A few changes

I wake to the hospital room thick with silence. My phone screen glows — four missed calls without voicemails and three text messages from Charlie. I opened up my text messages from him….the first two were asking if I was awake and he wanted to talk to me. The last one I paid more attention to.

Charlie: “Vic went to the airport earlier than needed and got on an earlier flight home.”

My chest tightens. I type a quick reply, fingers moving automatically:

Me: “Thanks for letting me know.”

Then another:

Me: “Now that Vic’s on his way home, Patrick’s dead and I’m safe, I should probably find another place to stay. Maybe a condo or something near the arena.”

I open the calendar app on my phone and scroll to the date of my last birth control injection. It was six weeks ago and I had six more weeks to go. Relief flickers through me, but it doesn’t settle the unease twisting in my stomach. I tell myself I’ll take a morning-after pill once I get out of bed, just to quiet the spinning in my head.

I lie back, eyes on the ceiling, hoping for a message from Vic that I knew  wouldn’t come. Since his phone didn’t work in New Zealand, it certainly won’t in the air. Still, I send him a text:

Me: “Thank you for the surprise visit. I really appreciate you taking time away from work — and your wife — to spend it with me.”

The words feel too restrained for what I really want to say. We care for each other more than we should. He’s married, and he isn’t leaving her but I’ve always known that. That fades when we’re together, the rest of the world blurs. What we have exists in stolen hours — real, impossible, doomed. Caring him feels like standing on the edge of something beautiful, knowing the fall is coming.

Eventually, I pull myself out of bed. The shower is too hot, stinging, waking my skin and mind. I brush my teeth, air-dry, find clothes for practice, and take the morning-after pill. I sling my tote bag — containing extra clothes, phones, chargers, IDs, money, hotel keycard, and water bottles into — over my shoulder and exited the hotel. I headed down the arena, thankful for the fresh air.

The players and coaches greet me, and the Jasons look shocked when I arrived without coffee.

“No coffee?” one says. “Are you even human today?”

“I have stuff on my mind,” I say, dropping my bag and pulling my phone out to place a pick-up order at the local café. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Charlie jogs to catch up as he saw me head through security. “How’s everything?”

“It’s fine. Since Vic’s gone, I don’t need the hotel room he booked anymore. It’s going to cost either the time or myself unnecessary spending. But I can focus on practice and my appointment later on,” I reply.

“When do you want to leave the hotel?” he asked. “Anything I can do to help find you a place? Are you seeing Dr. Hayes later?”

“No, I can manage.  Thanks though. I have Dr. Hayes and OB,” I say.

“Want to grab coffee while we walk to wherever you’re going?”

“I’m actually going to pick up my coffee order that I just placed,” I tell him, and we head to the local café.

At the café, the baristas greet me warmly: “Coach!”

Charlie orders black coffee and a few biscotti. and we both exclaim at the same time: “Son of a biscotti!” We laughed hard at our inside joke as I picked up the coffee that I had placed via the café’s mobile app.

We find a corner table to sit at.

“You seem close to Dr. Hayes,” Charlie says.

“We knew each other from the past, but we weren’t super close. His family was wealthy, mine middle class. When we dated briefly, his family rejected me,” I explain.

He sighs. “If he were single now, would you consider it?”

“Maybe. But the man I truly care for is heading home to his wife. Even though he cares for me, he won’t leave her.”

Charlie takes my hand. “It’s okay to care for someone meant for another person. Sometimes it’s easier to get over them by getting under someone else.”

 “Thanks, Charlie,” I said as I laughed. “I tend to give that advice often!”

“I learned it from you, my friend,” he smiled.

We finish our coffee, I placed another order of coffee and we headed back to the arena. I swipe us inside. Charlie heads to his office to handle logistics – and unknowingly to me, a condo for me - while I returned to practice.

The Jasons are happy to see me caffeinated.

“How can one forget to drink coffee?” Jason Holland asked.

“Are you’re more human now?” Jason Ryan added.

“I suppose so,” I answered with a smile

“I told you!” Holland said.

“Alright, boys,” I said. “We’re at practice

Practice began again as the players settled down after my return. The players have improved with Cathal’s suggestions — offense learning defense, defense learning offense, rarely siloing. During a water break, I ask about the mental health providers I brought in.

Joey grinned. “I’d love to take mine on a date.”

