since it was the end of my shift. He scribbled down his address and told me to go ahead in (after telling me where the spare key is), shower and relax.

I nodded my head and booked it to the locker room and change in less than a minute and run out of work after making a stop to get my lunch bag. A few co workers were wondering why I was in such a rush and I said that I have a ton of stuff to do today.

I headed to A’s house and found it with no problems and entered. I left my purse in the hallway and headed upstairs to find the bathroom so I could shower. I open the first door I get to and it’s the spare room. The next door I open is the master bedroom. As I turn to leave, I see a picture of A in a wedding picture. I walked back into the room to take a closer look at the picture because I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. But my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. I left the room, closed its door and headed back downstairs to grab my purse and leave. As I open the door, A’s there just about to unlock the door.

“Honey? Where are you going?” A asked me.

“I don’t mess with married men. You of all people should know this, A!” I said.

“What are you talking about? I’m NOT married” he stated.

“Bull shit, A. I saw the wedding picture in the master bedroom. I’m sorry I went into your room but I was looking for the bathroom. I wouldn’t have known that you’re married if I hadn’t seen your lips locked with your wife’s lips!!” I said.

“My love, I WAS married a few years ago. You didn’t hear me that I’m no longer married. My wife passed away a few years ago. A few years ago today….” he was saying.

“Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt?????????????” I shriek. “You fucked me earlier because you’re wife died a few years ago today!!!! How could you use me like that!?!” I said, crying.

“I was going to explain after you showered but obviously you had to find out the wrong way. I wanted to tell you myself because I love you and want to be with you the rest of my life. I even bought…….” A said.

“I don’t go replacing a man’s first wife because she died. I refuse to replace the first wife that a man still clearly loves. I’d be playing second fiddle to your wife for the rest our lives. I won’t do that. Use the ring for someone else to replace your wife.” I said.

I leave the house and hop back into my car and drive off. My phone starts to ring, I answer not even looking at the caller id.

“Hello?” I said.

“Deppgrl. It’s D. How are you?”

“I could be better. Not having a good day. I can’t talk right now. I need to go”.

“Baby, tell me what’s wrong!”

“Why the hell do you care? You hate me. We already had this conversation the other day.”

“I don’t hate you but that’s not the point. I just got off the phone with A. He just told me what happened at the house. He feels terrible!”

“If he loved me like he said he did, he would’ve told me in the first place. Anyways, I desire someone else despite the chemistry between A and I. But whatever. I need to go”.

“I saw him kiss you the other day,” D said. “That really made me mad and jealous!”

“To be honest? I don’t really care what makes you mad or jealous! I’m hanging up. I’ll see you next week!”

I hung up and started receiving a shit load of texts; all of them from D. I just couldn’t, in my vulnerability, let him know that it was him I desired and thought of while A and I were having sex.

Personally, I’m grateful that I don’t have to see A for a few weeks as his schedule changes. But I still have to see D; I don’t want him to pity me at all.

Men....oye

Today was a rather interesting day at work. I worked on a line that I don’t mind too much and my operator is a pretty cool and chill guy (I’ve worked with him before several times over the past 2 months). Usually the line runs pretty well but today it really wasn’t.

Anyways, M (my operator) forewarned me that the line wasn’t running well, in which I replied was fine; I’d dealt with worse! His relief operator (an operator who covers another operator’s line with the original operator is on break) is an older guy and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable….He stares at me like he’s visually undressing me. Um, ew!

So I had enough of it and finally went upstairs to the office to talk to D about it. I was surprised that he was actually nice to me! He hadn’t been nice to me in a few weeks. As I was telling D what was going on, he made a notation in my employee profile that I came up to the office and told him what's going on, that this operator hasn't approached sexually as of yet, etc. As I got up from the chair to head back to work, D throws me in for a bit of a loop.
He tells me that he doesn’t hate me at all and has been told to distance himself from me because HR had called him saying that several people called and complained of how he treated me (mood swings, starting conversations that eventually lead to sex, being rude to me for no reason).

“Right. Uh huh. You don’t hate me. Bull shit, D. We both know damn well you hate me and that you don’t treat me well. I show you respect because you’re my boss, not because I want to. You can hate me all you want, I don’t give a flying fuck, but the least you could do is show me the same common courtesy and respect that you show others” I say.

I spin and storm out the door and head back to work. I was pissed as all hell at him; what else is new? As the afternoon winds down, the machine and line stop working properly…..empty bags start flying all over the place, candy comes out unpackaged on the conveyer belt and spilling all over the floor. I hit the emergency stop and call M over to fix the problem. I was literally ankle deep in candy. I step out of the candy, start sweeping it up into a pile. As I come back with a dust pan and brush, D comes over. I give him the nastiest look I can muster up. He pulled me aside so M couldn’t hear the conversation.

“Look, Deppgrl. You’re right. I don’t show you the common courtesy and respect that not only I don’t show you but you deserve. I’m sorry that I don’t treat you as well as I treat the other employees. It’s not fair to you and also pretty unprofessional on my end. I’m so sorry!” D said.

“Bull shit!” I hissed at him.

I spun around and got back to cleaning up the candy that was all over the floor. Could this afternoon get any worse than it already was? I’m half way done cleaning up the candy disaster area when I see A coming my way. I groan. He looked mad that there was a mess and that it was partially my fault. I would take responsibility for causing the candy to fall on the floor for hitting the E stop.

“A” I said. “Look…..about the candy on the floor. I’m SO sorry. I had to hit the E stop. I’m almost done cleaning it up; I’ll be fast so M can get the line back up and running!”

“Deppgrl” A said putting his arm around my shoulders. “It’s ok; I know it’s not your fault that the line isn’t working properly. Take your time cleaning up, ok?”

“Thanks, A. I just need a few more minutes!” I said.

I get back to where I was cleaning with the dust pan and brush. I pulled out the big guns with the air gun (the air gun shoots air when the handle is pressed down) to get the candy out of small crevices. It took me almost a good thirty minutes to clean up the area after A came around. I told A that I was finished cleaning and that I was going to step to the ladies room. He nodded and said that he’d meet me in the break room in a few minutes. I nodded and walked away.

On my way to the ladies room, I started to cry. I thought A was going to get D to join us in the break room and have D fire me. I splashed water on my face then dried my face off. I took a deep breath and exhaled then I headed over to meet A.

“Look, A, I did what I was allowed to do; hit the E stop. I knew it was going to be a nasty mess to clean up but I did what I had to do. I knew M wasn’t going to be happy but I’d rather that than allowing the mess to continue. Wait. Where’s D? Why isn’t he here to fire me himself? Are you even allowed to fire me??” I said fast, tears welled up in my eyes again.

“Whoa, Deppgrl! Slow down!! No one’s firing you. Why would D or I fire you? I know hitting the E stop was the only thing you could do to stop the mess from getting worse! Yes, M is mad but NOT at you! He’s mad at himself for not paying close enough attention to the line. Oh, honey! Please don’t cry!” A said as he wiped a tear from my face. I started to shake.

“D had said earlier that he doesn't hate me, but he really does, and doesn’t treat me as well as the others from the agency; he’s got his favorites and I’m far from that list. He may be my boss but I don’t like him. A….please don’t toy with me. Please give me my helmet back; I need to return to work” I said as A put my helmet on a high place that I couldn’t reach. He proceeds to take his helmet off as well, placing it next to mine.

“I’m sorry but I’ve wanted to do this for a long time” A said quietly as he’s leaning towards me to kiss me. “Please don’t be afraid of me, Deppgrl.”

A leans in even closer and kisses me. I’m afraid to kiss back. He gently bites my bottom lip to open my mouth. I sigh and he deepens the kiss. Good gravy, can this man kiss! A gently slides his tongue in my mouth; I moaned in pleasure and began to kiss him back.

“A, please. I can’t do this. Just give me my helmet back; I promise I won’t tell anyone – no one would believe me anyways. I’ll leave you alone while I’m still employed by the temp agency. Can’t have the boss man be caught with the help!” I said, taking my helmet from A’s out stretched hand, putting it back on my head. I throw my safety glasses on and my ear plugs in then head back to work.

Of course I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking so I literally bump into D of all people. He grabs my arm so I don’t fall. I get squared my feet, thanked him then yanked my arm out of his hand. As I walk away, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around; ready to elbow whoever grabbed my shoulder. It was D.

“Would you leave me alone already? I’ve had enough with you today, plus the line going down making a mess and now A all over me because you told him to! Leave me the hell alone!” I said.

“Deppgrl, I apologized already. I have no idea what else I can do. I can’t really leave you alone since I’m your boss. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that mess and I absolutely no idea what you mean about having A all over you. Is that why you’re flushed? What did he do??” D asked.

