Got home much earlier today

Both tests came back negative for Covid, thankfully. The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with me nor could he find out what caused the fever so he said that he felt it was because of the stress that I’m going through right now. After getting some prednisone to take with my antibiotic for my stupid sinus infection, the doctor signed my release forms. 

The second I got the ok to leave, I practically ran out of the hospital to my dad’s truck; he drove me to the ER last night since he didn’t want me to drive while having a fever (don’t blame him!)…..Last it week it was me driving him to the hospital after he was sleep walking and fell down the stairs; the ER doc said it was bruised ribs (he followed up with his doctor today and they think that he may have fractured a rib so he’s going for an MRI to get a better look and to see if there was any organ damage). 

I slept for most of the day - only woke up to eat and shower. Now I’m getting ready for bed…..getting too old to stay up to bring in the new year. 

In the hospital yet again

Can't sleep with all the noise; the staff, the machines. doors getting slammed and the uncomfortable IV in my arm.

I am here because of a 101* F fever. Been sick with a sinus infection and on my second round of antibiotics. I'd been doing all I could do to reduce the fever at home; alternated between a fever reducer and an anti-inflammatory, a few ice cold showers and had placed ice packs all over me when I was trying to take a nap.

Unfortunately, when I was admitted and finally saw the doctor, he didn't know if it was stress related (personal shit going on and unable to share it) or if it's Covid....I really doubt Covid as whenever I am out in public, I wear a mask (that has a filter), social distance as the public place allows (when I'm inside a building) and when in a crowded place outside....And yes, I was vaccinated. I know the vaccine (and the booster) will NOT prevent me from getting Covid but at least allowing it to be a less severe case. I was given a rapid test and a PCR test hours ago but no one has come to tell me the results of either.

Last time I saw the doctor (and ALL the nurses I've seen) that no matter what the answer is going to be, I will check myself out with or without their medical advice. I want to go home, sleep in my own bed and be ready to isolate if need be. 

Friends are always great to have

Friends, like family, are important to have. I am SO exhausted from dealing with Vince and exhausted of talking about him to my family and friends. I’m sure that they’re as tired as I am when he is mentioned and eventually discussed. 

As previously mentioned, C and I have reconciled - yet again - as friends. This time around, we aired our shit with the other, talked about it and fought a bit over it but we were able to fix our friendship; we’re able to discuss more shit than we’ve ever been before. For that, I am grateful and appreciative that we’re better friends than before and that he’s in my life again. 

I’d reached out to C the other day to see if we could meet up for drinks and an appetizer. He said yes before I could finish the question. We decided on a place that was the midpoint between our homes. He arrived a few minutes prior to me and found the most quiet table he could find….it was literally a table for 4 to 6 people and located near the kitchen; I was happy to see that he had a few drinks and a few appetizers at the table already. When C saw me, he stood up, came to me and greeted me with a bear hug. 

After we sat down and had a few shots, I explained to him that a few days ago - in further detail - about Vince coming over, his BS, me calling him out and me “officially” kicking him out of my life….I was tired of Vince, his lies and his drama….I needed him out of my life ASAP. C was thrilled that I “evicted” Vince out of my life and that I was on my way to heal. 

We’d been there for about an hour when I hear someone say my name. I look up and it’s V. Of ALL the restaurants near both C & I, we both - unknowingly - agreed on a restaurant where my former lover worked. After the past month or so that I’ve been having, V was NOT the person I wanted to see. C had noticed I’d turned as white as a ghost…..which is hard because I’m already pale as fuck; I’m neon white.

“Yo, Deppgrl….is this V?” C whispered. “Want me to get rid of him? Just say the word.”

“Yeah. It’s him,” I said. “It’s fine. I’ll talk to him; I’ll be back in a few.”

I stood up, grabbed my phone, walked over to V and gave him a hug, it was kind of a half assed hug because I was still shocked to see him. Thought that I wouldn’t see him ever again. I did notice that he looked older, he looked tired and still looked as sexy as ever; I was still drawn to him physically but I don’t leave a friend on their own to have sex with a man. Or woman.

