The morning after

I arrived at work in a remarkably good mood, a subtle ache in my hips making it a little hard to walk "normally” but last night and this morning with Vic was worth it. Thankfully, I managed to hide my awkward gait.

Tara, my assistant, soon popped into my office with coffee for me. "How are you?" she asked, her usual cheerful self.

"I'm good," I replied, a genuine smile on my face. A part of me wanted to spill everything about the night with Vic, but work had boundaries I wouldn't cross. Still, I couldn't help but add, "I had a great night." She beamed, clearly happy to see me smiling and in such high spirits.

I spent the next five hours catching up on emails and voicemails that had accumulated on my work phone, taking a few coffee breaks to stretch. After ordering lunch for the office, I called Tara into my office. She entered, looking visibly nervous.

"Tara," I began, leaning forward slightly, "as you know, I'm still dealing with some emotional stuff with Randy, and now a bit of a hiccup with Dom. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you for stepping up, filling in for me, and being incredibly discreet with the staff about my absences."

Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting this. "It's been a few months since your last raise," I continued, "so I wanted to ask, what percentage raise would you like?"

She looked utterly confused. "You're currently making twenty-five dollars an hour, correct?" I asked.

“Yes," she said, a hesitant nod.

"You've been stepping into a more senior role when I'm not available, you'll now be making thirty-five dollars an hour," I stated.

Tara practically launched out of her seat, rushing around my desk to hug me tightly. "Thank you!" she exclaimed.

I laughed, returning her hug. "You absolutely deserve it." She sobered for a moment, pulling back slightly. "Is the business doing well enough for me to get that kind of raise?" she asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Yes, it is," I assured her. "And in fact, we have potential new clients knocking at the door. We need to hire five more people to take on twenty-five more clients—five extremely high-maintenance clients apiece."

I then laid out the next steps. "The list of new clients and new staff will be on your desk before I leave today. I need you to send everyone the appropriate paperwork before the end of business."

"Shouldn't you just email everything to me so I can get on it right away?" she suggested, already looking eager.

"No," I replied, shaking my head gently. "You need to take care of the clients you have scheduled already. When you're done with those, then you can take care of this."

She nodded in agreement, a determined look on her face. She only had two more clients for the day, both virtual appointments, each lasting forty-five minutes.

After I packed up my things, I emailed everything to Tara and also dropped off the physical paperwork in her office. Before leaving, I told her I'd packed up the extra catered food from lunch and asked her to spread the word that the staff could take as much as they wanted home. We both knew I paid the staff well, but some were still struggling financially, even with purchasing food. Tara made sure the announcement was office-wide, ensuring no one would feel singled out but rather included.

This was especially important given a recent situation. One of our employees had just returned from a ten-day "vacation" that was actually the funeral of her grandmother. They were incredibly close; her parents had died in a car accident when the employee was two, and her grandmother had raised her. Knowing she couldn't afford the funeral, casket, the flowers, both the church service and  quick service at the cemetery, I had paid for everything anonymously. Tara had walked in at one point while I was talking to the flower vendors and the funeral home, so I brought her into it, and she had chipped in some money to help offset the costs for me.

After work, I stopped at Aditi's restaurant to pick up some food for dinner. As I approached the entrance, I saw Dom inside. My stomach clenched, and I immediately turned around, leaving without a second glance. I ended up getting soul food from a fast-food restaurant instead. I didn’t want to see Dom at the moment as I was still riding high from my time with Vic.

Back home, I kicked off my shoes and shed my work attire, instantly more comfortable in just my panties and bra. After eating, I moved the bedding from the washer into the dryer. I then tossed the bedding from my night with Vic into the washer, added the soap, and, without changing the knobs, turned it on. Once that was taken care of, I gathered the rest of my stripped work attire, went upstairs, completely stripped, and tossed everything into the hamper before hopping back into the shower.

I took a twenty-minute shower, letting the scorching hot water scald my skin. I got out, dried off, hung up my towels, applied deodorant and lotion, then threw on one of my favorite oversized shirts. I padded downstairs to grab a glass of wine.

I checked my phone. There was a text from Dom.

Dom: How was your day?

Me: It was fine. I'm drinking wine right now, so it's not a good time to chat. Are you available for lunch tomorrow?

Dom: Yes, I am. How about that new coffee bar? It's someplace we've never been to.

Me: Sounds good. I’ll see you there at 12:30.

I set my phone down on the coffee table, the weight of the conversation settling over me.

I poured some more wine, picked up a book, and started reading. An hour or so later, my phone vibrated. Vic texted me again that day for what felt like the thirtieth time to thank me for the previous night and that he loves me. I decided to call him.

“Hey, Vic. How has your day been?”

“It’s been pretty great, thanks. I can’t stop thinking about our time together….It was amazing. You?”