I smiled. “Too bad. Contract forbids involvement with current and former clients. Plus, your mental health team are lesbians in a happy marriage.”

They all chuckle. Joey sheepishly adds, “I was joking.”

“So was I. Anyone as questions can text me,” I say. “We’ll sort it there.”

The players took to the turf again after their water and snack break. I had slowly implemented that as energy takes calories and calories are needed for energy. The players also focused and listened better when having food.

I talked with the other coaches to see if they were interested, we have some fun during practice. They coaches asked what kind of fun that I was thinking about and I said 8 vs 8 – players vs coaches – until all the players had a turn. The coaches loved the idea. I blew my whistle to catch the attention of the players.

“Hey, ladies, gents and everyone in between!” I said. “We’re going 8 vs 8! The eight of us coaches and eight players until every player has practiced against us!”

There was cheering from the players and the coaches

“No elbows to faces, people!” I call. “And no taking it easy on me!”

They all laughed. “Got it, Coach!”

We played for a few hours. The players toned it down ever so slightly for me being the only woman on the turf and the smallest one there. A few times, I went flying in the air after getting hit, the ball was a little too high for me to catch and hit my eye as I was lifted in order to catch it, and enjoyed the scrum. At one point, I chuckled to myself thinking about seeing Ronan - Dr. Hayes - and the OB colleague later being covered in bruises.

Practice ended way past time that we usually ended. The players head to showers in their locker room as did the coaches. I take mine in the coaches’ office for more privacy. I stripped down, wash quickly, assessed the bruises — black eye from a missed ball — and dress again. I tossed my practice clothes into a plastic bag, threw it in my tote, and texted the coaches goodnight. They all wished me a good night and that they all hoped that I had my coffee with me in the morning.

As mentally and physically tired as I was, I ordered a car through a car share app. I waited a few minutes before they picked me up. When I got in the car, I received a text from Scott with the thumbs up emoji and a car emoji; clearly, I’d forgotten that he received notifications when I used this ride share app. A few minutes later, I was at the hospital. I thanked the driver and hopped out with my bag.

I headed inside the hospital through the ER doors and got lost heading to Ronan’s office. An employee asked who I was looking for and when I mentioned “Dr. Hayes” I was escorted to Ronan’s office. I thanked the employee and entered his office without knocking.  I dropped my bag in Ronan’s office floor.

“Did anyone lay a finger on you?” he asked as he took a good look at me.

“About fifty men,” I say.

“That’s not what I meant,” he frowns. “You knew that.:

“I know. No one hurt me in a negative way,” I said as I smiled.

He kissed my cheek as his OB colleague arrives.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Kim Yancy,” she said as we shook hands. “You’re the famous Deppgrl that Ronan won’t shut up about!”

“Kim, really?” he asked sheepishly as he looked at me.

“Dude’s in love with you and he’s too embarrassed to say so himself!” Kim said and winked. “Thank fuck the man has an exam table in his office or we wouldn’t be able to take care of this in here.”

“True,” I said as I stripped from the waist down and hopped up on the exam table.

“Do you need anything for pain?” she asked.

“No,” I say.

Kim quickly and expertly inserted the IUD, trimmed the string then turned away so I can get dressed. I redressed in my panties and leggings.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, Deppgrl,” Kim said. “I’ll send in the other doctor.”

“It was a pleasure meeting you as well,” I replied. “Thanks.”

Dr. Chen, the optometrist, comes in next.

“Contacts in?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“If you could take them out, please.”

I comply.

“No damage. All clear,” he says. We shake hands.

As Ronan returns, I wash my hands so I can put my contacts back in. When I see him in the mirror, he looks at me and smiles like he used to.

“I keep tabs on you,” he says.

“I noticed,” I reply. “All the time?”

“Not constantly. Just enough to know you’re safe,” he says.

“I guess that makes sense,” I say.

“I wouldn’t interfere unless I had to. I just like knowing,” he says.

I nod, smiling. “Fair enough. I guess we’re both careful.”

He leans against his desk. “Dinner?”

“When’s your next night off?” I ask.

“Following night. I can cook at my place, order delivery, bring it to you wherever you’re staying, or take you out,” he offers.

“That would be greatly appreciated,” I say.

He cups my face gently and kisses me softly.

“Let me know where,” he says.

“I will,” I promise.