“Never mind. You don’t get it!!” I said storming off. “You know better than sneaking up behind me like that, you rude arrogant ass!”

By the time I get back to the line, my relief (the second shift) was there already. I mumbled something and then jogged to the locker room, ran up the stairs, opened my locker, changed into my street clothes in less than 2 minutes, throw my work stuff in there, slam the locker, grab the uniform and dump it in the proper bins, run down the stairs, clock out and jog to the cafeteria to grab my lunch bag. I stood there for a moment to catch my breath; I'm crying so hard that I'm shaking and using the wall to support me. B is right next to me – he’d followed me, knowing that something is wrong. He grabbed our lunch bags, supported me as we walked through security and headed outside. We sat down on a bench and he held me as I cried. He asked what happened and I told him everything that happened.

“Oh, honey. Can’t you see? D is jealous of the guys that you work closely with and know well. He knows that you can’t date because he’s the boss. He’s even jealous of me because of how close we are; funny thing is that he doesn’t even know that I’m bi. Ha ha ha. Anyways, if A is interested in you, don’t push him away. He’s a really good guy. You can’t find a better guy than him!” B said.

“Thanks, Boo. You always know what to say!”I said as I hugged him. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you!”

Getting barged in on

I went to the local shopping mall today since I had the rare day off. So I left the one store that I had coupons for (a clothing store) and went to the “stinky store” (the store with lotion, perfume, candles, etc) to buy some perfume for the wedding I’m attending in a matter of days.

After paying, I head to another clothing store. I grab a few things to try on and head to the changing room. This changing room sucked! It had a curtain instead of a door. So, anyways, I’m trying on this dress and as I zip it up, some 15 yr old boy yanks the curtain back, leaves it wide open and walks away. I yank the curtain to close the room I was in so I could finish zipping up. When I am finished zipping the dress, I storm out, look the kid in the face and say:
“First of all, have some common courtesy and common sense! The curtain is closed. That means someone’s in there! Second of all, this is a LADIES changing room……NOT a men’s! You shouldn’t be in here; especially when you don’t have anything to try on! Third of all, you disgust me to the point where I want to vomit! How can you walk into a ladies changing room, yank open a curtain and leave it open when someone’s in there who’s BARELY decent? You have some nerve!  You’re a poor excuse for a person!”

He just stood there staring at me! He didn’t say anything! All he did was nod his head. So I rushed back to the changing room, threw my clothes back on and went to a sales associate to ask for a manager. I let the manager know what happened. She called the mall’s security to come into the store to escort the underage peeping Tom out of the store. He was SO livid as he was being escorted out, he was cursing so much that my ears were burning.

The house almost got broken into but the dog saved the day

So last night was the final night of dog and house sitting for my friends. I went to bed somewhere between 1:45 and 2 am local time. I read a little bit then fell asleep – I had the bedroom door open a little bit so I could hear the dog bark.

I finally fall asleep and what feels like minutes was actually 2 ish hours later. Around 4:15 am, the dog was barking as if to tell me she needed to go out and do her business. So she does her business then she starts barking at a running car in an abandoned parking lot 40 or so yards away. The driver saw me and turned off their headlights but the running lights were left on. The dog and I booked into the house, re locked the back door and then re checked the front door.

As we went upstairs (the stairs are located by the front door), the screen storm door opened rather noisily (it squeaks) and then heard someone trying to break the door down. We ran upstairs, I grabbed my cell phone and mace, grabbed the dog and hid in a closet. I called the cops. I explained the situation, briefly, to the dispatcher who promised to send out patrolmen.

I hid in the closet with the dog until dispatch called and told me that the cops have the intruder in custody (handcuffed) and that one of the cops would like to talk to me. I left the dog inside and stepped outside with the would be intruder sitting on the curb with his hands cuffed behind his back. I explained that I wasn’t the resident of the house but a friend who was house and dog sitting, the dog heard a noise, barked – which woke me up – took her outside, the running car and the attempt to break in.

I was asked if the man in the cuffs was the man who tried to break in. I said that I didn’t know because I didn’t look for the intruder’s face.

They ended up arresting him for attempting to break in, intent to steal, possession of an illegal substance and intent to sell and possession of a gun without any licenses or any documentation of allowing to carry it concealed.

The cops finally left around 5:30 this morning. I couldn’t sleep when I went back to bed. I was to high strung to do anything so I packed up for the night and headed back to bed. Sadly I couldn’t fall back asleep.

I took a 20 minute nap when I got home but I didn’t feel refreshed. Now it’s after 1 am (local time) and I can’t sleep….reliving anything and everything about the would be intruder. 

Dog sitting

Do you remember the couple that I dog sat for last year and the husband “broke” in to get his wallet? Well….I’m dog sitting for them again this weekend. They’re paying me $10 more than they did last time (yay!) but I really didn’t want to. Figured I’d do it for the money.

Anyways, I don’t like the dog, the house smells of dog (no matter how much Febreeze is sprayed! or how many times I vacuum), the dog sniffs, drools, snorts, farts, snores, slobbers and slimes constantly, doesn’t eat when I feed it, I have to take it out a million times a night just for it to pee the very last time it whines

Thinking about ending my relationship with my guy

I’m not really into T as much as I originally thought before we started dating. He’s a great guy but in the long run, seemed more of a brother than anything else. We always got along when we were younger; which is why we got along fine now. It doesn’t really help that I’ve been secretly crushing on one of the associates at the company my temp agency works for; ok so he’s really the “captain” (boss) for one of the shifts. We’ll call him “A”.

Anyways, whenever A and his shift works the day shifts (the shifts I work 99.9 % of the time), he hunts me down and always talks with me a bit. Or sometimes in passing, he’s got a big ass smile and waves at me. The one time in passing, I’m walking somewhere with a female coworker of mine and there’s A with a big ass smile and waves. I smile, wave and say hello.

Sometimes, there’s a misunderstanding. Here’s an example:

“A”, she says. “Were you waving at me or her (meaning me)?”

“Sorry XYZ, I was waving at Deppgrl. It was pretty obvious.” He says

“A, you don’t need to be rude,” I say winking to let him know I was teasing. “We all know how much you love me!”

A turns beat red and then laughs.

Not too long ago, one of A’s operators was giving me a hard time when A wasn’t around. A smiled and waved as he passed by. All I could do was smile and nod back in greeting. He stopped for a second and then came over. He asked what was wrong and I said nothing. He kept asking what was wrong until I told him that I felt that his one operator was giving me a hard time. A kinda hid in the corner as the operator came back from break. I was doing my own thing and all of a sudden he gave me a hard time for cleaning. I explained that since I’m with the temp agency, there are certain things I can and cannot do; one of the things I cannot do is make an attempt to fix the machines on my own – I can ask an operator if I can help and they have to decide if they’ll have me help or not help.

A overheard this transaction (of course) and started giving the operator hell for assuming that I’d be willing to risk my job by trying to fix the machine without the approval AND supervision of one of the associates/operators. After A giving this guy hell, he’s pretty much left me alone

Then there are kinda funny stories about A. I’ll share one of them with you. So I was working in an area where there’d be peanuts (out of their shells) and I’d have to inspect them as they went down the conveyor belt. We shut the line down around 11 am and then I went upstairs to get my next assignment. It ended up I had to go the far side of the plant to speak with D. He said to change my uniform (due to being covered in peanut particle) and go to lunch before I get sent over to see “M” – another operator.

While in the cafeteria, I see A but really don’t talk to him. He comes over and says where he wants me to work the one line I was sent to work at until the end of the shift but the machine was down so I assisted operators with cleaning, organizing, taking out the garbage and/or recycling.

I finally went on my last break and was in the break room. A came inside to talk to me about focusing a little more on the cleaning of one line (it wasn’t working properly and was making a huge mess when it stopped working). As he was talking, he kept gesticulating/talking with his hands. One if his operators said that I should hold A’s hands so no one gets dizzy and no one gets hit!! I turn a deep red and A turns slightly pink. It was pretty funny.

I felt like I was betraying my new guy while at work today

While at work today, I feel like I betrayed my feelings for T. I didn’t cheat at all just betrayed my feelings for him is all.

This morning, just after the morning meeting, I waited to talk to D about who I was working with. After a moment or two of discussing the subject, I turned to leave. As I turned to leave, I noticed something on D’s ear. I pulled him aside and quietly said that he should check out his ear in a mirror; there’s something on it. He tried to get it off but wasn’t able to.

“Would you mind if I tried?” I asked.

“Sure, Deppgrl” he said.

I stepped closer and reached out with my dominant hand to wipe it off. My hand was shaking severely; D had noticed but didn’t say anything.

