Trying to move on

Since leaving Vince at the ass crack of dawn on Sunday, our mutual friends have told me how miserable Vince has been. I figured that it served him right as he now knows that he should've waited for me and I also hoped that he truly does work things out with his wife; not for him to be unhappy but for them to be happy together. As heart broken as I am, I know that moving on from him is the best move even though he's my soul mate; if he hadn't cheated but stayed faithful instead, I would've had as many children as he wanted. But c'est la vie. 

I had come back to my parents' Sunday to spend the night with them. They knew that Vince and I broke up towards the end of the summer and that he royally fucked up; they also knew that I'd just spent the weekend with him....they even know that he's married. They didn't say anything at all when I walked in. They just hugged me. My mom took what few dirty clothes I had and did my laundry while I went to bed for a few hours. I eventually woke up around noon, showered, got dressed and came down.

I had lunch and said that I was going over to our neighbor Brick's for a few minutes to see if he needed a hand with anything (I've been cooking and baking for him as his arthritis has been acting up; he's told me a number of times that if he were younger, he would marry me…. I always thought he was joking). His nephew was also over hanging out. We bull shitted for a bit and when Brick had stepped out of the room, Matteo asked if I was available on Monday to hook up and I said that I was free; we agreed on the time as Brick was coming back.....Brick was still a little upset that I ended the physical part of our relationship and he has stated in the past that he'd be jealous if he knew that I was hooking up with his nephew - although he didn't mind nor care in the past.

When I entered through the garage, my mom was looking a bit thrilled with herself. I didn't ask nor did I want to know. She said that Matteo got her number from Brick and that he, Matteo, had texted her (while he and I were figuring what time to meet up) that he had invited me over for Monday. It was rather obvious that Matteo didn't explain to her exactly WHY I was spending time with him; she knew that we were on friendly terms in college. She thought that I was going to start dating Matteo by the end of Monday. Unfortunately, I broke her heart then and there, explaining that despite him being rather attractive and smart, he was too much of a sports fan to talk of anything else other than sports and that was a major turn off for me. She was a little saddened by this but she accepted it....thankfully.

I took the dogs to the park in the afternoon for a walk to help clear my head and think about Vince's and I's activity over the weekend. Vince probably had thought that I was giving hope about a relationship with me in the future but by then - and after reading the letter - that he knew that I was there to get my jollies and to get full closure of our relationship. I realized during the walk that I was going to be hurt for awhile before I could fully move on but in the same time, the time alone to give me time to reflect, heal and grow....and if I wanted to, I'd enjoy myself in the company of a man that I trusted and respected and who had trust and respect for me as well.

By the time that the dogs and I got home, all of the dogs were all tuckered out; I had to wake them up when I pulled into the garage. They climbed out one by one, went up the few stairs leading from the garage to the house, and went to the water bowl where they drank. I ended up having to fill their bowl twice more. They then went to their beds (spoiled rotten doggos! LOL!!) and before I laid down for the rest of the afternoon, I washed their bowl out and filled it with fresh water for when they woke up.

Since I had my nicer version of my causal clothes at my parents' house, I raided my closet to figure out what I was going to wear to Matteo's; I knew food would be involved either by take out or dining in at a restaurant. It took me about 45 minutes; chose a smaller fitting bra, low cut shirt, jeans and leather knee high boots. After coming down after picking out my clothes for the next day, my parents and I had dinner, watched some TV and I went back upstairs and went to bed not much longer after coming up. I needed to catch up on some well needed sleep so I could be ready for Matteo. Thankfully, I slept like a log.

I woke up feeling rested and was looking forward to the day. As I was about to hop into the shower, Matteo called to ask if I could come over earlier as he has a few added plans for us and I said sure; he gave me the newer time to arrive. That changed my outfit a little bit for the day. Instead of wearing cute panties, I was going to wear a thong instead. I showered, got dressed, grabbed my charging cord & base as well as my travel chargers, my phone and my purse. My mom was beaming and said that Matteo asked for her permission to have me come over earlier - he even told her that despite me being of age, he wanted to show that he has respect for me as well as my family. I rolled my eyes....I knew that he was buttering her up to like him so she wouldn't find out what the real reason why were meeting up.

I ate and as I was grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge, Matteo called me and asked me to look outside. Once I did - and he saw me - he waved from the outside of a limo. I screeched and hung up on him. My mom came rushing over to see the limo and she gave me the head's up that he was walking to the door. He rang the doorbell and I opened the door; Mom was trying to look discreet by sitting on the couch in the living room. He came over, shook her hand and said that he was going to borrow me for most of the day. She smiled and said ok. I grabbed my keys out of my purse so I could lock the door on our way out. 

When we got to the limo, Matteo opened the door for me and held his hand out to help me get inside.....he knows me and my clumsy fat ass a little too well. I get in, he closes the door, walks around and gets in. He asks the driver to head to the first destination; a winery. I turned to him in shock and he smiled. He leaned over to kiss me and told me that I deserve it. I turn a million shades of red and thank him. It doesn't take long for us to get there and when we did, Matteo hopped out of the car to open the door and help me out. He said to leave my purse in the back and just to grab my phone and that's all I needed. I nodded and did as he suggested, taking his hand to get out of the limo. 

As I was out of the limo, I went to let go of Matteo's hand but he had a firm grip on my hand; I looked up at him with confusion on my face. He smiled, leaned down and kissed me again but this time on my mouth. Again I was shocked and inadvertently opened my mouth. He took this as an opportunity to kiss me deeper. I moaned, leaned into him and kissed him back; he, unfortunately, pulled away and said that there was time for more of that later and gave me a devilish smile. Still holding onto my hand, he led me into where we'd have our wine tasting. The entire room was covered with carnations and roses; two of my favorite flowers. The flowers were later sent to my parents' so they could go in water and stay fresh until I brought them back to my place.

"Matteo," I said. "What is this? Is this all for me?"

"Yes, baby," Matteo said. "This is all for you. I've wanted to share this with you for a long time but I knew that at one point you were in a serious relationship with someone and you had to end the relationship. I know that you're not ready for this nor me to tell you how much I care about you. This day is for you, babe."

I went into Matteo's arms and hugged him; his cologne was amazing. I pulled my head from his chest to thank him but I couldn't say anything at all as I was in awe of his surprise for me. He brushed some of my hair off of my face, kissed me and then led me to the wine. I knew that this is far from how he wanted to spend the day - as I know that he'd rather watch some sports and then spend the rest of the day in bed with me having sex. He did have fun though and enjoyed watching me ask the staff many questions and taste so much wine; he wasn't too far from me physically at all. 

At the conclusion of the wine tasting, Matteo led me back to the limo and said that he has another surprise or two for me that afternoon before we head to his place. I said ok and didn't ask any questions. We got into the limo and as we were headed to the next destination, Matteo slid me from where I was sitting on the other side of the limo to right next to him; he wrapped his arm around me knowing that I loved being held tight. 

We got to a high end massage place; the kind that you need to book appointments 6 moths to a year in advanced. I asked him how he got me in so fast. He corrected me by saying "us" and he said that a family member of his was the manager and helped him set this up. We were greeted and led into a room in the back. We went into our allocated room where we were greeted by two masseuses; both male. I raised my eye and he told me that it's ok; my glorious ass would be covered as would be my breasts. I said that I didn't care about that as much as I was worried about him being jealous or upset another man was touching me in front of him. Matteo reminded me that this man was a professional and wouldn't be inappropriate. I nodded and laughed.

Once the masseuses left, we got undressed, folding our clothes and climbed on the tables face down. Our tables were about a foot away from each other and he reached over to grab my hand. The masseuses came back in; they placed a towel on my backside as well as Matteo's glorious backside. The massages were wonderful and I'd fallen asleep during mine. After the massages, we got dressed and we were led through a few hallways and brought to this beautiful room that served as a "tea room". Matteo had already preordered for us; the cookies and the tea were wonderful. I couldn't stop thanking him enough for treating me. He said that he has one more trip before we get to his place. I couldn't believe it.

We got back into the limo and this time I slid next to him so he could have me wrapped under one of his arms. I'd fallen asleep in his arms and didn't realize we got to the last surprise before getting to his condo. Matteo wakes me up and we get out of the limo. We were at a famous jewelry store. I looked at Matteo.

"Matteo," I said. "Thought you were going to let me take my time to heal and move on? If you ask me now, you know what my answer is going to be."

"Babe," Matteo replied. "It's not what you think it is. Do I want to marry you? Fuck yes but you take all the time you need to. I know you've known him for over 20 years and he broke your heart. I want you to take care of you. I'll always, always be here for you no matter what. We're here because I want you to pick out a piece of jewelry that YOU like and want; the price doesn't matter."

I nodded and he let go of my hand. He gave me my space to look while he was talking to the staff. I loved everything that I looked at and tried on. Today was all too much; the wine tasting, the massage and now expensive jewelry. It took me an hour to go through the store and I made my decision. I walk back over to Matteo and let him know that I've made up my mind.

"What have you decided, Babe? What would you like from this store?" Matteo asked.

"You. Out of this entire store, I want you from this store. Everything here is gorgeous and any woman would be lucky to have a piece. I appreciate you spoiling me today and taking care of me. What I'd like to do is go to your condo," I said. 

Ok," Matteo said. "Let's go!"

As he took my hand and we were on our way to the limo, I saw him slide a beautifully wrapped box in his pocket. He didn't look mad or happy and that made me worried. He - obviously - spent a ton of time and money to plan the day to spoil me and I feel like I made him regret his decision. He helps me get in the limo, he climbs in and he asks the driver to take us home. The driver nods and heads to Matteo's.  I fall asleep where I sat in the limo and didn't wake when we got to his place. I don't remember getting carried up nor getting undressed but I woke up in Matteo's bed....naked....with him naked right next to gazing at me.

Matteo realizes I am awake and offers me some privacy; he gets up, puts on his robe and heads to the kitchen. I get up, shower, brush my teeth and grab one of his shirts to wear. I walk towards the kitchen and see him on his patio drinking coffee. He hears me, looks over and smiles at me. He gets up from his chair walks over to me, puts his coffee down and leans down to kiss me. I return the kiss as I pull him closer. I feel his erect penis against my body. I pull away, grab his hand and tell him to follow me.

On the way back to his room, I take off his shirt and he takes his robe off; leaving both on the floor. I get on the bed, in the center, and invite him up. He asks me if this is truly I want to do - on my own free will - I told him that I want to be with him right now because I want to be with someone who cares about me. He knows about how I spent my weekend and he didn’t care. He asked if I had stayed on my birth control faithfully and I said yes. He gets on the bed, sitting at my feet, stroking himself and asking me again if I want this. I spread my legs for him and tell him that I want this more than anything right now. 

He smiled and got himself situated between my legs. I look at his penis, I look at him and tell him that I am ready. He slides right in and we both moan. He looks at me to see if I'm ok. I nod my head yes and he starts thrusting in my wet apex. With each thrust, I moan his name. I flip us over so that I am now on top and riding him; he loves it. Matteo grabs my hips before I slide up and down his penis any faster. He lets go of my hips and grab my breasts. He sits up as I'm sliding up and down his penis and he starts sucking one of my nipples. I moan. 

He flips us over and slows down. 

"Yes, baby," Matteo said mid thrust. "You feel amazing, Deppgrl! Yesssssss, baby. I am so close!"

"Matteo," I moan and spread my legs further apart. "Yessss, baby. So am I."

A few more thrusts.

"Yesss, baby," we both moan together as we climax at the same time. We don't move but catch our breath. I can still feel Matteo's essence shoot into me. I bite my lip. Now he knows. Matteo starts to thrust to finish spilling his essence into me. In a few thrusts, he knows he's finished.

He slides out of me and rolls us to our sides. He holds me close to him. I twist my torso a little so I can kiss him; he opens his mouth and lets me in. He matches me kiss for kiss. I reach down to start stroking his penis and in no time, he's hard again. He tells me to put my face down and my ass up. I giggle when he says ass. I do as he says. He spreads my legs a little farther apart and slides his penis into my apex again. He thrusts harder and faster, moaning my name. I wiggle my ass a little bit but its hard as he's thrusting deep inside of me. He ignored it so I did it again.

