Thankfully I don't have a weak heart

My high school won the game last night. It was a tight game; we won by 1 point and ran the clock when there was :52 left.

During the game, I could see Vin (yes, the same Vin that I’ve written about before) kept trying to make eye contact with me to let me know that he saw me. I tried to be cool about it since I was there with my buddy who graduated from the same high school the same year I started. I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my pocket to check who text me.

“Hey, beautiful. I know you saw me and I know that you know I was looking at you,” Vin texted.

“I know. Focus on work. We’ll talk after the game,” I replied.

“Meet me under the bleachers at half time. I need to see you!” he responded.

“Fine,” I agreed.

My buddy asked me what was up. I said that it was nothing. He knew I was a little annoyed because my cheeks were flushed and it was NOT from the cold. He asked me again what was up. I told him that Vin wants to see me under the bleachers to talk; my buddy knew about the relationship that Vin and I had a few years ago. He said for me to meet him. I said ok and we continued to watch the game.

“Kiss me,” I told my buddy.

“What?” he said.

“Kiss me,” I said again.

He looked at me like I had a thousand heads but he kissed me; it was just a little peck on the lips.

“You're one sick littler fucker. You know that, right? Do I even want to know why you wanted me to kiss you?”

“Yes, I do know that. I'll take it as a compliment. The guy on my right won’t stop flirting with me and grabbing my ass. Kinda hoping that the quick kiss will get him to knock it off,” I said. “If not, I’ll have to smack him!”

“You sure that it had nothing to do with Vin? He saw and he didn’t look too thrilled about it!”

“Maybe a teeny, tiny bit had to do with Vin but primarily had to do with the bozo on the other side of me” I replied.

“Wanna switch seats? I’ll tell him off for you,” my buddy replied.

“Dude, you’re my best friend and the best wingman any sick fuck like me could ask for….And I love you for it. Let’s switch seats and no need to tell him off. Not yet anyways!” I said.

Before we could switch seats, it was time for half time and my buddy said that he’d go get us hot chocolate while I talk to Vin and that he’d text me when he got back to our seats. I nodded and discretely climbed down the bleachers and went under the bleachers; I hoped no one saw me but knowing my luck, who knows?

“Oh my God, Deppgrl. You look fantastic. I’ve missed you so much,” Vin said as we hugged semi awkwardly.

“Thanks, Vin. So do you. No one could rock a green hoodie with a leather jacket like you can,” I said as I kissed his cheek.

“Mmmmm. You smell good, as always. Anyways, thanks for meeting me. Look, I don’t have much time but we should get together for dinner. There’s so much I want to talk with you about. I’m not gonna lie, babe. I want to talk about us. After the game, I have to run back to the high school briefly but if you’re up to it, meet me back at my house. I’ll be there by the time you leave here; it’ll be jam packed after the fourth quarter. I’d love to cook for you. Please tell me that you’ll come by,” he said.

“I don’t think there’s really an “us” anymore and there hasn’t been an “us” for eight years, Vin. We had a brief relationship; I had no problem going forward with the relationship but you were reluctant because I’m a former student,” I said. “I was a bit heartbroken to be honest.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that you don’t believe there’s an “us” and to learn how much I hurt you. Honey, you traveled from the city to come to the middle of nowhere when my brother died to come to the memorial service, stayed for the funeral, helped my sister in law for three months and almost lost your job because of my family’s tragedy. Maybe you didn’t come for me but I’ve been hoping for the past thirteen months that you did. Baby, I was scared to be in a relationship with you. When you first walked into my classroom so many years ago as a sophomore, my life changed. My heart stopped. Obviously, I couldn’t do anything while you were a student. I waited as long as I could and thought that when you were 22, we could start dating. You were full of life and energy I just couldn’t keep up with you. I want to try again. Please….come by tonight; maybe not for dinner but for a drink and dessert,” Vin pleaded.

“Sure I’ll come by but you better have your heat cranked up because I’m frozen. I can’t guarantee how long I’ll stay nor can I guarantee how tonight will go,” I replied.

Vin took my hands in his and thanked me. Before he left, he caressed my cheek and  kissed me. I was slightly stunned and taken aback. He leaned away for a second to look me in the eyes and then kissed me again but with a little more passion this time. I kissed him back. Good Lord, I had forgotten that the man could kiss. As Vin deepened the kiss, he pulled me closer holding me tight. My phone started to ring.

“Oh crap. Vin, I’m sorry; I have to take this. It’s my lawyer. I’ll see you back at your house,” I said. He nodded his head, kissed my cheek and ran back to the top of the bleachers; he was a few minutes late.

“Hey, Kay! What’s the story?” I asked.

