So I have the flu

I’ve been feeling under the weather for about 2 days so I called my doctors office. Due to current constrictions due to Covid, the office has certain guidelines if you will; anyone who has symptoms of Covid or the flu must have virtual appointments...if the office deems it necessary, the patient with said symptoms can come to the office, park in the parking area, call the office and someone on staff will bring out a Covid or flu test, swab you, go back in, run the test and call you/come out to you with the results. 

I had a virtual visit yesterday and they had me swing by to swab me. I waited the 10/15 minutes for the test to be run so I closed my eyes and I was out cold in seconds. I didn’t hear my phone ring so someone on staff came out and knocked on my window - which was rolled down a bit - and called my name. I woke up, put on my mask and rolled my window down all the way. They confirmed that I had the flu. I’ve had it before 2 yrs ago and it was brutal; even with the antiviral it was bad. 

So they sent two prescriptions of the same antiviral; one to fill right away and the second one as back up. They knew that my insurance would cover the first prescription but not sure about the second so they said that they already called my insurance company and the insurance company said that there should NOT be an issue with the second one. I thanked the staff and called my pharmacy to let them know that I’m on my way. They said that they’d fill the one and put the second on hold (meaning that they’d put the information into my profile but not fill it unless I call to request it). 

My pharmacy is almost as good as my doctor’s office. They are on point no matter how busy it gets. By the time I got to the pharmacy 15/20 minutes later (had to go past my house - 8 minutes from the doctor’s) and drive another 9 minutes to the pharmacy. Thankfully it was ready when I got there. 

I put on my mask and gloves as I wait in line at the drive-thru; the less people that I infect/get sick, the better. I don’t want anyone to get the flu...especially the ones that are medical professionals. 

After waiting in line for less than 5 minutes, it was my turn. I gave my name - spelling the first 3 letters of my last name - and my date of birth. They came back with the antiviral, a bottle of vitamin c and a bottle of zinc supplements (this is why I said that they’re almost as good as my doctor’s office). They rang me up, I paid and they said that they wish I feel better soon. I thanked them profusely for their help and getting the zinc and vitamin c. 

I got home, took off my shoes in the garage, sprayed some Lysol on my clothing (just a light covering), ran upstairs to shower, tossed my dirty clothes in my hamper, ran downstairs to start my laundry, ate and took the antiviral, the zinc and vitamin c then went back to bed. 

My family cooked for me, thankfully, since I achy and felt miserable. They left a tray of food for me outside my room and went downstairs. I then opened my door - mask on - grab the tray, eat, put the tray out and let them know I was done. They put on a mask and gloves, grabbed the tray, went downstairs and put the tray and the dirty dishes/glass/silverware right into the dishwasher to wash right away. I’d fill up my water jug from the tap in my bathroom - which, surprisingly, is filtered. I’d spray Lysol after me even though I was wearing a mask. My family members are both in their late 60s and high risk for both the flu AND Covid; I’d rather be safe and protect them instead of infecting them. Isolate away!

Finally feeling a little bit better and in a few days, we’ll finally be able to exchange Christmas presents. Within a few days of that is my bday. Hopefully, I’ll be able to NOT wear a mask and eat with them. 

Vince

It’s been a few months since we last saw each other. School started up again and he’s been busy with virtual and in school classes as well as marching band. We’ve texted and called each other almost every day; he’s busy with lesson plans and shit and I definitely don’t want to bother him constantly. When I’m the one starting a conversation, I ask how he’s doing and wish him a great day....then leave it at that. Just want him to know that I’m thinking about him. When he’s the one reaching out first, he also asks how I am and wishing I have a good day, he calls me by my favorite nickname....I’m NOT sharing it! #sorryNOTsorry 

Vince knows that I respect the time he’s teaching and writing lesson plans and won’t bother him so I usually let him continue the conversation. The less drama the man has, the better. I don’t want to come across as a nag. If I nag, no sex. Plus he’s a man...men need their space and they hate nagging. He appreciates the space. In the past, he’s shared with me that a few of his previous relationships ended because the gfs were constantly nagging him no matter what he was doing; at school, with friends, out on his motorcycle, etc. 

Even though he and I have a relationship more along the lines of a “friends with benefits”...we also maintain a real friendship where we just hang out and talk. We both feel that it’s healthy to have both type of relationships. When one of us or both of us are unavailable, we maintain the ‘normal’ friendship but when we’re both single - which is more often than being in a relationship with others - we have a good time. We definitely do something a little “special” for each other’s birthday! 😉 It’s not really wild but we cook the other one’s favorite meal, favorite wine and favorite dessert..... and a little hanky panky. 

We have a great thing going on. We’ve discussed taking our friendship and turn it into something more serious; dating. We tried it out for a few months but it was just awkward. We felt like we ALWAYS had to spend the night with the other, spend  almost every waking second with each other, etc. but that put a bit of a strain on our friendship. 

We decided to take a month break from each other - no calling/texting/emails - just to recenter ourselves as individuals. We came back stronger in our friendship; we could now say: “I love you!” to the other and know that it’s 100% platonic. Sure we kiss each other’s cheeks when we greet each other and when we say goodbye (and make out as our foreplay - among other things - before we have sex) but it doesn’t mean that we’re in love with the other...we both tell our other friends (mutual friends and our different groups of friends) that we love them so it wasn’t anything unusual for us to say it to each other or other friends. 

I do miss spending time with him but we both are being careful right now due to Covid. I’m high risk due to a chronic lung condition and history of cancer and he’s high risk because he is approximately 18 years older than me. We both get tested for Covid before we make plans to see each other; we both need to have negative results, no coughing (from colds and/or infections) and no nasal congestion (from colds and/or infections). We don’t want to get the other sick with what we may have. 

We hope to see each other next weekend and again for my bday weekend (2.5 weeks after Christmas). Next weekend will be holiday stuff; I was raised in a Christian household and he was raised in a Jewish/Catholic household. We want to cover both Hanukkah and Christmas. We’re both of Italian descent so it’s the Feast of the Seven Fish but the kicker is that the seafood we get....is kosher seafood - which is typically eaten by non - practicing Jews - (the other food we order/make is also kosher when possible). We go through 8 bottles of wine - between the two of us - for the Christmas and Hanukkah meal (we start around 11:30 am)  

For my birthday....it will be all pasta and carb related. Gnocchi, fettuccini, bucatini, lasagna, angel hair, orrechette, etc. Vince makes many mean pasta dishes that comes with plenty of Italian bread on the side. We tend to go through 6 to 8 bottles of wine (we start closer to 11 am) throughout the day that we celebrate my bday (not necessarily on my actual birthday but near it; that way I can spend time with my family on my actual birthday). 

What I appreciate about Vince is that he’s always the calm in the storm, my rock, an amazing listening, great at massages (which always gets me in trouble, lol!), great friend, wonderful and generous lover, great kisser, kind hearted, slow to anger, and all around great person. 

My pets are keeping me entertained

I know that I don't speak often of my pets often....or at all but they are a big part of my family. We have 3 dogs and a cat. They all get along very well and they're quite spoiled. They live indoors and the only ones that go out are the dogs; they go out to take care of business and to play...thankfully we have a decent sized property and the backyard is fenced with 8 ft high fencing around 3/4 of the backyard and 6 ft. fencing around the remaining 1/4. Our cat is NOT allowed outside at all; although living in the middle of nowhere, our road is super busy (we have Amazon trucks, 18 wheelers, etc. driving our road daily and they go WAY over the 35 mph speed limit); we used to have indoor/outdoor cats  until the one went into the road and was, unfortunately, run over and died.

We have three large dogs (all over 75 lbs.) and a 12 lb. cat that used to weigh a whopping 18 lbs. Two of our dogs are the same breed and the other comes from the same country and our cat is a rescue cat; a number of years ago, there was some construction done on our road by the river and the construction workers would feed the cat and as they were finishing up their last week, they called the local animal shelter/vet to let them know. The animal shelter/vet found the cat and took him in, checked him out, vaccinated him and named him "Trout". 

We noticed Trout at the animal shelter/vet as we used to take our other pets (the typical cats and dogs) and there was Trout in a cat kennel. He was the cutest and skinniest cat we saw. We made a decision to adopt him that day; the vet believed that Trout was ~1 yr old but we believe that he was closer to 8 months old. We felt bad for him that he was a skinny boy and a little underweight, so we had made sure that his food bowl was at least half full at all times. In a matter of 3 years, a skinny little cat became a chonker of a cat. We did find a mainstream named cat food that has a 'diet cat food' that we've been giving to Mr. Chonker; it's been a slow weight lost for Chonker Boy, but he's lost 6 pounds....think it's taken close to 2.5 yrs for him to lose the weight.

Our dogs are all within their weight range; which is easy since they eat more than their weight in food, they have full access to the backyard and they get taken on walks 3x a week. Boy, do they shed though!! I vacuum everyday; sometimes twice a day and the dogs get brushed twice to three times a week and they're STILL dropping hair everywhere! 