"Fuck," he said. "Wiggle that ass of yours one more time, baby..."

"What?" I said as I wiggle my ass again and giggling. "Do this? Wiggle my ass? Do you hate it?" 

"I love it," he groaned. "You're killing me, smalls!"

He pulls out, I hear him spit into his hand, wipes the spit on my back door and spreads my legs even further apart. He slides into my ass....for the first time ever.

"Fuck," he screams my name as he's thrusting. "Your ass is so tight, baby! I can't take it. Fuck."

He thrusts a few more times before he climaxes and shoots his essence in me. When he's done, he pulls out and pulls me closer to him. He rolls me to my side so my back is leaning against his chest. He puts one arm around me. Within seconds, his breathing has slowed down and he's fallen asleep. I wait another minute to make sure that he's sound asleep before I get up.

Yep. He's out cold. I get up gently, go to the bathroom and then head to the kitchen to get some water. As I am heading back to his room, I see the box he'd slid into his pocket earlier has fallen out of his pants. I place the glass of water down and I go pick up the box. It's still wrapped. I am tempted to open it to look at it and wrap it back up and then pretend that I didn't see it.

"I was going to give that to you later," Matteo said. "I know that you're curious to know what exactly it is."

"Matteo," I said. "You surprised me. Thought you were out cold!"

"I am a light sleeper and woke up as you were climbing out of bed. I was waiting for you to return and there was only one of two things that would've prevented you from returning right away. One being the contents of that box. The other being that loser Vince texting you to beg you to take him back....that bastard doesn't deserve you."

"Yes," I said as I walked over to him to put the box in his hand. "I am curious to know what's in this box. And I don't care how many times he begs for me to come back, I won't. You owe me now that you've mentioned his name." 

Matteo winks and follows me back to bed, still holding onto the box that I am dreading. We get on the bed and we spend the next few hours making love. We're finally catching our breath when I realized that I didn't take my birth control that morning. Shit, shit, shit, shit!!!

I fly off the bed, I go to my purse and grab my birth control and an emergency contraceptive. I go back to the night stand and take the pills with my water. Matteo was looking at me funny and I explained. He looked worried for a second until I told him that I had also taken the emergency contraceptive. I went back to the bed and climbed under the covers, snuggling up to Matteo. 

He leaned back to his night stand to grab something. I realized that it was the dreaded box. As I sit up, I take the corner of the sheet to cover up. He knows that I’m nervous; he leans over and kisses me. I open my mouth and kiss him back. He moans and pulled away. 

“I wouldn’t have an opportunity to give this to you if we kept kissing,” Matteo said as he hands me the box. “I knew that you’d love it!”

I open the box and it’s a beautiful diamond ring. I looked at him with absolute confusion. 

“Baby, it’s not an engagement ring; I’d give you a bigger one. Look at inside of the band,” Matteo said. “I had the jeweler put the inscription in today.”

“‘Today is only the beginning 2/21/22’,” I read out loud. “You put our initials, too?”

I leaned over to give Matteo a kiss. He pulls away to put the ring on my right ring finger and leans in to kiss me. I wrap my hand around his neck to pull him closer. As he was kissing me, he shifted the sheets and then shifted to kneel between my legs. I reach over to start stroking his erect penis and he starts to moan my name…he’s close. I let go of him, he spreads my legs even further and slides his penis in my apex. I moan his name.

He takes it slow this time; paying attention to my curves, making sure I was pleasured first (AND thoroughly) and telling me how much he loves me. I climaxed screaming his name over and over again. He climaxed moments later and kept thrusting in me to drain himself of his essence. I tell myself that when I get home that I’ll take another emergency contraceptive.

We lay in each other’s arms for a little while. I told him how much I appreciated the day, appreciated the activities and appreciated his interest in me. I told him that I wish I could reciprocate my feelings for him right now but I needed to focus on me. He said that he understands and that he won’t pressure me at all.

I got up and got dressed because I knew he had to get ready to teach the next day. Neither one of us wanted me to leave but he’d need sleep before going back to school….he wouldn’t get any sleep if I stayed. Matteo let the driver go hours ago so we got dressed so he could drive me home. 

As he did with the limo, he held the door open for me, held his hand out to help me get in and get out of his car and held the door for me when he brought me home. I was going to head to the front door but he stopped me. He pulled me in close, kissed me with such passion and stopped; something caught his eye. We turned around to find that it was Brick and he was mad. 

No one said anything for several minutes. Brick said he wished someone told him that Matteo and I were a couple. I turned to Brick and that we weren’t but it’s a possibility; I’d left a toxic relationship with a man who cheated on me, Matteo always loved me but hadn’t said anything until today. I could tell that Brick was becoming more livid  

I stood in front of Matteo. I told Brick that there wasn’t anything but sex between he and I for a year and that it was on and off depending on what my relationship was with Vince at the time; I reminded Brick that he and I had talked about my relationship with Vince MANY times and how much I loved Vince. He nodded his head that he remembered. I told Brick that he was a good man and a good friend to me. 

Brick asked me about Matteo. I said that Matteo is very kind, quite generous person, friend and potential lover; there could be something in the future but I needed to get over the pain that my ex fiancé caused. I felt Matteo squeezing my hands. I asked the both of them not to fight over me because if they do, I’ll walk away from them both. They agreed and Brick left…he was hurt.

Matteo walked me to the front door, leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back. He dropped to his knees, grabbed both of my hands and leaned his head on my stomach….I began to panic and think that he’s proposing to me…he knew what I’d say if he asked me now. After a couple of minutes, he looked up at me and then stood back up.

“People can have more than one soulmate, baby,” Matteo said. “I’ve felt for years that you are mine. After today, you have it in your head and also in your heart that I’m your forever soulmate. You need to heal and focus on you. Take all the time in the world; I’ll always be waiting for you and always a call away. I love you so much, baby girl, I know you love me too.”

“Matteo,” I said. “Thank you for a beautiful day and showing me the ways that you love me. You’re a generous man and a very generous lover. I’ll never ever forget today. I do admit that I care deeply about you and I hope that one that I can reciprocate your love.”

“I’ll wait for that day, my love,” Matteo said. “I have the engagement ring already; I picked it up today at the jewelry store while you were looking. It’ll be in my pocket every day until the day you tell me that you love me.”

He leaned down and kissed me. I wrapped both of my arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist and he brought me flush to his body; I felt everything from his muscles to his hardening penis. I moaned. Fuck, I wanted the man right then and there not caring it was outside where people could see. I pulled him a little closer to the house and with one hand, I massaged his penis over his jeans and in no time he climaxed. He pulled away, smiling and called me an evil, evil woman. We both laughed. 

He leaned down and kissed me on my cheek, wishing me a good night.

One final weekend

I promised myself that I wouldn't and I told myself that I knew better but I had moment of weakness.....I take that back; I had a weekend of weakness. 

Remember when I had said that I had cut Vince off from my life? Well, I didn't entirely until I snuck out of his place early Sunday morning. Yes, he's still married. Yes, I know that I am going to hell. His wife had moved out about a month ago but he didn’t share the reason nor did I ask; the less that I know about their issues, the better off I am. 

I arrived on Friday evening and he had ordered food to be delivered not long after I arrived; glad that he’d ordered Mexican…I don’t get to eat it often enough. I love it but it gives me wicked bad heartburn. We smoke a little weed and drink as we eat to help settle our nerves. It was his first time smoking weed so it kind of funny to watch; I joked that this is where we “puff puff pass”. He cracked up laughing hysterically. We ate a bit of food and put the rest of the food in the fridge and finished cleaning up. 

We watch tv as we had more drinks. He wanted to know what was going on with me and I told him that he lost that right to know the second he cheated on me; my personal life is off limits to him. He apologizes, I accept. We watch a little bit more tv as I make us more drinks and we finish watching an episode of my favorite show. He leaned over as the credits were running and kissed me. I pulled away. I knew what he wanted and this is exactly the reason why I was over for the weekend. 

I stood up, he followed suit and he walked over to me. He kissed me again and I let him. I open my mouth to let him in, wrap my one hand around his neck to pull him closer and push my body against his. He matches me kiss for kiss as his hands slide up my shirt; his hands were wandering, moving non stop. He moves to take my shirt off, sliding it over my arms and head; I unbuttoned his shirt, run my hands over his muscles and slid his shirt off. We pull away from each other, panting, looking at each other…

“Yes?” Vince asked me and I whispered back saying that I want this too. We rip off the rest of our clothes, he leads me to his bedroom, he goes to his nightstand to pull out a condom and I get on the bed. He opens the wrapper and asked me what I wanted.

“Top,” I panted. “I want to ride you, Vince. I want to ride you so you know what you’ve lost!”

He rolled the condom on, I straddled his ready….member…and slide down. We both moan; I’d forgotten he was bigger than I remembered and he felt how tight I was; he lost this wet apex forever. Vince grabs onto my hips and I ride his member like crazy. In no time, he finished and came so hard the condom broke…..I didn’t care as I’m on birth control. I could feel him shoot his essence in me. I ride him for a few more minutes so I could finish as well. 

I climb off and flop down on the bed to catch my breath, he pulls off the condom and throws it in the direction of the garbage can. He gets up to gets us both a bottle of beer…when he comes in the room, he noticed my eyes were closed and placed the bottoms of the cold beers on my nipples; it feels so good that I moan. I sit up and take the beer he offered. I take a few sips and ask if he wants to smoke a little bit more and he accepts. As I’m drinking my beer, I get my supplies, he opens the window a crack. 

I hand him a thickly rolled joint and once it’s in his mouth, I light him up and I follow suit with an even thicker joint for myself. We’re smoking, drinking and talking. In no time, I finished my joint and ended up finishing his as well. Once I’m done, I lay down on his bed; he crouched by my apex and he uses his tongue and teeth. I moan as I let him take care of my apex for a little bit; he’s ok but I’ve had better. He gets up and I start stroking his ready member; I know he’s close as he’s making THAT face. He grabs a condom from the drawer, gets on the bed, rolls on the condom and situates himself between my legs…..he’s looking up to the heavens as it appears that he’s praying to whatever god he believes in and whomever he prays to. 

He slides in, we both moan. He pulls completely out and slides in again; we moan. He pulls out one more time and slides back in; he finally begins to thrust. As he’s pounding into me and concentrating on not finishing in the first minute or two, I wrap my arms and legs around him, push off with the one elbow and flip us so I’m back on top again. This frustrates him; he pushes me off harder with his full strength. He pushed me hard enough that I hit the bed post with my back….I held my breath for a moment or so, trying to gather myself and not cry. The angle that I hit the post with my back hurt so much. He asked if I was ok and in any pain. I said that I was “fine” but I didn’t tell him the pain was significant and that it’s slowly dissipating; I knew that I would be in pain for a few days. I scoot back up to him and he holds on to me - still hard as a rock. He knew to a certain extent that I wasn’t fine.

I reach over to his member and start stroking him; I ask if he’s ready and he said he was. I lay on my back, spread my legs and he slides in; his member stretching me. His thrusting is slow and steady. As he’s thrusting, his hands wander over to my breasts; he’s squeezing, massaging and sucking….I moan in pleasure. I spread my legs a little further apart and lift my hips a few inches. He starts thrusting harder and faster as he’s squeezing my breasts tighter and tighter. In no time we climax together; he’s thrusting as he’s still shooting his essence in me. 

We lay in each other’s arms for a little bit. He slides out and notices that the second condom has broken; he asks if I’m on the pill and I said I was. He sighed with relief but I knew deep down inside of him, he still wants children with me. He detangling himself from me to get us some wine; I tell him to forget the glasses. He laughs and gets the wine. I sit up and cover myself with his sheets….not like he hasn’t seen me in all of my glory before. I decided to get more weed. When he gets back, we pass the wine back and forth and the joint between us and had small talk. 