“There! You’re all set, D!” I said.

“Thanks, Deppgrl! I’ll swing by in a little bit to see how you’re doing.” D said.

A few hours later, he swings by to see how I’m holding up and dealing with the asshole I’m working with. I told him that it goes, just uber uncomfortable working near the bozo.

“Hey. About earlier….with your ear….?” I say.

“What about it??” D asks.

“Sorry I got into your personal space. Certain things set my OCD off….things that are out of place, collars not sitting straight, that kinda thing.” I say.

“No worries. I would’ve walk around all day with something on my ear and no one would’ve said anything. Feel free to get into my personal space anytime!” D says.

I just nod my head in acknowledgement. I have a boyfriend and I should be getting anxious/nervous around him instead of my boss. I should feel twitter pated around T instead of D.

Gah. I feel like my feelings betrayed me and trying to convince me that I’m interested in D. Yes, I know that at one point that I thought I was in love with D, but clearly I was wrong. Nothing good would come of the relationship between D and I. I should be focused more on my man than my boss.

Still hearing that my bf loves me

             It’s been about a week since T and I started to date and a week since he said that he loved me. He reminds me at least once a day that he loves me. He gets a weird look on his face when I don’t say it back. Part of it is that the last time I told a guy that I loved him, he cheated on me and got the woman pregnant; he didn’t care that I was already pregnant with his twins (due to the emotional distress, I ended up choosing to have an abortion).

            T is unaware of the entire situation but he knows that an ex fiancé cheated on me. I know that T wouldn’t even dream of cheating on me or hurting me.

          When we told my brother, JJ, he said that if T hurt me, my brother would be the first one to throw a punch. I told JJ that T’s my boyfriend and IF he hurt me, it’d be on me to do something…..not JJ. I’m an adult and can take care of myself.

          Anyways, I think it’s too soon that for T to tell me that he loves me. We’ve been together a week!! I understand if we were together for a few months and then for him to tell me that he loves me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that he doesn’t love me…..just saying that I think it’s too soon.

          He's truly a good guy, understands the value of working hard, isn’t afraid to get dirty, he fights with his family but fights FOR his family, he loves animals and he’s definitely the type of guy one would be proud to take home to meet one’s parents.

It feels a little strange to have a boyfriend

It feels a bit strange to have a boyfriend. In general, my boyfriends don’t last too long because I either lose interest/get bored, I want more freedom then what my bf’s give (I like the occasional night out with my male friends but my bf’s don’t care much for it), the bf of whatever moment doesn’t like that I like to drink Jack & Coke instead of girly, fruity mixed drinks and the boyfriend of whatever moment doesn’t like the fact that I feel that I can protect myself as well as they can, if not better.

I have ADD so I get bored easily. I have more male friends than female friends. Nothing against the girly, fruity mixed drinks; I like them occasionally but prefer Jack & Coke. My brother, my dad and my gramps all taught me how to pack a punch, protect myself and not to take shit from anyone.

But I’m beginning to think that T is a little different. He knows that I’m feeling a little bored but he’s coming up with different things to help me not be so bored, he encourages me to spend time with “The Boys” as long as he’s met them, he doesn’t care that I like Jack & Coke and is helping me protect myself.

Let’s see how long T lasts. The last bf barely lasted a month. Hoping T lasts a few months!!

A massive shocker: I've kinda settled down a little bit.

So I’ve had a shit load of stuff going through lately…..work, my zio (uncle), my friend, D, the 2 hook ups on Saturday night, looking for another job, etc. I’ve been struggling with a ton of shit and there was always this one person I’d lean on; my wingman “T”

He came over Sunday afternoon and we talked about Saturday night’s events with the 2 random guys, line dancing, etc. T leans over and starts kissing me; I’m still horny so I kiss him back. We start ripping our clothes off. I lean him back on the couch a little and straddle him, with his appendage centimeters away from entering my apex.

“Put your cock in me” I say.

“What?” T asks.

“Put your cock in me. That’s pretty much what you wanted since you let yourself in 15 minutes ago. Your cock is rock hard; my pussy’s drenched. Just fuck me already!” I say.

“But you’re my friend’s baby sister!” T says.

“T, I’m fucking 30 years old. I am JJ’s ‘youngest’ sister; I’m no longer his baby sister. Time’s ticking. Either you fuck me here and now or I’m going to blue ball you. It’s your choice!” I say.

T gets this…..look on his face. He shoves his hips up, ramming his cock into my pussy. I gasp at the pleasure. As he’s pulling out, I slide down his cock.

“Fuck” he says. “Your pussy is wet AND tight. I’m gonna fuck you so good you can’t walk!”

I keep sliding up and down his hard cock, going faster and faster. He picks me up, puts me on the floor, and rams his cock into me again. I throw both legs over his shoulders so he can ram his cock deeper into my pussy.

After fucking me like this for a few minutes, I get on all fours so he can fuck me from behind. I love sex this way. T grabs my hips and rams his cock deep into my pussy; making me scream. He keeps pounding into me, hard and fast; gaining momentum with each thrust.

“FUCK!” T screams as he shoots cum inside me.

“FUCK!” I scream as I squirt on his cock.

He pulls out and wraps me in his arms. I’m a little surprised by this; it’s unusual for a guy to hold me after having sex but whatever.

“You know what, Lovey? I’ve been interested in you for YEARS but JJ made me promise I wouldn’t touch you sexually and if he found out, he’d hit me. I don’t regret having sex with you. It’s made me realize that I still am interested in you. Lovey, be my girl” T says.

“Let’s call JJ in a few minutes to tell him we screwed like crazy…..and yes, T, I’ll be your girl, but only if I’m your only girl. I won’t tolerate you cheating on me!” I say.

“I’ll never have another girl. If I do, she’ll call you ‘Mommy’. I love you, babe!” T says.

Line dancing is fun. Who knew?

I went out to a bar/club tonight to go line dancing to celebrate my friend’s birthday. At first, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go but glad I did. The food was decent but not great which is fine. After dinner, I danced to almost every song that was played. For the first time in a number of years, I actually let my hair down, relaxed, had fun and danced without feeling embarrassed. Maybe it was the beer with dinner or maybe it was the Jack & Coke before heading on out to the dance floor.

Anyways, I end up dancing with this hottie (a little taller than me; which isn’t hard to do). After dancing a few songs together, he leads me off the dance floor to a storage closet. We enter it; he closes and locks the door, turns the light switch on and pushes me against the wall and starts kissing me. As he’s kissing me, he lifts up my mini skirt….his hand slides up to my apex and starts to finger my wet entrance. I start working on unbuttoning and unzipping his pants; I couldn’t get to his appendage fast enough. He steps out of his pants, reaches to grab his wallet to pull out a condom & puts it on, teases my apex a little with the tip of his appendage and then he finally enters me with his 9 inch appendage. I scream as he jams his long AND thick appendage deep inside my apex.

“Fuck me, honey! Fuck me!” I say.

“Lemme make love to you, baby!” he says.

“Fuck me. Make love to me later! I just need you to fuck me like crazy!!” I say.

He pulls his appendage out a little bit then jams it inside my narrow apex again. He keeps ramming into me as hard and as fast as he could, making me scream louder and louder with each thrust. He’s biting my right breast as hard as he could, making me wetter for his super large appendage.

“FUCK ME HARD. FUCK ME SO HARD I CAN’T WALK!!” I scream.

It takes a few more hard thrusts to climax together. He shoots cum out of his appendage so hard that the condom explodes and I feel his cum enter me. He pulls out, rolls off the condom, finally realizing that it ripped as he came. I told him not to worry because I’m on birth control. He relaxes. His appendage gets hard again. I grab it in my hand and start stroking. I kneel down and take as much of him as I could in my mouth. I sense his body tensing up, wanting to orgasm.

“Want to make love?” I ask.

“Sure” he says. “Lean your big tits against that storage cabinet, spread your legs apart and stick that magnificent ass of yours out.”

“Mmmm.  You’re dripping wet” he continues. He gently slides his massive appendage a few times in my sore apex. He pulls his appendage out, steps back, comes back and enters me anally.

“Oh God, baby. You’re too big for my ass; it hurts but I don’t want you to stop because it feels too good as well. Take it slow” I say.

He grabs my hips and slowly thrusts into me. We’re both moaning and panting. He starts thrusting harder and faster. I start screaming because it’s beginning to hurt.

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you” he says.

“Keep going like you’re going, baby” I say. “The pain feels SO good. Fuck my ass hard and fast!”