Anyways....that's not what you're here to read about how entertaining my pets are! Mr Chonker acts like he runs the house above us humans and the dogs, but we humans just pretend to go along with that but do agree that he does rule over the dogs. He tries to keep the dogs well behaved; which isn't an issue for the older two since they're 4+ yrs old where as the younger one just turned 2 yrs old a few months ago. 

Chonker Boy and Big Dog - aka the oldest dog - are the BEST of friends; they hang out, sniff each other, Chonker licks Big Dog sometimes and they do take nap time together. Chonker and Little Girl - the only female dog - are pretty tight but not as tight as Chonker and Big Dog. Chonker and Little Girl are like "Princess and the pea" when it comes to sleeping on dog beds and both LOVE to be covered when sitting on our laps. Sometimes Chonker and Little Girl get in a kerfuffle when Little Girl gets too nosy in Chonker's tail end and sometimes she gets a little rough when playing so Chonker takes a few swats at her to get her back in line; this makes Little Girl turn around and start jogging away. 

Now Red Dog - the youngest of our doggy pack - just turned two a few months ago and no matter how hard we try to teach him manners like keeping his toes and nose off the kitchen table and counters (he can sit, heel, etc.) he likes to hunt for trouble inside and outside of the house. Red wants to play with Chonker BUT it's only on Chonker's terms....which is hardly ever! Red doesn't think that he's as rough as he is with Chonker and we DEFINITELY watch when they play! Red likes to lick and sniff every single hair of Chonker Boy but Chonker has little patience for this nonsense of Red's. Once Red indicates that he wants to play with Chonker, Chonker gets ready to swat and hiss at Red. After getting swatted a few times, Red jogs off and chews a bone or plays with a stuffed toy.

Like I said earlier, the backyard is fenced in so we can let the dogs have free reign back there. We tend to let Red Dog out by himself because he runs SO FAST and plows into people when he's running - his 'brakes' aren't the best lol! - and he can burn some energy. As soon as he sees a squirrel or a bird...it's the FUNNIEST thing. He starts storming towards the squirrel or bird but they hear him coming so they go off way before he can reach them! It's funny to watch because he thinks that he's protecting us from wildlife. 

I don't like being bored

I've been feeling pretty well dealing with cancer and the treatments but I dislike being bored; I'd much prefer working but unfortunately, I am unemployed. My previous employer let me go - officially - in June due to Covid. He couldn't keep my job open for me permanently and because of being high risk - both the history of cancer and being asthmatic - he didn't want to risk having me get sick.

 Look, I get it.....it sucks. Currently, there's approximately 12,600,000 people unemployed and since I tend to think the best of people....we're all looking for jobs. Jobs in the restaurants are far and few; business is slow. Mom & Pop shops aren't hiring many people, offices are hiring but either they like my experience but want someone has more experience or because I know my (work) value and I ask for what I believe that I deserve to be paid; I go to work on time and even if I'm going to be less than 5 minutes late, I still call ahead to give a heads up, I keep to myself, don't get involved in the work drama (though it can be tempting at times), I'm a pretty quiet person so I'm not constantly chatting up my coworkers, I don't spend much time on my phone while I'm working - unless it's work related - or if I'm having lunch, I keep my personal stuff private - other than the "How's the family? How are you?" pleasantries, leave my personal stuff at the door when I arrive and leave my work stuff when I leave, give the boss a heads up when I'm done with my work for the day before I leave; you get the drift.

So, here I am; pretty much at home 95% of the time applying for jobs, I go to my oncologist when I have appointments - the same thing with my primary physician, my pulmonologist and dermatologist - pick up my groceries order (place the order from home, go to pick it up), bring it home, sanitize everything, bring everything in and put it away. I do reach out to family and friends through out the day just to chat and to see how they're doing. Once, I did see my FWB but he stopped by and we were outside 8 ft apart to catch up; a few times I went to the local park when it is slow to take a walk (as in get out of the house to someplace where it's mostly safe for me to walk). 

The boredom is the worst, besides being kept awake by wondering when I'll have a job again. There's only so many times I can reread the books I have and use KindleUnlimited - trying to not reread the books I've already read - how many series I can watch on shared accounts of Netflix and Hulu and my own Amazon Prime. Setting up Zoom with family and friends barely helps pass the time; it just makes me miss my family and friends more. There's really nothing else I can do....I'm over knitting, reading, watching tv series/movies, crossword puzzles, actual puzzles, etc.

Some rambling

It’s been 2 years since I’ve last had sex. The first 1 1/2 years had been rough since I was working 5 to 7 days a week for my brother at his restaurant and it was exhausting!! I didn’t have a life; it sucked. It got to the point where I told my brother that I needed 2 FULL days off a week and he could handle his business on his own for 48 hours. I’ll tell you what; he was SO pissed off but I didn’t care. I kept getting sick every single month (mostly in the winters) and I didn’t have the time to see specialists who could help me (like an ENT when I had ear infections or sinus infections, my pulmonologist whenever I had bronchitis, etc). He ended up giving me a day and a half off; unfortunately it was on the weekends and I’d have to make do with a walk in clinic. 

Then Covid happened. He said he’s choosing to lay me off because I’m high risk due to a chronic lung condition (asthma) and wanted to protect me. I filed for unemployment that day and it took forever since a TON of people were also filing a claim. Thankfully mine was accepted; I heard from friends that also filed a claim around the time I did that theirs is pending and here it is (almost) October and their claim is still pending months later. I feel bad for them but there’s nothing I can do for them; I’d like to help them out monetarily but I’d be unable to pay my bills if I helped them.  

But being laid off and a few months later, ‘officially’ laid off, the only buildings I’ve entered is going to my general practitioner, my pulmonologist, my endocrinologist and my dermatologist. I really haven’t seen any family outside of my household; but everyone’s being safe. 

There has been one person, though, that I’ve seen outside of my house but he’s for another post

My former lover V

So I haven’t been in contact with V for years. I’m kind of grateful but at the same time, I’m not because I miss him. I shared more details with two of my three closest friends than I did with you guys but they still don’t know 100% of the details. As far as they know and as far as you guys know, he and I slept together a handful of times…the reality is that I was his mistress for the better part of two and half years.

I did know from the get go that he was married for a number of years before he started working for my brother. I don’t know how it happened or why it happened but somehow, we fell for each other. As some mistresses think and feel that their lover would leave their wife for them – the mistress – I had hoped for that too but I knew deep down inside that V wouldn’t leave his wife. I’ve heard this too often from other women who were involved with married men – their married lovers never left their wives. I knew, despite caring for him, that he wouldn’t leave her for me.

We had to be secretive about this from many people; my brother (the boss), the staff (45+ people) and his wife. There was only one server on staff at the time who knew about the first night. We - V and I - pretty much ignored each other on the days we worked together….the only times that we talked is when we got into work, a little bit at lunch time so I could tell him my lunch order, and when one of us left ahead of the other for the night.

After one Christmas Eve service, I was headed towards the restroom and nearly ran into him coming out of the men’s restroom, apologized and wished me a Merry Christmas. I knew that he was a rush to get to a Christmas Eve Mass and I told him that I’d walk out with him because I had something in my car for he and his wife. He said ok and followed me out; of course, me coming from a midatlantic state, went outside in December without a jacket; he came from a country in either Latin America or South America - I can’t remember each one – was bundled up in a sweatshirt, a jacket that was zipped up, wool knit hat and a pair of heavy gloves…shaking his head at me for walking outside in the winter without a coat. I’m part Italian and I have curves...ya think I need a jacket? Nope! I retrieved a bottle of wine out of my trunk and gave it to him. He gave me a full on hug, kissed me on my cheek and whispered that he’d rather be with me than with his wife, at mass, because Christmas Eve was NOT about Mass….it was being with family and with ones that you love. In Spanish, I wished him a “Merry Christmas”, moved my car closer to the back door, went to the bathroom, switched my shoes, grabbed my stuff and headed home. Normally it takes me 50 to 55 minutes to get home but it took over an hour; I was at work at 8 am (usually went in at 10/10:15) and left around 10 (normally leave around 8:30/8:45 pm). I was tired, hungry and in desperate for a shower. I finally got home a little after 11 pm, woke up my parents to say that I was home safe and sound, showered and ate a banana…I was too tired to eat anything else.

About a week later, I officially became his mistress. It was all about the secret texts, hiding everything. I’d tell my parents that I was staying at my brother’s and I was telling my brother that I was staying at a friend’s and my friends all said that they’d cover for me if it got to that point; they’ve also used me as their cover many times over the years for a variety of reasons so it was fair. They knew something was up but they all trusted that I was doing the right thing. At first, I felt guilty not sharing with them of what was going on but I eventually shared that I was “seeing someone” and that he wasn’t anyone they knew – I met him while I was “out” one night. They asked if they could meet him and I said that it was too soon for them to meet him but it was a possibility depending on how it was going. They kept on pushing and pushing to meet him and I told them that it wasn’t working out…..at that time it was true; we were fighting. I wanted him to stay the night with me on occasion but he said he couldn’t; I asked if he could tell his wife that he was “out with the boys” until early hours in the morning. We spend our days ignoring each other but all I wanted was a few more hours with him…making love. That’s what it was. It wasn’t fucking and it wasn’t sex; we had such passion for each other.