After splitting the bottle between us and I finished the last mouthful, I hand him the wine bottle and roll to my side. He gets up and puts the bottle on the dresser; I hear his drawer open and I hear a tiny rip. I feel him get back on the bed, the sheets moving and him moving closer. He takes a second to roll the condom on before pressing his body into my back. He moves my hair from my shoulders and neck, kissing my neck and shoulders and his other hand roaming my body. He grabs my leg and gently pulls it towards him and slides right back into my apex. I’m a little sore but I don’t tell him that; I just let him enjoy my body for one of the last days he ever will. 

My apex is even tighter than normal when I have sex in this position and it squeezed Vince’s member hard enough that Vince wants more; he NEEDS more. He rolls us so I’m on my stomach and he helps me lift my hips and back off the mattress. It got a little hazy here with the amount of weed, beer and wine I had; I do remember telling him what I wanted him sexually but I don’t remember everything. Before you dear readers think he put something in the wine or the weed, impossible! He would’ve been affected by whatever he put in the alcohol and I had pre-rolled the joints hours before I arrived. And despite it being a little hazy, but I DID consent. 

I woke up a few hours later, clear headed; I got up to use the bathroom and to get a glass of water. I’d noticed on my way back to the bedroom that Vince was sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. I woke him up and told him to come back to bed with me; he tried to tell me he was happy on the air mattress but I told him that I knew better because he’s ancient. He got up, took my hand and went back into his bedroom with me. After making sure I was on the bed, he walked around to the other side, got in and pulled me close to him with both arms wrapped around me; one hand playing with my nipples and the other hand playing with my apex. 

I wake up to the sun in my face and still wrapped in Vince’s arms. I move by accident and it woke him up; he started playing with my nipples again. I moan in pleasure. We untangle from each other, I roll onto my back as he reaches for another condom but I tell him to skip it. That made his member harder and he came over to my side of the bed as fast as he could; he lined himself up with my apex and slid in slowly. He started thrusting slowly and steadily but I was moaning his name and begging him to go deeper; he started thrusting harder and faster, holding onto my breasts for dear life. The more I moaned his name, the harder he thrusted. Seconds later we climaxed together. He rolls off saying he’d get breakfast started. I got up, took my birth control pill, brushed my teeth and showered. As I was getting dressed, he came up behind me grabbing my hips, pulled me closer and nibbled my neck, placing 2 fingers in my ass. I got undressed SO fast, got back on the bed and spread my legs for him again. He laughed and joined me in bed. 

We ended up skipping both breakfast and lunch and had hours of sex instead. He had me in the bed, on the couch, the kitchen counters and table, in the shower and on his patio. Thankfully, no one lives near him to see us nor hear us. Afterwards, we showered and ate. Vince was grateful that I had decided to stay for the weekend but I did have to remind him that despite this weekend...he's still married and that after I left, we would no longer be in contact any further as the relationship is toxic. He was upset but understood. We talked more about why he cheated on two women and claimed that he loved us both until he realized that marrying his wife was a mistake.

I told him that where I stood back then and where I stand now is that I was hurt, offended, shocked and humiliated.....I felt that I was the only one and he lied to me to make me believe that I was; I'd gone through his phone many times and there wasn't anything there....no apps, no emails, no texts, no photos....nothing.  He said that he had deleted her info before getting back together with me but memorized her number and that he'd delete things before he was with me. He explained that he knew us both about the same length of time but was in a relationship with her before I turned 18, they had broken up years ago and they recently realized that they still cared for each other when he and I started back together; he wasn't sure who he'd have stronger feelings for until he married her while waiting on me to answer him when he asked me. They'd been married about 3 or 4 weeks before I gave him my answer and he learned from his mistake then; he tried to divorce her but she refused to sign the paperwork. When she found out about he and I, that's when she called me to figure out who I was and what I was to Vince.

Of course, like my previous cheating ex, Vince had denied it at that time. Now, Vince was sharing why; he claimed that he was in love with me but anxious to get married so he rushed into it with his wife thinking that I'd never answer him. By the time I did answer him, he was in too deep, tried to get out of it with her and had accidently left his phone open near her. He claims that he didn't want to hurt me even though he now realizes that he did. I grabbed my shoes, threw on my sweatshirt, grabbed my keys - which still has a spare key for Vince's place - and my phone.

I left and decided to take a walk. To a certain degree, I believed him. On the other hand, most of what he's saying feels like lies. I still care for him very much and will always love him so I am conflicted what to believe or not. The walk helped me decide what to do; I'd finish the weekend with him and leave early in the morning. When I came back, that is exactly what I told Vince I'd do.  He was clearly upset and I said that he's getting more than he deserved right then; he should feel lucky. 

I opened up a bottle of wine, took a wine glass, grabbed a book from my overnight bag, poured a glass and took the book, the glass and the bottle to the couch in the living room. I curled up on the couch and started reading. I lost track of time while reading until I realized that I finished the bottle of wine and the book was halfway finished. I got up to open another bottle and brought it over to where I was set up. I didn't see Vince while I was reading nor while getting the second bottle of wine. About thirty minutes later, he came over bringing food; he had a charcuterie board of my favorite meats and cheeses. Obviously, he was trying to butter me up and try to get me to stay in his life.

I thanked him for the food as I snacked and drank the wine. I was giving him the cold shoulder and he understands why. He brought over water so I wouldn't feel the effects of the wine in the morning. After dropping off the bottle, he kissed the top of my head. I put the bookmark in my book, looked up at him and asked him what the kiss was for. He said that he kissed my head because he felt like it and it was his way of apologizing. I stood up, walked over to him, put my hand around his neck and drew his head towards me. Once he leaned in, we started to kiss; I opened my mouth to let him in. He began to kiss me deeper then he pulls away for a second. He tells me he wants to pack up the food so I should get back to reading for the moment. 

Once I open my book, I immediately got sucked back into the story and didn't realize how much time went by when Vince came back to get me. By the time Vince returned, I’d finished off the second bottle of wine and started a third bottle. He lead me by the hand to his bedroom. This is the one time - in a long time - that he did something that showed me that he cared for me other than sex and cooking for me. Unfortunately, it was too late; far, far too late. He had candles and flower petals all over his room and he had one of my favorite lotions.

He began to kiss me and I started to undress and it didn't take me too long. I wanted to undress him but he pushed my hands aside and told me to lie down on the bed - ass down, face up -so I did. He placed some lotion in his hands and started to massage my body starting with my breasts. I knew that I was going to like this massage! As he continued along my body, this made me realize why I fell in love with him so many years ago. When he was done with my front, I turned onto my stomach. He took his time with massaging from my shoulders down to my feet. His hands felt really good and I moaned....which turned him on. When he was done, he placed a heavy blanket over me, he undressed and joined me in bed. 

We started kissing, our hands were roaming over the other's body and he rolled me onto my back. He crouched towards my apex; licking, sucking and biting, using his tongue to pleasure me. I wanted to close my legs around his head to keep him there but he needed to breathe lol. Vince came up for air, spread my legs a little wider and he slid his hard penis into my wet apex so easily and he had to stop for a second; I knew that he was close to climaxing. He started thrusting into me again, so slowly and so passionately; kissing me and my body as he was deep inside of me. One more thrust and we climaxed together. Vince didn't stop and didn't want to waste time....he knew in a few short hours I was walking away forever.

He turned me to my side, laid down behind me and entered my apex from behind; thrusting deeper with each stroke. I couldn't stop moaning his name over and over again. Each time I moaned his name, he thrust harder and deeper. He reached around with both arms, grabbed both of my breasts to squeeze and massage....he didn't stop squeezing and massaging as he was thrusting in me. 

While still thrusting in me, he flipped us over so I was on my hands and knees. Vince grabbed my hips and started to drill my apex like there was no tomorrow. I was screaming his name and he was thrusting harder and harder for what seemed like forever. We climaxed together and fell into each other's arms, panting and trying to catch our breath. After a bit, I heard his breathing slowing down, I untangled myself, gathered my clothes that were on the floor, folded them and put them on the dresser. I started to pack my stuff. I looked at the clock. It was 11 pm. I reminded myself that I have 6 more hours with him. 

In my bag, there was a bottle of warming lube. I took it out and brought it with me to the bed. I pour a little bit on my hands and start stroking him. In no time, he was awake and hard. Vince picked me up and tossed me on the bed. He sat between my legs as he sucked, squeezed and bit my breasts. Once he knew I was ready, he slid into my apex again. In a few strokes, we climaxed together again and he was ready for me minutes later.

We didn't stop making love through the rest of the night and went through many condoms; several LARGE boxes worth. By the time we were spent, it was nearly time for me to leave. I was in his arms again, watching him sleep; part of me didn't want to leave him and part of me didn't want to say good bye to him forever....but I knew that it was for the best. Once I knew he was asleep, I untangled myself from his arms for the umpteenth time and got dressed. I grabbed a letter that I wrote for Vince and left it next to him where I was sleeping. I didn't want to break his heart like he broke mine but in the letter, I did break his heart....it was as gentle as possible which is much more than he deserved. I reminded myself to take the spare key to his place of my keychain and left the key with the letter.

"Vince,

My love, my life. By now you know that I'm gone. I slipped away early this morning. I didn't want to leave it like this but I knew if I said this face to face with you, neither one of us would want to let go. We had a wonderful number of years together, our love was true at one point. I wanted to marry you with all of my heart but we both knew I wasn't ready to do so. You got scared that you'd be unmarried when you died so you married your other woman....or was I the other woman? It doesn't matter who the ‘other’ woman was anymore. 

You're married to someone else because you didn't want to wait until I was ready nor did you want to die alone. I don't blame you for being unsure if I'd be ready. I forgive you for that. I don't forgive you for betraying my love and betraying my trust for you. Even if you hadn't married your wife, I would've given you the engagement ring back and ended the relationship as I lost all trust in you. We wouldn't have survived; trust me on this.

I will always love you and I will always dwell on our good times....I will always cherish this weekend that we had. Vince, you know that it's time for me to walk away. I can't be in your life anymore. Yes, it's because you cheated on me for who knows how long, betrayed my love and betrayed my trust. It would be EXTREMELY hard for you to regain my trust to the point where I'd trust you again. There's no way that either of us would be in a relationship - with each other or with other people - where there was no trust.

Vince, I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll always love you. I won't stop loving you. It's time for me to say goodbye to you and it's time for me to move on. No matter how you feel for me now or in 5 years, please don't reach out to me again. I've got everything set up that by 12 noon today to have my phone number change, my email will change and I am moving. My loved ones and our mutual friends will not give you my personal information. My one request of you is this.....try to make things work out with your wife. I know that you feel like it's a big mistake being married to her but I know that if you work on the marriage WITH her, the marriage will work.

I love you forever, Vince.

Deppgrl"

I took my birth control and a morning after pill, gathered my things and left without looking back. I left my heart with my soul mate.

Men! Ugh!!!!!

Nothing against men in general - I swear! - but this one in particular. I want to shake him senseless!! 

Here’s some history:

We met at college 20 yrs ago (fall of 2001; I’m old so get over it!!), we liked each other but we were dating other people. We broke up with said people the summer of 2002. In that fall semester, I leave. His RA’s try to get me to stay. My RA’s try to get me to stay. I end up leaving. He and I lose contact but reconnect 6 or so years later. We date. He cheats on me (with his previous gf from literally JUST before he and I started dating); she’s pregnant….I’m also pregnant. I have an abortion. She keeps the child. He denies everything. He lies, I confront him. He starts dating a mutual friend of ours; she confirms, he denies. He says for me to plan his and my wedding. I tell her and she says that they’re married. I confront him (with screen shots!!) and he claims she’s lying  I send her screen shots of him lying. He tells her that he lent someone his computer and sent those messages and that he didn’t send them. I get confirmation from his mom that he is married to mutual friend and confront him; he, of course, denies it and I send screen shots of his denials to his mother. He now confirms everything is true.

