Tuesday, May 25, 2021

Had an interesting conversation the other day

I shared with someone the other day about my cheating ex bf (and how I accidentally got pregnant, found out he cheated on me and so I made the decision to have an abortion). This person knew about the cheating ex but didn’t know about the pregnancy nor about the abortion; they apologized that I had gone through that (cheating ex, knowing that the ex wouldn’t stick around and the decision for the abortion) and commented that I would’ve been a good mom. 

We continued the conversation and they said that they wanted to be a parent; I gave my support of them being a good parent, that they’d be a perfect mix between parent and friend, etc. As we talked, I shared that I don’t want kids nor do I desire kids…..just want a good man that has a good penis and we have good sex; that I’m happy being that tipsy aunt that brings nothing but alcohol to family gatherings. This person said that I’m good with my part time kids - my siblings’ kids and my friends' kids- and reiterated that I’d be a good mom. 

As the conversation ended for the day, I started to do some thinking. Since I was younger, I did want multiple kids (like 3 or 4) but between the ex, not having a big dating pool near me, picky about the men (and women) that I date, etc. I’d need to make sure that I’d find the right guy to have a kid with. I’m not going to have a kid with just any guy I’m dating; this guy has to be AMAZING. 

Anyways. I was talking to this person today and I shared what I was thinking about and he said that I should seriously consider having at least 2 to 3 kids but 2 would be a perfect number. 

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

The things that I trust more than tRumpster

  • My stomach after eating spoiled food
  • A skunk 
  • The ex that cheated on me 
  • El Chapo
  • Water/food from Chernobyl AND from Three Mile Island
  • My young niece doing my taxes
  • A grenade with its pin already pulled out
  • George W.’s economic plan
  • A car with 4 flat tires to get me from the Eastern part of Russia to the Western part of Russia
  • Cold meds that expired 15 years ago
  • Charles Ponzi - the ‘creator’ of the Ponzi scheme
  • A non-licensed medical professional to perform any medical procedure 
  • Jerry Falwell Sr AND Jr
  • Larry Flint
  • A bungee cord for bungee jumping 
  • An unfortunate person (homeless/jobless/down on their luck/gambler/addict/etc) with $200,000,000,000 in cash and return it back to me in full a year later
  • Sirhan Sirhan
  • Mehmet Ali Agca
  • Ted Kennedy driving 
  • Any poisonous snake
  • Bees (as I’m allergic; bad hives, rashes and bumps)
  • Gas station food
  • A prostate exam by Captain Hook
  • A gynecological exam by Captain Hook
  • Stormy Daniels
  • Anyone who does NOT hire F. Lee Bailey (who had clients like Pattie Hearst, OJ Simpson and Jeffrey Epstein)
  • Sharks
  • Anyone of my dogs with my food near their reach! 
  • King Henry VIII to NOT behead me. 
  • OJ Simpson not buying a new Ford Bronco in white
  • Sting rays
  • Jelly fish
  • Dollar store over the counter medicine 
  • Taco Bell 
  • Jolene - ask Dolly Parton!
  • Salmonella 

Sunday, May 16, 2021

Thinking of getting rid of this blog

No one really reads this blog anymore and I just don't have the energy to keep up with it anymore. I've had a few people figure out my "real" identity - they pretty much tell me that they read my blog because they're bored and that they really have nothing better to do in their lives than to read my "mediocre" writing.......Um, sorry? My "mediocre" writing skills helped me pull 20+ page college papers out of my ass 36 hours before they were due; sometimes just mere HOURS before they were due......just to receive an A on said papers

I am NOT here to entertain people with my life and my stories to because they live very boring lives. I am here for a writing outlet and if people like what I write, fine.....If not, move on! I am doing this for free and I know I could select a few choices, have people subscribe and PAY to read this blog, but I don't. I'm not that much of a cunt!

Saturday, May 15, 2021

I’m tired of….

