Some reflection

I think it’s time for me to step away from both Vic and Vin temporarily – if not permanently. One is so in love with me that it's smothering me, but I am out of love with him. One is married and won’t be leaving his wife for me no matter what. The first being Vince and of course, the second being Vic. I have loved them both to some degree over the years but in different ways.

I thought that at one point, Vince and I would marry but thankful that we didn’t. I still care for him and about him to an extent but we’re so different from where we are now in comparison to what we were five years ago. I have so much more to give but what I can’t do is give it to him. I am more than a wife and mother, though. I can’t sit at home and raise the kids – he’s retired so he could, but he wouldn’t. I need to be at work and get paid for the work that I do. Not knocking being a parent because that’s many jobs in one – I just don’t think being a parent is for me.

Years ago, thought that Vic *might* leave his wife for me but since he’s proven to me in the past that he won’t. He hadn’t left her years ago and he won’t now. Does he love me? No, he doesn’t. Does he love being intimate with me? Yes. If he left her for me, what says that he won’t do to me that he does to her…. cheating on me? No. I can’t do that, nor do I want that. It was great when we were together, but I barely think of him or about him when I am not with him.

Many of you are probably wondering about Matteo and George. I blocked Matteo due to him still in love with me and wanting to marry me....he's a bit overwhelming. He’s a great choice; tall, handsome, smart, fantastic in bed, great driver, amazing kisser but even better dancer, great cook but not so great at baking however, I don’t feel the same about him as he does for me. He will make another woman happier than he could make me.

George? George is a decent guy but nothing more than a few nights of mediocre sex. I am still not fully sure who he is exactly, but I know that he worked in my country’s government on some kind of protection team for high-ranking government officials and diplomats. The only thing that my government wants from me is my money; I have no secrets, nor have I done anything significant to be noticed. What I *do* know is that my old lover, Javi, has reached out to George and asked George to keep an eye on me. And paid a handsome amount of money to do so.

I am in no danger or anything of the like however, I am clumsy as all get out. I trip over my bare feet going upstairs while holding onto a handrail. I guess George was hired or used as a favor to make sure that whomever I was dating and/or sleeping with wouldn’t hurt me.

I haven’t spoken to Javi in a long time; not in years. I hope he is doing well. We didn't end well and we didn't end badly either. We had a FWB/situationship - which we were both fine with -  and he found a woman that he was romantically interested in and started dating her. I wish them the best.