As the months went on, we fell in love. I knew before then that he was married but it didn’t stop us falling for each other. There were more than a hand full of times that he spent the whole night with me…to this day, I have zero clue how he managed that and it worked somehow. And I was grateful when he was able to stay the night. In the ass crack of the morning, I’d drop him off at a friend’s house near where he lives with the wife so his wife could bring him to work.

As much as we cared for each other, it was beginning to be difficult for both of us to work on the same days. There would be days that he refused to make my lunch and days that he’d tell the guys to NOT make my lunch for me. Word was going getting around to my brother that V’s disinterest in cooking for me and telling the guys to NOT cook for me. Shit went down that day. I was in the office doing paperwork, having another slice of pizza (that I loved) but didn’t want. My brother came in and asked me if I was spreading shit about V. I told my brother that out of ALL the staff, I know him the least and since I have limited information about him, why the fuck would I make shit up and spread it; I said that he never bothered me before and always seemed to be ok with cooking for me and if he was busy, he’d always ask one of the guys. I explained that the only problem that I had with him is that he’s now having issues making lunch and it wasn’t really that big of a deal. My brother said ok and asked me to step out of the office and yelled for V to meet him in the office. My brother talked to V about what was going on. V was coming up with all this nonsense; stuff I was saying to him and about him at the restaurant. My brother said that he’s NEVER once heard me say negative things in reference to him and if V wanted to stay working for him, he needed to shape up or he’d get fired. V said ok and walked away.

For the next two weeks, I ignored anytime that he text me or call me. I wasn’t playing games with V. He’d left me about 20 voicemails and however many texts in those two weeks; he kept saying that he was sorry and that he was frustrated living a double life and having a difficult time with it. Starting the third week, my brother pulled the both of us in the office to figure out our shit. I told my brother that I could actually care less if he kept V or fired him but IF he stayed, he’d have to shape up and stop causing shit, claiming that I was behind it. V said that I need to stop being a bitch towards him. My brother started laughing so hard that he almost pissed himself and told V that I was acting like a bitch towards him because he deserved it; causing drama that he – my brother – has no patience to deal with it because he’s a business owner.

As I left, V grabbed my wrist and as I spun around, slapping him as hard as I could across his face telling him to NEVER lay a finger on me again. The entire kitchen staff heard the slap and me yelling at V. My brother looked both amused and slightly annoyed; my brother could only laugh and tell V that I meant it…not to lay another finger on me again. I told my brother that I love him but I am ABSOLUTELY done with V’s shit and that I was going home. I don’t have the patience to deal with a man lying about shit I supposedly said, acting as if he actually wanted to apologize and act as if nothing had happened. My brother said: “Fine. Just this one time you can leave early in a situation like this. Come back tomorrow as per your usual time.” And off I went. I can’t tell you how many texts and calls V made to me as I was driving home. I was beyond livid with him. He knew how much I loved him and all the money I was spending on hotels; lying to family and friends of where I was staying.

I’d gotten fast food for me to eat when I got home; I don’t like my food boiling hot so I had my fast food at room temperature. And with the mood that I was in, I ordered a ton. I didn’t care that night. I got tired of him texting and calling so for the rest of the night, I blocked him; I needed to eat and I needed my sleep. I’d slept like a log. In the morning, I showered and got ready for work. As I was heading to my car, I unblocked V and shot him a text saying that as of that day, we were over; I don’t have time not the patience for a man/lover that acts like a fucking 2 yr old. I told him that I may forgive him but I need more than a month.

It had been 4 months before my brother had to call a truce between the two of us. My brother knew I don’t mess around with shit like that. He called us both into the office to kinda “force” us to talk to each other. Quick side note; my brother is a very strict boss but he will help his employees fix the shit between each other. 

My brother was joking that V was looking like a zombie because it looks like he wasn’t able to sleep and acted like a heartbroken teen boy for losing his gf and I was acting like a cold and heartless teen girl who broke her high school bf’s heart so brutally. He looked at V and said that I used this same tactic when we were growing up and that without a doubt his sister WILL win this pissing contest and that in this case, his sister definitely has the bigger 🍆🍆. He left the office and told us to fix it. I pretty much told V: “Fuck you, hombre! You caused this shit and now I’m ending it. As of right now, you are NOT to make my lunch/dinner orders, I will ask the other guys to take care of it for me since they have the utmost respect for me - not just because I’m the boss’s sister but because it’s a two way street of respect with them and I. Clearly you don’t have any respect for me. Come to me when you do!” I stormed off and all the guys on the line – including my brother – applauded me for standing up for myself. My brother had hugged me because I stood up for myself and that I had earned the respect of the staff at that moment as an employee, not as his kid sister.

The months had continued to go but that he tried to talk to me at work - on my way in, between shifts and as I was heading home. He eventually gave up. I was grateful and relieved at the same time. I had overheard him once or twice in Spanish – I could understand more than I could speak at that time – and walked away. He was telling the guys who would listen that he genuinely loved me and was frustrated with some personal stuff at the time and so he took it out on me even though he knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. One day, between shifts – I hosted during lunch, I was in the office between 2:30 and 4:45 and hosted from 5 pm to 8 or 9 pm depending on how busy it was – I had called his name and asked him to make me lunch; he asked me what I’d like and I told him to surprise me and that’s what he did. He’d made the best lunch that he ever made me – before the fight and before he left working for my brother the last time.

We started back on the “I’m his mistress” train and no one had found out. We continued like this for another year and a half. I never asked him to leave his wife for me because I knew he never would – he’s a super strict Catholic and doesn’t believe in divorces nor does he believe in annulments even though they’re acceptable in The Church - and I had to accept that I had him just part time. Those three little words were said between us multiple times; not just when we were making love but throughout the times we were together and occasionally managed it at work without anyone hearing. We were the happiest when we were together and saddened that I had to drop him off near his house. We didn’t want to end the time we were spending together.

Towards the end of the relationship, I used to “brag” (for a lack of a better word) – until then – about how punctual I was with PMS; I was never early and was never late. PMS came at the same time,  the same day and end on the same day every single month without fail until the last 3 months. I missed my period the first month and by the second month, I was throwing up  but I thought it was a stomach bug. By the third month, I went to Planned Parenthood instead of my primary physician; they did a blood test to make sure that I was pregnant. They gave me a call later that day with result over the phone verifying that I was, indeed, pregnant. I was heartbroken because I knew that V would NOT help me out financially – his wife would find out – nor would he help me raise the baby. I didn’t want my brother to ask any questions – I worked 10 to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and he knew that on Sundays, I did laundry and slept for most of the day…he’d put 2 and 2 together knowing that I was knocked up by one of the guys and I didn’t want to get fired and I didn’t want V to get fired either.

I scheduled an appointment with my local Planned Parenthood for an early, early morning appointment for 7 am because I knew that with the abortion pill, they wanted to observe me for up to 2 hours…I wanted a little leeway to give myself time to deal with traffic on my way to work. Thankfully, I didn’t have any adverse reactions to the pill. They gave me two more; one to take 12 hours later and the last one to take at 7 am the following day.

I went to work like I normally would and acted like I normally would. Of course my brother being my brother knew something was wrong and pulled me into the office and asked me what was wrong. I did want to tell him but at the same time I didn’t want to. So I told him that I was going through some personal stuff but he kept pushing. Yeesh, older brothers I tell you! I told him in normal circumstances that I would but in this situation, he can’t help me; it’s OUT of his realm, he said ok and gave me a hug. I didn’t talk to or even look at V. I couldn’t look at him in the eye for the rest of the week. Clearly, he knew something was wrong.

He finally texted me after I had left that Saturday night to ask me what was wrong. I told him that I WAS pregnant with his child but not anymore. He called me after he received the text. He asked a ton of questions about everything; when did I get pregnant, was it his, did I have a miscarriage, etc. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I couldn’t help myself and started to laugh. I told him it was and I knew it was his because I was his mistress and wasn’t having sex with anyone but him; I spent a quite a few nights a week with him and on my day off, I was doing laundry and napped…I didn’t have the energy to have sex with anyone else. He had asked again if I had a miscarriage and I said that no I didn’t but had an abortion.

As a staunch Catholic, he was upset that I took life away from a baby; his baby. I said that I’ve known since that he’d NEVER leave his wife for me and that he’d NEVER support the baby and I – if he did, the wife would kick him out. I did NOT want to ruin the marriage anymore than I already did so I made the decision of what’s best for me. I was NOT ready to be a mother (nor am I ready now), I didn’t want his wife to kick him out, and I didn’t want him to spend money on me. He was livid that I hadn’t gone to him to explain to him before I had the abortion. I said that I could care less what happens in the country where he’s originally from BUT living in the US, I have the choice of what I get to do with MY body and that I don’t need his – or anyone else’s – permission to get an abortion.

