Thinking of shutting this blog down for good

I have so much going on right now that I don't know if I can maintain this blog. Things are rough financially and health wise for me, health wise for family members and other circumstances that has me so stressed out that I don't know if I can upkeep this blog.

Some reflection

I think it’s time for me to step away from both Vic and Vin temporarily – if not permanently. One is so in love with me that it's smothering me, but I am out of love with him. One is married and won’t be leaving his wife for me no matter what. The first being Vince and of course, the second being Vic. I have loved them both to some degree over the years but in different ways.

I thought that at one point, Vince and I would marry but thankful that we didn’t. I still care for him and about him to an extent but we’re so different from where we are now in comparison to what we were five years ago. I have so much more to give but what I can’t do is give it to him. I am more than a wife and mother, though. I can’t sit at home and raise the kids – he’s retired so he could, but he wouldn’t. I need to be at work and get paid for the work that I do. Not knocking being a parent because that’s many jobs in one – I just don’t think being a parent is for me.

Years ago, thought that Vic *might* leave his wife for me but since he’s proven to me in the past that he won’t. He hadn’t left her years ago and he won’t now. Does he love me? No, he doesn’t. Does he love being intimate with me? Yes. If he left her for me, what says that he won’t do to me that he does to her…. cheating on me? No. I can’t do that, nor do I want that. It was great when we were together, but I barely think of him or about him when I am not with him.

Many of you are probably wondering about Matteo and George. I blocked Matteo due to him still in love with me and wanting to marry me....he's a bit overwhelming. He’s a great choice; tall, handsome, smart, fantastic in bed, great driver, amazing kisser but even better dancer, great cook but not so great at baking however, I don’t feel the same about him as he does for me. He will make another woman happier than he could make me.

George? George is a decent guy but nothing more than a few nights of mediocre sex. I am still not fully sure who he is exactly, but I know that he worked in my country’s government on some kind of protection team for high-ranking government officials and diplomats. The only thing that my government wants from me is my money; I have no secrets, nor have I done anything significant to be noticed. What I *do* know is that my old lover, Javi, has reached out to George and asked George to keep an eye on me. And paid a handsome amount of money to do so.

I am in no danger or anything of the like however, I am clumsy as all get out. I trip over my bare feet going upstairs while holding onto a handrail. I guess George was hired or used as a favor to make sure that whomever I was dating and/or sleeping with wouldn’t hurt me.

I haven’t spoken to Javi in a long time; not in years. I hope he is doing well. We didn't end well and we didn't end badly either. We had a FWB/situationship - which we were both fine with -  and he found a woman that he was romantically interested in and started dating her. I wish them the best.

Needing to be a little extra careful

I do my best to remember to take my meds - especially my birth control - but sometimes I forget. The couple of days, I’d forgotten to take my BC. Two days ago, I started ovulating. Last night, I was at Vic’s  

I had my legs spread for him all night long. He took his time licking, sucking and biting my apex. I was screaming in pleasure and squirming. Vic knows when I’m ovulating when my nipples are twice their normal size, the sensitivity of my large breasts and I cannot get enough of him. 

Before I arrived last night, Vic picked up a few box of condoms; we both hate condoms but since he’s married to someone else, he doesn’t want any more kids. 

We still have some condoms left and going to take the opportunity to use.

I can’t sit down for a little bit

I spent a few hours last night with Vince and we both had a great time. He filled up my apex with his seed then he spent the rest of the time riding my ass. He had me bent over his couch, kitchen counters, tables and bed. 

I can’t sit without being sore and I love it. 

Vin

Despite getting over being sick (sinus infection and dual ear infection), I still had some fun adult times with both Vic and Vince - individually, of course. Earlier the other day, I had a migraine and my severe chronic lung disease was acting up so I took my meds for both. Still not feeling too great, I went too urgent care. They couldn't do too much for me as I already did what they were going to do. They did set me up to an IV for electrolytes and they gave me a different treatment for my lung disease - both seemed to help a bit.

Thankfully, I was able to leave at a reasonable time. I went home. I showered, napped and eventually woke up to a text from Vince. He texted me that he was in the area and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up. I called him to say that I would need about 45 minutes and I'd meet him where he was. He told me that he'd pick me up in an hour and have a bag packed in case I need to spend the night. I chuckled and said OK. I brushed my teeth, brushed my hair and got dressed. I threw an oversized shirt in my bag, toiletries, a few clean panties and two changes of clothes - one for a casual dinner and one for a nicer restaurant. 

The last few things I grabbed were my keys, wallet, purse, phone and charger. By the time I was ready, Vince knocked on the door then used his key to enter my place. He came in, took his shoes off, smiled and bent down to kiss me.

"Hey, doll," he said. "Ready? Parents have the cat and dogs?"