I walk away from ex and his now wife. I hadn't talk to them for 5 years. She reaches out to me via email to say that they’re divorcing. I confront him, he denies so I send a screen shot of his messages to her. We go back and forth for about 5 months until he decides to tell me “The Truth” about everything. At this point, I don’t trust a word he says nor do I trust his soon to be ex wife. So I start talking to his family again to see what the actual EFF is going on. He’d been lying to both myself and his soon to be ex wife and she’d been lying to me AND him. I tell them - individually - to effing leave me alone until they decide to grow a pair of balls and tell me the truth. 

I block them both for a solid year. Whatever mail that they send me, I put “Return To Sender” as I wanted nothing to do with either of them. His parents were trying to pull info out of me of how I was dealing with this. I told them that I’m  more than happy to discuss anything and everything with them BUT their son! 

After that year goes by, I unblock them and they both started apologizing to me about everything (still didn’t believe him at this point!) and she apologized to me as well for calling me a liar and not believing me. She and I started working shit out and become friends. He wants to start dating me the second the ink of his signature on the divorce papers is dry. I laugh hysterically! 

Thought he went bat shit crazy! Told him “Eff no!” because he needs to learn how to be by himself and I’m NOT a rebound person. He keeps chasing me for a few years. I tell the ex wife. Clearly, she’s super upset and I ask her what’s wrong. She told me that she’s still in love with him, they’re trying to repair they’re friendship and she wants to get back together with him; that they’ve talked about this. At this point, I don’t care. I talk to him and he denies it so I call him out on it. He finally admits that they have talked about it.

I ignored him the rest of the day but the next day, I sent him a scathing email that he thinks that I’m some special kind of stupid to think that I’d believe his lies again. He returns the email apologizing to me for it and that he really wants to be with me. I forward it to the ex wife. She sends an email to the both of us (me and the lying idiot) stating that his behavior is unacceptable to both her and I, neither one of us will deal with it, he needs to take time for himself to heal, he needs to figure out which one of us he’s interested in, etc. and move on. She did mention, before ending the email, that whoever he is NOT interested in will not interfere (OR the one is NOT interested in him, will NOT interfere) with their relationship. 

We all fix our shit and become friends (again) individually and with each other, he and I get in another fight. I block him from everything, I tell her that he and I are no longer speaking. She seems THRILLED about it but whatever; she can have him. 

A year after that, he and I start talking again and try to fix shit from the fight. After a few months, I share with the ex wife that he and I are talking again, I have ZERO interest in him romantically (ew!), it would take a effing miracle to be with him again, etc. She was LIVID and sent him a ton of social media messages, emails, texts and voicemails. Apparently, after me telling her that he and I were talking again, he was denying it…of course (she asked to see the messages that he and I sent)….she said to stop his lies or she and I are both gone. He straightened up.

Fast forward to the last year or so….she shares with me her interest in him but he’s sharing with me his interest in me. I told him that I need him to back away from me romantically because those days are over - I knew that the ex wife wanted to be with him again. 

I can’t tell him about her feelings for him and I can’t tell her about his feelings for me. Not only did I promise not to share, I can’t break my promise to either not do I want to hurt either (don’t get frustrated with me as I try hard to be a good and fair person). 

And about something else? The guy that used to be my FWB is still with his gf (he seems to be über unhappy with her; but only hear this one sided so I can’t tell you guys what’s really happening) wants to meet up with me again and hook up with me. I want to meet up with him too. But we haven’t met up as of yet. He’s still with his gf; we both have been cheated on and know what it’s like so we won’t meet any time soon. 

I don’t mind being friends with either but it’s hard to dodge feelings from one and slightly difficult to not jump in my car to meet up with my friend/former FWB (out of respect for his relationship, I don’t hop in my car nor do I do/say anything to cause him to stray). 

Some shitty news

So I still haven’t been feeling better (still stressed the eff out) but have been coughing, sinus congestion, and a bit of a runny nose. My doctor and I thought it was a sinus infection – feels the same as a sinus infection – so it was treated…..after the treatment my doctor prescribed a new antibiotic. The hospital had tested me the other day when I was there but the tests came back negative.

 

I ended up getting tested again early in the day yesterday – as per my doctor’s request – and it is confirmed that I have a very mild case of the Omicron variant of Covid. There is nothing that neither the hospital nor the doctor can do. All I can do is rest, hydrate, have the air purifiers on and wear a mask when interacting with my family, and stay as busy as I can.  I will go back to the doctor in about 8 to 10 days to get tested again.

Got home much earlier today

Both tests came back negative for Covid, thankfully. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with me nor could he find out what caused the fever so he said that he felt it was because of the stress that I’m going through right now. After getting some prednisone to take with my antibiotic for my stupid sinus infection, the doctor signed my release forms. 

The second I got the ok to leave, I practically ran out of the hospital to my dad’s truck; he drove me to the ER last night since he didn’t want me to drive while having a fever (don’t blame him!)…..Last it week it was me driving him to the hospital after he was sleep walking and fell down the stairs; the ER doc said it was bruised ribs (he followed up with his doctor today and they think that he may have fractured a rib so he’s going for an MRI to get a better look and to see if there was any organ damage). 

I slept for most of the day - only woke up to eat and shower. Now I’m getting ready for bed…..getting too old to stay up to bring in the new year. 

In the hospital yet again

Can't sleep with all the noise; the staff, the machines. doors getting slammed and the uncomfortable IV in my arm.

I am here because of a 101* F fever. Been sick with a sinus infection and on my second round of antibiotics. I'd been doing all I could do to reduce the fever at home; alternated between a fever reducer and an anti-inflammatory, a few ice cold showers and had placed ice packs all over me when I was trying to take a nap.

Unfortunately, when I was admitted and finally saw the doctor, he didn't know if it was stress related (personal shit going on and unable to share it) or if it's Covid....I really doubt Covid as whenever I am out in public, I wear a mask (that has a filter), social distance as the public place allows (when I'm inside a building) and when in a crowded place outside....And yes, I was vaccinated. I know the vaccine (and the booster) will NOT prevent me from getting Covid but at least allowing it to be a less severe case. I was given a rapid test and a PCR test hours ago but no one has come to tell me the results of either.

Last time I saw the doctor (and ALL the nurses I've seen) that no matter what the answer is going to be, I will check myself out with or without their medical advice. I want to go home, sleep in my own bed and be ready to isolate if need be. 

Friends are always great to have

Friends, like family, are important to have. I am SO exhausted from dealing with Vince and exhausted of talking about him to my family and friends. I’m sure that they’re as tired as I am when he is mentioned and eventually discussed. 

As previously mentioned, C and I have reconciled - yet again - as friends. This time around, we aired our shit with the other, talked about it and fought a bit over it but we were able to fix our friendship; we’re able to discuss more shit than we’ve ever been before. For that, I am grateful and appreciative that we’re better friends than before and that he’s in my life again. 

I’d reached out to C the other day to see if we could meet up for drinks and an appetizer. He said yes before I could finish the question. We decided on a place that was the midpoint between our homes. He arrived a few minutes prior to me and found the most quiet table he could find….it was literally a table for 4 to 6 people and located near the kitchen; I was happy to see that he had a few drinks and a few appetizers at the table already. When C saw me, he stood up, came to me and greeted me with a bear hug. 

After we sat down and had a few shots, I explained to him that a few days ago - in further detail - about Vince coming over, his BS, me calling him out and me “officially” kicking him out of my life….I was tired of Vince, his lies and his drama….I needed him out of my life ASAP. C was thrilled that I “evicted” Vince out of my life and that I was on my way to heal. 

We’d been there for about an hour when I hear someone say my name. I look up and it’s V. Of ALL the restaurants near both C & I, we both - unknowingly - agreed on a restaurant where my former lover worked. After the past month or so that I’ve been having, V was NOT the person I wanted to see. C had noticed I’d turned as white as a ghost…..which is hard because I’m already pale as fuck; I’m neon white.

“Yo, Deppgrl….is this V?” C whispered. “Want me to get rid of him? Just say the word.”

“Yeah. It’s him,” I said. “It’s fine. I’ll talk to him; I’ll be back in a few.”

I stood up, grabbed my phone, walked over to V and gave him a hug, it was kind of a half assed hug because I was still shocked to see him. Thought that I wouldn’t see him ever again. I did notice that he looked older, he looked tired and still looked as sexy as ever; I was still drawn to him physically but I don’t leave a friend on their own to have sex with a man. Or woman.

“Deppgrl. You look beautiful as always. How are you?” V asked me. “I’m surprised to see you. Thought I’d never see you again!”

“Thanks, V. I’m fine; just here with a friend of mine to catch up. I’m shocked as fuck to see you. Didn’t realize that you work here. He and I can get our food wrapped up to go if you’d like.” I offered. “We can leave if my being here makes you feel uncomfortable. How’s the wife?”

“Stay. Sit down and relax. I’ll cook for the both of you. Please let me do this for you,” V said. “It’d be my honor to cook for you again. My wife is is here. She’s fine; we’ve had 2 more kids since you and I last saw each other. She’s helped me so much when I left your brother’s restaurant; she knows about you and I. We worked everything out though it was hard but it made our marriage that much better. Since you, I’ve had zero mistresses. My wife knows how in love with you I was, that I still love you and that I always will; she has been doing great by not showing any anger or jealousy but sometimes she unknowingly says something out of jealousy.”

“Wow,” I said. I was a bit surprised that he told her anything at all let alone telling her everything. “I’m so glad that y’all reconciled, became closer to each other and had more kids. You seem more happy than the last time we saw each other.”

V nodded his head in agreement. I knew he was curious with what’s going on with me but 1. It’s not his business 2.  I don’t need to cause his marriage any more strain. I’m more likely to AVOID this restaurant in the future now that I know he’s here……nothing against him but I don’t need to relieve the past. V and I hugged again and departed. So happy that conversation over as it was awkward and it was also rude of me to leave C alone for so long. 

“Sorry about that, C,” I said. “He wanted to catch up a little bit; he’s still married to the wife, had several more kids, she knows about he and I. Oh! He said that we’re welcome to stay as long as we want to and that he’s cooking for us. I tried to decline and he said something like it was an honor to cook for me again or something like that!”

C asked if I felt anything for V anymore; I said not so much but seeing him again it made me remember why I fell in love with him in the first place but those days are over….he’s happy with his wife and that after tonight, there’s no need for me to be in his life. C nodded. 

C and I stayed for a long while; we were eating, drinking and talking about anything and everything under the sun. V came out a few times to see how everything was; we told him that we loved everything and appreciate his cooking for us and sending out ALL this food for us. 

Eventually C and I noticed that the restaurant was closing so we paid for everything; V wanted to pay for everything but we declined but we did agree to pay a discounted rate for the food BUT we would pay the full price for the alcoholic drinks we had (alcohol sales are usually what makes the bills higher and brings in more revenue for the restaurant). Both V and the manager agreed.

When the manager came back with my card, she asked if I recognized her. I looked at her again and studied her face. I was honest with her and said that she looked familiar but I just couldn’t place her name nor how I know her; she told us her name and that she’s V’s wife.  Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. This was embarrassing; the former mistress meeting the wife.

I opened my mouth to apologize like crazy to her but she waved her hand to signal that she didn’t want nor need the apology. Instead, she grabbed my hands to get me out of the chair and gave me the biggest and tightest bear hug. I was utterly shocked and surprised by this. Clearly, V was with the best woman ever. 

Wifey was whispering that she’s forgiven me a long time ago, she now has a better version of her husband and that she tries so incredibly hard to not be angry at me or jealous of me but sometimes it happens because it still stings on occasion. She said she has nothing but love for me - the other woman who loved her husband as much as she does - and that I helped change his life for the better.