I’m really tired of being:
  • A friend to someone who sees it as one sided; I’m constantly giving and they’re constantly taking 
  • Guilted into chatting when the other is available - which is when I’m busy
  • A shoulder when people bitch & moan about the same damn thing after constantly asking for my advice. 
  • The person who cleans up someone’s proverbial mess
  • The person who cleans up someone’s literal mess - cleaning one’s apartment/dwelling because they’re too damn lazy to do it themselves 
  • The person that has to constantly cheer up the pessimist; not your average pessimist….you know the one I’m talking about: “Oh! One thing went wrong and now everything’s going wrong!”....No, sweetie one thing went wrong, it ruined your mood and you’re letting it ruin your day!
  • The person that’s there for the person in a relationship that’s going nowhere; I hear what’s wrong with the relationship - all one sided of course without knowing the other person - when I just want to yell: “If you’re really THAT unhappy in the relationship, leave!”
  • Being talked over
  • Having shit mansplained to me…just because I have breasts and a vagina does NOT mean that I’m stupid and that you need to explain to me like I’m 4. 
  • People assuming I’m dumb because I’m blonde; sorry to disappoint you, Boo Boo Stink Stink, I’m street smart AND book smart.
  • Being treated horribly by tRumpsters; they think they’re high and mighty but they are in a cult lead by an immoral, married multiple times, serial cheater, rapist, paid a prostitute for sex, avoided the draft, refused to reveal his taxes, incited an insurrection, claimed voter fraud, filed bankruptcy at least 7 times, etc. 

Thursday, May 6, 2021

Had a crazy bad fever yesterday

So I’ve got like a week or so of antibiotics left to take because of the bronchitis I was diagnosed with about 2 weeks ago. I woke up with a fever of 101* but as the day went on, I think went up to 102*. I knew it was getting dangerous at that point; if it went up any more, I’d have to go back to the hospital for observation. Wasn’t in the mood for that shit. 

I ended up drinking a ton of fluids (I mixed water with Gatorade and poured it over ice), alternated between Advil and Tylenol, I napped, I tried to sweat it out…..I messaged C to apologize for not messaging him like I said I would as I was in bed and not feeling well; I thought that would be enough but it wasn’t. 

In a nutshell, he asked me to rest, keep hydrating, eat a little bit more (I had a banana and a yogurt prior to messaging him) and I should have a cold shower; which I did…..twice (I don’t like being sweaty). Told him that I’d go to bed around 8 pm for the night. 

He texted me a little after 8 to see how I was feeling, asked if I rested, asked if I ate/hydrated, etc. I explained I did and that my temperature dropped down to 99*. He was happy to hear that I was doing all the right things and felt that I would be feeling better tomorrow (meaning today).  I don’t remember my response but I think it was positive. I expressed my gratitude towards him for asking how I was feeling and checking in on me. 

Deep down, we both know he didn’t have to BUT whatever happened in the past, C is a solid person, he wishes people well and wants people to succeed no matter how he and the other person ended. It’s a sign of a good and strong person to treat others well; he ‘wins’ at that. 

I had a virtual appointment with my doctor and they sent over another antibiotic to my pharmacy; I’m to start the new one as I’m finishing up the current one…..yes, take 2 different antibiotics but it’s only for a few more days. I was able to rest and hydrate a bit today but I had too much to do today. 

C did check in on me today and was a little surprised that my doctor called in another medication but happy as it might help whatever’s going on. Told him that I appreciated him reaching out to me to check on me. 

Sunday, May 2, 2021

Took some time away from people

 After being unemployed for 13 months - going on 14 months - it’s taken a toll on me emotionally. I’m a self admitted introvert; I don’t do well in groups of 5 + people (excluding myself), going out exhausts me mentally and physically. You get the point. I take my dogs out for a walk a few times week, I go grocery shopping - with 2 masks! - I visit with friends but outside. 

I had texted my friends/family that I talk to literally 100 times a day every day on Tuesday that I’m just taking a few days to myself; I just needed to be by myself. I explained that everything is ok but I wanted the time to myself to reflect; I wanted to read some books, self reflection, write to get things out of my mind (so I could actually fall asleep right away instead of 1,000 different positions and 100 sacrifices to the sleep gods). They were COMPLETELY supportive of my decision; they all have agreed with me that self care/self love is super important - more so now than ever because of Covid. Of course, I chatted with the relatives I live with and they gave me the space/privacy when I asked for it. I did come into contact with Brick yesterday but it wasn’t for more than 3 hours (about 90 minutes helping him out at his house plus the 90 minutes that he had dinner with us last night).

