I promised myself that I wouldn't and I told myself that I knew better but I had moment of weakness.....I take that back; I had a weekend of weakness.
Remember when I had said that I had cut Vince off from my life? Well, I didn't entirely until I snuck out of his place early Sunday morning. Yes, he's still married. Yes, I know that I am going to hell. His wife had moved out about a month ago but he didn’t share the reason nor did I ask; the less that I know about their issues, the better off I am.
I arrived on Friday evening and he had ordered food to be delivered not long after I arrived; glad that he’d ordered Mexican…I don’t get to eat it often enough. I love it but it gives me wicked bad heartburn. We smoke a little weed and drink as we eat to help settle our nerves. It was his first time smoking weed so it kind of funny to watch; I joked that this is where we “puff puff pass”. He cracked up laughing hysterically. We ate a bit of food and put the rest of the food in the fridge and finished cleaning up.
We watch tv as we had more drinks. He wanted to know what was going on with me and I told him that he lost that right to know the second he cheated on me; my personal life is off limits to him. He apologizes, I accept. We watch a little bit more tv as I make us more drinks and we finish watching an episode of my favorite show. He leaned over as the credits were running and kissed me. I pulled away. I knew what he wanted and this is exactly the reason why I was over for the weekend.
I stood up, he followed suit and he walked over to me. He kissed me again and I let him. I open my mouth to let him in, wrap my one hand around his neck to pull him closer and push my body against his. He matches me kiss for kiss as his hands slide up my shirt; his hands were wandering, moving non stop. He moves to take my shirt off, sliding it over my arms and head; I unbuttoned his shirt, run my hands over his muscles and slid his shirt off. We pull away from each other, panting, looking at each other…
“Yes?” Vince asked me and I whispered back saying that I want this too. We rip off the rest of our clothes, he leads me to his bedroom, he goes to his nightstand to pull out a condom and I get on the bed. He opens the wrapper and asked me what I wanted.
“Top,” I panted. “I want to ride you, Vince. I want to ride you so you know what you’ve lost!”
He rolled the condom on, I straddled his ready….member…and slide down. We both moan; I’d forgotten he was bigger than I remembered and he felt how tight I was; he lost this wet apex forever. Vince grabs onto my hips and I ride his member like crazy. In no time, he finished and came so hard the condom broke…..I didn’t care as I’m on birth control. I could feel him shoot his essence in me. I ride him for a few more minutes so I could finish as well.
I climb off and flop down on the bed to catch my breath, he pulls off the condom and throws it in the direction of the garbage can. He gets up to gets us both a bottle of beer…when he comes in the room, he noticed my eyes were closed and placed the bottoms of the cold beers on my nipples; it feels so good that I moan. I sit up and take the beer he offered. I take a few sips and ask if he wants to smoke a little bit more and he accepts. As I’m drinking my beer, I get my supplies, he opens the window a crack.
I hand him a thickly rolled joint and once it’s in his mouth, I light him up and I follow suit with an even thicker joint for myself. We’re smoking, drinking and talking. In no time, I finished my joint and ended up finishing his as well. Once I’m done, I lay down on his bed; he crouched by my apex and he uses his tongue and teeth. I moan as I let him take care of my apex for a little bit; he’s ok but I’ve had better. He gets up and I start stroking his ready member; I know he’s close as he’s making THAT face. He grabs a condom from the drawer, gets on the bed, rolls on the condom and situates himself between my legs…..he’s looking up to the heavens as it appears that he’s praying to whatever god he believes in and whomever he prays to.
He slides in, we both moan. He pulls completely out and slides in again; we moan. He pulls out one more time and slides back in; he finally begins to thrust. As he’s pounding into me and concentrating on not finishing in the first minute or two, I wrap my arms and legs around him, push off with the one elbow and flip us so I’m back on top again. This frustrates him; he pushes me off harder with his full strength. He pushed me hard enough that I hit the bed post with my back….I held my breath for a moment or so, trying to gather myself and not cry. The angle that I hit the post with my back hurt so much. He asked if I was ok and in any pain. I said that I was “fine” but I didn’t tell him the pain was significant and that it’s slowly dissipating; I knew that I would be in pain for a few days. I scoot back up to him and he holds on to me - still hard as a rock. He knew to a certain extent that I wasn’t fine.
