My former lover V

So I haven’t been in contact with V for years. I’m kind of grateful but at the same time, I’m not because I miss him. I shared more details with two of my three closest friends than I did with you guys but they still don’t know 100% of the details. As far as they know and as far as you guys know, he and I slept together a handful of times…the reality is that I was his mistress for the better part of two and half years.

I did know from the get go that he was married for a number of years before he started working for my brother. I don’t know how it happened or why it happened but somehow, we fell for each other. As some mistresses think and feel that their lover would leave their wife for them – the mistress – I had hoped for that too but I knew deep down inside that V wouldn’t leave his wife. I’ve heard this too often from other women who were involved with married men – their married lovers never left their wives. I knew, despite caring for him, that he wouldn’t leave her for me.

We had to be secretive about this from many people; my brother (the boss), the staff (45+ people) and his wife. There was only one server on staff at the time who knew about the first night. We - V and I - pretty much ignored each other on the days we worked together….the only times that we talked is when we got into work, a little bit at lunch time so I could tell him my lunch order, and when one of us left ahead of the other for the night.

After one Christmas Eve service, I was headed towards the restroom and nearly ran into him coming out of the men’s restroom, apologized and wished me a Merry Christmas. I knew that he was a rush to get to a Christmas Eve Mass and I told him that I’d walk out with him because I had something in my car for he and his wife. He said ok and followed me out; of course, me coming from a midatlantic state, went outside in December without a jacket; he came from a country in either Latin America or South America - I can’t remember each one – was bundled up in a sweatshirt, a jacket that was zipped up, wool knit hat and a pair of heavy gloves…shaking his head at me for walking outside in the winter without a coat. I’m part Italian and I have curves...ya think I need a jacket? Nope! I retrieved a bottle of wine out of my trunk and gave it to him. He gave me a full on hug, kissed me on my cheek and whispered that he’d rather be with me than with his wife, at mass, because Christmas Eve was NOT about Mass….it was being with family and with ones that you love. In Spanish, I wished him a “Merry Christmas”, moved my car closer to the back door, went to the bathroom, switched my shoes, grabbed my stuff and headed home. Normally it takes me 50 to 55 minutes to get home but it took over an hour; I was at work at 8 am (usually went in at 10/10:15) and left around 10 (normally leave around 8:30/8:45 pm). I was tired, hungry and in desperate for a shower. I finally got home a little after 11 pm, woke up my parents to say that I was home safe and sound, showered and ate a banana…I was too tired to eat anything else.

About a week later, I officially became his mistress. It was all about the secret texts, hiding everything. I’d tell my parents that I was staying at my brother’s and I was telling my brother that I was staying at a friend’s and my friends all said that they’d cover for me if it got to that point; they’ve also used me as their cover many times over the years for a variety of reasons so it was fair. They knew something was up but they all trusted that I was doing the right thing. At first, I felt guilty not sharing with them of what was going on but I eventually shared that I was “seeing someone” and that he wasn’t anyone they knew – I met him while I was “out” one night. They asked if they could meet him and I said that it was too soon for them to meet him but it was a possibility depending on how it was going. They kept on pushing and pushing to meet him and I told them that it wasn’t working out…..at that time it was true; we were fighting. I wanted him to stay the night with me on occasion but he said he couldn’t; I asked if he could tell his wife that he was “out with the boys” until early hours in the morning. We spend our days ignoring each other but all I wanted was a few more hours with him…making love. That’s what it was. It wasn’t fucking and it wasn’t sex; we had such passion for each other.

As the months went on, we fell in love. I knew before then that he was married but it didn’t stop us falling for each other. There were more than a hand full of times that he spent the whole night with me…to this day, I have zero clue how he managed that and it worked somehow. And I was grateful when he was able to stay the night. In the ass crack of the morning, I’d drop him off at a friend’s house near where he lives with the wife so his wife could bring him to work.