It was great that I had the time to myself; it made me realize that even though I spend hours a day applying for jobs, I still spend time cleaning someone else’s house (my relatives’ house), listen to friends/family and be there for them emotionally. It made me realize that it’s ok to love them and be there for them, but I need to stop being there for them as much as I am; I literally do NOT turn my phone off (unless it’s updating), I respond to emails/texts within a few minutes, I get woken up at all hours of the night to be there…..I’ve also been woken up at 2 am to go pick up a friend (and even a friend’s sibling) up at a bar/club/party because they’re too drunk to get home. 

I’m going to slowly implement boundaries; no calling/texting after 1 am (unless it’s a life or death emergency), emailing at any time is fine but I’ll wait until the morning to look at, read and reply to the email, if they and/or a sibling are too drunk to drive home from a bar/club/party/whatever and need a ride, I will get an Über or Lyft to them and if they feel like there’s a need to repeatedly call/text me just to tell me something, I’m calling them out and telling them that’s an abuse to my willingness to listen - they can call/text once, tell me what’s going on and I will respond to them when I have a moment instead of when they want my response. 

When a neighbor needs help

The town I live in is a tight knit community; we all know each other (our kids were at one of the two schools, our friends are the current and/or the former teachers) and we all know each other’s business. The only thing is that I have to chuckle about this is because despite living here for 2/3 of my life, I recently learned that this town is about 20 odd square miles; yet we don’t have our own post office nor our own fire department nor police department BUT once our middle schoolers graduate from 8th grade, they can choose from two different high schools; one is in the county where our town actually is located in and the other is in the county right next door because our mailing addresses are in the other county. On a side note, this panned out for me for the community college and the state college I went to; both are in the county where my mailing address is so I was not only able to receive the in state “discount”…..I was also able to receive the in county “discount” for both colleges. That’s besides the point. 

I’m 38 and lived here for 28 years; out of all those years, one of our next door neighbors stayed the same. Nice slightly older guy named…..Brick. Brick is in his mid to late 60s, nice, respectful of his next door neighbors and other neighbors on our street, well respected in our town and other local communities due to owning/running his own business for approximately 30 years (previously with his parents before they died) and all around decent human.

Anyways….Brick came over and asked if I was able to help him out with a job at his home; he needed someone who had small hands. I looked at my relatives and we all nodded our heads yes so I told Brick that I’m more than happy to help but I needed a minute to grab my mask (my relatives and I are all vaccinated against Covid but not sure if Brick is; even if he was, we don’t know if he was in contact with someone who was infected). I go inside, grab my cell phone and my mask; I wave to my relatives to let them know that I was going over to Brick’s. 

*The unfortunate side of everyone knowing everything in a small knit community is this community lives in a valley; any louder voice than an “inside” voice is amplified and people within a few miles of you can hear you. My relatives and I wave at each other outside to get each other’s attention and then walk over to each other; we’re pretty private people and don’t want everyone knowing everything*

Brick had made a disaster in his kitchen as he was adding hardware (handles/knobs) to his kitchen drawers and cabinets. He wanted me to hand him the nuts, bolts, spacers, screws, screwdrivers and whatever else he needed for the job. He tried to explain what was what but I had to interrupt him; I explained that growing up, my biological father, stepdad and maternal grandfather taught me somethings when I watched and I had asked questions; my brother more so when I worked for him as I asked and actually did the (easy) repair….I have a curious mind. He looked a little embarrassed that he assumed that I didn’t know and apologized and I said that I forgave him. 

As we were working, we were talking and getting to know each other - my relatives know him better than I do as I was a child when we moved here - and he seemed pretty interested in what I was doing and what my interests were. He said that he thought that I was the princess while my sister was the tough one but now he realizes it was the other way around. We laughed as he raided his fridge and we had a few (10) beers between us. 