“Sorry to bother you late on a Friday night, Deppgrl. The good news is that the judge okayed the reversal on the divorce and I need you to come over to the office as soon as you can to sign the paperwork to take over the company. When’s your earliest convenience?” my lawyer slash friend asked.

“Well, tonight, I’m back in Jersey and won’t return until Sunday night the latest. Is Monday midmorning soon enough?” I ask.

“Sure thing. Just text me when you’re on your way over to the office. By the way, have fun tonight. I saw you locking lips with an attractive older man….your former flame and teacher. Talk about a major HOTTIE!! Have a good weekend. Please promise me that you’ll stay out of trouble and try NOT to get arrested. I can save your ass in New York but I can’t save your ass here in Jersey; you’d be on your own, babe!” my friend said.

“Is there anything that I can hide from you or do you know all AND see all? Oye. You throw a guilt trip almost as good as my half Italian mama! Good thing you don’t have her aim and ability to chuck a shoe from the basement and hit me 10 miles away! Yes, I’ll do my best to NOT get arrested here; I’ll save that when I get back to the city. Anyways, I gotta go. Gotta finish watching the game and then heading over to Vin’s for a bit. See you Monday, dear!” I said.

We said our farewells and I got back to my seat next to my buddy. He was so cold that he was wrapped up in the blankets that I brought and drank my hot chocolate. There was just a few minutes left of the game.

“So anything interesting happen beneath the bleachers with Vin?” my buddy asked; winking and grinning like the devil.

“He invited me to swing by his house after the game, I accepted, he kissed me twice and I kissed him back the second time. He wants to talk and doesn’t want to wait any longer. By the way he kissed me, he clearly still has some feelings for me; I just don’t know how interested he is in me but I need to find out. It’s been a year since I saw him at the viewing, funeral and the following three months when I helped with his sister in law and the kids……but that wasn’t about him; it was about helping a family in need,” I said.

“Are you interested in him at all? I know he broke your heart but, sweetie, that was eight years ago. In the years I’ve been friends with both of you in that time, I’ve never seen him SO miserable. Sure he’s dated other women but the relationships don’t last more than two or three months. And you? You’re a different story. You go through a new boyfriend every month but it seems like every few days!  You’re never happy with those guys. The only guy I ever saw you happy with was Vin. Go over there, see what he has to say, take some time to think about it and tell him that yes you’ll date him. Oye!!” my buddy said.

“I told him I was going over and I am going over. Don’t you even think about escorting me! I know you would in a heartbeat. Yes, I still have feelings for him. Why wouldn’t I? He’s a good man; he’s the only one that hadn’t cheated on me. He may have broken my heart but I was nearly a child then and I’ve grown up since then. I may not be the world’s most attractive woman. Hell, I’m no Victoria’s Secret model but yet he was good to me,” I said.

“I never wanted to tell you this but your brother threatened to rip me to shreds if I went anywhere near you if I was romantically interested in you; which is why I stayed away for so long. But seriously, have you looked in the mirror at all in your lifetime? If you say that you’re ugly, you’re wrong. You, by far, are the most attractive woman I’ve ever met. But anyways, I digress. Just go to Vin’s after the game, listen to what he has to say and take some time to think about it, ok? Call me IF you feel uncomfortable or need a ride back home. And no matter what you do, do NOT get yourself arrested. I refuse to be legally responsible for you! Now go before you stand up your old stud muffin!” my buddy said.

I hugged my buddy and left. I quickly ran back to get my blankets and then headed towards my car again. I heard my phone chirp with a text. I read the text. It was from Vin. He said that he’s home, has a fire in the fire place going, has a bottle of wine chilling and an electric blanket ready in case I need it. I replied back thanking him for getting things ready and told him that I was five minutes away.

Once at his house, I grabbed my phone, the charger, my keys and my purse. I was about to ring the doorbell but Vin must have seen me pull into the driveway and open the door for me. As I enter, I kick my boots off so I can feel the lush carpet under my socked feet and hang my jacket in the foyer closet. I plug my phone and charger and pull up a spot on the couch closest to the fire.

“White Zinfandel is still your favorite, I hope?” Vin asks as he brings over an enormous wine glass.

“Yes it is. Thank you for remembering,” I said.

“Would you like a blanket? You’re still shivering, honey,” he said.

“That would be great, thank you” I said.

“No need to be formal with me. Just warm up, relax and enjoy the wine for a bit, ok?”

I nodded my head in agreement, pulled the blanket around me a little closer and enjoyed the fire. I heard music begin to play. Within a few notes, I recognize the group as one of my favorite bands when I was growing up. Every Jersey girl born in the ‘80’s LOVED Bon Jovi; I still do to this day. This Jersey girl loves her Jersey boys! <3

“There’s no need to go over the top for you to get me on your good side, Vin. A fire, my favorite wine, a blanket AND Bon Jovi? It seems to me that you’re trying a little too hard. Just talk to me, ok, Vin? I’m 30 now….not the immature 22 year old you once dated. Let’s talk this out and I’ll be on my way,” I said.