He spreads my legs further apart and rams his appendage even deeper in my ass. I continue to scream because of the pain. With each scream, he pounds harder and faster. Seconds later, we orgasm together. He slowly pulls out of me, stands me up and turns me around.

“Mami, please don’t tell me that you’re in pain” he says; gently kissing my face.

“Papi,” I say, “I’ll be a little sore for a while. It was worth it. I need a few minutes…..”
“To make love?” he asks and I nod yes.

A minute or two goes by and I tell him that I’m ready. I place my back against the wall and wrap my legs around his hips. He enters me gently knowing that I’m sore. He slowly enters me and takes his time. I close my eyes and begin to moan.

“Mami….open your eyes and look at me as we  make love. I want you to see how much pleasure you give me as we make love and when I orgasm. Please open your eyes, Mami” he says.

My eyes flutter open even though I desire to close them again. I do want to see if I give him the pleasure he says I do so my eyes remain open. He rests his forehead briefly on my neck. I can feel his breath on my collar bone. I gently run my one hand through his hair. He lifts his head up a little, starts to kiss my neck and within three or four more thrusts we orgasm together again. He pulls out and I unwrap my legs from around his waist and let my legs drop to the floor. As I try to walk to get my now torn thongs, I’m unable to walk due to wobbly legs. I wait for a few more seconds then try again. I successfully pick up my torn thongs, put them in my purse and readjust my clothes, he puts his boxer briefs and pants back on and slides his feet back into/onto his flip flops.

We leave the storage room and as we go around the corner, we bump into my friends. They ask where we were, etc. We said we stepped outside for some fresh air (my friends didn’t believe that) so I left with my friends to head back to the dance floor. I still wasn’t walking right and they asked what was up. I said that I stumbled and that the hottie caught be before I fell but not soon enough to prevent me to hitting into a cement wall hip first. They rolled their eyes to say “Uh, huh. Right. My ass!” I redden a little bit at the "My ass" comment.

Hottie disappears for a bit so I hop back on the dance floor when Cowboy walks up and asks me in halting English if I wanted to dance. I said yes.

We waltzed around the floor, I clumsily stepped on his toes a few times but we did fine. We danced for a good 20 minutes before he lead me back to the storage room where Hottie and I had just vacated 20 minutes prior.

After we enter, I lock the door, turn the light on and lean up to kiss Cowboy who is a good foot taller than me. He reaches under my skirt to rub my apex and is taken aback a little bit, surprised I’m currently not wearing any form of undergarments but continues. I unzippered and unbuttoned his jeans and pulled his jeans down to the floor with his boxers. He stepped out of his flip flops, boxers and shorts. He leans down and grabs a condom. As he rolls it on, I hop up on the storage cabinet to sit on it to be parallel with his appendage. Cowboy is about the same length as Hottie’s but not as wide as Hottie’s.

He spreads my legs and slowly enters me. We don’t talk; he speaks and understands Spanish better then English and I'm better with English then Spanish. I keep my eyes open as we have sex. He speaks to me in Spanish,  knowing I barely can speak the language but it doesn’t matter because he’s turning me on that way; not like I needed to be extra wet or anything.

A few minutes later, we orgasm together. 

He puts his clothes back on as I re-adjust my clothes. I leave the storage room and around the same corner, I see Hottie looking for me. All of a sudden he gets this bad look on his face and I turn around. Hottie spots Cowboy walking towards us.

“Who’s he?” Hottie asked.

“I don’t know his name but we danced a few songs together, took a quick walk and here we are” I say.

“Introduce me to him” Hottie says.

I introduce the two guys together and I book it to the ladies’ room is to catch my breath. My two (female) friends saw me and ask if I’m ok. I explain that I’m drunk and want to be left alone for a few minutes. They understood and left. I waited a second or so to splash water on my face and then I went back to the dance floor. I danced with a few other guys and when I had a break, I snuck off for a second to write down my number to give to Hottie. I went back to my friends and said that I was heading home. They all hugged me and said that they ALL want a text from me when I get home, so I said sure.

On my way out, I went over to Hottie:

“Hey. I normally don’t do this but here’s my number” I say.

“Thanks. It was a pleasure meeting you and dancing with you. Let me walk you out to your car” he says.

“No worries. I got it. Plus I didn’t park far from the entrance, I have mace on my car key chain and the cops are out there. I’ll be fine” I say.

Hottie disregarded my not wanting him to walk me to my car. We get to my car, I unlock it, throw my stuff in there and before I hop in, he kisses me intensely. I grab his head to pull him closer because I can't get enough of him kissing me. I wanted to have sex with him again but I knew we'd be at it for another hour plus the cops weren't too far from where I parked....I didn't have a desire to be ticketed or arrested for indecent exposure!

I think I may try line dancing again!

To ask or not to ask my boss a question.....

So my friend is hosting this line dancing thing for her birthday on Saturday and I’ll be going. What I’m anxious about is not having a male friend that I’m comfortable enough with to join me. I’m thinking about asking D on Friday but that’d be too last minute and make it look like I’m desperate for a date. I’d be too uncomfortable to call tomorrow (Thursday) and ask him on the phone; that might be a bit weird as well. I should’ve just asked him today but I chickened out.

What do y’all think? Should I just ask him on Friday or should I grow a pair of cajones and go by myself??

An update on my uncle

My uncle had surgery yesterday (Monday). The doctors removed a nodule the size of a peach (it had 5 smaller nodules – about the size of a dime) from under his left arm and also removed tissue/mass on his kidney. His blood pressure is still fluctuating a bit but hopefully should return back to normal soon.

According to my medicinally loopy uncle, the doctors believe they removed all 3 types of cancer

Got effed

I was told on Friday that I had to go into work yesterday to do some cleaning and that it was “required”. There went plans for during the day!

Anyways, I went in yesterday just expecting one or two other people from my temp agency but D was there as well…I found that to be a little strange because he normally doesn’t go in on a Saturday. I breezed past him to clock in, grabbed a uniform, changed and ran back downstairs to see where I’d be sent. I went to the side I usually get assigned to, thankfully!

The 2 guys (from my temp agency) and I got to work carefully cleaning several machines. I cleaned areas of the machine that were too low and they cleaned the areas that were too high for me, so it worked out.

D came over to where we were and asked me to join him in the office. Last time he asked me to join him in the office, we had a screaming match and I was almost fired. We can say I was a little nervous this time around. He asks me to sit down but I decide to lean against a desk; the rolling chairs are a bit dangerous for me considering I’m a bit clumsy.

Anyway, I’m sweating bullets 'cuz I think I’m in trouble but D calmly walks over to me and takes my hard hat off; taking the hair net with it (my safety glasses were already off and the ear plugs are tied around the tightening strap of the hard hat). Good gravy, I finally understood what this was about. He wanted some lip service and maybe a booty call.

He leans down and starts to kiss me, I welcome his kisses and kiss him back, pushing my body flush with his; I can feel how turned on he is. He unsnaps the top half of my uniform shirt and lifts up my (sports) bra and begins to squeeze my left breast; I start panting a little and let a few moans escape. I decide that it’s time for payback. I undo his belt, unbutton and unzip his jeans so I have better access to his huge appendage. I firmly wrap my hand around his member and start giving him a hand job; in a matter of a few seconds he’s moaning and panting pretty hard. He explodes seconds later.

He grabs my hand and tells me to stop leaning against the desk and to drop my uniform pants and neon pink thongs (that he could through the white pants) then to hop on the desk with my legs spread open. I did as he asked. He kneels down between my legs and places his head between the apex of my thighs. D starts to lick, suck and bite my core; occasionally sticking his tongue inside me to get more of my juices. It doesn’t take D long to get to work, making me scream and moan his name. When I’m finished, I just sit there, panting and catching my breath.

The office phone starts to ring, bringing me back down to earth from the climax; realized what we’d just done. As he turns to answer the phone, I pull my thongs and my pants back on, the hair net and hard hat. I head to the door and put on my safety glasses and leave the ear plugs the way they are; the machines have been turned off over in this section so they all can be cleaned safely and properly.

After working a few hours, the two guys from my temp agency and I are sent home because we'd finished the work that needed to get done. We were expecting to work a full 8 hours but we were happy with just 4 hours. We just cleaned too fast.

I headed back to the locker room to change, pushing away the thoughts of what D and I did earlier. I grab my purse, close my locker and grab the uniform, run downstairs nearly knocking over one of my favorite line operators in the process, drop my uniform off and punch out.

As I head down the long hallway to get to security, I pass D in my travels. My plan was either ignore him, which I usually do, or nod to say good bye. I chose the former, so I looked down at the floor so I wouldn’t make eye contact with him but he’s got other plans as usual.

“Depgrl”

“D.”

