Heard back from the OB/GYN

The doctor called me as I parked my car at Vince’s. I immediately answered the phone. 

“Good afternoon. This is Caterina from from XYZ OB/GYN’s office. Is DeppGrl available?”

“This is DeppGrl,” I said. “What are the results?”

“DeppGrl, I’m sorry to share with you that the results are negative for pregnancy,” Caterina stated. “You’re not pregnant.”

“Ma’am, thank you so much for calling me and letting me know,” I said. 

I hung up the phone and just sat in my car. The exhaustion of the week and the exhaustion of trying to get pregnant again hit me. I just started to sob. This is it. In my 40s; not pregnant and most likely unable to get pregnant again. It doesn’t help that my BMI is on the higher end, I have PCOS and quite clearly, over 35. 

I caught my breath, called Vince that I’m parked at his place but heading home as I need the space to grieve the fact that I won’t be at to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) and be a mother. Vince said ok; I could hear the strain in his voice. I could tell that he was disappointed that he’d never be able to have kids with me. 

Went inside, put my stuff away, plugged my phone in (but turned it off), and took a super hot shower. After I showered and dried off, I went straight to bed to lay down. I couldn’t sleep nor could I cry. I couldn’t even move. I heard my front door get unlocked. 

I threw on my robe, got my baseball bat and got to a good spot where I could see the front door open but remain hidden. The door opened and it was Brick. I laughed as I placed my bat down. 

“Whatever happened to letting me know you were coming over?” I asked. “You usually tell me!”

“By the way that you parked, I knew something was up,” he said. “I called Vince and he said that you were expecting good news but didn’t get it. He didn’t go further than that. So I figured that I’d check in.”

“Other than you giving me a heart attack? I’m ok ish. Thanks for asking,” I said. “Next time, let me know when you’re coming in!”

He laughed and said he would. We hugged before he left. I then started my laundry and went back to bed to lay down. Finally, I was able to fall asleep for a little bit. I was sound asleep that I didn’t hear Vince coming in and out, didn’t smell the flowers nor him cooking dinner. Until he broke one of my favorite vases.