As much as we cared for each other, it was beginning to be difficult for both of us to work on the same days. There would be days that he refused to make my lunch and days that he’d tell the guys to NOT make my lunch for me. Word was going getting around to my brother that V’s disinterest in cooking for me and telling the guys to NOT cook for me. Shit went down that day. I was in the office doing paperwork, having another slice of pizza (that I loved) but didn’t want. My brother came in and asked me if I was spreading shit about V. I told my brother that out of ALL the staff, I know him the least and since I have limited information about him, why the fuck would I make shit up and spread it; I said that he never bothered me before and always seemed to be ok with cooking for me and if he was busy, he’d always ask one of the guys. I explained that the only problem that I had with him is that he’s now having issues making lunch and it wasn’t really that big of a deal. My brother said ok and asked me to step out of the office and yelled for V to meet him in the office. My brother talked to V about what was going on. V was coming up with all this nonsense; stuff I was saying to him and about him at the restaurant. My brother said that he’s NEVER once heard me say negative things in reference to him and if V wanted to stay working for him, he needed to shape up or he’d get fired. V said ok and walked away.

For the next two weeks, I ignored anytime that he text me or call me. I wasn’t playing games with V. He’d left me about 20 voicemails and however many texts in those two weeks; he kept saying that he was sorry and that he was frustrated living a double life and having a difficult time with it. Starting the third week, my brother pulled the both of us in the office to figure out our shit. I told my brother that I could actually care less if he kept V or fired him but IF he stayed, he’d have to shape up and stop causing shit, claiming that I was behind it. V said that I need to stop being a bitch towards him. My brother started laughing so hard that he almost pissed himself and told V that I was acting like a bitch towards him because he deserved it; causing drama that he – my brother – has no patience to deal with it because he’s a business owner.

As I left, V grabbed my wrist and as I spun around, slapping him as hard as I could across his face telling him to NEVER lay a finger on me again. The entire kitchen staff heard the slap and me yelling at V. My brother looked both amused and slightly annoyed; my brother could only laugh and tell V that I meant it…not to lay another finger on me again. I told my brother that I love him but I am ABSOLUTELY done with V’s shit and that I was going home. I don’t have the patience to deal with a man lying about shit I supposedly said, acting as if he actually wanted to apologize and act as if nothing had happened. My brother said: “Fine. Just this one time you can leave early in a situation like this. Come back tomorrow as per your usual time.” And off I went. I can’t tell you how many texts and calls V made to me as I was driving home. I was beyond livid with him. He knew how much I loved him and all the money I was spending on hotels; lying to family and friends of where I was staying.

I’d gotten fast food for me to eat when I got home; I don’t like my food boiling hot so I had my fast food at room temperature. And with the mood that I was in, I ordered a ton. I didn’t care that night. I got tired of him texting and calling so for the rest of the night, I blocked him; I needed to eat and I needed my sleep. I’d slept like a log. In the morning, I showered and got ready for work. As I was heading to my car, I unblocked V and shot him a text saying that as of that day, we were over; I don’t have time not the patience for a man/lover that acts like a fucking 2 yr old. I told him that I may forgive him but I need more than a month.

It had been 4 months before my brother had to call a truce between the two of us. My brother knew I don’t mess around with shit like that. He called us both into the office to kinda “force” us to talk to each other. Quick side note; my brother is a very strict boss but he will help his employees fix the shit between each other. 

My brother was joking that V was looking like a zombie because it looks like he wasn’t able to sleep and acted like a heartbroken teen boy for losing his gf and I was acting like a cold and heartless teen girl who broke her high school bf’s heart so brutally. He looked at V and said that I used this same tactic when we were growing up and that without a doubt his sister WILL win this pissing contest and that in this case, his sister definitely has the bigger 🍆🍆. He left the office and told us to fix it. I pretty much told V: “Fuck you, hombre! You caused this shit and now I’m ending it. As of right now, you are NOT to make my lunch/dinner orders, I will ask the other guys to take care of it for me since they have the utmost respect for me - not just because I’m the boss’s sister but because it’s a two way street of respect with them and I. Clearly you don’t have any respect for me. Come to me when you do!” I stormed off and all the guys on the line – including my brother – applauded me for standing up for myself. My brother had hugged me because I stood up for myself and that I had earned the respect of the staff at that moment as an employee, not as his kid sister.

The months had continued to go but that he tried to talk to me at work - on my way in, between shifts and as I was heading home. He eventually gave up. I was grateful and relieved at the same time. I had overheard him once or twice in Spanish – I could understand more than I could speak at that time – and walked away. He was telling the guys who would listen that he genuinely loved me and was frustrated with some personal stuff at the time and so he took it out on me even though he knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. One day, between shifts – I hosted during lunch, I was in the office between 2:30 and 4:45 and hosted from 5 pm to 8 or 9 pm depending on how busy it was – I had called his name and asked him to make me lunch; he asked me what I’d like and I told him to surprise me and that’s what he did. He’d made the best lunch that he ever made me – before the fight and before he left working for my brother the last time.