“Why are you leaving? You’re not done with the cleaning already? I was hoping we could talk a little bit.”

“I’m leaving because the guys and I are done cleaning the machines and they don’t need us anymore. We’re talking now and we talked earlier.”

“What’s wrong with you.”

“Earlier was a mistake, ok? I enjoyed myself but it was a mistake. You’re my boss and I’m the minion. It won’t happen again because I can’t lose this job. Have a good rest of your day.”

D looks a little dejected but that’s his problem, not mine. I have no problems with what we did but I’d prefer a more private setting like a bedroom.

Interesting day at work yesterday

As you all know, I’ve had a rough few months….working too many hours a week, my friend killing himself, my zio (Italian for uncle) being diagnosed with three types of cancer; but there’s another drama that’s been unfolding since December. Another uncle had freaked out about the school shooting in Newtown, Ct (where his and his wife’s 3 kids go to school but were thankfully sick that day). The trauma of being so close to tragedy pushed him over the brink and triggered several mental disorders that were “stagnant” (mental disorders sometimes need a catalyst, a trigger so to speak, to set off the disorder). He’d been blackballed from the family, so his current wife called me to see what I could do so I drove up there and spoke to their lawyers (very rich couple). She and I went to court so I could have power of attorney of my uncle’s mental health…..I’m in charge of approving or disapproving treatments whether it’s meds or therapy. There have been several instances that I’d been called at work by the psychiatrists to see what I would authorize while my uncle is out of control and violent that I’ve told them to “sedate and restrain” (give him a sedative and restrain him to the bed until I have a chance to call back OR I drive up there). It’s gotten to the point where Auntie and I returned to court so she could take care of the emergencies until I could be reached; to take care of the emergencies that I was unavailable for, the answer is always sedate and restrain.

After work on Thursday the 13^th, I drove straight from work to Connecticut to have an extended stay up there and have more one on one with the doctors and my uncle. Wednesday, the 19^th, I was heading to pack up some things to drive from Auntie’s and Uncle’s to head back home when I received a call from the psych ward. After grabbing the last few things, I hopped into my car and away I went to see what on earth Uncle was doing to cause trouble. He was violent and belligerent; hitting staff with anything and everything. I got in his face and didn’t step down; I was showing that I wasn’t afraid. When he calmed down, I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t answer…..he was there physically but not mentally. He chucked something at me and I blocked it for the most part but it still hit me and it was thrown hard enough to leave a bruise on my right cheek bone at the corner of my eye; despite blocking the best I could.

I authorized slightly higher dosages of certain meds (primarily for mood behaviors which is what caused him to chuck something at me) and concurred with the doctors that other meds remain the same until they see if the higher doses of the other meds changed his mood.

I got home late at night, only getting 90 minutes of sleep before having to get up to go to work on Thursday. I had enough drama with my uncle but I knew I should’ve stayed home on Thursday. At least 2 of the 3 people sent home had been fired. Knowing that I get rude and disrespectful when I’m lacking sleep, I kept to myself, not really talking to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary.

Today, I received a text (while at work) from Auntie explaining that Uncle received and took a medication that was meant for someone else and his body was in distress; the head docs wanted to know what I wanted to do. I replied to Auntie, telling her to have Uncle be sent to the ICU until he was back in the clear.

After that, I was sent to another line at work. I ended up working with my buddy, Bob, and a few other guys I know. We all talk and Bob knows right away that something is wrong, D swings by and is telling us that our line operator should know that the line is down and we replied that our operator already is aware and is fixing the situation.

D then proceeded to talk about Bob being on one side of me and another male coworker on the other side of me. I replied that all I need is Johnny Depp and that I need to be locked in a room with the guy (although I wanted to say that what I really wanted was to be locked in a room with D). D started the conversation in a very sexual way, which was rather funny. Bob over heard the conversation and tried his best to stay out of it but D dragged him into it. D and Bob were talking about how long that they could last. I topped it. I said that I could last ALL day. D didn’t believe me. I said to him that’s part of the reason why I go through guys so fast (usually 2 to 3 days; 4 days max)….none of them are capable of lasting an 1/8 of what I can last because I like a challenge plus I have ADD. D asked me if I really could go all day. I winked and told him “Try me!” If he could’ve blushed, he would’ve!

During the rest of the day, D couldn’t look at me straight in the eye. I have no idea if he was embarrassed that I could out last him or he was embarrassed by the conversation. Before he left for the rest of the day, He told Bob to take care of his (Bob) girl…..Bob just laughed, I rolled my eyes.

I’m half tempted to go up to D on Monday and tell him that I’m not Bob’s girl….Bob and I go after the same type……men.

RIP James Gandolfini

Beloved actor, James Gandolfini, died in Italy today at age 51. Sadly his death came at an early age. It's unknown how he passed but the guess is either: acute muocardial infarction (heart attack) OR a stroke.

My man Johnny Depp

Matthew Gray Gubler; my favorite "nerdy" actor

Bringing the boss to the wedding

So, my bff is getting married in a number of weeks and I'll be attending, of course. I'm bringing D as my date. Not sure how exactly I'm going to be pulling it off but I'll wing it. He's not my bf (though sometimes I wish he was; when he's nice that is), he isn't my friend nor is he love of my life.
Nike says: "Just do it!"
I say: "Grab life by the balls and go forward!"

Crying in my boss's arms.

Ever since I found out about my uncle having 3 types of cancer, I’ve been nothing but a mess. I’ve been trying to stay strong, especially at work; I’d get made fun of and mocked if I was caught crying.

Yesterday, I had a moment after the morning meeting where I was crying silently. I started walking to where I was assigned to go for the day but I was walking with my head down to hide my tears. D pulled me aside as I was walking passed him.

We went to a side office because he saw my tears and didn’t want anyone to butt in as we talked. He asked what was going on to make me cry. I told him that it was something personal and started getting up out of the chair so I could head to my assigned area. D grabbed my hand to prevent me from leaving the office. I told him to let go of me and if he didn’t, I’d have NO shame whatsoever going to his boss about him crossing the line with me several times. That didn’t faze him at all, but what else is new?

Anyways, I finally told him about my uncle and I was crying worse than I was right after the meeting. I was crying uncontrollably…I was beyond embarrassed. I never let anyone see me cry like that. I was crying like that for a few minutes before D got up out of the chair that he was sitting in, came over to me and wrapped his arms around me; trying to comfort me. In the process of him holding me as I cried, he took my hard hat and hairnet off me – apparently my head kept thwacking him in the chest. Oh well….his problem not mine.

It took me a good 30 minutes to stop crying but I finally stopped. As I untwined myself from my boss’s arms, I thanked him for making sure that I was ok and holding me as I cried. I turned to leave but D was still holding onto my one hand and gently pulled me back towards him.

“Can I kiss you?” D asks.

“Thought you’d never ask!” I reply.

This time he’s nervous to kiss me; don’t know why. I rest my one hand on his chest and reach out to grasp his neck with my other hand. I go up on my tiptoes a little as I pull his face down towards me. He’s still nervous at this point so I take life by the balls and kiss him for the briefest second then step away.

I see the look in D’s eyes; I see desire and lust. He gently grabs my face and kisses me with such tenderness I’ve never experienced before (from the previous kiss with D or any the other men I’ve kissed over the years). After kissing for a few minutes, I break away. I tell D that I can’t kiss him anymore (at the time) or I’d have my way and we’d end up having sex on the conference table. His reply? Good thing you asked!!!

“Deppgrl, you deserve much more than a quick bang on a conference table at work. I want you now so desperately but honey, you deserve more than this table. I will get us a bed and we’ll make love for as long as you want.”

I just nodded my head and said that I was going to go home instead of work. After D holding me as I cried, us kissing and his comment about wanting me, there’s no way I could’ve stayed at work the entire day. I would’ve been way too distracted to work and it would’ve been unsafe to do so.

I grabbed my hard hat, my hair net and utility knife then proceeded to walk out of the side office to head back to the locker room. I had my head raised high and my shoulders square. I didn’t want D to see how he affects me. After getting out of his view, I jogged the rest of the way to the locker room, not caring about the strange looks I was getting. I changed quickly, grabbed my purse out of my locker, slammed the door, picked up the uniform, flew down the stairs, dropped my uniform off in the proper bins, clocked out and away I went.

I’ve been ignoring D’s calls and texts since then. As much as I want to screw the guy, right now isn’t the time. Once my uncle goes through cancer surgery and recovers from the surgery, then it’d be appropriate….maybe.

Call me a bitch for blue balling my boss or call me selfish for not wanting a pity fuck on a conference table but work isn’t the right place to have sex with someone.