We didn’t talk for the next two months and I was relieved that the abortion pills worked, I didn’t have to worry being involved with him anymore and that he no longer had the desire to cook for me nor the desire for me. My brother noticed my improved mood and that I closer to being back to my happy go lucky meets sarcastic self. He asked if my personal shit is back together and I said that for the most part it is but there’s still something that’s bothering me and that I wanted to share with him. He lead me to the office and asked me what was up. I reminded him about all the bullshit said about me by V still bothers me and that after I accepted his apology but days later, he asked me to go for drinks and that one time I did but after repeated invitations, I kept saying no, thanks. I told my brother that it was just a few drinks and a ton of bullshitting; nothing physically happened and I eventually got everything situated after explaining to V that it was a one night thing for drinks, I shouldn’t have agreed due to who I am and that I wasn’t to socialize with the staff. My brother was annoyed that I went out for drinks with a married man, an employee of his, but at the same time he was grateful that I told him.

He called V into the office and shared with him what I told my brother. My brother asked him if it was a fair assessment of what happened between he and I; V lied through his teeth and said that it was. V explained that he wanted to get to know me a little better outside of work and despite he being a married man – a Catholic no less! – was interested in me but he kept it to himself. He shared that once I explained that I shouldn’t have socialized with him outside of work, it was a hard hit to take but he understood that I am his boss’s kid sister and he’s the employee, finally understanding why I hadn’t shared personal shit with anyone at work – besides my brother and his wife. V apologized to both my brother and I; saying that he’d understand **if** my brother wanted to fire him. My brother said that he knew something was going on between V and I but wasn’t sure what it was; he’s glad that we both “fessed up” and there won’t be any firing and he’d keep a closer eye on us for the next few months. We understood why and we didn’t like it but we knew that if we wanted to continue to work for him, we’d have to deal with it.

As the months went by, my brother let up, V started cooking for me again and my brother gave him questioning looks when V cooked a little “too” fancy for me…V had laughed it off and saying that he has more respect for me now than he did before and felt like he wanted to show it from time to time. My brother chuckled and let it go.

After 6 months of getting back to normal for the 3 of us, my brother called me and V into the office because V wanted to share something with the two of us; he had told his wife that he took me out for drinks and that she wanted him to quit because she didn’t want him to work with me anymore. My brother said that he wasn’t going to fire his sister and nor would he let his best line cook go so he had V call his wife – putting her on speaker phone – so both he and my brother could talk to her…I started to walk away but my brother told me to wait; I didn’t think there was a point because I understand just enough Spanish to talk with the guys but NOT to this level but I waited. As the wife was speaking, my brother had a translator app open and sharing what was said and translated it into English

In a nutshell, she didn’t want us to work together because she feared that I’d be the second mistress that V had since they’d been married; she didn’t trust me, not even as the boss’s sister. My brother had butt in explaining that it’s forbidden that I were to get personally involved with any of the male staff – obviously with the exception of my brother  – besides, I mostly talked to the female staff anyways. After a little back and forth, V said he’d stay for another year while my brother looked for another guy to replace him. He ended up staying for another 2 years before he found another job.

It was kinda interesting after those meetings that the 3 of us had in the office. The staff kept asking me what was going on in the office when it was the 3 of us, so at that point, I kept telling them to go speak to my brother since it’s not my business to share. It got to the point where the 3 of us had to meet in the office to have one story and for the 3 of us to stick to it. We decided that we’d say that V had issues coming in without a hangover – which is the truth – and tended to fight with me and another person – which was also the truth – and since I was considered as HR and my brother, well being the boss, had to get involved. V didn’t care much for it but he said that it’s true that it’s been hard to come in not messed up and his fighting with another employee.

V told me privately that he’s been hitting the booze since I’d told him about the abortion. I told him that isn’t an excuse. I told him that his wife NEVER found out about us, never will and should be grateful that I fudged the truth about us to my brother so neither one of us would get fired. He said that I was right. He then lightened up on the drinking, not completely, but hardly came into work hungover again. As his time was coming to a close, he and the “employee” stopped fighting and started working together as  a team again, we became friends (though that didn’t last for more than a year) and his relationship was better with his wife now that he wasn’t getting drunk so often.

We haven’t spoken in over 2 years. For the most part,  I miss him and our friendship, barely think about our affair and barely feel any guilt since we both cared about each other, don’t think about the abortion much and my brother doesn’t talk to him often; my brother is still oblivious that V and I had an affair – for which I’m grateful for.

I often think of V and wonder if he thinks about me or even the affair. I tell myself that he doesn’t think about us and tell myself that probably has a few more children with his wife. I never reach out to him anymore and it’s for the best; the less involved with each other, the better off that we are…and healthier.

Why is life so difficult?

I’ve been doing well part from both C and Javi; but to be honest, I actually miss C. I feel like he was more concerned about me after Accident #1 but once I posted the last time, he blocked me. I get why. I hurt him even though it wasn’t my intention. But c’est la vie.

After Accident #2, my ex from 10 yrs ago came back waltzing into my life. I wasn’t too happy with that because he cheated on me god knows only how many times; kept denying and denying, even though I knew of one case getting someone (his ex before me) pregnant. He denied that too; until a month prior to his child being born.

He keeps telling me that he’s trying to show me what I mean to him. I told him that he’s ten years too late……TEN years too late! He should’ve shown me when he had the chance prior to this nut job being pregnant. Both his mother and I had kept telling him that this woman is effing nuts and still in love with him; she wanted his child/ren despite no longer being together. He brushed it off and claimed that it was an accident that he cheated on me and getting her pregnant. I asked him multiple times then and a million times now; “How the eff is it possible that it was an accident that you guys started kissing, an accident that you guys started taking your clothes off and you accidently fall into her naked vagina penis first? It was NO accident! It was planned and you didn’t THINK that I’d find out.”

Even today, he still claims it was accidental (seriously, how can someone “accidentally” fall penis first into a vagina?). I keep calling bull shit on this nonsense. Several of my friends who know what happened ten years ago know that he’s back in my life; they keep asking me why I’m wasting my time with him. I told them to talk shit out, heal and then walk away.

Every few days, he asks me how I feel about him and I keep telling him that I’m indifferent. He then asks what he can change and I tell him that there’s nothing that he can do to change what he did in the past. He tells me that he wants to marry me in the future and I told him that he lost that chance 10 years ago. Was that mean? Not as mean as you think it was meant. Is it the honest to fuck truth? Yes.

It took me many years after him to realize how amazing I am. I’m smart, funny, have an acerbic wit, puny, sarcastic, I’m fiercely loyal to my fam and close friends, I’m generous.

Sorry for the long delay

I know that it’s been approximately 4 months since I last posted. Between forgetting my password, work, the holidays and being involved in another car accident, I really haven’t had much time. Since my employer has given me a month off, I figured that I’d reset my password and get posting again.

From early November through mid January, we had holiday party after holiday party……from the time our doors opened to the time our doors closed, it was nonstop parties. I was lucky enough to get a few minutes to eat in between services. But who I am within the restaurant – the executive chef/owner’s kid sister – I just smiled, said please and thank you then food was on its way to me……I didn’t care what it was, I just ate.

The holidays went by fast; I forgot my own birthday until my brother – aka my boss – told me the day before my birthday to take the next day off. I asked why, he said it’s because the next day was my birthday. I face palmed myself; unable to believe that I actually forgot my own birthday!! My bro jokingly called me a yutz, gave me a hug and let me out early.

After the holidays and the first half of January went by, we slowed down business wise but still had a ton to do. It gave me some time to actually sit down and enjoy lunch, and not feel stressed.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago, I was in my second car accident in less than a year. I was driving to work – wintery conditions – when someone in the lane next to me lost control of their vehicle, striking me and caused me to careen out of control across all three lanes of traffic and landed in the grassy shoulder by the right shoulder.

I had to fight with the trooper who arrived on the scene first that I was in shock and needed to go to the hospital to get my injuries from last year’s accident checked out. He didn’t believe me until I got my orthopedic’s office on the line to verify my injuries. The trooper finally called an ambulance and away I went to the hospital.

I had X-rays taken and nothing was broken but the doctor concluded that I had a contusion on my left hip, contusion on my left shoulder and a cervical strain. I was finally released and was given a prescription for pain and for nausea.

It’s been a rough 2 weeks since the accident. I can’t carry anything over five pounds; dusting and vacuuming is difficult.

          

My Javi

A few hours later, I wake up with a dry mouth. I slowly disengage myself from Javi’s arms so I don’t wake him; walking while hung over isn’t the easiest for me since I’m super clumsy. I go down to the kitchen to grab some orange juice, take more Tumeric, eat a little bit of crispy bacon and grab a few bottles of water before I head back upstairs.

I see that Javi’s still sleeping so I hop in the shower, brush my teeth and I start feeling more human. I go downstairs to see what I can do for breakfast for Javi. I’m far from being a cook but I start with making sausage, bacon, chocolate chip pancakes and blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs. As I’m making waffles, Javi comes down the stairs…..I hadn’t remembered that he left some of his clothes here the last time he was here a few years ago. He leans down, kissing me on my cheek, drawing me in for a hug.

“Morning,” I say, mumbling into his chest, smelling his wonderful cologne. “How did you sleep? Hope you don’t mind that I made some of my favorite hang over foods.”