I reach over to his member and start stroking him; I ask if he’s ready and he said he was. I lay on my back, spread my legs and he slides in; his member stretching me. His thrusting is slow and steady. As he’s thrusting, his hands wander over to my breasts; he’s squeezing, massaging and sucking….I moan in pleasure. I spread my legs a little further apart and lift my hips a few inches. He starts thrusting harder and faster as he’s squeezing my breasts tighter and tighter. In no time we climax together; he’s thrusting as he’s still shooting his essence in me.
We lay in each other’s arms for a little bit. He slides out and notices that the second condom has broken; he asks if I’m on the pill and I said I was. He sighed with relief but I knew deep down inside of him, he still wants children with me. He detangling himself from me to get us some wine; I tell him to forget the glasses. He laughs and gets the wine. I sit up and cover myself with his sheets….not like he hasn’t seen me in all of my glory before. I decided to get more weed. When he gets back, we pass the wine back and forth and the joint between us and had small talk.
After splitting the bottle between us and I finished the last mouthful, I hand him the wine bottle and roll to my side. He gets up and puts the bottle on the dresser; I hear his drawer open and I hear a tiny rip. I feel him get back on the bed, the sheets moving and him moving closer. He takes a second to roll the condom on before pressing his body into my back. He moves my hair from my shoulders and neck, kissing my neck and shoulders and his other hand roaming my body. He grabs my leg and gently pulls it towards him and slides right back into my apex. I’m a little sore but I don’t tell him that; I just let him enjoy my body for one of the last days he ever will.
My apex is even tighter than normal when I have sex in this position and it squeezed Vince’s member hard enough that Vince wants more; he NEEDS more. He rolls us so I’m on my stomach and he helps me lift my hips and back off the mattress. It got a little hazy here with the amount of weed, beer and wine I had; I do remember telling him what I wanted him sexually but I don’t remember everything. Before you dear readers think he put something in the wine or the weed, impossible! He would’ve been affected by whatever he put in the alcohol and I had pre-rolled the joints hours before I arrived. And despite it being a little hazy, but I DID consent.
I woke up a few hours later, clear headed; I got up to use the bathroom and to get a glass of water. I’d noticed on my way back to the bedroom that Vince was sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. I woke him up and told him to come back to bed with me; he tried to tell me he was happy on the air mattress but I told him that I knew better because he’s ancient. He got up, took my hand and went back into his bedroom with me. After making sure I was on the bed, he walked around to the other side, got in and pulled me close to him with both arms wrapped around me; one hand playing with my nipples and the other hand playing with my apex.
I wake up to the sun in my face and still wrapped in Vince’s arms. I move by accident and it woke him up; he started playing with my nipples again. I moan in pleasure. We untangle from each other, I roll onto my back as he reaches for another condom but I tell him to skip it. That made his member harder and he came over to my side of the bed as fast as he could; he lined himself up with my apex and slid in slowly. He started thrusting slowly and steadily but I was moaning his name and begging him to go deeper; he started thrusting harder and faster, holding onto my breasts for dear life. The more I moaned his name, the harder he thrusted. Seconds later we climaxed together. He rolls off saying he’d get breakfast started. I got up, took my birth control pill, brushed my teeth and showered. As I was getting dressed, he came up behind me grabbing my hips, pulled me closer and nibbled my neck, placing 2 fingers in my ass. I got undressed SO fast, got back on the bed and spread my legs for him again. He laughed and joined me in bed.
We ended up skipping both breakfast and lunch and had hours of sex instead. He had me in the bed, on the couch, the kitchen counters and table, in the shower and on his patio. Thankfully, no one lives near him to see us nor hear us. Afterwards, we showered and ate. Vince was grateful that I had decided to stay for the weekend but I did have to remind him that despite this weekend...he's still married and that after I left, we would no longer be in contact any further as the relationship is toxic. He was upset but understood. We talked more about why he cheated on two women and claimed that he loved us both until he realized that marrying his wife was a mistake.