Incoraggiamento al mio caro zio (Encouragement to my dear uncle)

Zio Mike, sei un signore duro. È possibile ottenere attraverso tutti e di ciascuno di questi tre tipi di cancro i dottori ti con diagnosi. Potrai superare i cinque anni e il 70% il tasso di sopravvivenza. Dio guidi e vi protegga. Ti voglio bene, lo zio!

For those who speak English, not Italian....Here's the translation:
Uncle Mike, you're a tough gentleman. You can get through each and everyone of those three cancers the doctors diagnosed you with. You'll surpass the 5 year and 70 % survival rate. May God guide you and protect you. I love you, Uncle!

Momentary lapse in judgement

Today after work, I had a momentary lapse in judgment. My friend, “Bob”, invited me over to his house for a few shots of Jack. I had a few shots too many shots and I slept with him.

Between the stresses of work, Jimmy killing himself just before Mother’s Day, finding another job, the tension/stress between D and I, not getting enough sleep and my uncle diagnosed with three types of cancer…..drinking is the last thing I should’ve done; especially with Bob. Nothing against the guy but he’s not exactly the type of guy I’d sleep with or even have a relationship with.

After leaving his house, he’s called me, texted me, emailed me and has sent me several messages via Facebook Messenger asking me why I split so fast afterwards. I finally got back to him just a few minutes ago that I had to take my mother to the doctor’s to get her broken foot checked out and to see how it was healing.

To be honest with you, I was ashamed (and regret) that I slept with Bob because of how I feel about D. Of all people that I desire or want to have sex with, I want it to be D; but yet I know if that were to happen and someone would find out, the both of us would lose our job.

All I know is that D makes me all kinds of nervous.

Shocked....utterly shocked

I just found out yesterday that my uncle has 3 types of cancer: Melanoma, Leukemia and Lymphoma.

Please pray for him.

I'm trying SO hard

I'm trying so hard to fight these feelings but I'm losing this battle because there's just something about you that I just can't stay away from

Dear D

Dear D,
Do you feel the energy buzz around us when you stand close? Do feel the sexual tension between us when we're near each other? Are you able to speak near me or do you have problems forming words/sentences? I do when you're near. Are you able to think clearly when I'm around or do your thoughts get jumbled together? I can't think straight when you're near.
D, what are we going to do about this??


Deppgrl

It's just a kiss.......right??

I was called late last night by my third shift supervisor to come in for my shift this morning to be on standby and I said I would; so I did, knowing there was a chance I could get sent home.

I went in and started working at my normal time. After working two hours, D pulled me outside of the plant and into the one hallway (one that hardly anyone uses). He said that there wasn’t enough work for me to stay for the rest of the day so he’d manually clock me out to show that I worked slightly over half the day. I said “Ok” then proceeded to take off my hard hat, hairnet and safety glasses; my ear plugs were already out.

As I started to turn to leave, D grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him, a little harder than he thought. I saw that I was going to bump into him so I dropped my hard hat, etc on the floor so I can brace myself against him and maybe push away. I kinda fell into him (clumsy me strikes again!) and wasn’t given a chance to push away; he was holding onto me a little too tightly for my liking.

Before I could tell/demand him to let me go, he leaned down and kissed me gently on my lips. I was kinda caught up for a second then I had a “Holy shit!” moment. I reminded myself that I was kissing my boss back. I pushed away from him, grabbed my crap I dropped on the floor and darted to the locker room.

Once up there, I changed as fast as I could, grabbed my purse and booked to the cafeteria to grab my lunch bag. As I was heading to the door to go through security to go outside, I heard D call my name. I ignored him and ran to my car.

What did I get myself into?

What can you cut sexual tension with??

I was told by three different people - at three different occassions - that these people could actually FEEL the sexual tension between D and myself. One individual said that D and I should just get a room and have sex then move on.

Now that y'all know....

Now that y’all know my “deep, dark secret” of me being in love with D, I don’t know what to write about now. All I know is that I can’t tell D how I feel not only because I’ll lose my job but also because I know damn well he is NOT interested in me at all……it’d be totally awkward if I did tell him.

I think I'm in love......with my boss. Yikes!

I think the reason why I get SO annoyed by D so often (more like on a daily basis, as a matter of fact) is because I think I am in love with him.

My kryptonite

Everyone has their own weakness and strengths, their own faults and perfect moments, etc. Sometimes I see many strengths/perfect moments in myself and then there are times that I only see a few. More often than not, I see more weaknesses and faults than anything else.

In this case, tonight, I’m talking about the weaknesses that people have for things, mine in particular. My weakness is D, my boss…..more like my Kryptonite. I swear that every time that he’s around, it’s like I had a lobotomy; I can’t think, I can’t speak, I trip over stuff that isn’t even there. Ugh.

It’s rather embarrassing to have your boss think you’re a complete idiot, clumsy fool and spazz. D knows that I’m not normally like that at all; although we all have our clumsy moments.

Today, I ended up working 12 hrs instead of the normal 8 hrs. I was switched to another section of where I was assigned this morning. It was a good break from where I was earlier but had to deal with two of the biggest goobers ever. I had to show them how to do the job at least 15 times before they got it.

D stayed a little late this afternoon…..he rarely ever does that unless it’s required of him to stay. He was looking at me. I rolled my eyes and asked him what was wrong. He said nothing; which was slightly surprising but whatever. He continued to look at me as I worked, saying nothing, no smile, and no nothing. Whatever; it’s his problem and NOT mine. I decided to ignore him to see what would happen. He finally left a few minutes later, which was good. I was in NO mood to be baby sat by my boss; there are better things to be done.

 I won’t be surprised to hear more rumors about D and I when I go in a matter of a few hours

Not wanting to return to work tomorrow.

I really don’t want to return to work tomorrow and it’s not because of getting up in a matter of hours but just really not wanting to work tomorrow. I enjoyed the first 3 day weekend in a long time – about 2 months. I think I’m slightly spoiled now that I had 3 days off. But I think that part of the problem is that the past few nights, I haven’t been sleeping well; that’s what makes it hard getting up in the morning (plus late nights like tonight).

As of right now, I don’t want to deal with D in the morning. I’ve got a feeling that he’ll be annoying the hell out of me. Have y’all ever seen the “Grumpy Cat” memes on Fb? Grumpy Cat reminds me of D. ‘Nuff said.

Night, all.

More pageviews when I mention my boss

I'm rather curious why I'm getting more pageviews when I mention my job and my boss. Is it because it's more entertaining than the story I'm posting about?

I know my skills as an author aren't great....No, I'm not going to quit my day job. Right now, I need an income so I can build up my account and move out on my own

Why must I get so annoyed by one person??

Out of the amount of people I know, why must I get SO annoyed by my boss, D?? Everywhere I go at work, he’s usually there; just standing around by himself (or occasionally with someone else), watching me work. D usually has a certain…..look of pleasure…..in his eyes as I work. People have noticed him looking at me with this look of pleasure. When I move an inch, he moves his head with me. When I walk to another section of the line I’m working on, his head and his eyes follow.

I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not; but I’m rather annoyed by it. Why can’t he just tell me what’s on his mind or even tell me why he “has” to watch me work when he damn well knows I bust my ass off? He knows I keep shit like that to myself.  I kinda want to know why he’s got that look of pleasure in his eyes when I see him watch me work but I know he won’t share the reason.

IF he’s interested (which we all know that he is NOT interested in me), why won’t he say something to me about it? It should be pretty obvious that I’m slightly interested in him despite him blowing hot and cold all the time. Y’all could tell that to some degree, I’ve got it bad for him….Look at all the posts I’ve written that he’s mentioned!!

So somebody actually does have a heart

Today was the last work day of the week for me and I’m quite grateful; despite only working 3 days this week. Like I said in an earlier post sometime in the past week, I needed the break of working 5 to 6 days of 12 hour shifts. It was too much stress, tension, drama, lack of sleep and running on pure exhaustion.

The last two nights, I’d been staying up late despite knowing that I need as much sleep as possible in order to survive an 8 hr shift. I think that’s part of what caused today’s clumsy moment…..brought to you by Deppgrl.

I had to palletize 24 to 25 pound boxes (filled with candy) for most of the day. “Palletize” basically means to stack a wooden pallet with Item X; in my case, boxes of candy. Anyways, when I got to stacking the 5^th tier on the one pallet, I didn’t have a great grip on the box and it slipped out of my hands, hitting my safety glasses – breaking the arm where the arm meets the lens – which in turns makes the bottom part of the lens of the safety glasses AND the edge of the box hit my left cheek bone. After the box and my safety glasses hit my cheek bone and bounces off of me, I let it drop. I pick it up and set it to the side so we can make a new box for the candy.