“Hey, beautiful,” Javi says. “Slept great; feeling a little hung over. I’ll take some of that turmeric as I eat. Glad you made so much! Waffles and blueberry pancakes are my favorite hang over foods. Thanks for cooking!”

“Beautiful?” I ask blushing. “Hardly!! No problem; hope you’re hungry. If there’s anything left over, take it home with you but leave the bacon! That’s for me!”

“Yeah, you’re beautiful, baby doll!” he said. “You’re in it just for the meat, huh? Me and the bacon!”

We laugh and dig into breakfast, barely talking. Once he tells me that he’s full, I start packing up the food to send him home with but keep most of the bacon for myself. I stuff everything into my booze filled fridge, run up to my room to grab last night’s clothes and the sheets to wash, the bottles for recycling when Javi stops me.

“Babe. What are you doing?” he asks. “I don’t mind the mess. It’s your disorganized mess and it works for you. Just because I’m organized doesn’t mean anything.”

“I’m kinda embarrassed,” I admitted. “I’m afraid that in my drunken haze that I said something embarrassing.”

“Other than you wanting me to give up my apartment and move in with you? You’re fine,” Javi said. “You said nothing that you should be embarrassed by!”

I must’ve looked more relieved than I thought so he brought me over to the couch, stripped the both of us of our clothes, helped me lay down on the couch, spread my legs and entered my dripping wet center with his gorgeously perfect – and delicious – cock. He always feels amazing when he’s inside of me and he knows I can’t stop screaming his name when we have sex 

My old lover Javiar

                Very recently, I ran into my former lover, Javier. I haven’t seen him in several years due to a very bad – and public – disagreement. At the time, it wasn’t a healthy relationship…..there was a ton of jealousy on both sides. I absolutely hated the fact that he had absolutely GORGEOUS female friends; I felt super intimidated by that. He didn’t like the fact that I was screwing other guys.

                After work the other, night, I texted Javi and invited him to come over to spend the night; mostly to talk shit over. He said sure. We agreed to meet at a bar near my house; I arrived earlier than I planned and ordered a Jack & Coke.  By the time I order and finish my third, Javi arrives. I’m slow to get up since I’m still awfully stiff and sore from the accident.

                “Hey, Deppgrl. You ok, baby girl?” Javi asked me, kissing my cheek and gently hugged me.

                “I’m sore and stiff but ok, Javi,” I reply as I sit down. “I was in a car accident a few months ago. I have a torn rotator cuff, bulging disks in my back and a compression fracture in one of my lumbar vertebrae.”

                “Why didn’t you call or text me, baby girl? I would’ve been more than happy to help you out; driving you to the doctors, to work, whatever you needed,” Javi said.

                “With how we ended things the last time we saw each other, I felt that it would best that I leave you out of it,” I replied. “Besides, I’ve been able to get around with cars of friends and family members as well as a rental. I started physical therapy and now able to move a bit better.”

                “If you need anything, just let me know,” Javi said.

                “Let’s have some drinks. This trivial talk about how I’m doing can wait,” I said. “Let’s try to fix our past shit and move on.”

                “Sounds good,” he said. “I can tell you had a few drinks already. I hope you called a cab or something?”

                I nodded my head yes, made eye contact with the bartender. He came over, took our orders and walked away. The conversation was awkward at best. The drinks and the food helped a bit. After a few more drinks, I ordered a cab that brought us back to my house.

                Once we arrived, he helped me take care of the dogs and I took a shower. I had a stressful day and wanted a little help to wind down. As I was putting on my least sexy pjs – an over sized shirt that my grandfather gave to me days before he passed away – Javi stopped me. He took the shirt out of my hands, tossed it across the room and then started to caress my body, kissing and nipping my neck. I released a moan. Sweet baby Jesus! I forgot how this man could work my body.

                “Mmmmm, Javi,” I said. “I had forgotten how you well work my body. I’ve missed it.”

                “Can we continue?” Javi asked.

                “Yessssssss,” I moan. “Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop!”

                “I won’t,” he said as he’s stripping and laying me down on the bed. “Spread your legs for me, Deppgrl. I want to eat some dessert!”

                “Fuck, yes!” I moan and try to push his head closer to my wet apex, wriggling with pleasure. “Yes, baby. Don’t stop eating me. Fuuuuuck!”

                I lose track of how long Javi is eating me. He knows how much I really enjoy it but won’t ask for it since he knows that I enjoy pleasuring him in return. Javi uses his tongue and his fingers to enter my dripping wet apex, hitting my g-spot. I can’t stop orgasming and can’t stop screaming his name; begging him to continue.

                He eventually comes up for air, panting. I try to discretely look at the clock; I see that he’s eaten me for several hours. As I’m trying to adjust myself to pleasure him, he brings out a few bottles of water and some tequila. We drink the water and continue taking shots for some time.

                Despite being drunk, I position myself to pleasure Javi in return. I start stroking his cock and in no time, he’s hard as a rock. I wrap my mouth around his gloriously perfect cock and start sucking him like a fat kid loves chocolate cake; he’s grabbing my hair to pull me closer to his cock. Half hour or so later, he orgasms and shoots a massive load of cum down my throat. I gladly take it.

                I pour us both shots as we catch our breath. One shot turns into multiple; somewhere in the chasing shots, we manage to drink water so we wouldn’t feel terrible in the morning.

                “Javi?” I slur. “I’m gonna pass out……can’t drink anymore.”

                “Baby?” he asks. “Can I spend the night here with you?”

                “Yes,” I say.

                He lays me down on the bed because I’m unsteady but he’s as unsteady as I am. He kinda falls on me, making me go queasy. I close my eyes as my stomach does some summersaults, hoping that the sensation would pass soon. Javi giggles but he gets up, gets me some water and a bottle of Tumeric in the vitamin form. I chug the water and pop a Tumeric…..it helps with hangovers and fall asleep.

Car accidents suck

Sorry I haven’t been posting lately but I was in a gawd awful accident on my way to work almost three weeks ago; happened on May 30, 2017.

I was approximately 1.5 miles away from work – about a mile from the exit I needed to take in order to get to work – I was going approximately 70 to 72 miles an hour. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw someone behind me plowing towards me. I tried speeding up a little but that did nothing since someone was in front of me and I couldn’t go into the right lane (it’s a 4 lane highway; 2 lanes in both directions separated by a grassy median). The driver lost control of his car, went into the median, bounced back onto the road, hitting me. The impact was so hard that I had to fight to stay in my lane but I ended up in the grassy median.

I tried getting out of my car but I had to slam my body into the door to get it open and took a few tries to get it open but it eventually happened. I tried to see if I could help the other driver but he was alive but NOT really responsive. I went back to my car to call my brother aka my boss to let him know but he didn’t answer. I eventually texted him to check his voicemail and he did. He told me to get to the hospital ASAP. A witness came up to me to see if I was ok. I told him that I was in shock but I thought I was ok; he said that the other driver had to be going 80 to 90 miles an hour. Cops were called and they arrived not too much longer.

The ambulance came but ended up taking the other driver first. That had to put him on a back brace and a neck brace before he was put on a stretcher. A second one was called and brought me to the hospital as well. The hospital took X-rays and told me that the x-rays were fine but to go home, take Tylenol and Aleve and use heating pads. I was a little pissed at that.

My family came to pick me up and take me home. As soon as I got home, I showered and called the car insurance company to start a claim so that the ER visit would be covered by my insurance. They took care of everything.

The very next night I was coughing up blood, had stabbing pain in my abdomen and my neck. My step dad took me to our local hospital to get checked out. Once admitted to the ER, they set me up with an IV that contained saline solution to keep me hydrated, Morphine and Toradol for the pain and something else for my stomach. Not much longer, I coughed up a little more blood. The nurse took my blood and a urine sample. Eventually I was brought down for an MRI. That was read and they found “blunt force trauma” to my abdomen where the lap part of the seatbelt caught me and an old break of my tail bone. The ER doctor prescribed something for my stomach and Percocet for the pain.

I was discharged 6 hrs later and we went home. Once home, I passed out cold for a few hours. My step dad brought me to the pharmacy so I could drop off my prescriptions and then he dropped me off to so I could pick up a rental car. It took some time to get the paper work since I was spacing out from being tired. I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up my meds and then went home. I ended up taking both meds.

The following Monday – June 5, 2017 – I returned to work but only a part day and Tuesday was also a part day. The rest of the week, I was back on full work days. Friday June 9^th, I went to my primary doctor before work. He said that the reason why my back was still in so much pain was because my L2 (my second lumbar vertebrae) was compressed and the muscles around it were all knotted up. He prescribed another medication for my stomach and prescribed a muscle relaxant. On my way to work, I went to go pick them up. After a long week, I couldn’t wait to leave that night and go home.

As soon as I got home, I showered, got water for my night stand and took a muscle relaxant. Within 30 minutes, I was out cold until 2 pm. I was slow in getting up, showering, and slowly making my way downstairs. My mom and step dad didn’t want me to do any heavy lifting. After eating, I did some dusting and went to bed and slept until dinner. After dinner, I went back to bed. I slept most of Sunday as well.