“Deppgrl. You look beautiful as always. How are you?” V asked me. “I’m surprised to see you. Thought I’d never see you again!”

“Thanks, V. I’m fine; just here with a friend of mine to catch up. I’m shocked as fuck to see you. Didn’t realize that you work here. He and I can get our food wrapped up to go if you’d like.” I offered. “We can leave if my being here makes you feel uncomfortable. How’s the wife?”

“Stay. Sit down and relax. I’ll cook for the both of you. Please let me do this for you,” V said. “It’d be my honor to cook for you again. My wife is is here. She’s fine; we’ve had 2 more kids since you and I last saw each other. She’s helped me so much when I left your brother’s restaurant; she knows about you and I. We worked everything out though it was hard but it made our marriage that much better. Since you, I’ve had zero mistresses. My wife knows how in love with you I was, that I still love you and that I always will; she has been doing great by not showing any anger or jealousy but sometimes she unknowingly says something out of jealousy.”

“Wow,” I said. I was a bit surprised that he told her anything at all let alone telling her everything. “I’m so glad that y’all reconciled, became closer to each other and had more kids. You seem more happy than the last time we saw each other.”

V nodded his head in agreement. I knew he was curious with what’s going on with me but 1. It’s not his business 2.  I don’t need to cause his marriage any more strain. I’m more likely to AVOID this restaurant in the future now that I know he’s here……nothing against him but I don’t need to relieve the past. V and I hugged again and departed. So happy that conversation over as it was awkward and it was also rude of me to leave C alone for so long. 

“Sorry about that, C,” I said. “He wanted to catch up a little bit; he’s still married to the wife, had several more kids, she knows about he and I. Oh! He said that we’re welcome to stay as long as we want to and that he’s cooking for us. I tried to decline and he said something like it was an honor to cook for me again or something like that!”

C asked if I felt anything for V anymore; I said not so much but seeing him again it made me remember why I fell in love with him in the first place but those days are over….he’s happy with his wife and that after tonight, there’s no need for me to be in his life. C nodded. 

C and I stayed for a long while; we were eating, drinking and talking about anything and everything under the sun. V came out a few times to see how everything was; we told him that we loved everything and appreciate his cooking for us and sending out ALL this food for us. 

Eventually C and I noticed that the restaurant was closing so we paid for everything; V wanted to pay for everything but we declined but we did agree to pay a discounted rate for the food BUT we would pay the full price for the alcoholic drinks we had (alcohol sales are usually what makes the bills higher and brings in more revenue for the restaurant). Both V and the manager agreed.

When the manager came back with my card, she asked if I recognized her. I looked at her again and studied her face. I was honest with her and said that she looked familiar but I just couldn’t place her name nor how I know her; she told us her name and that she’s V’s wife.  Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. This was embarrassing; the former mistress meeting the wife.

I opened my mouth to apologize like crazy to her but she waved her hand to signal that she didn’t want nor need the apology. Instead, she grabbed my hands to get me out of the chair and gave me the biggest and tightest bear hug. I was utterly shocked and surprised by this. Clearly, V was with the best woman ever. 

Wifey was whispering that she’s forgiven me a long time ago, she now has a better version of her husband and that she tries so incredibly hard to not be angry at me or jealous of me but sometimes it happens because it still stings on occasion. She said she has nothing but love for me - the other woman who loved her husband as much as she does - and that I helped change his life for the better.

We let go of the other and looked for the guys; they were both passed out sitting on the chairs. We giggled and went over to wake them up. V and his wife were concerned that both C and I had a very long ways to go to our homes AND because we’ve had too much to drink. I told them that earlier in the night - because C and I drank too much - I ended up booking a room at the hotel across the street and that we'd order a vehicle to drive us over. V and his wife offered to drive us there; we agreed as it was cold, windy and raining. 