"Hi, old man," I chuckled. "Yep! Plus their toys, food, treats and everything else that they need and desire!"

Vince laughed so hard and said that they all need and desire are food, pets/belly rubs, treats and their favorite toys. I agreed as I laughed. Vince grabbed my overnight bag while I grabbed my purse. As we exited my house, he used his key to lock up. The neighbor of my duplex looked at me weirdly and I had to chuckle.

"This is my friend, Vince. I know you've seen a ton of people - fine, men! - in and out of my place and heard many of them. He as full access to my place and permission to enter at any time."

My neighbor nodded their head and went into their side of the duplex. Vince put my bag in the back of his car, came around to the passenger side of my car, opened the door for me. I got in and he carefully closed the door once he checked that it was safe to do so. I buckled up, tossed my phone in my purse and smiled when Vince got behind the wheel.

"Where are we headed, babe?" I asked as rested my hand on his leg as he put the car into gear and headed to the hotel. "Anything fun planned?"

"Nothing terribly exciting, beautiful. Just us, a few books, movies, dinner and drinks somewhere and maybe some time in bed?" he said as he smiled. 

I fell asleep in the 20 minute drive to the hotel that Vince booked. He gently woke me up when we got to the hotel. Again, he grabbed my overnight bag and I grabbed my purse. As we were heading in, he took my hand, gave my hand a squeeze then lead us up the suite that booked for us. There was a mini kitchen in the suite. He stored my bag in the closet and I placed my purse on the counter. 

"Want anything to drink? I have bottled water, juice, beer...?" he asked.

"Just water and one of your wonderful hugs," I said. "I know that the last time we were together, we talked about not having sex. We’ll play it by ear, ok? I don’t want you to feel like I’m leading you on.”

“Ok, beautiful,” he smiled as he got a bottle of water for me. I thanked him. 

We chatted for a few minutes before we decided to go for tacos for dinner. I touched up my makeup and followed Vin to his car. He drove an hour north to this place he’s heard great things about. After parking and getting out of the car, he opened the car door for me. He gave me his hand and helped me out of his car. 

Going full circle twenty odd years later, I tripped. Vince caught me, pulled me tight into his arms and gently kissed me. I opened my mouth to deepen the kiss. He pulled away some minutes later trying to catch his breath. 

“I want you right now but you’re worth more than a quick time in the back seat,” he said, kissing me at the top of my head. “Let’s get something to eat, ok?”

I nodded and followed him inside the restaurant. Once we were sat at our table, the server came over to take our order. We ordered fried dumplings, egg rolls, spring rolls, wonton soup, beef and broccoli, chicken and broccoli, sesame chicken, and sweet and sour chicken. As our apps came out, our waters were refilled and we were given hot green tea. 

We had a great time talking during dinner that night. I knew at that moment that I was no longer in love with him however, I’d still love him to a certain extent. For the most part, he treated me well but I’m not the woman he needs in his life. 

When the conversation was dwindling, we asked for the food to be wrapped up. Vince paid the bill as I went to get the car. When I pulled up to the front of the restaurant, I left the car the car running, got out of the car and into the front passenger seat; he’d drive us back. I leaned back to put the food on the floor behind his seat and grabbed a sweatshirt that he left on the backseat.

I got myself situated back in my seat, buckling the seatbelt then covering myself with his sweatshirt. He hopped in, buckled up and asked if I was ready to head back. I said that I was and he drove us back. I knew that he wanted to rest his hand on my leg/knee but he was tired and he knew something changed between us during dinner. Not even 10 minutes into the drive, I fell asleep.

“DUDE!! Be careful” Vince hissed. “Please carry her up to my room, Matteo. It’s the second door on the left. I’ll be up there in a moment.”

“Relax,” Matteo replied, unaware that I was awake. "I've had this beautiful and precious and curvy woman in my arms before. I don't trust you to carry her!"

"I don't trust you enough to carry her!"

"Vince, any louder and you'll wake her!" Matteo whispered. "We both love her but we don't trust the other."

Vince grumbled in the background as he followed Matteo and I upstairs. Matteo laid me down ob the bed gently and kissed the top of my head. I heard him say something to Vince but couldn't make it out. I fell back asleep before Matteo even left the room.

Vic

I went to Vic’s for a few quick rounds last night but I ended up staying the night. He filled up my apex and he spewed his seed down my throat a few times as well. 

We smoked a few joints together and then he roughly mounted my apex from behind. Vic shagged me as roughly as he mounted me. He reached around me to squeeze my breasts as hard as he could. We both climaxed together when he pinched my engorged nipples. I screamed as I felt his seed hit the walls of my cervix. 

“Si, mi amor,” Vic moaned as he released a MASSIVE load of his seed in me. “Yessssssssss, bebé. YESSSSSSSSSS!”