We let go of the other and looked for the guys; they were both passed out sitting on the chairs. We giggled and went over to wake them up. V and his wife were concerned that both C and I had a very long ways to go to our homes AND because we’ve had too much to drink. I told them that earlier in the night - because C and I drank too much - I ended up booking a room at the hotel across the street and that we'd order a vehicle to drive us over. V and his wife offered to drive us there; we agreed as it was cold, windy and raining. 

It took only a few minutes to get to the hotel. They parked their car, they said that they knew the owner (a relative of theirs) and they knew the entire staff so they’d come in with us to check in to say hi to the staff. Both C and I wanted to roll our eyes but decided against it so we just followed them in.

By the time we got in and caught up with them at check in desk, I provided my ID and credit card. The gentlemen working said that since C and I are friends of V and the wife, that we’re both more than welcome to stay at any time; when we did and had our identities verified by ID, we’d automatically get upgraded to a better room and we’d only pay half the cost of a regular room. We were so shocked and so thankful, we didn’t know what to say or do. 

When we were finally able to pick up our jaws from the floor and thanked everyone, we were told that this would apply to ALL of the company’s hotels as well as the sister hotels…..world wide. Again, we were floored by the kindness of the hotel; I made a mental note to check my credit card balance in a few days to see what the final charge was. 

We said good night to V and his wife, the gentleman at the check in counter gave us toothbrushes, toothpaste, contact lens supplies, deodorant and thick, fuzzy robes for the room and phone chargers; we looked at each other, thanked him and accepted the room card from him. We took the elevator up to the 15th floor where the suites were; the room was AMAZING! It was slightly larger than my apartment, great views out of the windows and super comfortable bedding…there was even a small washer/dryer set in the room. I did notice that there was only ONE bed in the room…at least there was a couch near the bed. 

I stripped, put my stuff in the washer, put the food in the fridge, took a shower & put on the robe, took my contacts out, brushed my teeth, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went to the bed. I climbed up, took the robe off and slid into bed. C followed my process and when he slid into the bed, I asked if he wanted to share the bed - zero hanky panky - or if he wanted me to sleep on the couch; he looked at me weird and I reminded him that he has a girlfriend. He laughed and said that they’re at the very end of their relationship so it didn’t matter that we shared the bed. 

I turned my back to him and immediately fell asleep. He went back to put our things in the small dryer before getting into bed. Sometime during the night, C rolled over and pulled me closer to him so he could be the big spoon; I fell back asleep. 

We slept until 10:30 am, showered again, brushed our teeth and got on with finishing getting ready for the day. We went down to check out. As we were leaving, we were reminded that we’ll always get a larger room - either individually or separately - in any of the company’s hotels and in any of the sister hotels world wide. We thanked the staff and headed out, walking across the street to get to our cars. 

When we got to our cars, we said good bye and promised that we’d let the other know when we got home….but I never did. When I got home, I put my clothes in a “real” washer and “real” dryer, washed my hands, took out my contacts and went to bed for a nap. 

I was woken up by a text from C letting me know he got home and asked if I had as well; I said yes. I thanked him for every from last night and we got off the phone  

Ugh. I’m weak….but am I really?

Vince called me again today asking if we could talk. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone nor in the mood to deal with him. He’d literally gotten on. Every. Damn. Nerve. Again. I caved in and invited him over; just in case I wanted to kick him out. 

We got off the phone and I called down to security to let them know that Vince was on his way over to visit me and that it’s ok. Julian - my favorite security guy - was quite surprised but thanked me for giving him and his team a heads up. I was surprised at myself because I had a moment of weakness. I knew deep down that no matter the result of the day, I’d still love Vince to a certain extent.

I heard the elevator ring as it came to my floor so I went over to my door and opened it. Vince was a little surprised that I was already at the door but immediately smiled; it was clear that not only was he happy that I agreed to meet with him but he wanted to come over to try to win me over. 

I invited him but didn’t offer him a seat nor a beverage. Didn’t want him to linger any more than he had to. 

“You’re here. What’s up? What was so damn important that you desperately needed to talk to me?” I asked him. 

“Well,” Vince began. “I wanted to talk to you face to face more in depth about everything. I promise that I did everything I could on my end to end it with Barbara; I don’t think she wanted the relationship to end as she kept coming over uninvited. It got to the point that I was in the process of filing a restraining order against her and prevent her from showing up and also prevent her from contacting me. I typically don’t leave my phone unlocked in her presence but unfortunately I did that day. I have ZERO excuses. She had come over and I had hoped that she’d finally see and understand that I didn’t want to be with her anymore and that I wanted - and still want to - to be with you.” 

“So. You had to interrupt MY peaceful day to pretty much give me excuses why you were still seeing her at the same time as you were seeing me? Like y’all couldn’t have ended at least two WEEKS before you and I got back together? Wow. What a waste of a perfect day and my time! And by the way - it does NOT take as long as you claim to get a restraining order. The court system takes information from both parties, investigates it and responds in a reasonable time.  Vince, you must think that I am some special kind of stupid to believe any of this shit. You’re trying to tell me that you’d been trying for weeks - if not, months - to get a restraining order. Sweetie. It doesn’t take that long. Depending on the information brought forth from both parties, the investigating and the judge’s decision….it typically takes a matter of a couple of days to 10 business days. According to YOU….you’d been trying for months. I call complete and utter bull shit on you, your lies and your poor excuses!”

Vince just stood there, looking dumbfounded that I actually called him out on his BS. He shrugged his shoulders. I couldn’t believe he wanted to try to convince me that his lies were the truth.

“Tell me the honest to fuck truth here, Vince. You provided me - in a nutshell - an engagement ring and agreed with me that we didn’t need to be married before you were either days away from getting married or already married to Barbara,” I said. I was expecting more lies, of course, IF he did tell then truth, I still wouldn’t believe him. 

“That is true. Everything you’ve been saying is true. I was two timing the both of you. I thought I loved the both of you and wanted keep you both. Barbara and I did get married about a week before the cottage outing with you and your friends. I told her that I was heading to a Latin American country for a long weekend by myself as I’d scheduled it in advance and I couldn’t cancel it and couldn’t get my money back - didn’t want to waste the money. Unfortunately, my marriage to her has made me miserable; I lost the true love of my life - you - and I’m stuck in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage. She knows that I don’t love her - not anymore - and she’s refusing to sign the divorce papers. Even on the off chance that she actually does sign the papers, I still don’t have you. I’ve lost you forever!” 

“No shit, Sherlock! You could’ve had a relationship with me but you thought with your penis and thought you’d get away with two timing two separate women. One - myself - you’ve lost; the other you’ll be with for a long time…..she’s not going to sign the divorce papers. Vince, I’ve lost all love and respect for you. I don’t want to talk to you any more. Lose my name, number and address. You’ve lost the chance to be a part of my life. You are not allowed to be in contact with anyone in my family again. I hope you spend a long time regretting losing me and that you consider you’re future actions,” I said. 

He promised me that he would but I don’t trust him. When he left, I called all the credit card companies, stores and my insurance company to take him off my emergency contact and had his privileges revoked. Took a bit to be taken care of but it’ll be one less thing to do. 

First person I reached out to C.

Thanksgiving & Vince

I stayed at Vince’s for a few hours for Thanksgiving before I headed home. It was a little awkward between us but we managed to make it nice for his nieces and nephews. I was offered a glass of wine but declined since I was only there for 2 hours - Vince lives like 10 minutes away from me but I still didn’t want to risk it because I pass one of the many state police barracks in my state to get home AND it was also a holiday weekend. 

He does want to meet up sometime “soon” to have lunch and discuss if we can get back together. I laughed out loud and told him that we’re NOT going to get back together because I will 100% question everything he says and does. He then asked if we could still do lunch - I said that would be impossible in the foreseeable future because he needs to sit down and seriously think about what went wrong in our relationship with his words and his actions and until he puts on his big boy undies, admits that he fucked up with TWO women - claiming that he loved us both - and apologizes to me, I’ve really got nothing to say to him. 

He was visibly upset with me holding him accountable for his actions/behavior and upset with me for keeping my boundaries. Let him be upset with me for making sure that he acts like an adult when dealing with me

Thanksgiving 2021

My family isn’t doing anything today for Thanksgiving but will over the weekend. I, weirdly enough, am going to Vince’s place for a little bit since I’d promised his nieces and nephews months ago (prior to finding out that he cheated on me). Hopefully it goes well. 

Will keep y’all posted 

Been doing ok

Taking a break from work; had bronchitis and sinus infection and thankfully recovered but work requested that I take a Covid test just in case. The test came back negative - which both my doctor and I knew it would be - and submitted it to work. Work requested that I take another week off since I was still hacking up my lungs. Thankfully they suggested that I take more time off as I went back to the doctor earlier this morning as the sinus infection came back with a vengeance. 

Went to the pharmacy after visiting the doctor the other day to pick up an antibiotic and a nasal spray (yuck!) and take my meds when I got home. I did have some soup (I only eat soup when I’m 😷). I eventually took a 3 hour nap - partially because I slept like shit the previous night and partially because of being sick. If I have the energy after dinner, I might make Jell-O. My grandparents - my mother’s parents - always made Jell-O for us when my siblings and I were sick/feeling under the weather. 

I was able to reach out to a few friends as I had more free time. It was awesome to talk with them as it had been a few weeks since we last chatted. One is pregnant again and the other one has another cancer scare again; she dealt with thyroid cancer twice before and she began to feel unwell and felt a little swelling near where she has her thyroid taken out. The one side is fine and the other side gets a re-check in March of 2022. Today is also her birthday.

Started work today to help me get back into the swing of thinks. Everyone was happy to see me and a few gave me a hug. My top 3 favorite male coworkers came over to chat with me; the one that's #1 is in IT and such a sweet man as well as hilarious, smart and overall wonderful person, the others are two are tied at #2.....they're pretty darn great people, freaking hilarious, smart,  see me as their kid sister - although we're all close in age - and look out for me. My favorite female coworker is a woman in HR - she bends over backward to help anyone who needs assistance, amazing person, total sweetheart, kind hearted and always there for everyone. I was talking with someone at work today; I explained that I knew that in reality that all the employees are great and feels like a family but to an outsider - new employee's first day or someone delivering something - would think that everyone is a bunch of close knits friends and the coworker that I was talking with agreed with me.

So it’s been a while….

Life had been rough for the first 2 weeks after I learned that Vince had cheated. All of my family and friends were checking in on me despite my protests of being a little hurt but fine. Of course my brother being my brother - he knew I was having a harder time than I was letting on; he knows me better than I know myself. When I wasn’t working, I’d hang with him at the restaurant or at the house with him and his family……we didn’t always talk about how shit went down nor much about Vince but he knows that we, clearly, knew Vince for just over half of our lives. My SIL wanted to be there for me and support me but it was a little awkward because she never met Vince but we did enjoy girl time and gossip. She did, however, say that I’m one step closer to leaving all the frogs and toads behind. We chuckled and took our shots of tequila. 

Thankfully, no one at work knew about the relationship and no one has said anything about my slightly less than cheerful attitude. A few of us have gotten together after work on a Friday at one of their houses (about 45 minutes from where I live - a hotel was 1/4 mile down the road so I stayed there and  Über’d back and forth). It was fun to relax and have fun together. Unfortunately, my coworkers were frustrated with me a little bit as I didn’t open up as much as they have within the group that night; I think it’s perfectly fine to have drinks/dinner with coworkers but I don’t cross the line of sharing much of my personal life with my coworkers. I didn’t care that they were frustrated - I like to have boundaries with whom I’m working with. 

About 4 weeks ago, C texted me at the ass crack of dawn to talk….. I didn’t get that text or several others he sent as my phone is set up to “Do Not Disturb” during certain hours. When I woke up, I read the texts and responded with asking him if he was drunk, high or both. He was mad at my question and he said that he missed me but I responded with that any text from a man after 9:30/9:45 pm is essentially a booty call and that I didn’t appreciate it. He apologizes and I forgave him. I told him that I was running very late for work and that if I had the time, I’d text him later that day or the following day.  He said that he understood and wished me safe travels.