I told him that where I stood back then and where I stand now is that I was hurt, offended, shocked and humiliated.....I felt that I was the only one and he lied to me to make me believe that I was; I'd gone through his phone many times and there wasn't anything there....no apps, no emails, no texts, no photos....nothing. He said that he had deleted her info before getting back together with me but memorized her number and that he'd delete things before he was with me. He explained that he knew us both about the same length of time but was in a relationship with her before I turned 18, they had broken up years ago and they recently realized that they still cared for each other when he and I started back together; he wasn't sure who he'd have stronger feelings for until he married her while waiting on me to answer him when he asked me. They'd been married about 3 or 4 weeks before I gave him my answer and he learned from his mistake then; he tried to divorce her but she refused to sign the paperwork. When she found out about he and I, that's when she called me to figure out who I was and what I was to Vince.
Of course, like my previous cheating ex, Vince had denied it at that time. Now, Vince was sharing why; he claimed that he was in love with me but anxious to get married so he rushed into it with his wife thinking that I'd never answer him. By the time I did answer him, he was in too deep, tried to get out of it with her and had accidently left his phone open near her. He claims that he didn't want to hurt me even though he now realizes that he did. I grabbed my shoes, threw on my sweatshirt, grabbed my keys - which still has a spare key for Vince's place - and my phone.
I left and decided to take a walk. To a certain degree, I believed him. On the other hand, most of what he's saying feels like lies. I still care for him very much and will always love him so I am conflicted what to believe or not. The walk helped me decide what to do; I'd finish the weekend with him and leave early in the morning. When I came back, that is exactly what I told Vince I'd do. He was clearly upset and I said that he's getting more than he deserved right then; he should feel lucky.
I opened up a bottle of wine, took a wine glass, grabbed a book from my overnight bag, poured a glass and took the book, the glass and the bottle to the couch in the living room. I curled up on the couch and started reading. I lost track of time while reading until I realized that I finished the bottle of wine and the book was halfway finished. I got up to open another bottle and brought it over to where I was set up. I didn't see Vince while I was reading nor while getting the second bottle of wine. About thirty minutes later, he came over bringing food; he had a charcuterie board of my favorite meats and cheeses. Obviously, he was trying to butter me up and try to get me to stay in his life.
I thanked him for the food as I snacked and drank the wine. I was giving him the cold shoulder and he understands why. He brought over water so I wouldn't feel the effects of the wine in the morning. After dropping off the bottle, he kissed the top of my head. I put the bookmark in my book, looked up at him and asked him what the kiss was for. He said that he kissed my head because he felt like it and it was his way of apologizing. I stood up, walked over to him, put my hand around his neck and drew his head towards me. Once he leaned in, we started to kiss; I opened my mouth to let him in. He began to kiss me deeper then he pulls away for a second. He tells me he wants to pack up the food so I should get back to reading for the moment.
Once I open my book, I immediately got sucked back into the story and didn't realize how much time went by when Vince came back to get me. By the time Vince returned, I’d finished off the second bottle of wine and started a third bottle. He lead me by the hand to his bedroom. This is the one time - in a long time - that he did something that showed me that he cared for me other than sex and cooking for me. Unfortunately, it was too late; far, far too late. He had candles and flower petals all over his room and he had one of my favorite lotions.
He began to kiss me and I started to undress and it didn't take me too long. I wanted to undress him but he pushed my hands aside and told me to lie down on the bed - ass down, face up -so I did. He placed some lotion in his hands and started to massage my body starting with my breasts. I knew that I was going to like this massage! As he continued along my body, this made me realize why I fell in love with him so many years ago. When he was done with my front, I turned onto my stomach. He took his time with massaging from my shoulders down to my feet. His hands felt really good and I moaned....which turned him on. When he was done, he placed a heavy blanket over me, he undressed and joined me in bed.