“Yessssss, Papí,” I moaned as my apex clenched around his pulsating and twitching penis. “Fill me up!”

“Yessssssssss, Mamacita!” Vic screamed. “Dios mío, amore!”

“¡Dame!” I grunted as I swiveled my hips. 

We climaxed hard together, screaming each other's names. Soon after, we fell asleep in each other's arms and slept through the night.

In the morning, Vic kissed me to wake me and offered to make breakfast for me. I thanked him for the offer but declined. He looked a little disappointed but he understood that breakfast usually isn't my thing. I got up, showered and got dressed in some clothes I packed. 

I walked around his place to make sure that I had everything that I came with and I did. When I went back downstairs, I drank some juice and kissed him good bye on the cheek, grabbed my stuff and headed home.

A visit from Vince

Early afternoon of New Year’s Eve, Vince came by with a bouquet of my favorite flowers and a bottle of champagne. As I put the stunning flowers in a vase, Vince popped the champagne and poured us some in some champagne flutes that I have. We clinked glasses and drank our champagne. He poured us a few glasses so it wouldn’t lose its bubbles; it was about 3 or 4 half filled champagne flutes for each of us

When I put my champagne flute down, Vince bent down, brushed my hair out of my face and kissed me; slowly sliding his tongue into my mouth. As we kissed, he pulled me closer to him. I could feel his hardening penis. 

“Want to go upstairs?” I asked when I kissed him back.  

“Yes, my love,” he said. 

Vince took me by my hand and led me to my room. We continued to kiss as we took our clothes off. I started to stroke his hard penis as he was pinching my nipples. I got on the bed, laid down on my back and spread my legs for Vin. He fingered my apex to see how ready I was. Once he felt that I was ready enough, he gently slid his penis in me. 

Vince slowly shagged me as he pinched my nipples. I wrapped my legs around his waist and flipped us over. I rode his glorious penis until he fully drained himself in my apex. He rolled us back over. We fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Forty five minutes later, Vince woke me up by kissing me. 

"Hey, baby. Sleep ok?" he asked. "I've missed you so much."

"Hey, old man. I slept ok. Did you?" I asked with a smile on my face. "I missed you too."

"What do you want to do about dinner, babe? Take out?"

"Let's get showered. I feel like going out. What do you want to eat?"

"As long as we shower together! Maybe? Ha ha ha! I want to eat you!"

"Dude, seriously?" I asked as I got up from the bed. "Pizza? Thai?"

"Seriously, dude?" he asked. "I am up for pleasuring you!”

“I know,” I said as I kissed him. “We’ll figure it out when we leave. It’s time to shower!”

We showered together. During the shower, he pushed me against the wall, tilted my hips towards him, he slid into my apex from behind and screwed me hard. He climaxed in my apex several times before pulling out. I turned off the water, grabbed our towels and we dried off. We hung our towels up then headed to my room to get dressed.

As we were getting dressed, we still couldn't figure out where to eat so we figured we'd go to the restaurant that we get to first. We got to this restaurant - what my parents' generation would call a "greasy spoon" - that I'd seen and passed by many times before since moving here but haven't been to. He parked and we headed in. He took a look at the menu when I popped into the bathroom - our normal recognizance mission. The bathroom was spotless and one could tell that it was recently cleaned. When I was walking back to Vince, he gave me one of his winks and smiles that made me fall in love with him when I was in my early 20s. I knew that we'd both enjoy the food here.

We were seated and ordered a few beers, a few appetizers and two different burgers. He ordered his medium rare with onions and blue cheese and I ordered mine medium rare with onions, pepper jack cheese and pickles. Both of our burgers came with fries. I added cheese and gravy to mine - a "specialty" from where I lived for the first 41 1/2 years of my life.

When we were eating, we talked about what this meant to us; the sex, dinner and him spending the night with me. Vince said that he still had hope for us and that he still wanted us to work out; despite our past he still loves me. I told him that with everything - us being on and off, fighting about having kids, fighting about getting married, him cheating on me - I still love him very much but I don't see it working out between us however, I wanted to try to remain friends with him if he was up for it. 

Clearly, my answer wasn't what he wanted but he understood it and respected it. He proceeded to ask me how I wanted the rest of the night to go with sleeping arrangements would be. I told him that he's more than welcome to spend the night in my bed but sex would be off the table. He sighed and said that would be fine with him and that he doesn't want to pressure me into doing something that I don't want to do OR just may regret doing at a later time. I knew that he wanted more but he knew better not to push me in doing something that I both want and don't want.

After paying the bill, we headed back to my place. We changed into our pajamas, threw on a movie and had some wine. Eventually. tiredness overcame us so we went to bed.