We chatted just a little bit the first 2 weeks as we weren't sure where we stood with the other but it's gotten better over the last 2 weeks. He's been sharing stuff with me again and I with him. It feels good to reconnect for the umpteenth time - not going to put too much into it as there's usually a small fallout that leads us to not talk to each other for a while. It isn't because suddenly hate the other but I think some frustration in our own private lives. 

He's been great as I'd been getting my results of my most recent blood work; finally received the information today. My white blood cell count is off (can't remember if it's low or high) and there's something that's related to the wonky white cell count....it's caused by several things: vitamin B12 deficiency, corticosteroid medications, obesity, genetic illnesses, and infections. I was told by the nurse that the next time I schedule an appointment with my usual doctor, they'll want to discuss it with me and having my blood work redone. The nurse said that I've experienced this in the past - although I don't remember! - and when they drew my blood for follow up blood work, there weren't any weirdnesses with my white blood cell count as it "magically" disappear. 

Not great news

I ended things with Vince. A woman called me - she was  using Vince’s phone - asking me to ask who I was and why I’m in Vince’s phone as “My love, my life 💞”. I told her that Vince and I are together. She said that it was impossible since she and Vince together. I told her that she’s lying and then she responded that I’m lying. I hung up on her. 

An hour later, Vince knocked on my door. I ignored him. He said that he knew I’m home because my car is here, he saw me at our local grocery store getting ice cream and cookies, head to the liquor store and then followed me home. I opened my door - with the chain still in its place so he can’t come in - and asked him why the fuck would he drag me along in a relationship two timing myself and another woman….someone he’d been seeing a week longer than he’d be seeing me. He claimed that he’d broken up with her multiple times since he and I had gotten back together but she never got it even after spelling it out to her. 

I said that I don’t want to hear it because I’ve heard it before; I’ve been disrespected before by being cheated on in the past  and I will not tolerate it as I know my worth. I took the ring he gave me off of my necklace and chucked it at him. 

He was so shocked that I chucked the ring at him, he stepped back. I slammed the door in his face and locked it. He yelled through the door saying that they were over. I told him that I know better, I don’t believe a word he says and that he’s got about 3 seconds to leave before I press the button for security to come remove him for over staying, annoying me and that his behavior at this point is borderline harassing. 

I looked at the peephole. His face turned white. He picked up the ring and left. I waited 10 minutes before I called down to the security desk to send someone up. My favorite security guy, Julian, comes up. I have the door open when the elevator doors open and invite him in. I had coffee done the way he likes it ready. I explained to him what happened and asked him to share with the rest of the security staff that Vince is no longer allowed to visit me and I will not accept him up here; if he’s here to visit someone else, I can’t stop him from entering the building. Julian looked at me with an odd expression so I explained that he’s been seeing someone - seriously - while also being in a serious relationship with me….it’s happened to me before, I won’t tolerate it and Vince is no longer welcome to visit me. 

Julian looked as pissed as I felt. He came over and gave me a hug. I said that I better let him go but he said that if he’s got a few minutes after his shift, come on up because I have some bottles of alcohol to give him for his upcoming family party. He asked how I knew and I said that because of how hard he and the rest of the building security team works year round, I make it my ‘business’ to know so I can treat them with federal holiday gifts as well as gifts for birthdays, etc. 

The rest of the day, I was in bed sleeping. I didn’t want to deal with the world. The only person who’s call I answered was my brother’s. Vince called him and told him the same nonsense he told me. My brother told me that he VERBALLY laid into Vince explaining that no one has the right to treat women - especially his baby sister - the way my ex and Vince treated me….my brother said that he knew that if Vince asked me again to marry him, I’d say yes in a heartbeat but Vince doesn’t deserve me. 

I was crying. Not because of Vince but because how protective my brother is of me. I thanked my brother for being there for me, telling Vince he doesn’t deserve me and told Vince to leave me alone. My brother said it was his pleasure and asked if I needed more ice cream and cookies. I laughed hysterically and said that I was good but if he was at my door, I’d accept. The doorbell rang and then he said that I have a special delivery. 

I get out of bed - I was still in my sweats - open the door. My brother is there with Julian. I laugh and let them in. They have so much food from my brother’s restaurant as well as a ton of ice cream and cookies. There’s SO much food that my brother called all 3 shifts of the building’s security team - both off duty and on duty - up to partake and he called in another security team from a different company to cover for the security staff at my building the next 2 days. 

My brother, the building’s security team and I stuffed our faces with food, alcohol and joked with each other. We were having such a good time that I didn’t realize that hours went by and I was feeling better. Later that night, I find out that Julian also called my brother (I couldn’t determine if it was before or after Vince called him) to suggest my brother do something to cheer me up. That’s when my brother came up with the idea of having a little fiesta. 

It was about 1 am before the security team left the apartment; they all grabbed a few bottles of alcohol that I was trying to get rid of and my brother stayed the night. I set him up in the nicer spare bedroom and texted my sister in law that my brother’s spending the night; she thanked me, let me know that my brother briefly told her what happened and to let her know that if I need anything. I thanked her and wished her a good night. 

I checked in on my brother and he was already passed out on top of the comforter. I took his shoes off, put a light blanket on him, turned off the ceiling light, went to the freezer to grab him a frozen bottle of water and left it on the coaster of night stand for him. As I went to the kitchen, I found his dead phone so I grabbed a spare charger and started charging his phone. 

Once taken care of, I went into the living room and started cleaning up before I realized I needed a large garbage bag; I was too tired to keep running between the kitchen and the living room so I grabbed several garbage bags. Between the kitchen and the living room, I filled 6 garbage bags. 

Since I had the nicest apartment in the building, I had chutes in my apartment that went straight to the garbage dumpster and recycling dumpster. I had to shove the garbage bags as hard as I could down the chute to the dumpster since I packed the bags too much. The recycling, thankfully, was significantly easier as I just kept the chute door open and dropped the bottles - and other recycling - a few at a time. I cleaned the tables and counters with cleaning products, loaded the dishwasher, started the dishwasher, hopped into the shower, got dressed and tossed my towels, my bedding and my sweats into the washer and then went to bed. It was a struggle to fall and stay asleep as I slept for most of the day, so I started reading a new book until I realized it was from Vince - thankfully it was a paperback so I tossed it in the fireplace, telling myself to have a fire the next day. I then went trough my phone to delete all of the photos I had of both Vince and I (and pictures of just him), deleted our texts and emails. 

By the time I was done, I tossed my laundry in the dryer. I looked at the clock in the kitchen as I headed to the bathroom and it was 7 am. I took a shower to wake up, got dressed and started making coffee and breakfast. I’m a whiz at making oatmeal and grits as they’re both easy to make BUT I decided to make cheesy bacon grits, waffles, pancakes and cleaned and cut strawberries - I left the bananas alone as my brother is allergic and I want him to stay alive. 

As soon as the coffee was brewing, I heard my brother wake up and head into the shower. There was a knock at the door and I opened the door; it was a courier with fresh clothes for my brother. I put them in his spare room, took his dirty clothes, the blanket and the comforter in the washer. A few minutes later, he came into the kitchen. He was surprised at the spread and thanked me. He started digging in as I was washing the pots and pans.  By the time they were done, I took my stuff out the dryer, put his stuff in, started it and then I dug in.  

We ate in silence as I know he had a bit of a headache 🤕 I made sure that he had plenty of water and some aspirin to help. Once he announced he was stuffed, he moved to the couch. I packed up the rest of the food - split it into half so he could bring some home to my sister in law and their child. I placed his food in a bag at the coffee table. I sat down next to him not knowing I woke him up. He opened one eye part way, asked if I could put his food in the fridge for a bit and then followed up with asking if I was ok. I said that I’m better now after he spent time with me and cheered up the building’s security teams; let’s face it, they bust their butts day in and day out without a complaint - even on holidays. My brother hugged me stating that he’s happy that I’m doing better and that my “guys” have been treated well. 

I got up and put his bag of food in the fridge, took his stuff out of the dryer, folded it and put his stuff in another bag. I let him rest while I went to my room to check my email. Ugh. I get a long ass email from Vince - he tried to explain what’s truly going on. I text my best friend slash attorney and briefly explained what happened. She called me moments later to get the full story. I explained what I dealt with when Vince arrived and handed my phone off to my brother so he could share what happened on his end with Vince. While they were talking, Julian and a few guys emailed me expressing their feelings with what happened, I responded and then forwarded the emails to my friend. Seconds later, my brother handed my phone back to me. 

My friend was waiting to talk to me about the email from Vince and the security team. She said that she’d share this with her boss - who is also her mentor - and that she’d get back to me by the end of the day. I thanked her profusely and let her go. I headed back to my brother who was gathering his stuff and raided my fridge snagging a few bottles of water. I tell him that I have some tequila that he and his wife can have for themselves and vodka that he can use for the restaurant (a few recipes require vodka). As he’s grabbing the bottles, I go grab a box that he can put all of his things. He hugs me and kisses me on the top of my head. He knows I hate it but he knows I let him get away with it. 

About an hour later, his child - with his help - calls me to let me know that my brother arrived home safely. I thanked the child for letting me know and asked how they’re doing; as the child is 3 yrs old, they don’t make a lot of sense but I got the gist of what was going on! LOL. My brother got on the phone to tell me that his child said that they had a sleepover in the living room with my sister in law - the child in a “pack and play” and my sister in law slept on the couch. I told my brother that I wish they had fun and he said that his child that had kept my sister in law up for a good portion of the night. I told him that his child reminds me of him back in the day. He laughed hysterically and said wait until I have kids. I told him that I’m not having kids so I won’t have that issue and wished him luck. He laughed and we hung up. 

As soon as we hang up, my door is getting unlocked and I run to the door to see who it is. Thankfully it’s my best friend and her boss - and I was also thankful that I cleaned up hours ago. As they’re coming in, Julian is coming out of the elevator to come to my apartment. I keep the door open and he hands me the key that Vince had been using. I thank him and he heads back down as his husband is waiting for his 2 hour shift to be over (the building manager’s request so he can help the security team from the other company). 

My friend has coffee going, I have food coming - I didn’t have enough leftover from what my brother brought last night - and we got to business. Both my friend and her boss/mentor said that since I was on the lease for the apartment, there’s nothing else I can do (they know that I discussed with the building manager and the lead of each security shift that Vince is no longer welcome to visit me), I cut off all communication with Vince, warned him not to contact me….there’s really nothing I can do right now. Other than the email earlier in the day, he hasn’t harassed me or stalked me so I can’t file a police report BUT they do suggest that the 3 of us go to the local police department and explain the situation. I agree with them so we all pack up in my car and drive the 5 minutes over to the police department. 

We get out and as we get to the door, we put in our masks then we enter. The police know who I am as they’ve ordered from my brother’s restaurant all the time, I help clean the building a few times a month (they know that I’m a clean freak and that I do this for free to help keep them safe); this time around, they’re surprised that I have 2 lawyers with me. We talk to the sergeant on duty and my friend and her boss explain everything. I chip in from time to time. The sergeant agrees that there’s nothing that can be done but he’s taken notes so that way he can update all leads of each shift; heaven forbid anything to happen in the future he said. 

The sergeant was grateful that I was clear minded when everything happened; I talked who I needed to with the apartment building, a family member knows and my lawyers know. I clarified that it was my friend who also doubles as a lawyer and the person with her is her boss and mentor. The sergeant nodded and said that he was grateful that I have good people looking out for me in personal and legal ways. We thank him for his time after he sent a formal copy of his notes to my friend and her boss  

We load back up to my car, head back to my place and they head on out. I clean my apartment again - not like it was messy but I like it organized. I checked my emails and my social media - thankfully nothing from Vince. I’m just happy I found out that he was cheating on me now rather than down the road. Since it was only 5 pm, I texted my therapist to see if I can have a phone session tomorrow to decompress; she said that she’s available now. I say great and give her a call.

