Why is life so difficult?

I’ve been doing well part from both C and Javi; but to be honest, I actually miss C. I feel like he was more concerned about me after Accident #1 but once I posted the last time, he blocked me. I get why. I hurt him even though it wasn’t my intention. But c’est la vie.

After Accident #2, my ex from 10 yrs ago came back waltzing into my life. I wasn’t too happy with that because he cheated on me god knows only how many times; kept denying and denying, even though I knew of one case getting someone (his ex before me) pregnant. He denied that too; until a month prior to his child being born.

He keeps telling me that he’s trying to show me what I mean to him. I told him that he’s ten years too late……TEN years too late! He should’ve shown me when he had the chance prior to this nut job being pregnant. Both his mother and I had kept telling him that this woman is effing nuts and still in love with him; she wanted his child/ren despite no longer being together. He brushed it off and claimed that it was an accident that he cheated on me and getting her pregnant. I asked him multiple times then and a million times now; “How the eff is it possible that it was an accident that you guys started kissing, an accident that you guys started taking your clothes off and you accidently fall into her naked vagina penis first? It was NO accident! It was planned and you didn’t THINK that I’d find out.”

Even today, he still claims it was accidental (seriously, how can someone “accidentally” fall penis first into a vagina?). I keep calling bull shit on this nonsense. Several of my friends who know what happened ten years ago know that he’s back in my life; they keep asking me why I’m wasting my time with him. I told them to talk shit out, heal and then walk away.

Every few days, he asks me how I feel about him and I keep telling him that I’m indifferent. He then asks what he can change and I tell him that there’s nothing that he can do to change what he did in the past. He tells me that he wants to marry me in the future and I told him that he lost that chance 10 years ago. Was that mean? Not as mean as you think it was meant. Is it the honest to fuck truth? Yes.

It took me many years after him to realize how amazing I am. I’m smart, funny, have an acerbic wit, puny, sarcastic, I’m fiercely loyal to my fam and close friends, I’m generous.

Sorry for the long delay

I know that it’s been approximately 4 months since I last posted. Between forgetting my password, work, the holidays and being involved in another car accident, I really haven’t had much time. Since my employer has given me a month off, I figured that I’d reset my password and get posting again.

From early November through mid January, we had holiday party after holiday party……from the time our doors opened to the time our doors closed, it was nonstop parties. I was lucky enough to get a few minutes to eat in between services. But who I am within the restaurant – the executive chef/owner’s kid sister – I just smiled, said please and thank you then food was on its way to me……I didn’t care what it was, I just ate.

The holidays went by fast; I forgot my own birthday until my brother – aka my boss – told me the day before my birthday to take the next day off. I asked why, he said it’s because the next day was my birthday. I face palmed myself; unable to believe that I actually forgot my own birthday!! My bro jokingly called me a yutz, gave me a hug and let me out early.

After the holidays and the first half of January went by, we slowed down business wise but still had a ton to do. It gave me some time to actually sit down and enjoy lunch, and not feel stressed.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I was in my second car accident in less than a year. I was driving to work – wintery conditions – when someone in the lane next to me lost control of their vehicle, striking me and caused me to careen out of control across all three lanes of traffic and landed in the grassy shoulder by the right shoulder.

I had to fight with the trooper who arrived on the scene first that I was in shock and needed to go to the hospital to get my injuries from last year’s accident checked out. He didn’t believe me until I got my orthopedic’s office on the line to verify my injuries. The trooper finally called an ambulance and away I went to the hospital.

I had X-rays taken and nothing was broken but the doctor concluded that I had a contusion on my left hip, contusion on my left shoulder and a cervical strain. I was finally released and was given a prescription for pain and for nausea.

It’s been a rough 2 weeks since the accident. I can’t carry anything over five pounds; dusting and vacuuming is difficult.