We started back on the “I’m his mistress” train and no one had found out. We continued like this for another year and a half. I never asked him to leave his wife for me because I knew he never would – he’s a super strict Catholic and doesn’t believe in divorces nor does he believe in annulments even though they’re acceptable in The Church - and I had to accept that I had him just part time. Those three little words were said between us multiple times; not just when we were making love but throughout the times we were together and occasionally managed it at work without anyone hearing. We were the happiest when we were together and saddened that I had to drop him off near his house. We didn’t want to end the time we were spending together.

Towards the end of the relationship, I used to “brag” (for a lack of a better word) – until then – about how punctual I was with PMS; I was never early and was never late. PMS came at the same time,  the same day and end on the same day every single month without fail until the last 3 months. I missed my period the first month and by the second month, I was throwing up  but I thought it was a stomach bug. By the third month, I went to Planned Parenthood instead of my primary physician; they did a blood test to make sure that I was pregnant. They gave me a call later that day with result over the phone verifying that I was, indeed, pregnant. I was heartbroken because I knew that V would NOT help me out financially – his wife would find out – nor would he help me raise the baby. I didn’t want my brother to ask any questions – I worked 10 to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week and he knew that on Sundays, I did laundry and slept for most of the day…he’d put 2 and 2 together knowing that I was knocked up by one of the guys and I didn’t want to get fired and I didn’t want V to get fired either.

I scheduled an appointment with my local Planned Parenthood for an early, early morning appointment for 7 am because I knew that with the abortion pill, they wanted to observe me for up to 2 hours…I wanted a little leeway to give myself time to deal with traffic on my way to work. Thankfully, I didn’t have any adverse reactions to the pill. They gave me two more; one to take 12 hours later and the last one to take at 7 am the following day.

I went to work like I normally would and acted like I normally would. Of course my brother being my brother knew something was wrong and pulled me into the office and asked me what was wrong. I did want to tell him but at the same time I didn’t want to. So I told him that I was going through some personal stuff but he kept pushing. Yeesh, older brothers I tell you! I told him in normal circumstances that I would but in this situation, he can’t help me; it’s OUT of his realm, he said ok and gave me a hug. I didn’t talk to or even look at V. I couldn’t look at him in the eye for the rest of the week. Clearly, he knew something was wrong.

He finally texted me after I had left that Saturday night to ask me what was wrong. I told him that I WAS pregnant with his child but not anymore. He called me after he received the text. He asked a ton of questions about everything; when did I get pregnant, was it his, did I have a miscarriage, etc. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I couldn’t help myself and started to laugh. I told him it was and I knew it was his because I was his mistress and wasn’t having sex with anyone but him; I spent a quite a few nights a week with him and on my day off, I was doing laundry and napped…I didn’t have the energy to have sex with anyone else. He had asked again if I had a miscarriage and I said that no I didn’t but had an abortion.

As a staunch Catholic, he was upset that I took life away from a baby; his baby. I said that I’ve known since that he’d NEVER leave his wife for me and that he’d NEVER support the baby and I – if he did, the wife would kick him out. I did NOT want to ruin the marriage anymore than I already did so I made the decision of what’s best for me. I was NOT ready to be a mother (nor am I ready now), I didn’t want his wife to kick him out, and I didn’t want him to spend money on me. He was livid that I hadn’t gone to him to explain to him before I had the abortion. I said that I could care less what happens in the country where he’s originally from BUT living in the US, I have the choice of what I get to do with MY body and that I don’t need his – or anyone else’s – permission to get an abortion.