It took only a few minutes to get to the hotel. They parked their car, they said that they knew the owner (a relative of theirs) and they knew the entire staff so they’d come in with us to check in to say hi to the staff. Both C and I wanted to roll our eyes but decided against it so we just followed them in.

By the time we got in and caught up with them at check in desk, I provided my ID and credit card. The gentlemen working said that since C and I are friends of V and the wife, that we’re both more than welcome to stay at any time; when we did and had our identities verified by ID, we’d automatically get upgraded to a better room and we’d only pay half the cost of a regular room. We were so shocked and so thankful, we didn’t know what to say or do. 

When we were finally able to pick up our jaws from the floor and thanked everyone, we were told that this would apply to ALL of the company’s hotels as well as the sister hotels…..world wide. Again, we were floored by the kindness of the hotel; I made a mental note to check my credit card balance in a few days to see what the final charge was. 

We said good night to V and his wife, the gentleman at the check in counter gave us toothbrushes, toothpaste, contact lens supplies, deodorant and thick, fuzzy robes for the room and phone chargers; we looked at each other, thanked him and accepted the room card from him. We took the elevator up to the 15th floor where the suites were; the room was AMAZING! It was slightly larger than my apartment, great views out of the windows and super comfortable bedding…there was even a small washer/dryer set in the room. I did notice that there was only ONE bed in the room…at least there was a couch near the bed. 

I stripped, put my stuff in the washer, put the food in the fridge, took a shower & put on the robe, took my contacts out, brushed my teeth, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and went to the bed. I climbed up, took the robe off and slid into bed. C followed my process and when he slid into the bed, I asked if he wanted to share the bed - zero hanky panky - or if he wanted me to sleep on the couch; he looked at me weird and I reminded him that he has a girlfriend. He laughed and said that they’re at the very end of their relationship so it didn’t matter that we shared the bed. 

I turned my back to him and immediately fell asleep. He went back to put our things in the small dryer before getting into bed. Sometime during the night, C rolled over and pulled me closer to him so he could be the big spoon; I fell back asleep. 

We slept until 10:30 am, showered again, brushed our teeth and got on with finishing getting ready for the day. We went down to check out. As we were leaving, we were reminded that we’ll always get a larger room - either individually or separately - in any of the company’s hotels and in any of the sister hotels world wide. We thanked the staff and headed out, walking across the street to get to our cars. 

When we got to our cars, we said good bye and promised that we’d let the other know when we got home….but I never did. When I got home, I put my clothes in a “real” washer and “real” dryer, washed my hands, took out my contacts and went to bed for a nap. 

I was woken up by a text from C letting me know he got home and asked if I had as well; I said yes. I thanked him for every from last night and we got off the phone  

Ugh. I’m weak….but am I really?

Vince called me again today asking if we could talk. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone nor in the mood to deal with him. He’d literally gotten on. Every. Damn. Nerve. Again. I caved in and invited him over; just in case I wanted to kick him out. 

We got off the phone and I called down to security to let them know that Vince was on his way over to visit me and that it’s ok. Julian - my favorite security guy - was quite surprised but thanked me for giving him and his team a heads up. I was surprised at myself because I had a moment of weakness. I knew deep down that no matter the result of the day, I’d still love Vince to a certain extent.

I heard the elevator ring as it came to my floor so I went over to my door and opened it. Vince was a little surprised that I was already at the door but immediately smiled; it was clear that not only was he happy that I agreed to meet with him but he wanted to come over to try to win me over. 

I invited him but didn’t offer him a seat nor a beverage. Didn’t want him to linger any more than he had to. 

“You’re here. What’s up? What was so damn important that you desperately needed to talk to me?” I asked him. 

“Well,” Vince began. “I wanted to talk to you face to face more in depth about everything. I promise that I did everything I could on my end to end it with Barbara; I don’t think she wanted the relationship to end as she kept coming over uninvited. It got to the point that I was in the process of filing a restraining order against her and prevent her from showing up and also prevent her from contacting me. I typically don’t leave my phone unlocked in her presence but unfortunately I did that day. I have ZERO excuses. She had come over and I had hoped that she’d finally see and understand that I didn’t want to be with her anymore and that I wanted - and still want to - to be with you.” 