A few minutes after this happened, I went upstairs to the office to speak with D. I explained to him that I had a clumsy moment and what happened. He took short notes of what I said. He placed a few fingers under my chin so he could turn my head to see if there was any bruising – which I didn’t since it’d just happened. He did give me one of those instant break and shake ice packs to apply to my cheek bone during lunch to bring down the swelling (still have a little swelling but not as much as before).

During the day, D checked on me a few times to see how my cheek was and if there was any bruising; which there’s no sign of bruising, just sore and tender.

When I got home and after showering, I took some Aleve and used an ice pack on my cheek since my cheek was a little painful. I did receive a text from D not too long ago just double checking to see how I was.

It appears that the Drill Sergeant, aka D, has a heart after all

Now I know.....I think....I guess; not entirely sure, but whatever

I went into work as scheduled today. I didn’t want to get up since I stayed up late last night (and yet again tonight even though I’m getting up in a few hours). I realized as I was driving into work that I needed to speak to D about me staying over an extra 4 hours on Friday – completely forgot to tell him Tuesday morning….the main point is that I remembered. D was a bit rude, asking me why I didn’t tell him Monday and my response was that on Friday he took me off the schedule on Monday, plus I didn’t remember until today. He said that I coulda called and I said that was true but yet again reminded him that I didn’t remember until today. He said that I knew that payroll goes in on Monday and I said that I didn’t know that but last time someone said anything about payroll, it was getting done on a Wednesday, not a Monday.

Anyways, fast forward working an hour into the shift. Lucky me, I get assigned to work with the most annoying guy ever. He says something that’s ridiculously stupid; I become a little bitchy and shut him down. Eventually word gets to back to D. As I run out of the cafeteria to head back to where I’m working (I was running a minute or two late; as usual) and nearly knocked over D. He pulled me aside (I carefully had to type aside NOT astride; although we’d both enjoy it!!) to ask me how I got this guy to shut up. I said it was a mix of me having a short fuse, being completely annoyed and speaking my mind. D laughed pretty hard and said that “Linda” (the group leader) had mentioned that today was the only day that she saw this super annoying guy ACTUALLY do some work.

I, jokingly, offered my short fuse to be lit the next time a lazy person needs a fire lit under their ass. D laughed and thanked me for my “offer”.

At first, I thought I knew that D was interested in me but IF he was (which he really isn’t), he’d be more than subtle when it comes to me knowing he was….then I thought that he MIGHT be interested but realized that he is NOT. He’ll just be my fantasy guy.

An honest confession

I’ve been doing a ton of thinking before Jimmy’s death and a ton after his death….but his death made me realize some things that I want and most likely wanted for a long time.

1.       I want to be married

2.       I want to be a stay at home and have many kids (like 5 or 6)

3.       I want to travel the world more

4.       I want to live in Italy & hold a dual citizenship (US/Italy - even though the US doesn’t “recognize” dual citizenship; can’t remember the reason why)

5.       I don’t want to turn out to be “The Crazy Cat/Dog Lady” with 10 cats/dogs

6.       I want to get Rosetta Stone and learn several languages but too lazy to do it

7.       I want to own a horse farm of rescue horses and staff people who’ve come out of abusive relationships

8.       Not only do I want to learn Krav Maga, I want to take up kick boxing

Some venting

It’s been a really rough week; I was struggling with Jimmy’s death as I working 72 hours this week.  As I walked to the morning meeting, my boss (“D”) had asked me if I was ok and could handle working a crazy week and I said yes, then I asked him if he could hunt me down sometime that day; he never did nor did he the other days. Finally on Friday, I quietly asked D to hunt me down because I wanted to talk to him but it can wait towards the end of the day before he leaves. He looks at me, sees tears welling up in my eyes and said that he would before I went to lunch.

The entire 8 hour shift came and went; D did not come down to talk to me. I took a 30 minute shift break between my shift and the next shift. By the time I came back to where we’d have the afternoon shift meeting, there was D. I pulled him to the side to talk with him. Here’s the conversation (to what I remember):

“Hey, D. Look….I wanted to let you know why I was a hot mess when I came in this week. My friend committed suicide on Friday (May 10^th)…..”

“Why didn’t you call off from work? I would’ve let you take the time off you needed.”
“I didn’t want the time off, nor did I need it. ‘Linda’ knew about it, thought that she would’ve told you…..considering she tells you everything that I tell her!”

“No she doesn’t tell me everything you say….at least not after you ripped her a new one – which she completely deserved by the way. I wish you told me earlier this week.”

“At that point, the less people who knew the better. Plus, I need to make a friggin’ appointment to come talk to you. You could say that I’m not exactly high on your priority list….you couldn’t even be bothered to come see me when you said you would.”

“You don’t need an appointment to come see me and I didn’t say that you’re low on my priority list; I’ve never said that! I didn’t come down to see you because I had a rough day!”

“You had a rough day? I’ll tell you about a rough as all hell day….I worked 12 hours last Friday, missed calls and texts from my friend’s mother, met her at his apartment, open the door and see his brain splattered all over the foyer. I haven’t had much sleep since seeing that. I didn’t get home until the early hours of Saturday morning. I’ve been working 12 hour days all week this week, missed the funeral service of my friend and I get told by a supervisor they had a “rough” day. What you had today, D? It was a cake walk compared to what I had to work with for a week. Until you see your friend’s brain & blood all over the place, that’s far from a rough day!”

“I – I – I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling all week. Of course I didn’t have a day or week from hell like you have. I’ll come see you before I leave; I’m staying a little late myself.”

“Don’t bother hunting me down….you hardly hunt me down these days. I’ll see you next week!”

Then I storm off back to where I was assigned to work. I knew from the moment I had asked him early Friday morning that he wouldn’t swing by. He comes down from the office once a day, usually mid morning, to take a quick glance to see how the temp agency employees are doing then heads back up to the office for the rest of the day.

I don’t know what I saw in him a few months ago and barely see in him now (besides that he’s kinda – physically – attractive and close to my height).

Sad news in life.

Hello readers!
I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything new in close to a month. I've been working close to 65 hours a week (5 12 hr days; sometimes 6 12 hr days).
As I'd been getting ready for bed tonight, I wanted to let y'all know that I'll be taking another week or so off from writing in my blog due to I'm mourning my friend who committed suicide on Friday early evening.
He'd been diagnosed with AIDS about 2 years ago - after my instance of him going to going to the doctor. He'd been prescribed a medication to help "maintain" his....health, I guess you could say and started seeing a psychiatrist as well. The last 6 months of my friend's life, he'd given up on life, stopped taking his AIDS meds, didn't take good care of himself, pushed people away from him and said that I care too much. This past Thursday, he called me to apologize for being an ass and said that everything is ok. I went into work as usual on Friday, in hopes my friend would start taking care of himself and start taking his meds again.
His mother called and texted me quite a few times throughout the day stating that she couldn't get in contact with my friend. When I got out of work, I called her back and told her to meet me at his apartment. When we both got there, I suggested that I be the one to open the apartment (she has heart issues). I opened the door and there was my friend, dead in the foyer. He took his gun and shot himself in the head. I turned right around and called 911.
The police and the ambulance came about 20 minutes later. As the medics came to the door, I had informed them that my friend was tested positive for AIDS so the medics could take full safety measures.
I'm grateful that I had the weekend off so I could handle my friends' suicide before going back to work on Monday.
Today was the funeral but I was told by my friends' that it was ok if I didn't go. I ended up not going....I couldn't bring myself to go.

Thank you all for understanding.

Luxembourg calls

I walk, more like waddle, into the conference room that is now across the hall from the suite that Vin and I are in. At 8 months pregnant, I can’t walk far without tiring easily. As soon as I got passed the door, I raided the fridge for apple juice and chocolate chip cookies; my only craving during pregnancy….well, other than sex.

As soon as I have my goodies, I snag a sturdy chair and clumsily plop down. Looking around, I see only five or six people in the conference room. Before I can open my juice and cookies, my desk phone rings and I see a phone number coming up on my caller ID. The country code is from Luxembourg. I’m in deep shit. My French is horrible; I can’t speak Luxembourgish (the High German language) and my German sucks. I answer, speaking in English, hoping that whoever’s calling can speak English.

“Hello. This is United States FBI Agent Marguerite Guidicelli. How can I assist you today?”

“Bonjour, agent spécial. C'est la capitale du Luxembourg vocation. Nous avons un patriote italien ex ici qui contient des informations sur l'assassinat du pape. Quand pouvez-vous obtenir sur le prochain vol ici? (Bonjour, Special Agent. This is the capital of Luxembourg calling. We have an Italian ex patriot here who has information on the assassination of the Pope. When can you get on the next flight here?)”