We didn’t talk for the next two months and I was relieved that the abortion pills worked, I didn’t have to worry being involved with him anymore and that he no longer had the desire to cook for me nor the desire for me. My brother noticed my improved mood and that I closer to being back to my happy go lucky meets sarcastic self. He asked if my personal shit is back together and I said that for the most part it is but there’s still something that’s bothering me and that I wanted to share with him. He lead me to the office and asked me what was up. I reminded him about all the bullshit said about me by V still bothers me and that after I accepted his apology but days later, he asked me to go for drinks and that one time I did but after repeated invitations, I kept saying no, thanks. I told my brother that it was just a few drinks and a ton of bullshitting; nothing physically happened and I eventually got everything situated after explaining to V that it was a one night thing for drinks, I shouldn’t have agreed due to who I am and that I wasn’t to socialize with the staff. My brother was annoyed that I went out for drinks with a married man, an employee of his, but at the same time he was grateful that I told him.

He called V into the office and shared with him what I told my brother. My brother asked him if it was a fair assessment of what happened between he and I; V lied through his teeth and said that it was. V explained that he wanted to get to know me a little better outside of work and despite he being a married man – a Catholic no less! – was interested in me but he kept it to himself. He shared that once I explained that I shouldn’t have socialized with him outside of work, it was a hard hit to take but he understood that I am his boss’s kid sister and he’s the employee, finally understanding why I hadn’t shared personal shit with anyone at work – besides my brother and his wife. V apologized to both my brother and I; saying that he’d understand **if** my brother wanted to fire him. My brother said that he knew something was going on between V and I but wasn’t sure what it was; he’s glad that we both “fessed up” and there won’t be any firing and he’d keep a closer eye on us for the next few months. We understood why and we didn’t like it but we knew that if we wanted to continue to work for him, we’d have to deal with it.

As the months went by, my brother let up, V started cooking for me again and my brother gave him questioning looks when V cooked a little “too” fancy for me…V had laughed it off and saying that he has more respect for me now than he did before and felt like he wanted to show it from time to time. My brother chuckled and let it go.

After 6 months of getting back to normal for the 3 of us, my brother called me and V into the office because V wanted to share something with the two of us; he had told his wife that he took me out for drinks and that she wanted him to quit because she didn’t want him to work with me anymore. My brother said that he wasn’t going to fire his sister and nor would he let his best line cook go so he had V call his wife – putting her on speaker phone – so both he and my brother could talk to her…I started to walk away but my brother told me to wait; I didn’t think there was a point because I understand just enough Spanish to talk with the guys but NOT to this level but I waited. As the wife was speaking, my brother had a translator app open and sharing what was said and translated it into English

In a nutshell, she didn’t want us to work together because she feared that I’d be the second mistress that V had since they’d been married; she didn’t trust me, not even as the boss’s sister. My brother had butt in explaining that it’s forbidden that I were to get personally involved with any of the male staff – obviously with the exception of my brother  – besides, I mostly talked to the female staff anyways. After a little back and forth, V said he’d stay for another year while my brother looked for another guy to replace him. He ended up staying for another 2 years before he found another job.

It was kinda interesting after those meetings that the 3 of us had in the office. The staff kept asking me what was going on in the office when it was the 3 of us, so at that point, I kept telling them to go speak to my brother since it’s not my business to share. It got to the point where the 3 of us had to meet in the office to have one story and for the 3 of us to stick to it. We decided that we’d say that V had issues coming in without a hangover – which is the truth – and tended to fight with me and another person – which was also the truth – and since I was considered as HR and my brother, well being the boss, had to get involved. V didn’t care much for it but he said that it’s true that it’s been hard to come in not messed up and his fighting with another employee.

V told me privately that he’s been hitting the booze since I’d told him about the abortion. I told him that isn’t an excuse. I told him that his wife NEVER found out about us, never will and should be grateful that I fudged the truth about us to my brother so neither one of us would get fired. He said that I was right. He then lightened up on the drinking, not completely, but hardly came into work hungover again. As his time was coming to a close, he and the “employee” stopped fighting and started working together as  a team again, we became friends (though that didn’t last for more than a year) and his relationship was better with his wife now that he wasn’t getting drunk so often.

We haven’t spoken in over 2 years. For the most part,  I miss him and our friendship, barely think about our affair and barely feel any guilt since we both cared about each other, don’t think about the abortion much and my brother doesn’t talk to him often; my brother is still oblivious that V and I had an affair – for which I’m grateful for.

I often think of V and wonder if he thinks about me or even the affair. I tell myself that he doesn’t think about us and tell myself that probably has a few more children with his wife. I never reach out to him anymore and it’s for the best; the less involved with each other, the better off that we are…and healthier.