“So. You had to interrupt MY peaceful day to pretty much give me excuses why you were still seeing her at the same time as you were seeing me? Like y’all couldn’t have ended at least two WEEKS before you and I got back together? Wow. What a waste of a perfect day and my time! And by the way - it does NOT take as long as you claim to get a restraining order. The court system takes information from both parties, investigates it and responds in a reasonable time.  Vince, you must think that I am some special kind of stupid to believe any of this shit. You’re trying to tell me that you’d been trying for weeks - if not, months - to get a restraining order. Sweetie. It doesn’t take that long. Depending on the information brought forth from both parties, the investigating and the judge’s decision….it typically takes a matter of a couple of days to 10 business days. According to YOU….you’d been trying for months. I call complete and utter bull shit on you, your lies and your poor excuses!”

Vince just stood there, looking dumbfounded that I actually called him out on his BS. He shrugged his shoulders. I couldn’t believe he wanted to try to convince me that his lies were the truth.

“Tell me the honest to fuck truth here, Vince. You provided me - in a nutshell - an engagement ring and agreed with me that we didn’t need to be married before you were either days away from getting married or already married to Barbara,” I said. I was expecting more lies, of course, IF he did tell then truth, I still wouldn’t believe him. 

“That is true. Everything you’ve been saying is true. I was two timing the both of you. I thought I loved the both of you and wanted keep you both. Barbara and I did get married about a week before the cottage outing with you and your friends. I told her that I was heading to a Latin American country for a long weekend by myself as I’d scheduled it in advance and I couldn’t cancel it and couldn’t get my money back - didn’t want to waste the money. Unfortunately, my marriage to her has made me miserable; I lost the true love of my life - you - and I’m stuck in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage. She knows that I don’t love her - not anymore - and she’s refusing to sign the divorce papers. Even on the off chance that she actually does sign the papers, I still don’t have you. I’ve lost you forever!” 

“No shit, Sherlock! You could’ve had a relationship with me but you thought with your penis and thought you’d get away with two timing two separate women. One - myself - you’ve lost; the other you’ll be with for a long time…..she’s not going to sign the divorce papers. Vince, I’ve lost all love and respect for you. I don’t want to talk to you any more. Lose my name, number and address. You’ve lost the chance to be a part of my life. You are not allowed to be in contact with anyone in my family again. I hope you spend a long time regretting losing me and that you consider you’re future actions,” I said. 

He promised me that he would but I don’t trust him. When he left, I called all the credit card companies, stores and my insurance company to take him off my emergency contact and had his privileges revoked. Took a bit to be taken care of but it’ll be one less thing to do. 

First person I reached out to C.

Thanksgiving & Vince

I stayed at Vince’s for a few hours for Thanksgiving before I headed home. It was a little awkward between us but we managed to make it nice for his nieces and nephews. I was offered a glass of wine but declined since I was only there for 2 hours - Vince lives like 10 minutes away from me but I still didn’t want to risk it because I pass one of the many state police barracks in my state to get home AND it was also a holiday weekend. 

He does want to meet up sometime “soon” to have lunch and discuss if we can get back together. I laughed out loud and told him that we’re NOT going to get back together because I will 100% question everything he says and does. He then asked if we could still do lunch - I said that would be impossible in the foreseeable future because he needs to sit down and seriously think about what went wrong in our relationship with his words and his actions and until he puts on his big boy undies, admits that he fucked up with TWO women - claiming that he loved us both - and apologizes to me, I’ve really got nothing to say to him. 

He was visibly upset with me holding him accountable for his actions/behavior and upset with me for keeping my boundaries. Let him be upset with me for making sure that he acts like an adult when dealing with me

Thanksgiving 2021

My family isn’t doing anything today for Thanksgiving but will over the weekend. I, weirdly enough, am going to Vince’s place for a little bit since I’d promised his nieces and nephews months ago (prior to finding out that he cheated on me). Hopefully it goes well. 