He never married; he’d have a handful of girlfriends before he had a fiancé….he said she died but never said from what and I didn’t ask. He never wanted to marry anyone else but her and has girlfriends since her but they weren’t serious; they’d date for 12 to 18 months and he’d break up with them. He asked me if I had anyone special and I said no; I explained that it was difficult while working for my brother at the restaurant because of the long hours and working 6 days a week - sometimes 7 days a week if a holiday landed on a Sunday - and customers and staff were WAY off limits. I said that my brother laid me off in March 2020 due to Covid and how it would effect his business; I was full time, salaried and high risk….he’d beat himself up if I got sick. I said that I’ve been collecting unemployment and the stimulus checks but it’s nowhere near what I was getting when I was working. Just then I realized that not only was I bitching, it sounded like I was *begging* for money….which I promise you I was NOT at all; I was just bitching. 

I immediately told Brick that I wasn’t asking for money. He said he knew and understood that I was just bitching. He laughed it off. He asked if I wanted a small job working for him; it would take a max of 6 to 8 minutes a week if I wanted. I asked what it was and he said it was to grab his mail for him on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays; I’d leave that day’s mail between the storm door and the ‘regular’ door on his back porch…. I said sure. He asked me for the proper spelling (and pronunciation) of my last name so that when he went to the bank to deposit cash in his business account, he’d deposit money in my account. 

As we share the same bank and go to the same branch (can’t tell you how many times we’ve seen each other at that branch), told him that he could tell the teller that I’m his niece (what the hell would they know?) and that the money could be deposited into my checking account. He said that sounded great and that it works out well because I didn’t need to share any personal banking information with him (not even my closest of friends know any of my personal banking information!).

We finished up with the work and bull shitting, I start grabbing my phone and mask to start to head out. Brick stopped me and tells me the reason why he wanted me over; partly because he wanted company and partly because it’d been a little bit since he had sex. I giggled and said ok, explaining that I don’t suck and I don’t kiss during sex. He laughed and said it was NOT a problem for either one. 

He guided me to the couch, we stripped, he asked me to stroke his penis for a moment or so, then he asked me to lean over the couch and spread my legs. He used his fingers to spread my apex, digitally enter me and massage enough to make me wet. Once I started moaning, he spread my legs a little further apart and entered my apex from behind. 

Fuck me now. That first thrust was going to be the death of me….or so I thought. He kept pounding away, I was moaning and telling him to NOT stop; he surprises me by switching to different positions. My apex and I couldn’t handle this; I was moaning louder and louder….I had to find a pillow to bury my face in. It was a struggle as I was more into the pleasure than finding the pillow so I just focused on internally screaming. 

Brick asked me if I was on any form of the pill and I said that yes I am and take it daily without fail. Seconds later, we explode together and I feel him shoot into me; he moans my name and then bites my back when he’s finished. He’s still hard and still very ready. We move to his bed and we fuck until he’d drained himself completely in me. We take a few seconds to catch our breath and then we get dressed. I get dressed pretty quickly and thank him for letting me help. 

I text my relatives that I’m on my way home and that I helped Brick out with handles/knobs on his kitchen cabinets/drawers. About 15 seconds later, I walk into my garage and into the house. It hits me as I greet my relatives…..I’m on new medication for migraines; this medication decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control - what I take - and as I say hi to my relatives, they tell me that we’re having hot dogs, hamburgers, corn, potato salad and macaroni salad for dinner and Brick is coming over. I force myself to be cheerful and say “Ok!”  I excuse myself to go take a shower. 

Once in my room, I find an emergency contraceptive pill in my purse. I swallow it without any water and then go take a shower. It was a quick shower because I felt like the emergency contraceptive pill was stuck in my throat and I wanted ice water to chase it down. 

As soon as I chug some water, here comes Brick walking into our fenced in backyard with more beer. I excuse myself quick to look up to see if I can drink any type of alcohol shortly after taking the emergency contraceptive but I couldn’t find anything. I cross my fingers and hope to crap that it’s ok. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

I suck it up and I actually enjoy sharing my family’s dinner with Brick.  I don’t hate/dislike Brick but I just didn’t want to see him 15 minutes after having sex with him. I was hoping that it would be about a week - or maybe a month - before he and I interacted face to face again