“Baby, seeing you last year taking care of my sister in law and the kids after my brother died made me realize how unfair I was to you. When we first got together when you were 22, I honestly couldn’t believe it. Here I was, a 41 year old man, dating this amazing woman, 19 years my junior. I couldn’t believe my luck. I know now that you were as scared as I was and that was no reason for me to break your heart as I told you I needed someone my age.

Then I saw you thirteen months ago at Bob’s memorial service and funeral. I had no idea how you found out but I’m grateful that you came. I know you didn’t come for me considering how I was towards you years before that. You came for my family; they always loved you and you always loved them. You almost lost your job with the NYPD – which is how I learned that you heard about Bob’s death – to step in and take care of Lisa and the kids. Part of me hoped then that you came to reconcile and try to work things out. I was tempted to take you from Lisa and the kids but she and the kids needed you more than I did. Part of me still hopes that some part of you came for me,” Vin said.

“To be honest, Vin? I had the biggest crush on you when you were my teacher and thought that would be over with when I graduated but part of me is glad that it didn’t and that we dated several years after the fact. I was truly happy with you and you were so good to me. You took care of me, treated me with respect and treated me like I was a queen, you always made sure I had the best of everything. I’m forever grateful for that. But I was young and was very hurt when you ended the relationship.

When I heard of Bob’s sudden death, I knew I had to come for your family. Lisa was a mess but she kept strong for the kids but sadly the kids barely remembered me until Lisa brought out pictures and told them stories about their Uncle Vin and the wonderful “girl” he once dated. Do you know what they started calling me again? ‘Aunty’. They started calling me ‘Aunty’. I, sadly, had to break their hearts twice more in three months. One, was me leaving to go back to work to save my fat ass from losing a job I love and kick ass at and the second, was explaining to them that I wouldn’t become their aunty. They didn’t talk to me for days but the day that I headed back to the city, they were crying and sad that I was leaving and not staying with their favorite uncle; you. I told them that I’ll always be their unofficial aunty no matter what and I’m always a phone call away no matter what the problem was. They tried to run away to come move in with me a few times but I always brought them back to Lisa. They were always furious when I did that but told them that I’m a horrid mom because I can barely keep plants alive and that their mom would miss them too much.

A part of me came back for you but you always avoided me; you were so cold towards me. I knew that I couldn’t stay. I had to go back to my shitty apartment in the city, save a job that I loved and still love and work my ass off to run up the ranks; which I did in no time flat. I knew you wouldn’t leave the school to live in the city with me and I can’t leave a job that I love and am good at,” I said; removing the blanket and setting down my now empty wine glass. “Look, Vin, for eight years I wondered how we would’ve worked out if we tried again, but I just figured out that we won’t. Neither of us are willing to leave our jobs, friends and state that we reside in. Yeah, I may live in a shitty neighborhood in the city and sure I still get lost when I go out on calls but you know what? At the end of the day, I love my job, I love my co workers and I’m taking over a multibillion job within a week or so. I’ll be SO busy being with the PD and the business, I don’t know when we can see each other. I love you, Vin; I always have and I always will, but I cannot stay and expect anything more than an awkward time whenever we see each other. Stupid me for believing the only man that was ever good to me would ever make me his wife.”

“Wait,” he said as I turned around and walked back over. 

“Waiting for what? You’re driving me bat shit crazy,” I replied.

Vin said he had to go get something from his room and that he’d be right back. He stubbed his toes a few times and cursed. After what felt like an eternity, but was actually just a mere 2 minutes, he came back. He directed us to get back on the couch near the fire.

“Babe, I was partially right when I said that you have some growing up to do. I knew you loved me then but I knew that you couldn’t verbalize it yet; you were struggling with college a bit and you were awfully young but I was VERY wrong in how I ended the relationship. For the past eight years, I had a guilty conscious about ending us and I still do; which is why I invited you over tonight.

I spoke to your mother a few times when we were together and just recently. She knew back then, I was head over heels in love with you and she knows now that I still am. Baby, the main reason why I invited you over was to ask you to marry me. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

I just sat there and started to cry. I have no idea how long I sat there crying but when I was done, I got up and gathered my things.

“Vin, if you asked me when I was 22, you know I would’ve said yes. But to ask me eight years later after breaking my heart? I can’t say yes and I can’t say no. Give me some time to think about it. In the mean time, I have to go yell at my mother. You better pray she doesn't kill me by chucking shoes at me. Do you know what's like growing up with an Italian woman chucking shoes at you at a daily basis? It's super dangerous; even for a fucker like me” I said and then I left.