I tell her 95% of everything - left out my friend, her boss and the police - as I needed to discuss the Vince situation. She was happy that I stood my ground and wouldn’t let my boundaries get broken. She did ask what Vince’s email said so I pulled it up, quickly summarized it and she said that it is a possibility that he is, in fact, telling me the truth. I said that I doubted it because he was defensive when I was calling him out and I know when he’s lying because he’s a bad liar. She asked me what his last name is so I told her. She said that we need to stop the conversation and send me to someone else in her office as she’s actually related to him…..she said that Vince is a common name in our area (it’s pretty common actually; there were at least 10 students in each grade at my high school named Vincent) and didn’t think it was her relative. I mutter something under my breath and agreed with her. She told me to come to the office and I do.  

I grabbed my stuff - mask included - walk the 100 yards over to the building, enter the building and use the elevator to get to the 3rd floor. She’s got the owner/director of the therapy office with her; thankfully he doesn’t know Vincent and is aware that she is; she’s given him her notes and got him up to date what was said over the phone before I walked over. 

He invites me into his office, we introduce ourselves and we start where my therapist and I ended. He is upset that Vince is now the second guy to cheat on me and that he’s proud of me for having good people around me as well as getting my friend involved and let the police know - although he felt that Vince didn’t seem the type to harass or stalk me….he said that it’s better off to be safe than sorry and I agreed. As the session was ending, he did offer suggestions of how to handle any anxiety that might pop up. I appreciate his help and thanked him. We bumped fists, I paid and left.

I jogged home, relaxed by watching one of my movies and eating ice cream and cookies. I start to nod off 45 minutes into the movie when my phone rings; I look at it to see who it is. It’s my best friend so I pick up. She asked me if I’m watching one of my favorite movies and eating ice cream with cookies. I tell her she knows me well and we laugh. We chat and she asked me how my session went; I told her it that it went topsy turvey as my therapist is related to Vince so I ended up with her boss as my therapist for this situation. She’s happy I went.  I thanked her for checking in on me. We got off the phone and it rings again and it’s my brother asking if I’m still shoveling ice cream and cookies; I said that I am. He laughed and asked if I’m doing ok and I said that I am. He said that he’s happy to hear and then we get off the phone. 

I finish the bowl, place it in the sink and get ready for bed, making sure that not only I brush my teeth but use mouthwash as well….after the amount of sugar I had, might as well. I bring a 48 ounce travel mug filled with ice water into my room with me, leaving it on my night stand as I grab a book - it’s a murder mystery mixed with smut; it’s quite the book but it’s entertaining. As much as I’d love to finish the last 20 chapters tonight but after dealing with the blow of Vince cheating and  it risking my general health of 2 nights of limited sleep, I read 3 chapters and went straight to sleep.

It was a dreamless night and only woke up once: woke up thirsty and just leaned over to my night stand to drink my water and then fell back asleep. I woke up naturally at 8 am. I finished my water - which thankfully is still ice cold - took my birth control, showered and got my day started with oatmeal with a little maple syrup and dark brown sugar and a large glass of milk. After cleaning up and starting the dishwasher, I put in my sneakers and took a walk in the neighborhood. It was a cool morning and took my time as I was not in a rush. 

I don’t know how long my walk was but when I got back, my brother, my best friend and the police were at my building looking for me. Guess I forgot my phone. Oops! Everyone was happy that I was ok. I let everyone in and up to my apartment; once inside, I asked everyone what was up. They all were talking over each other but my brother and friend called me repeatedly and didn’t hear from me so they came over - with the police - to do a wellness check. Apparently, my walk was 3 1/2 hours long. I went to my room to get my phone and it was dead. I come back out and said that they wouldn’t have been able to reach me as my phone was dead anyways. I plugged my phone in and then offered everyone a drink. They all decline but they’re all happy to see that I’m ok. I see everyone out and then check my phone; 3 missed calls from my friend and 4 from my brother…I listen to the voicemails, check out the texts and then my emails. I texted both my friend and my brother apologizing for not having my phone charged and not with me and also for their concern. They both responded with the heart emoji. I went into my bedroom with my large travel mug full of water and finish my book. 

The story line was cheesy as fuck but it was well written. After finishing the book, I decided to take a nap. I woke up an hour later feeling refreshed. I ordered matzo ball sleep from the 24 hour diner 1/4 mile from my apartment - their matzo ball soup was the absolute BEST that I've ever had. Twenty minutes later, the manager rang the doorbell. I open the door to see him with 3 bags of the soup! I let the manager in and he placed the bags on the kitchen counter. I offer him a bottle of water and he accepted; we bullshitted for a bit. He said that he needed to head back - I took Vince's bicycle and gave it to the manager to take and ride back to the diner. He was grateful as it was 85* F and it would be a quicker travel time. As I saw him off, I told him to keep the bike and wished him safe travels back.

I had a great weekend

It was one of “those” weeks last week (fight with the sister what - else is new? - AND the brother - which is rare) and I wanted to something fun with friends. I found something and suggested to make a weekend of it…my friends were on board and arranged to meet at a cabin on Friday around 6 pm; a few people joined us a little later as they worked later or were stuck in traffic. I’d gotten us a very cute cabin for the 7 of us - it was $800 - and everyone had stated in the group message what they’d bring food wise for the weekend; I picked up a few essentials that I knew everyone tends to forgets….shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste/toothbrushes, etc. I was able to do the shopping Thursday, picked up the keys a few hours later and went home to pack. 

I got up early on Friday. Packed up the food I purchased and prepared in a cooler and used ice packs, loaded up my trunk with the cooler and my bags, then I showered and got dressed. Two of my family members were spending the weekend at my place to take care of the pets, the indoor AND outdoor plants as well as the garden; which they were welcome to pick from and bring home veggies. Before I left, I gave them money to pay them and some extra just in case they needed to get more food for the pets. 

Since the cabin was the closest to me and I planned for it - I arrived hours early. Before I brought any of my bags or the coolers in, I grabbed some cleaning supplies to clean the counters, dressers, floors, sink, bathrooms, washed the bedding, etc. it was a fairly cool day so I had the windows open while cleaning. The beddings were the first to be washed and dried - and would take some time - I grabbed my bags and cooler from the car. 

I put the food away first and then picked the room closest to the kitchen. It was an average sized bedroom but it had a walk in closet - which I had no use for lol - en suite bathroom and a sliding door to the back yard. The bed was a California king bed (the biggest sized bed) and super comfortable. Not like I was going to take up the entire bed but glad I chose the room. On my way out, I saw a little chalkboard that I could hang on the door nob so I wrote my name on it and put it on the door so the others would know that I’d taken claim on this room. 

It was nearing 2 pm and I wanted to start cooking. I was making homemade meatballs, pasta sauce and lasagna. You know those big ass foil cooking trays for cooking 25+ pound turkeys? I brought 3 of them so I could make a ton of lasagna. I’m Italian….what can I say? Half way through cooking dinner, I realized that I’d forgotten to get Italian bread and tons of wine. I called Vince - to invite him last minute - and to ask if he could pick up both the bread and wine as well as other alcohol. He accepted the invite and asked if he should go to the “usual” bakery and liquor store as they had my credit card info and charged me whenever I picked items up from them and I told Vince yes. 

In about 45 minutes, he came walking in - I’d told him that I’d leave the door open for him - with 6 cases of wine, vodka and other alcohol and 4 loaves of Italian bread. I went over to him, kissed him and took the bread from him as he managed the wine. He told me that he’d reimburse me for the bottle of champagne he bought as it was expensive. I told him that he could if he wanted to but it wasn’t necessary. As I was putting the champagne on ice and was looking for champagne flutes, my phone chirped and a notification came up that Vince transferred $1,800 to me. I started choking on air as I unlocked my phone and accepted the transfer. 

Vince asked if I was ok and I said that I would’ve been ok if he’d asked permission to use my card for such an expensive bottle. He knew he pissed me off so he immediately called the credit card company - I added him as an authorized user - to make an immediate payment. Within seconds, his call was answered by a representative as my account was labeled as “mostly VIP”…..he used his checking account info to pay for both the champagne AND the rest of the alcohol (about $2,375) plus some extra because he felt bad. Poor guy. 

By the time he was done with his call, the lasagnas were cooked halfway so I pulled them out of the oven and let them cool on the counters before placing them in the fridge. Finally found the champagne flutes so I brought out the ice bucket - with the super expensive champagne - and the flutes to the living room. Vince had the radio on to a jazz station (gag me!). I asked him to pop the champagne as he knows I’ve broken TONS of shit when opening champagne - including my nose and the urn that one of my relatives is in -and I poured. I apologized for being super shocked about the price and he apologized for not asking me first. We clinked our flutes,  enjoyed the champagne and the music. We finished the bottle and I’d fallen asleep in his arms - clearly, one of my favorite places to be. 

I woke up when my phone rang. The rest of the gang was here. I went to the get the door as Vince took the lasagnas out of the fridge and was getting wine glasses ready. My friends loved the cabin once they came in and clearly they knew that not only did I clean like a clean freak, Vince would end up coming, I’d make my ‘famous’ lasagna and that there’d be plenty of wine. They all loved Vince, thankfully. 

I showed everyone where the bedrooms and the bathrooms were so they could settle in and freshen up. I put the lasagnas back in to finish cooking, the rest of the food was brought in from various cars and I turned the radio off, signed into my computer to use a music platform to listen to….the vote was for Josh Groban (take THAT, Vince! Lol). As I was getting the last touches done for dinner, Vince came in under the guise of offering help but I knew something was up so I called him out on it. 

He took the couple of steps over to me, chuckling, brushed some hair out of my eyes and kissed me deeply. I drew him closer and kissed him back. He pulled away and appeared that he didn’t want to. He said that he respects my answer of: “Not yet!” to his proposal but wanted to give me a different ring; it was a gift because he loves me and that he’s happy how we are now, we don’t need to get married but we can just stay as we are if that’s what WE decide….that it’s my choice which hand it goes on.  He opens the ring box. It’s a platinum silver, diamond encrusted ring; it’s beautiful. 

I start to cry. I gently take his face in my hands and kiss him. After a few seconds, I pull away, stick out my left hand and he places the ring on my left ring finger. He starts to cry a little bit. I ask: “It’s an ‘I love you ring and as long as we’re together, we’re a team!’ ring, right? An ‘I’ll always be by your side’ ring? An ‘I can be in your hospital room and talk to your doctor’ ring?” He said yes and I smiled. I told him that I have papers at home to make it so and he laughed saying that it sounded like a marriage. I clarified that it was paperwork allowing our doctors to speak to the other one of us if the other was in the hospital type of paperwork and that we are allowed to be in the room. He winked and kissed me. Seconds later, we were bringing out the the lasagnas and all of a sudden everyone stopped what they were doing and stopped their conversations to stare at my ring. 

Vince and I laughed and said it’s a: ‘The other is my ride or die, my bff, the love of my life, my lover, my champion and my love’ ring. They asked if I had a ring for Vince and I winked as I said that it’s on my person and Vince would have to look for it later….and not to worry, we’d be quiet. Everyone started laughing hysterically and then started eating. We were all up until 2 am talking, drinking, playing games and having fun. I glanced at Vince and I knew it was time. We said our good nights and went into the room I chose, locking the door after us. 

The curtains on the sliding door were still open and the moonlight was shining in on us and the room. I went into my purse and grabbed the ring box. I walked over to Vince, opened the box, took his hand and promised him to love him and be his best friend and lover forever. He brushed the hair out of my face, leaned down to kiss me and started to run his hands over my curves. I groaned. In between our kissing, we started to take our clothes off and make our way to the bed. Vince paused for a moment to close the curtains for the sliding door, lit a few candles and led me to the massive bed. We both climbed up and I got situated comfortably on my back, spreading my legs a bit. Vince became rock hard in a heartbeat. He got in between my legs, angled for my apex and slid right in. I gasped in pleasure. He pulled out completely and slid back in again; he took his time thrusting into me but I wanted more….I wanted him to let go. The second I called him: ‘My love!’ he lost complete control and pounded into my apex in all different positions….it was like we re-wrote the Kama Sutra. We spent HOURS having sex. Exhausted, we finally fell asleep. 

