Men! Ugh!!!!!

Nothing against men in general - I swear! - but this one in particular. I want to shake him senseless!! 

Here’s some history:

We met at college 20 yrs ago (fall of 2001; I’m old so get over it!!), we liked each other but we were dating other people. We broke up with said people the summer of 2002. In that fall semester, I leave. His RA’s try to get me to stay. My RA’s try to get me to stay. I end up leaving. He and I lose contact but reconnect 6 or so years later. We date. He cheats on me (with his previous gf from literally JUST before he and I started dating); she’s pregnant….I’m also pregnant. I have an abortion. She keeps the child. He denies everything. He lies, I confront him. He starts dating a mutual friend of ours; she confirms, he denies. He says for me to plan his and my wedding. I tell her and she says that they’re married. I confront him (with screen shots!!) and he claims she’s lying  I send her screen shots of him lying. He tells her that he lent someone his computer and sent those messages and that he didn’t send them. I get confirmation from his mom that he is married to mutual friend and confront him; he, of course, denies it and I send screen shots of his denials to his mother. He now confirms everything is true.

I walk away from ex and his now wife. I hadn't talk to them for 5 years. She reaches out to me via email to say that they’re divorcing. I confront him, he denies so I send a screen shot of his messages to her. We go back and forth for about 5 months until he decides to tell me “The Truth” about everything. At this point, I don’t trust a word he says nor do I trust his soon to be ex wife. So I start talking to his family again to see what the actual EFF is going on. He’d been lying to both myself and his soon to be ex wife and she’d been lying to me AND him. I tell them - individually - to effing leave me alone until they decide to grow a pair of balls and tell me the truth. 

I block them both for a solid year. Whatever mail that they send me, I put “Return To Sender” as I wanted nothing to do with either of them. His parents were trying to pull info out of me of how I was dealing with this. I told them that I’m  more than happy to discuss anything and everything with them BUT their son! 

After that year goes by, I unblock them and they both started apologizing to me about everything (still didn’t believe him at this point!) and she apologized to me as well for calling me a liar and not believing me. She and I started working shit out and become friends. He wants to start dating me the second the ink of his signature on the divorce papers is dry. I laugh hysterically! 

Thought he went bat shit crazy! Told him “Eff no!” because he needs to learn how to be by himself and I’m NOT a rebound person. He keeps chasing me for a few years. I tell the ex wife. Clearly, she’s super upset and I ask her what’s wrong. She told me that she’s still in love with him, they’re trying to repair they’re friendship and she wants to get back together with him; that they’ve talked about this. At this point, I don’t care. I talk to him and he denies it so I call him out on it. He finally admits that they have talked about it.

I ignored him the rest of the day but the next day, I sent him a scathing email that he thinks that I’m some special kind of stupid to think that I’d believe his lies again. He returns the email apologizing to me for it and that he really wants to be with me. I forward it to the ex wife. She sends an email to the both of us (me and the lying idiot) stating that his behavior is unacceptable to both her and I, neither one of us will deal with it, he needs to take time for himself to heal, he needs to figure out which one of us he’s interested in, etc. and move on. She did mention, before ending the email, that whoever he is NOT interested in will not interfere (OR the one is NOT interested in him, will NOT interfere) with their relationship. 

We all fix our shit and become friends (again) individually and with each other, he and I get in another fight. I block him from everything, I tell her that he and I are no longer speaking. She seems THRILLED about it but whatever; she can have him. 

A year after that, he and I start talking again and try to fix shit from the fight. After a few months, I share with the ex wife that he and I are talking again, I have ZERO interest in him romantically (ew!), it would take a effing miracle to be with him again, etc. She was LIVID and sent him a ton of social media messages, emails, texts and voicemails. Apparently, after me telling her that he and I were talking again, he was denying it…of course (she asked to see the messages that he and I sent)….she said to stop his lies or she and I are both gone. He straightened up.

Fast forward to the last year or so….she shares with me her interest in him but he’s sharing with me his interest in me. I told him that I need him to back away from me romantically because those days are over - I knew that the ex wife wanted to be with him again. 

I can’t tell him about her feelings for him and I can’t tell her about his feelings for me. Not only did I promise not to share, I can’t break my promise to either not do I want to hurt either (don’t get frustrated with me as I try hard to be a good and fair person). 

And about something else? The guy that used to be my FWB is still with his gf (he seems to be über unhappy with her; but only hear this one sided so I can’t tell you guys what’s really happening) wants to meet up with me again and hook up with me. I want to meet up with him too. But we haven’t met up as of yet. He’s still with his gf; we both have been cheated on and know what it’s like so we won’t meet any time soon. 

I don’t mind being friends with either but it’s hard to dodge feelings from one and slightly difficult to not jump in my car to meet up with my friend/former FWB (out of respect for his relationship, I don’t hop in my car nor do I do/say anything to cause him to stray).