Monday I returned to work and worked a full week. Friday night – last night – I went to the local chain drug store to grab a few things for my vacation in a week from Father’s Day and ran into my brother’s orthopedic surgeon. He knew something was off right away. He gave me his office number and told me to call first thing in the morning to make an appointment for Tuesday. I spoke with the answering service. Within 20 minutes, I received a call back. The receptionist told me that the surgeon told her to call me right away so I can come in. She was very pleasant to me and very respectful but at the same time it sounded like she had this tone in her voice like: “Who the heck is she to get special/preferential treatment from one of the top orthopedic surgeons in the state?” Little did she know that the surgeon considers both my brother and I as family.

The surgeon is a well respected man who takes his time with each of his patients, has a great bedside manner, makes sure each of his patients is heard and respected, and can put any of his patients back in one piece. 

Weekend getaway

Recently I took some time off of work; ended up with a three day weekend. I had told C and it ended up that he had those three days off as well. We decided to drive a few states south where it was warmer. Don’t start thinking that it was a romantic few days – it wasn’t. It was just a few days of us – as friends – getting away from work, life and having fun. A few months back, C had said that he’d like to cuddle a little bit under the stars before having sex, so I’d rented a small cottage like house that didn’t have close neighbors.

                We left early in the morning – about 6 or 7 – and arrived by 1 pm. He drove while I snoozed; I’m like a baby/young child who naps only in a moving car!! It was quick to unload the car and walked a little bit into town to a small café to grab lunch and grabbed a few things for dinner then headed back to the cottage.

                He grabbed some blankets for us to lie on as I grabbed some wine that I threw in the freezer to chill, a wine opener and a few wine glasses. It felt glorious to lie out in the sun and day drink, occasionally dozing. When we weren’t dozing or day drinking, we’d fuck not caring how loud we were; we did scare some wild life away but we laughed at that!

                After a while we eventually went in as the mosquitoes started to bite and I had made us dinner. We joked and went back & forth about to watch as we ate and drank more wine. We finally settled on a Will Ferrell movie that had us both in stitches. We cleaned up the kitchen, grabbed a few more blankets and those gross smelling citronella candles so we wouldn’t have more annoying bugs.

                By the time we were finished getting ready and opening up another bottle of wine – was this the fourth or fifth bottle? I can’t remember – the stars started to come out. I started to strip even though was a little chilly but I knew that between the cuddling, the blankets and us having sex, I’d warm up. C followed suit. Despite being on the heavier side – and him being more on the healthy and athletic side – I feel very comfortable with him seeing me butt naked.

                Once we were ready, we were off to cuddle/spoon or whatever you want to call it. It felt nice. I do have my protective side and we had bickered a little bit about who’s the big spoon vs. little spoon but he won out and he’s the big spoon but I actually enjoy it. He’s slowly teaching me patience and that I don’t always have to be the protector. We lay like that for a while, talking, drinking and looking at the stars. It’s peaceful, listening to the crickets; joking that the people on the airplanes above us can see us.

                C shifts my one leg behind me and on top of his hip, thrusting his hard, pulsating cock in my dripping wet cunt, spreading me. He pushes my hair off of my neck, kissing my neck, sending shivers down my spine; eventually gently biting me where my neck and shoulder meets. I yelp in pleasure, spreading my legs even further, “Yes, Daddy,” I moan as he rolls me onto my stomach.

“That’s my Deviant Kitten,” C says as he’s thrusting deeper into my cunt. “Show me what I do to you, my deviant, deviant kitten. Show me how much I please you!”

“Yes, Daddy!” I moan and raise my hips up so he can see my juices pouring out of me and so he can go deeper. “Do you see how wet you make me, Daddy? You feel so good in me, stretching my tight cunt!”

“Fuck, DK,” C says as he pulls out and helps me roll to my back, ramming his cock into my cunt. “Your tight cunt feels so good wrapped around my cock!”

“Daddy,” I say, panting. “Please choke me tonight! I’m a bad girl!”

“No, DK,” he said. “You’re not getting choked tonight. You’re getting something else!”

“Hmmmm?” I say, wondering what’s going on in his head. “What am I getting instead?”

“You’ll find out later, DK,” he panted. “Gotta make you cum!”

C distracts me by kissing my neck, tugging my hair and fucking me in my favorite positions. We finish together and I go back to being the little spoon. After dozing off a little bit, I notice that the citronella candle has been used up and the bugs are out again. I wake up C so we can grab the blankets and get in before we both get bitten by bugs.

After tossing the blankets in the washing machine, we go upstairs. I stop in my tracks to ask C what I was getting. He told me he hired a protective services team to keep me safe.

“Wait. What the FUCK do you mean that you’ve hired private security guards for me? I’m not a multi billionaire or anything. I’m worth whatever my assets are; like my car and whatever’s in my bank! What. The. Actual. Fuck?” I state.

“It’s to keep you safe,” he said. “Not to keep you safe from your clumsy self but to protect you from those who wish you harm. I swear to you that there is someone after you. Please understand that I want you safe and protected.”

“Was there anyone following us here? Anyone outside with us, hearing and seeing us?” I demand. I can’t explain to him how upset I am. “C, I’ve had people after me before. I’ve protected myself from the nut jobs who wanted me either severely hurt or dead. I can take care of myself. If you hadn’t driven us here, I’d demand that you leave and that I’d stay here but I’m not that mean.”

“Babe,” he said, leading us into the master bathroom. “It’s my understanding that this guy is more dangerous than anyone you’ve dealt with before. He’s an professional sharpshooter that’s trained with multiple foreign countries and their militaries; he does NOT miss a shot.”

“I don’t give a rat’s ass of how dangerous this man is. Clearly he’s got the wrong person,” I state. “I have no secrets, I don’t work for any government, I keep to myself. If he wants to kill me, he’s invited to show his face to me, look me in the eye and try to kill me.”
“Please, babe,” he explains. “He’s closer to you than you think. You know who he is. It’s your uncle.”

“C,”I said as I stepped into the shower. “My uncles – my parents’ siblings – are deceased. You’re over exaggerating.”

                C let it go as we showered and got ready for bed. I went down to the kitchen to get us both a glass of water and when I went back up, C was staring at a picture and he looked as if he saw a ghost.

“What is it?” I ask. “You see a ghost?”

“No,” he said. “Something woke you up while we were outside and you went to investigate it. Someone took pictures of you in the brushes searching for whatever created the noise. Look at these and tell me you don’t seem concerned for your safety?”

“Let me see,” I say reaching for the photos. “These photos are of me just investigating the noise. It’s no big deal. It’ll be a big deal seeing me photo shopped as dead in a photo; which has happened in the past. This is nothing to worry about!”

“But…….” C began.

“No buts, hot stuff!” I said. “It’s time for bed.”

                We crawled into bed; C as the big spoon and me as the little spoon. Before I fell asleep, I felt C pull me closer to him, like he was personally trying to keep me safe.

An update on me

It’s been a bit of an interesting two months or so since I had surgery. It was difficult to get back to work with the use of just one hand but the staff had been wonderful in helping me out when possible. After the larger bandaging came off, it was easier but I had some difficulty because I had a small bandage on my finger; the pain was terrible but manageable after a shit load of pain killers. The doctor had prescribed something that knocked me out on my ass; if I drove with it in my system and got pulled over, I’d either be arrested or given a ticket. Something I wasn’t willing to do.

Anyways, the pain level is next to zero but on cold, rainy/snowy days there’s some pain and stiffness; I have to force my finger to straighten and keep stretching my finger throughout the day and the occasional Tylenol.

In mid January, I had an appointment with a sleep specialist to see why I couldn’t sleep (this is after YEARS of telling family that I can’t sleep). Within a few minutes of meeting with this doctor I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea; it’s a medical condition that causes people to NOT breathe while they sleep and can be often deadly. To be officially diagnosed, one has to have a sleep study and have at least 5 interruptions an hour.  He’s been a sleep specialist/pulmonologist for years and said that it was easy to diagnose me (where my throat and mouth meet are supposed to be at a 90 degree angle but it’s a 45 degree angle, etc).

As I was checking out of the office, I spoke with a receptionist and was able to get a sleep study machine sent to my house last week. When I received it, I set it up as per the directions. The next morning, I sent it back. Within a matter of days, I was told that there were barely any results and they’d sent another machine which I received yesterday and used it last night. Hopefully this machine was up to par and able to get results. I should be receiving the results and a follow up with the doctor 7 to 10 business days from when the company who sent the machine downloads the results; they’ll sent the results to the doctor, the doctor’s office will read the results, will call me to set up a follow up appointment and tell me what the next step is.

Please think positive thoughts, have your fingers crossed and whatever else you guys do that my sleep apnea is NOT bad.