We woke up around 6:30/6:45 am, showered, got dressed, had breakfast and went over the day’s “schedule”. We’d made sandwiches from the left over bread from the night before, packed the coolers and loaded up my car as everyone was waking up. They all admitted that they didn’t hear anything, thankfully. We all laughed. We were going to the local lake and we were all excited. The lounge chairs, a few cabanas, umbrellas and the coolers of pre-made cocktails that I’d ordered when I rented the cabin we’re already at a spot pre-selected for us (it was a GREAT spot!!!). It took us no time for us to unload the vehicle and get our stuff set up. 

Vince and I stayed on the beach as everyone else got in the water. I went into the cabana to change into my bathing suit but Vince came in to ‘help’…we had sex. Finally, I was able to get into my suit, we stepped out so Vince could help spray sunscreen on my back and arms while I took care of the front of me; of course he wanted to help me. I kissed Vince - discreetly cupped his penis - and sent him into the cabana to get changed into his trunks. He came out, we grabbed some cocktails and headed to the water….before even reaching the water, we finished our drinks so we went back to our spot, had a more drinks as we were sunbathing. After we both had a number of drinks, we went back into the cabana to sex again…we were quite drunk but we did our best to keep quiet. Lol

When we walked out, the gang were coming up to our spot to eat and drink as Vince and I went to the water. By the time we got in, the water was warm. We swam around a for about an hour or two. I swam over to Vince, kissed him and started stroking his penis. As I’m stoking his penis, I tell him that I want to go back ashore, eat, drink more and take him again. Seconds later, he exploded. By the time we get to our spot, we see the rest of our group leaving their cabanas….they all turned red and we winked at them…we knew that not only did they have sex but they also switched partners several times. They headed back to the water as we went to the bar near where our spot was, we ate, took shots, and had more cocktails. The more we drank, the harder it was to keep our hands to ourselves so we paid and went to our cabana. We didn’t make it to the cabana but went to our lounge chairs and fell asleep.

I woke up to feeling something cool being sprayed on me. I opened my eyes and saw Vince spray sunscreen on me - as he was done with my back, I got up and then Vince sprayed my front. We grabbed some water bottles and went inside of the cabana. That’s when I noticed that Vince as sun burnt so I sprayed him down with sunscreen that has aloe in it…I knew I’d get some color on my back so after waiting however one is supposed to wait after applying sunscreen, I told Vince to either sit in the cabana or sit under an umbrella and he decided to sit under the umbrella. I sit in a lounge chair and stretch out to hopefully even out the color on my back. I fall back asleep but not for long - maybe 45 minutes - because it was getting hot. I went into the water to cool down and then head into the cabana.

By the time I get back, everyone is back, packing up and drinking. I check my phone to see what time it was but it was dead so I check Vince’s…it was 6 pm. Since we’ve all been drinking, we loaded up the vehicle with our coolers and most of out bags, Vince had someone that was employed at the bar area of the lake drive the van back while we had a paid car service bring us back in a large SUV. I fell asleep for the few minutes it took for us to get back. We unloaded from the SUV and went to the van to unload our vehicle. The guys decided to take care of the coolers as us ladies took showers and started making dinner. As the sun, the swimming and the drinks tired us out, we decided that we'd keep it simple to grill hot dogs and hamburgers; I'd already made potato salad on Thursday. 

Once the guys were done with the coolers and showered, they started up the grill and started grilling as us ladies set the table. With the alcohol that Vince picked up at the liquor store on Friday, I was able to make martinis, old fashioned, tequila sunrises and a few other drinks. Everyone was only partially impressed lol. Obviously they knew that I worked for my brother at his restaurant but when private parties were held at the restaurant, he taught me how to make cocktails and other mixed drinks. The gang, however, were impressed with my ability to make the drinks strong as fuck but NOT taste strong as fuck. Before we all started having our drinks and our appetizers, I said that I was going to take everyone's keys - including mine and Vince's - and put them elsewhere so no one be able to drive off until they were sober. They all thought that was a good idea so I grabbed everyone's keys and out them in the safe that I brought with me for everyone to share - only myself and one of the guys knew the combination because it would be more fair that way.

The burgers and hot dogs were ready as I came back from locking up the keys. We all dived right in and were too busy eating and drinking to talk. As we were all eating, I kept making sure that everyone was drinking plenty of water as well - not just to rehydrate after the day at the lake but to help hydrate after drinking alcoholic beverages. Clearly, I am the mom of the group! ;)

As soon as the food was finished, Vince and I took care of cleaning up the kitchen as the gang was trying to figure out if they wanted to watch a movie or if they wanted to play games. Eventually, playing games was the winning activity for the night. Vince and I opted out and hung out with the rest of the gang. Everyone stayed up until 2 or 3 before heading to bed. As they were heading to bed, I said that check out is Monday (today) so they could stay as long as they wanted depending on work. Most of them had work to return to but they decided to stay until early afternoon on Sunday to spend more time at the lake.

We could hear everyone having sex with different partners again but I didn’t care; they’re all consenting adults. V and I entered our room, locked the door and we began to rip our clothes off. Vince leaned me over the dresser and pushed his penis deep inside of my ass; I screamed his name. As he was thrusting his penis in me, he took a fistful of my hair and pulled back. V took his time thrusting in and out of my ass. Once he climaxed and filled my ass, he pulled out of my apex and shoved his penis in my apex. He was going so hard for a long time that as he was calling me his “dirty little lover”. Eventually, I passed out and he continued to thrust in me and filled me repeatedly.

When I woke up in a pile on the floor; V was nearby. I was sore when I got up and found some bruise all over me. 

I didn't put in a request for the lake but once some of the gang arrived there, they were given the same VIP area we were given on Saturday. They left early, enjoyed themselves and eventually came back around 1 pm so they could pack up and get home at a reasonable time to get things squared away for work. We offered them the remaining food and alcohol and a few people grabbed the cheaper alcohol and a little bit of food. Vince and I were the only ones who stayed and after everyone had left, we stripped the other beds to start laundry, cleaned the rooms and the other bathrooms. 

After the other rooms were cleaned, we had ordered take out and watched movies for the rest of the day. We napped, had tons of sex and a few drinks. Around 5 pm, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood as we didn't have a chance while the gang was around....it was a really nice neighborhood and thought it would be a great place to move to eventually. When we got back, we ordered more take out from a different restaurant and talked about our future together; what we wanted from each other, what we were looking for in regards of privacy (like do we have 100% access to the other one's phone and/or computer), etc. Thankfully we were mostly aligned in what we looking for. Vince knew that I had been cheated on before and he knows that I trust him completely but he offered that I can go through his phone if I asked him. Knowing Vince, I knew that he never cheated on any of his previous girlfriends and none of them cheated on him, I offered the same - I didn't want to tell him that I felt like this was to make it fair but then again he's a smart man and most likely knew that my offer was just to make it fair - he didn't say anything other than thank you.

We played a few rounds of my favorite game as we had music in the background. Out of the blue, Vince asked if I'd go off of the birth control that I was on and have kids with him. Apparently, I looked super shocked/surprised. He said that he asked out of curiosity. I responded that right now, I won't but in the future I may change my mind . It was obvious that this upset him so I asked if he wanted kids and he said that yes he does but he wants them with me. I was honest with him - typically when I am honest, I am not the most pleasant person but because of how much I love Vince, I felt it was best to not only be honest with my answer but say it in a away that I won't hurt him. I said that I've thought about having kids with him but I'd rather us be together for a solid year before we have this conversation again because I always wanted to raise my kids in a 2 parent home instead of a 1 parent home like I was for a number of years. He said that he understood and we left it at that. 

We were both tired and went to bed not long after. I slept on the couch that night. I was exhausted and didn't want to deal with Vince waking up and pestering me about this. After I knew that he was fast asleep, I started packing up everything that I brought - leaving the food in the fridge until we left - and finally went to sleep but sleep didn't last long. Vince ended up coming into the living room to wake me up and bring me back to bed with him. I just gave a look, rolled over and fell back asleep. 

A few hours later, I woke up with a stiff neck and a sore back but it was worth having some peace. I love Vince dearly and usually happy with him. I don't appreciate him expecting me to have kids right away and not really respecting my decision. I showered, got dressed, packed up the food in the coolers and packed up my car. By the time I was walking back into the cabin, Vince was awake and was washing the sheets from our bedroom. He came over and apologized for his surprising me about having kids soon. I explained to him how mad I was when he assumed that I wanted kids right away. The only thing that I said was "Ok" and continued on my way to pack up and do the finishing touches of returning the cabin back to the way I found it.

In no time, the sheets were done, I remade the bed, went through the rooms to make sure no one left anything and then I put the clean dishes away. By then, Vince was packed up, loaded his car, offered to help me and I said I was fine. He asked about the rest of the alcohol and I told him that he can have it. I loaded up my car and followed Vince towards the exit of the lake/neighborhood. I stopped at the gate and returned the keys. I headed home and Vince headed towards his.

It took me 15 minutes to get home and it took me no time, I got my car unloaded, the coolers emptied, my laundry started, showered and in my sweats. I texted my best friend and told her about the weekend (minus the details of the hot sex). She was as shocked as I was about when Vince asked about having kids with me. She said that she was very proud of how I stood up for myself and the ability to verbalize what my wishes/desires were in regards of having children. We caught up on everything else and our jobs (did I tell you? I have a new job that starts next week!) and after a few hours, we ended the call. I was about to take a nap when the doorbell rang.

I plugged my phone into its charger and went to the door. I looked through the peephole and it was Vince. I groaned and opened the door. I invited him in as I was curious to see/hear what he had to say. Offered him some sun tea (over the weekend, my neighbor made it for me and tossed it in my fridge for me). After pouring two glasses of sun tea, we sat down to talk. Vince apologized again, I accepted and he explained that his one desire is to have kids and he knew that when we reconnected, he wanted kids right away and thought I felt the same. I was surprised at his revelation. I thanked him for sharing that with me and I explained that I appreciate his being honest with me but I am not ready to have kids but I am more than happy to repeat this conversation in a year to reassess where we are at the point. He - thankfully - understood and agreed that we should talk about this at another time.

He got up and told me that he needed to head out as his widowed sister in law was coming over. As we hugged and kissed, he told me that he loves me and I told him that I love him as well. As we were walking to the door, he noticed that I took off my ring that he gave me and said something. I pulled my necklace at from underneath my sweatshirt and showed him that it was on my necklace. He smiled, we kissed again and he left. Twenty minutes later, he texted me saying that he was home.

I finally take that nap that I wanted but cut it short as I didn't want to mess up my sleep schedule. I get up 30 minutes after I fell asleep, made dinner and turned on the TV. I watched a movie and now I am ready for bed. 

I gave Vince the answer...finally

I spent the last couple of days with Vince. We just hung out around his place, the local town and we both caught up on our own reading. I was evading in giving him an answer to his proposal until after his shower the one morning; I knew he was expecting an answer. Figured I’d pack up everything I brought this trip plus the miscellaneous stuff that I tend to inadvertently leave behind.

As I had packed the miscellaneous stuff in my car and I walked in as Vince had gotten out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist. Ugh. He looks sexy like this. I was so tempted to go off the pill! Lol. I kissed him and let him have his space so he could get dressed. After he got dressed, he'd come to the living room and saw a glass of brandy ready at his favorite couch. He knew that I might have an answer that he may or may not like but he knew that it was important for me to tell him what I was feeling and thinking. 

"Vince, I know it took forever for me to give you an answer but the only answer that I have for you is that I cannot yet. We have gotten through most of the things that I feel like we need to - which is wonderful - but I do want to marry you in the future."

"Baby, I get it. I understand. Thank you for being honest with your answer."

He then helped me bring back in the miscellaneous things that I had put in my trunk back into his place and I spent the night. We didn't sleep much as we stayed up talking and making love.