We started kissing, our hands were roaming over the other's body and he rolled me onto my back. He crouched towards my apex; licking, sucking and biting, using his tongue to pleasure me. I wanted to close my legs around his head to keep him there but he needed to breathe lol. Vince came up for air, spread my legs a little wider and he slid his hard penis into my wet apex so easily and he had to stop for a second; I knew that he was close to climaxing. He started thrusting into me again, so slowly and so passionately; kissing me and my body as he was deep inside of me. One more thrust and we climaxed together. Vince didn't stop and didn't want to waste time....he knew in a few short hours I was walking away forever.
He turned me to my side, laid down behind me and entered my apex from behind; thrusting deeper with each stroke. I couldn't stop moaning his name over and over again. Each time I moaned his name, he thrust harder and deeper. He reached around with both arms, grabbed both of my breasts to squeeze and massage....he didn't stop squeezing and massaging as he was thrusting in me.
While still thrusting in me, he flipped us over so I was on my hands and knees. Vince grabbed my hips and started to drill my apex like there was no tomorrow. I was screaming his name and he was thrusting harder and harder for what seemed like forever. We climaxed together and fell into each other's arms, panting and trying to catch our breath. After a bit, I heard his breathing slowing down, I untangled myself, gathered my clothes that were on the floor, folded them and put them on the dresser. I started to pack my stuff. I looked at the clock. It was 11 pm. I reminded myself that I have 6 more hours with him.
In my bag, there was a bottle of warming lube. I took it out and brought it with me to the bed. I pour a little bit on my hands and start stroking him. In no time, he was awake and hard. Vince picked me up and tossed me on the bed. He sat between my legs as he sucked, squeezed and bit my breasts. Once he knew I was ready, he slid into my apex again. In a few strokes, we climaxed together again and he was ready for me minutes later.
We didn't stop making love through the rest of the night and went through many condoms; several LARGE boxes worth. By the time we were spent, it was nearly time for me to leave. I was in his arms again, watching him sleep; part of me didn't want to leave him and part of me didn't want to say good bye to him forever....but I knew that it was for the best. Once I knew he was asleep, I untangled myself from his arms for the umpteenth time and got dressed. I grabbed a letter that I wrote for Vince and left it next to him where I was sleeping. I didn't want to break his heart like he broke mine but in the letter, I did break his heart....it was as gentle as possible which is much more than he deserved. I reminded myself to take the spare key to his place of my keychain and left the key with the letter.
"Vince,
My love, my life. By now you know that I'm gone. I slipped away early this morning. I didn't want to leave it like this but I knew if I said this face to face with you, neither one of us would want to let go. We had a wonderful number of years together, our love was true at one point. I wanted to marry you with all of my heart but we both knew I wasn't ready to do so. You got scared that you'd be unmarried when you died so you married your other woman....or was I the other woman? It doesn't matter who the ‘other’ woman was anymore.
You're married to someone else because you didn't want to wait until I was ready nor did you want to die alone. I don't blame you for being unsure if I'd be ready. I forgive you for that. I don't forgive you for betraying my love and betraying my trust for you. Even if you hadn't married your wife, I would've given you the engagement ring back and ended the relationship as I lost all trust in you. We wouldn't have survived; trust me on this.
I will always love you and I will always dwell on our good times....I will always cherish this weekend that we had. Vince, you know that it's time for me to walk away. I can't be in your life anymore. Yes, it's because you cheated on me for who knows how long, betrayed my love and betrayed my trust. It would be EXTREMELY hard for you to regain my trust to the point where I'd trust you again. There's no way that either of us would be in a relationship - with each other or with other people - where there was no trust.
Vince, I loved you then, I love you now and I’ll always love you. I won't stop loving you. It's time for me to say goodbye to you and it's time for me to move on. No matter how you feel for me now or in 5 years, please don't reach out to me again. I've got everything set up that by 12 noon today to have my phone number change, my email will change and I am moving. My loved ones and our mutual friends will not give you my personal information. My one request of you is this.....try to make things work out with your wife. I know that you feel like it's a big mistake being married to her but I know that if you work on the marriage WITH her, the marriage will work.
I love you forever, Vince.
Deppgrl"
I took my birth control and a morning after pill, gathered my things and left without looking back. I left my heart with my soul mate.
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