A little update

I had minor surgery on my left middle finger 3 weeks ago to remove a benign growth. The Sunday before the surgery, C had texted me. I was a little wary of him texting me after us not having contact for about 10 days. Since then, we've been texting on and off kind of reconciling.
He wanted an update everyday about how I was healing and the pain level I was dealing with. I told him whenever he asked. That helped me open back up to him. He genuinely cared about how the pain was and the ability of using my finger.
We've pretty much reconciled 100% but it's a work in progress

C is an amazing person

I’ve been pretty sick for the past three weeks. Been feeling bad for C. Just too tired to meet with him and too afraid to get him sick. We miss seeing each other and enjoying each other but he understands that I don’t want to get him sick. As much as he appreciates it, he misses me and I miss him. It’s hard because we’re used to seeing each other 2 to 5 days a week. Once I started feeling better, I was, of course, welcomed back with open arms to his apartment. It felt like I was home again.

We enjoyed each other again but I kind of feel bad for his roommate. C has me screaming his name when we have sex and we do have sex several times a night; the poor guy barely gets any sleep when I’m at the apartment so he ends up getting a hotel room for the night. Honestly? It’s hard for me to be quiet when C and I have sex. He knows how to pleasure me; get my body going. Sometimes it can just be a look or a smile and I’m wet; my nipples get hard. One of the many great things to be with C sexually is that his member fits me perfectly; like his member was made just for me…..but I remember – with a chuckle - that he and I are just FWB. He’s a super awesome man and would make an amazing husband. Whomever he marries is one hell of a lucky woman. As long as she treats him like a king that he is, he will treat her like a queen.  Sorry readers; I’m not the marrying type….or the mom type.

Yesterday at work, he and I were texting a little bit. He could just tell that I wasn’t having the greatest day. He knows of my depression and I was vague in the past about the ghosts of my past. He offered to listen and I know him well enough by now that he sincerely meant it. I told him another time I’ll share with him. When I got home last night, I told him that I arrived safely. We chatted a bit before I fell asleep.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I started texting him again. He called me with FaceTime. He called me a cute raccoon. C, as always, was very caring and asked how I was doing. Told him I was the same as last night before going to bed. After chatting for a few minutes, he had to go run a few errands and I wanted to get chores down around the house and sleep. I decided to shower first since my errands were simple (vacuuming, dusting, etc). As I was showering, I was contemplating whether or not I should tell him the ghosts of my past. If I didn’t, how would I explain why I woke up from night terrors or whatever else wakes me in the middle of a dead cold sleep? I thought it would be best that I tell him.

After getting dressed, I shared with him the past – going over what was needed to be said, skipping what wasn’t needed – and C being C, he was incredibly caring and sensitive. He reminded me who I am and who I am not; he knows me so well that he told me that knows what I really want – a family.

I’m very lucky to have C in my life. As he reminds me: “No matter what happens between us, we’ll always have a friendship.” As I said earlier, whomever he marries is one hell of a lucky lady. Awesome person, awesome lover, awesome friend.

An adventure part 3

I met with C last night and it was gloriously wonderful as always. I was looking forward all day to spend time with him as was he looking forward to spending time with me.

The address he gave me was for a strip club instead of the hotel. I called the hotel asking for an address that I can put into my GPS and they gave it to me. My GPS took me all over but to the hotel. There was a back entrance to it but I was taken to the front entrance. I had to cross over 4 lanes of traffic to pull into a car dealership. I threw my 4 ways on and illegally backed up until I was able to pull into the entrance of the hotel that way. I couldn’t check in with out C there since he booked the hotel with his name and paid for it. So after talking to the woman at check in, I went to the bar that’s attached to the hotel.

“Hey. Can I get whatever on tap, please?” I ask as I sit down on one of the bar stools. “It’s been a long day!”

The bar tender grabs me whatever beer that he pours. He told me what it was but can’t remember what it is now. It was decent but not great. As I was drinking it, C and I were texting back and forth about he can get to the hotel with the address I was given over the phone. He ran into the same issue I did and he did what I did to get into the parking lot. He texts me to ask me to go meet him outside. I pay my tab and go. When I go outside, I notice he parked near me. It seems like he always purposely parks near me.

“Hey, babe,” he says as he leans down to kiss me, slipping me some tongue. “How are you? Thanks for giving me the correct address.”

“Hey, baby,” I said leaning into his kiss, moaning. “I’m good; glad to see you. No problem.”

We walk into the lobby to check in.

“Good evening,” said the woman at check in. “C? Ready to check in?”

“Yes,” he said, looking at me.

After a few minutes, we’re ready to go to our room. Once we get in, I drop my bag of things and he follows suit. He closes the blinds since we’re on the first floor. As soon as I start taking off my clothes, he interrupts me.

“What are you doing,” he asks me, kissing me and squeezing my tits. “I’ll be in charge of stripping the both of us!”

“Yes, Daddy!” I moan as he kisses me and squeezes my tits. “You’re always in control, Daddy!”

He lays me on the bed, lies on top of me and my spread legs. He takes my arms and pulls them over my head, kissing me and dry humping me. His one hand is holding my hands over my head as he’s kissing me, stroking my tits and cunt through my clothes.

“Yes, Daddy,” I moan. “Fuck me hard and punish me, Daddy!”

“Why should I punish you, my deviant?” C asked me

“Because I played with my wet cunt a few hours ago,” I said. “I came hard and screamed your name.”

He rips my clothes off as I rip his off. We stare at each other for a second than he devours my mouth with his, ramming his hard cock into my cunt.

“Deviant. You’re getting punished tonight,” he said as he’s thrusting his cock in my cunt as hard as he can. “You knew you were going to see me tonight and yet you still played with yourself. You know better. You know that Daddy takes care of all your needs!”

“Yes, Daddy. I know. I’m sorry,” I said, panting. “It won’t happen again!”

“Damn. Straight. It. Won’t. Deviant,” he growled.

“YES, DADDY!” I scream as I orgasmed, covering his beautiful cock with my juices. “Yes, Daddy. It won’t happen again!”

He flips me over so he can take me from behind. In no time, I’m orgasming and screaming his name again. He’s still pounding into my cunt from behind for a long time then I feel him shooting a massive load deep into me, screaming my name. C has some kind of power over me to make me orgasm so fast and hard for him.  Whatever the power he has, I like it.

I roll out of bed and hop into the shower. When I get out, he has food that he brought for us ready. He spoils me.

After we eat, we hop into bed and watch TV. I curl up in his arms and start feeling sleepy. He tells me to get comfortable so I get into the little spoon position. He starts stroking my hair and after what seemed like a few minutes’ rest, he pushed me gently away from him and then “mounts” me from behind to wake me up.

“Yes, Daddy,” I moan. “Ride my pussy. I’m Daddy’s little slut. Fuck yes, Daddy. You feel SO good in me. Fuck me like a whore that I am!”

C switches me in gawd knows how many different positions. After a bit, his hand is on my throat. I had a crazy idea. I asked him to fuck me until I passed out. He loved the idea and reached around me to grab my vibrator. He thrusts his hard cock in my cunt and then puts my vibrator in my cunt as well.

He starts thrusting hard and harder as the vibrator gets him closer to cumming. He reaches his hand out to place a gentle hold on my neck to keep my head in place for when I pass out.

“Daddy,” I begin. “I’m ready…….”

“Let go, baby,” C whispered. “Let go.”

I let go and pass out.
“Baby, come back,” C begs, stroking my cheek. “Baby. Please come back. Baby….?”

“Daddy?” I ask. “Why do you look so worried? Mmmmm. Baby, you feel so good!”

“My little deviant,” C said. “You worried me, babe. It took you long to come back to me. Don’t do that again!”

“Ok, baby,” I said. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

As C is still gently fucking me, he starts kissing me gently. I start moaning in pleasure. I know C was worried about me and didn’t want to hurt me.

“Baby? I’m ok,” I said. “You don’t need to be careful when you fuck me. I’m not going to break.”

“I know you’re ok. Just don’t want to give you too much right now. I know you’re not fragile,” he said. “Deviant, I want you to enjoy this right now, ok?”

“Yes, Daddy,” I moan.

He picks up speed and force as he fucks me, finally feeling comfortable enough after I came to. A few minutes later, we orgasm together.  We catch our breath, take a breather.

“Babe,” I said. “I’m hopping into the shower, ok?”

“Ok, doll,” he said. “I’ll join you in a second.”

Not long after I hop into the shower, C joins me. He grabs the shampoo and washes my hair and follows suit with the conditioner. I try to stop him but he tells me it’s his pleasure to. After he rinses my hair, he grabs the soap and takes care of my body.  I step in the hot water to rinse off, grabbing the soap from him. I take my time lathering his glorious body. By the time I get to his waist, I can tell that he’s as hard as a rock. I tease his cock with my hand a little bit.

As he rinses off, I drop to my knees and begin sucking his cock. I suck him for a solid 10 to 15 minutes before he cums. He takes a long time shooting out his massive load down my throat.

“Damn, my little deviant,” C said. “You know how to make a man feel special, taking that load down your throat.”

“It’s my pleasure, Daddy,” I say as I get out of the shower and dry off.

He follows suit and we go to bed for a little bit. I’m the little spoon and he’s the big spoon. I know that he and I are just friends with benefits, I think it’s really sweet that not only does he take care of my needs, makes sure I’m ALWAYS the little spoon but he is always a gentleman; opening my car door and other doors for me, making sure I get home ok, etc.