"I had an amazing time too but it was intense in the best possible way. Maybe we need a little space for a bit?" I said. “I’m not sure what’s going on with Dom and you’re….well, married.”

"I was thinking the same thing. Last night and this morning was incredible and something I won’t forget for a long time. My wife already is aware that I’m not being faithful and has a gut feeling that I am with you."

"Exactly, amor. It was too intense, in an amazing way, but for now, we should put some space between us until we know what’s going on.”

"Agreed. Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"You too."

“Amor?” he said before I hung up. “I meant what I said this morning – I love you.”

“I love you too, Papi. Let’s hold on to this….we shouldn’t be hurting our partners.”

“Verdad, amor,” he said…..confirming that he believes that it’s true/he agrees that I am right.

“Good night, Papi,” I said.

“Good night, Mama,” he said.

We got off the phone. I had two more glasses of wine as I read ten or so more chapters of my book despite wanting to finish the entire thing.

The dryer buzzed. I immediately grabbed the bedding out of the dryer, tossed it into a basket, and cleaned the lint trap. I tossed the bedding from the washing machine into the dryer and started it. I went up to my bedroom in order to make my bed and brought the basket back into the laundry room. I cleaned up from dinner and wine, grabbed my travel mug, and filled it with both ice and water before heading to bed.

I slept like a rock that night and woke up around 10:15 am. I got up, showered, brushed my teeth, got dressed and padded down the stairs to fold the spare bedding for my bed and brought it up to put in my linen closet and did some light cleaning. I looked at the time and it was 11:45.

I had about ten minutes to get ready so I threw in my contacts, put on a pair of shorts that were practically Daisy Dukes – IYKYK – and threw on a cute top that revealed my large breasts….I purposely did NOT put on a bra. I slid on sandals, sprayed some perfume on and grabbed my purse then left. I was going to be cutting it close because I didn’t realize how far it was from my house until I was driving.

Thankfully, there was limited traffic and I parked a few minutes before Dom and I were supposed to meet. I went in, chatted with the host/barista for a second and was told to grab a seat towards the corner. A few minutes later, Dom walked in. It took him a second to find me and when he did, he smiled his smile that made my stomach flutter and walked back to me.

I stood up to hug him when he arrived to the table. As we sat, we sat across from each other. We caught up on pleasantries when an employee stopped by to see what we were getting to drink. I told the employee that I wanted the largest possible mug of coffee that was light and sweet and also had Hazelnut flavoring and Dom said that he wanted iced black coffee. I looked at him, smiled and asked: “Just like my heart?”

Dom, the employee and I all laughed. The employee went to go get our coffees as we debated whether or not to get something to eat. I went for a pain au chocolat  and he went with a croissant. We placed our order when we received our coffee.

As we were sitting across from each other, the space between us felt heavier than it should have, like the weight of everything we weren’t saying had settled in the quiet.

He didn’t ask if Vic and I had slept together as he had already knew. He had known the night before what would happen between Vic and I, and he didn’t need it confirmed.

After a moment, he asked, “Did last night help you figure out what you want?”

I kept my eyes on the coffee in front of me. “It helped me understand what I needed,” I said. “Emotionally, romantically, physically… it gave me that. However, it was with someone I don’t have a future with.”

He nodded, slowly. His iced coffee sat untouched between us, the glass sweating onto the table. He looked tired, not in the way sleep fixes, but in the way someone gets when they stop hoping.

I added, “Dom, I’m still hurt by what you said. Last night didn’t fix and another night with Vic or anyone else will fix that”

He nodded again. “Because of the joke?”

“Because of how flippant it was,” I said. “Like I was just something to be clever about. Like none of it mattered.”

He looked down for a long time. Then he asked, “What would it take for you to heal from that?”

“Nothing,” I said.

His eyes met mine. “Why?”

I didn’t look away. “Because how would you feel if I did the same thing to you?”

His voice came out carefully. “I’d be hurt too.”

He sat back, one hand resting on the edge of the table. “Do you think we should take a few more days? Sit with it, figure out if this is something we want to keep going? Or…” He hesitated. “Or do we end it here?”

I looked down at my coffee. “I want to end it,” I said. “I can’t come back from this especially being hurt from something almost as flippant from Randy. I didn’t feel respected when you joked about us not working out and you covering up a tattoo that you just got stating how I am your everything. If I was – or if I still am – you wouldn’t have joked about it.”

He didn’t push and he just nodded once.

After that, the food came. We made awkward conversation as we ate, neither of us touching the deeper silence between us. It was just enough to fill the space until we were done.

When the check came, I picked it up and paid for it with cash. I put  the money down with the slip and then looked across at him one last time.

“Thank you for everything,” I said quietly.

He gave a faint nod.

I stood up, stepped away from the table, and left.