I am seeing this time as fun but I am not sure how he's seeing it. Hope he's having some "fun" when we are together lol. He still cooks for me and still provides my favorite alcoholic beverages.
When we talk - we do a ton of talking, actually! - we know that ending whatever this is will be hard since we've known each other for almost 3 decades and we've always been an important part of the other person's life. We know that the time to end this is soon; neither of us are getting any younger and I want to find someone that will actually stay faithful to me and won't hit me. Whomever I meet has to be pretty damn special to catch my attention and win my heart. My hope for him is that he finds someone special and that he won't hit them. Last night as he was cooking for me, he said that despite us both caring for the other deeply, we're not good for each other.
It hurt me to hear him say that but I know that he's 100% right about that. When I am with someone, I take care of them and forget to take care of myself. When the other person is with me, they try so hard to make me happy and keep me happy - which really isn't that hard to do at all. With Vince, I cleaned his place, did his laundry, went grocery shopping for him, etc. all the while my place wasn't getting cleaned, and my dogs were with my parents instead of with me.
Vince had shared with me that he had always known that I have high expectations of the person was with and I had trust issues. He said that he worked so hard to make sure that he was doing everything he could think of to be "The Perfect Man" for me: cooking for me, taking me out on (unnecessary) weekends, being chivalrous (I come from a state where the women are bolder than most women and are more independent than other women), that kind of thing.
We had a breakdown of communication of what we were expecting from the other; we didn’t share our expectations of the other with the other one. Should I have told him that dates are fine but weekends away are unnecessary? Yes. Should I have told him that he doesn't need to cook for me every night and that we could either do take out or me cook for us sometimes? Yes. Should I have told him that he doesn't always need to pay for me, that he doesn't need to open doors for me and that he doesn't have to pull a chair out for me? Yes. Did I appreciate these actions? Hell yes - especially him holding doors open for me. Did I tell him any of this? No although it could've helped. Could it have helped if he told me that I didn't need to clean his place or take care of his place for him? Yes but he didn't. Would it have helped? Yes.
We were both trying so hard to be the right one for the other that we didn't discuss what was really important to us as an individual.....which is why he and I officially ended when he reneged on his support after the abortion. He's admitted that he regrets not only telling me that he no longer supported me after the abortion because he's pro-life and regretted that he didn't tell me that as a strict Catholic, the life of an unborn child is important.
We had this debate recently that at the stage of pregnancy that I was at, the fetus was just barely a fetus....it hadn't developed a brain, lungs nor a heart - it wasn't a child but instead cells forming. Science isn't a strong point for either of us but we both believe in it; me more than him. I had all this information pulled up on my tablet for him to read after we had the debate. He read everything, asked me questions and I answered to the best of my ability.
I appreciated that he took the time to read what I pulled up and that he wanted to talk about it and told him so. He looked a bit pleased with himself and he said that he was happy to read and learn what's important to me. I rolled my eyes, told him that we aren't getting back together, slid him some tongue as I kissed him and then headed to the kitchen to refill my wine. I could feel his burning the back of my head. Neither one of us had kissed the other since literally the first pill of the abortion meds.
I come back with my glass refilled and brought the bottle of red that he was drinking. I topped his glass off then placed the then empty bottle in recycling can. I joined Vince on the couch so we could decide what movie to watch. The decision was made quick. As he was setting up the movie, I went to his room to put on my nightgown...I had the feeling that I would fall asleep during the movie. I went to the bathroom to take out my contacts and then I went downstairs to rejoin Vince.
He had the couch pulled out as a bed, the lights in the corner on (the other lights in the living room were turned off), the fan was on, my favorite blanket and several pints of my favorite ice cream brand. I hop onto the bed, get situated and Vince starts the movie. It was one of those movies that starts slow but builds fast. We're about 3 pints of ice cream in - just about 3/4 of the way through the movie - that I start to dose off. Vince lets the movie play as he cleans up. By the time he was finished cleaning up, I was fast asleep.
When I had woken up in the morning, I noticed that he'd slept in his own bed. I get up, take the sheets off the mattress, fold the couch up and put the sheets and my clothes in the washer. I showered, got dressed and started brewing coffee for Vince and set out a few things for him to make his own breakfast. Thanks to him having a high efficient washer and dryer, I was able to get my clothes and his sheets from the washer into the dryer in no time. He finally woke up, showered, got dressed and came down. He made us breakfast of pancakes and bacon. We talked over breakfast and he stated that he wants to get back together. I hadn't laughed this hard in a long ass time and thought he was joking. He said my name and I looked at him. He looked very serious.
I stopped laughing and asked him how serious he was. He said he was very serious. I asked him what makes him think that I will be in a romantic relationship with him again. He said that he loves me and that he feels that we can work everything out with the support of our family and continuing couples (and anger) therapy. I was so stunned that I couldn't speak for several minutes. I excused myself to empty the dryer to put the folded sheets in the linen closet and place my folded clothes in my overnight bag.
I gathered everything else to put in my bag and brought the bag to the door. After that, I went back into the kitchen. Vince was cleaning up from breakfast and I walked up to him. He looked like he knew what I was going to say. I started out with telling him that I still love him and a part of me always will - nothing will ever change that - but I further explained that I need a man that will accept me and the decisions I make, support me even when we disagree on the subject and someone who will NOT hit me. He looked surprised and said that it was an accident - a one time thing. I said that one time was one time too many and that I can't put myself at that risk again with him again. He asked if we would continue to have sex. I laughed and said yes, as long as we both consent and as long as we are both single. He didn't like my statement of us both being single but he knew I don't tolerate being cheated on and I will NOT cheat on whom I'm with.
He leaned down to kiss me goodbye. I opened my mouth and deepened the kiss. He pulled back, placed the last dish in the dishwasher, washed and dried his hands and kissed me again, wrapping his arms around me and pressed his body against mine. I could feel his penis hardening. I pulled away and explained to him that he wasn't going to get lucky that day. He was very upset, clearly but I did NOT feel guilty at all. I told him that just because I visit, it doesn't automatically mean that I am laying down on my back and spreading my legs for him....I don't owe him anything. He was mad but he'll get over it.
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