“Mmm, babe,” I say as he wakes me up as he enters my wet cunt from behind. “Fuck, you feel so good. Your cock is amazing!”

“Your cunt is perfect,” he pants as he thrusts deep inside me. “I enjoy fucking you to wake you up, my deviant. Even when you’re asleep, you’re ready for me.”

“Yes, Daddy,” I say. “I’m always ready for you!”

An adventure; part 2

I couldn’t keep you guys holding with suspense from my adventure with C. I had two fantasies that I’ve shared with him over the past week or so. One, being picked up from a bar. Two, being fucked until I pass out.
We successfully fulfilled the first fantasy Saturday night. I dressed up in a casual black dress and heels. I went to the bar, ordered a drink or two, ordered some food and then this older guy started hitting on me. I used the boyfriend stood me up line, yada yada yada. C came to save the day. He looked so damn fine, cologne on point. He sat two seats to the left of me, trying to get my attention. He knew I’d be an easy pick up for him. I could tell that this older guy was getting a little upset that I was giving more attention to C than I was to him.

After having a few drinks, two for him and four for me, he asked if I wanted to get out of there. I said yes. We paid our checks and he helped me off my chair and out the door. He asked if I could drive and I said if I changed my shoes, I could. He said that there’s no way that he’s going to let me drive even if I change my shoes.

He takes my hand and helps me to his car. He opens the passenger door and I cum immediately. He gets in and starts driving. I’m more buzzed than I realize and I’m not paying attention to where he’s going. After a brief amount of time, he stops the car, tells me to wait for a minute. I close my eyes and doze off. He comes back a few minutes later, turning off the car and helps me out of the car. I realized he got us a room. It turned me on so much.

We walk in, hand in hand. The receptionists looked at me with jealousy in their eyes. We get into the elevatator and we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. By the time we got to our floor, he gorgeous cock was out of pants and my dress was hiked up past my hips. The bell rang for our floor and as the door opened, a 6’3 massively muscular guy saw how we were. I told him that we were at a wedding, got a little trashed and were very horny. He looked very appreciatively at me and looked at C with jealousy.

As we got into the room, we were ripping each other’s clothes off. We couldn’t even make it to the bed. He leans me over the desk, spreads my legs and thrusts his perfect penis deep in my wet pussy. He pounds into me relentlessly. I feel his heavy balls slapping me as he fucks me. He feels like he’s pounding at my pussy like a jack hammer at work. He feels so good inside my wet and tight pussy.

“Oh god yes, Daddy!” I scream. “Fuck me good like a whore that I am!”

“Yes, my deviant kitten,” he moans. “You’re my whore. Nobody touches you but me. Right, kitten?”

“Yes, Daddy,” I scream. “I’m yours! No one can fuck me but you, Daddy. I belong to you!”

He continues to fuck me from behind me some more. He cums in me and takes several long moments to dump his cum in my wet pussy. He shoots such a large load of cum in my pussy, I feel it hit my cervix. When he finishes cumming in me, he carries me to the bed; knowing I can’t walk due to us fucking, especially with the heels I was still wearing.

“Oh, kitten,” he said as he kisses my body. “You feel so good to me. Your body is perfect and responds to me. I could spend forever fucking you!”

“Daddy,” I whisper as I start stroking his cock. “Follow me to the shower. I want to show you something I want to try.”

“In a moment, baby, in a moment,” C said as he flipped me over onto my stomach, face down, ass up. “There’s something else we need to try tonight.”

He slides his perfect cock into my ass and I let out a scream of pleasure. He knows he hit my ass at the right angle to get me screaming only he knows how to. I love when he fucks my ass hard and deep. In no time, he had me cumming. I know he wasn’t done; he still needed to come.

I lift my ass a little higher. He knew that I wanted him to fuck my pussy. He slides easily into my wet pussy. I feel like he’s going to stretch me with his cock. As he fucks me, he switches me into all different sexual positions. It felt amazing. The last position he had me was in missionary…..

“Fuck yes, my little deviant kitten,” he moans as he rides me, grabbing onto my tits. “Yes, my kitten. You belong to me. Only I fuck you, baby!”

“Yes, Daddy!” I scream. “I’m your kitten. I’ll always be yours. No one else can touch me!”

“Kitten!” he screams has his massive load hits my cervix again. He’s still pounding me as he came. I’m close to passing out. He knew……he just knew.

He pulled out and gave me some time to gather my bearings. Once I’m ready, he helps me up and leads me to the shower. He gets the water to the right temperature and helps me in. I drop to my knees and put his entire cock into my mouth. I suck him for a solid 30 minutes and then he shoots another massive load but this time down my throat. It was such a big load, I felt like I might drown but he tasted so good.

We turned off the water, toweled off and got dressed. I was a little wobbly but he helped me down to his car. As we drove to drop me off to his car, I slid my panties off and put them in his cup holder. He was a little distracted but was focused again.

Once we arrived back at the bar, he turned off his car, opened my car door for me and led me to car. He took my car keys, unlocked my car, opened the door and handed me my car keys. As I was getting in, he stopped me….

“Deppgrl?” he asks.

“Yes, babe?” I reply.

“Please let me know when you get home ok. I worry about you as you have a long distance to go,” he said.

“No problem,” I reply.

We lean in for a quick peck and he helps me get in. I drive off as does he in an opposite direction. When I get home, I let him know. He was appreciative. I then did something that I normally don’t do; I texted my best friend telling her that I have a little crush on C.

An adventure; pt 1

A few months ago, I met someone at a friend’s apartment. He's of Hispanic and Asian heritage, about 6 feet tall, 160 to 180 pounds and absolutely NO ass. Thought he was absolutely gorgeous but didn’t think of much of it at the time. I had just ended a relationship with someone a few weeks prior. Until he texted me recently

We were texting one Sunday night a few weeks ago and we were trying to figure out when to meet to hook up. That night we decided that the following night, we'd get a hotel and spend the night. I told him that he didn't have to spend the night if he didn't want to. He said that he'd like to since he was paying for the room. I chuckled and had to agree with him on that.

That Monday, I was full of anticipation of leaving work so I could meet up with him with the time I told him I'd be getting out. We were texting furiously back and forth all day. My brother knew that I was pretty antsy all day and wanting to get out; he knew something was going on with me and I'm sure he knew what it was but didn't say anything until I left. As I was running out the door, he shouted: "Have fun, be safe! Don't forget to use the Mace if you need to!" I laughed and replied with: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love you too, bro!!" He loves me and I know he does but sometimes it's hard for him to say it to me sometimes because as my boss, he doesn't like to show much emotion.

I drive the 8 to 10 minutes to the hotel, park in the back and text C that I'm there and just getting my stuff out of the car. He comes out seconds later to help me with my stuff. We got into the room and I kicked off my shoes with an "Omph!" and collapsed on the couch with a thud. 

"Deppgrl, you ok, babe?" he asks.

"Just tired, C. Hope I satisfy you," I said.

"You will," he said as his hands slide up my shirt and starts kissing me down my neck. I can’t help but moan in pleasure. He pulls my shirt and bra off and starts sucking my tits.

“Si, Papi,” I moan as I slide off my shorts and panties. “Just like that!”

I work on taking his shorts and boxers off. It was a little bit of a struggle because he was more dominant than I realized but I liked it and he knew it.

“Easy, kitten,” he said. “You’ll get my cock soon enough. I’ll have you cumming down my cock that it’ll be dripping off my balls!”

In between him sucking my aching tits and eating out my pussy, I was able to slide his shorts and boxers off of him. I get a great look at his amazing penis. I push him off of me and flip him onto his back. I start sucking his gloriously perfect cock.

“My deviant kitten…..don’t ever stop sucking my cock,” he said. “Gawd, yes, baby! Fuck!”

He flips me onto my back, places himself between my legs, puts my ankles on his shoulders and thrust his cock deep inside my wet pussy.

“Fuck yes, Daddy! Fuck my pussy!,” I beg C, screaming. “Fuck me like your whore, Daddy. Ride your whore!”

“My deviant kitten is such a filthy whore! Your pussy is mine! Tell me!” he demands as he gives my pussy a pounding. “Your pussy, mouth and ass are mine, Kitten. You. Are. Mine!”

“Yes, Daddy,” I scream. “My body is yours. Only you fuck me!”

“Fuck, yes. You belong to me. No one else lays a finger on you!” he says, pounding into my pussy even harder. “Kitten. I’m going to cum in your cunt and you’re going to take my load; you’ll love it as your cunt overflows with my cum!”

“OH MY GOD, YES, DADDY!” I scream as I cum.

“Take. My. Entire. Load.” he said. “You’ll love it, too!”

He twisted me into a shit load amount of positions as he kept fucking me into oblivion. I knew he was cumming.

“Oh, Kitten. Take my load. I’m going to fill you so much,” he said. “Fuck. Your wet pussy feels so good; so wet and tight around my cock!”

He blows a load deep in my cunt that I feel it hitting my cervix. It takes him several minutes to unload his cum in me.
We fell asleep and when I woke up, I knew I wouldn't be able to walk due to the hours of sex we had

To be continued…….