“Je vois. Ma capacité à parler et comprendre le français n'est pas très grande. Parlez-vous anglais par hasard? (I see. My ability to speak and understand French is not great. Do you speak English by any chance?)”

“Bien sûr! My apologies, Agent. I have heard many great things about you; including the ability to speak many languages. I’m calling on behalf of Luxembourg, Luxembourg. We have an Italian ex patriot here who has information in regards of the Pope and the assassination attempt. Is there a way that you can get on the earliest flight here?”

“Sir, my health is of concern right now and has been kept under wraps lately. I’ve been married for 8 months and during those months, I’ve been pregnant the entire time. It is against my private physician’s decision to fly so late in my pregnancy. Please tell me that you can fly here with this individual. My team is one fourth of what it used to be and I am unable to send someone else in my place”

“I am sorry that you are unable to fly here. We were hoping that one day we’d meet the famous Marguerite, ahem, Guidicelli. I will fly there with the ex patriot. Whom shall I call in order to arrange everything?”

I explained that they can call Giovanni to arrange everything and that after the birth, I will, along with Vin and the babies fly to Luxembourg.

After this hour long conversation, I am now able to eat my cookies and now warm apple juice. I could always get a cold juice and replace the warm one back in the fridge but was too exhausted to. I took my time to process the call that I received and then I turned back to the phone and called Giovanni, asking him to rejoin myself, and Vin, in the suite.

A few minutes later, my cousin, my husband and I are in the suite discussing the call from Luxembourg. Other then Vin and Giovanni, I don’t trust many others. I ask Giovanni to step in and assist me with this part of the investigation because of his ability to speak both German and French. I’m thankful he agrees to help.

Once he leaves, Vin and I walk hand in hand to our room. I take off my slippers, pull the blankets back, roll onto the bed, get comfortable and pull the covers up. Vin joins me from the other side of the bed. He wraps both arms around me, kisses the back of my head and we both fall asleep.

Questioning my cousin

After getting my Italian team up to speed with what Elizabeth mentioned, I called Giovanni and asked to come up to the suite that Vin and I have pretty much taken over. Giovanni has known me long enough to know when something’s amiss and important.

What seems like hours is only a matter of minutes. Knowing that Giovanni speaks English very well, he’s better in Latin and, of course, his native language: Italian.

“Ciao, cugino. Grazie per essere venuto con così poco preavviso. Ero al telefono con Sua Maestà la Regina Elisabetta II d'Inghilterra. Lei crede che il tentativo assassination è un lavoro intern, credo che pure. Che cosa mi uccide è che lei fortemente suggerito che si aveva a che fare con il tentativo assassisnation al Papa. Non voglio crederle a causa del fatto che tu sei mio cugino e, al tempo stesso, io voglio crederle perché è anche mio cugino. C'è qualcosa che vuoi dirmi? (Hello, Cousin. Thank you for coming at such short notice. I was on the phone with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II of England. She believes that the assassisnation attempt is an inside job; I believe that as well. What kills me is that she strongly suggested that you had something to do with the assassisnation attempt on the Pope. I do not want to believe her due to the fact that you are my cousin and at the same time, I do want to believe her because she is also my cousin. Is there anything that you want to tell me?)”

“Mag. Vorrei che ci potrebbe essere un modo migliore per parlare con te di questo. E 'stato mi preoccupa per mesi. Come sacerdote, non sono in grado di condividere quello che ho sentito in confessione. So che sai già che, nonostante non si sia cattolico. Ma io vengo a ordinare di rompere quello che ho sentito in quella confessione. Qualcuno è venuto da me circa una settimana prima che il tentativo e mi ha confessato che erano una parte della pianificazione, ma non le riprese. L'obiettivo era quello di mutilare Il Papa abbastanza per Il suo ritiro così gli italiani e di cattolici di tutto Il mondo potrebbe avere un papa più giovane che sarà il Vicario di Cristo per un periodo più lungo. Purtroppo, questo è tutto quello che so del tentativo di Sua Santità. Non so chi sia questa persona né so a chi altro è o è stato coinvolto. Mi dispiace che ti ho deluso. Spero che un giorno tu mi perdoni, cugino! (Mag. I wish there could be a better way to talk to you about this. It has been troubling me for months. As a priest, I am unable to share what I hear in confession. I know that you already know that despite you not being Catholic. But I come to sort of break what I heard in that confession. Someone did come to me about a week before the attempt and confessed to me that they were a part of the planning, but not the actual shooting. The goal was to maim the Pope enough for his retirement so the Italians and other Catholics around the world could have a younger pope who will be the Vicar of Christ for a longer period. Sadly, that is all I know of the attempt on His Holiness. I do not know who this person is nor do I know who else is or was involved. I am sorry that I have let you down. I hope that one day you will forgive me, Cousin!)”.

Luscious Men: A break in the case

Despite the amounts of time my husband and I spend “alone” time together, well, alone, I’ve been keeping my ears and eyes open to everything I see and hear from the Italian team; or at least what’s left of it. I see Benny often to see how he is. The good news is that he’s healing faster than anyone his age should but is what matters the most; besides finding the people involved trying to kill the pope, I mean my great uncle in law.

One day, on the off chance she’d answer when I call, I decided to call my extremely distant cousin, Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor; you may know her as Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II. It, indeed, was my lucky day – she answered her phone.

“Thank you for taking my call, Lilibet! I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. I’m concerned with Benny and the situation over here with the assassination attempt. He’s not saying anything to either myself or my husband, his great grand nephew or something like that. Anyways, I figured I’d give you a call to see what your insight would be. I know that you and Benny have become friends over the years; maybe he’s said something to you recently??”

“Maggie, dear! I’ve heard what’s been going on and have talked to Benny several times.  He sounds funny each time I call him; not ha ha funny but strange funny. I figure that you feel like he’s got his own hand in the whole attempt on his life; maybe that’s why it was only an “attempt”. I have the same feeling that he’s either involved or knows who did; knowing that the person could only harm him not kill him. I think it’s an inside person; I hate to say this but it could your cousin Il Camerlango.”

“You know what, Lilibet? I’ve already asked them both and they both said no. Giovanni doesn’t type as the sociopath type but then again he’s my cousin about one hundred times removed so I may be a bit partial so I could always ask someone else to profile him and see what they come up with. I’d love if it wasn’t Giovanni and of course hate it if it were him. I’ll get in motion. I’ll have others close to him profiled as well!”

I hang up with the queen and get started on my Italian team with their job assignments. I had a feeling that Lilibet MAY have a role in the assassination attempt since she was so eager to point fingers at my other cousin. Why would a cousin point out another cousin to a cousin? Something smells rotten in the state of Denmark….ok, Vatican City.

Men are SO annoying!!

Unfortunately I was unable to speak with D about him getting pissy about the one guy who was chasing me at work. It really pissed me off at the time but whatever. I ended up getting called to go into work last Thursday and it wasn’t great at all.

There’ve been rumors going around about myself and D. Normally I wouldn’t have cared if it was just me but it makes me look bad when my male supervisor is linked to the rumors. I’m supposedly dating D, sleeping with him and pregnant with his child. The worst I’ve heard to date was: “There goes D’s little slut!”

I have to call every Friday to get my schedule for the following week. This past Friday I called and was told I wasn’t scheduled which sucks but whatever. I call my second shift supervisor, Vic, (on his cell phone) and explained to him that I wasn’t scheduled at all. He was surprised and said that he’d do his best to get me scheduled this week.

My third shift supervisor, “T”, called me at 6 am this morning telling me that the work order increased and needed me in R & D. I said “Ok” and hung up. It took me all of 15 minutes to get ready this morning; which is a miracle because I didn’t have a sandwich packed last night nor did I get any clothes ready.

I sped to get to work and I was still a few minutes late. Thankfully T was very understanding; it was a shame that D was not. At this point, I don’t care if he was or was NOT understanding!! A few other people and  I get sent to R & D (Research & Development) and after a bit, D comes up to nab the kid who stayed an extra few hours from T’s overnight shift; staring at me the entire time. I look at him with a bit of disdain so he can sense I really didn’t want to talk to him.

After lunch, he comes back up to see how we’re doing. I ignore him as my one co worker busts on me staying that my “fantasy man” is visiting us. I turn so red, look at D then get back to work; hoping he did NOT notice me turning red. Oh, but he did. He couldn’t stop staring at me.

D, seriously, pick a mood and stick with it, ok? Do you hate me, love me, can’t stand me, want to date me or do me, just flirt with me, do you wanna blow hot or cold or do you just wanna keep me at arm’s length??