Will keep y’all posted 

Been doing ok

Taking a break from work; had bronchitis and sinus infection and thankfully recovered but work requested that I take a Covid test just in case. The test came back negative - which both my doctor and I knew it would be - and submitted it to work. Work requested that I take another week off since I was still hacking up my lungs. Thankfully they suggested that I take more time off as I went back to the doctor earlier this morning as the sinus infection came back with a vengeance. 

Went to the pharmacy after visiting the doctor the other day to pick up an antibiotic and a nasal spray (yuck!) and take my meds when I got home. I did have some soup (I only eat soup when I’m 😷). I eventually took a 3 hour nap - partially because I slept like shit the previous night and partially because of being sick. If I have the energy after dinner, I might make Jell-O. My grandparents - my mother’s parents - always made Jell-O for us when my siblings and I were sick/feeling under the weather. 

I was able to reach out to a few friends as I had more free time. It was awesome to talk with them as it had been a few weeks since we last chatted. One is pregnant again and the other one has another cancer scare again; she dealt with thyroid cancer twice before and she began to feel unwell and felt a little swelling near where she has her thyroid taken out. The one side is fine and the other side gets a re-check in March of 2022. Today is also her birthday.

Started work today to help me get back into the swing of thinks. Everyone was happy to see me and a few gave me a hug. My top 3 favorite male coworkers came over to chat with me; the one that's #1 is in IT and such a sweet man as well as hilarious, smart and overall wonderful person, the others are two are tied at #2.....they're pretty darn great people, freaking hilarious, smart,  see me as their kid sister - although we're all close in age - and look out for me. My favorite female coworker is a woman in HR - she bends over backward to help anyone who needs assistance, amazing person, total sweetheart, kind hearted and always there for everyone. I was talking with someone at work today; I explained that I knew that in reality that all the employees are great and feels like a family but to an outsider - new employee's first day or someone delivering something - would think that everyone is a bunch of close knits friends and the coworker that I was talking with agreed with me.

So it’s been a while….

Life had been rough for the first 2 weeks after I learned that Vince had cheated. All of my family and friends were checking in on me despite my protests of being a little hurt but fine. Of course my brother being my brother - he knew I was having a harder time than I was letting on; he knows me better than I know myself. When I wasn’t working, I’d hang with him at the restaurant or at the house with him and his family……we didn’t always talk about how shit went down nor much about Vince but he knows that we, clearly, knew Vince for just over half of our lives. My SIL wanted to be there for me and support me but it was a little awkward because she never met Vince but we did enjoy girl time and gossip. She did, however, say that I’m one step closer to leaving all the frogs and toads behind. We chuckled and took our shots of tequila. 

Thankfully, no one at work knew about the relationship and no one has said anything about my slightly less than cheerful attitude. A few of us have gotten together after work on a Friday at one of their houses (about 45 minutes from where I live - a hotel was 1/4 mile down the road so I stayed there and  Über’d back and forth). It was fun to relax and have fun together. Unfortunately, my coworkers were frustrated with me a little bit as I didn’t open up as much as they have within the group that night; I think it’s perfectly fine to have drinks/dinner with coworkers but I don’t cross the line of sharing much of my personal life with my coworkers. I didn’t care that they were frustrated - I like to have boundaries with whom I’m working with. 

About 4 weeks ago, C texted me at the ass crack of dawn to talk….. I didn’t get that text or several others he sent as my phone is set up to “Do Not Disturb” during certain hours. When I woke up, I read the texts and responded with asking him if he was drunk, high or both. He was mad at my question and he said that he missed me but I responded with that any text from a man after 9:30/9:45 pm is essentially a booty call and that I didn’t appreciate it. He apologizes and I forgave him. I told him that I was running very late for work and that if I had the time, I’d text him later that day or the following day.  He said that he understood and wished me safe travels.

We chatted just a little bit the first 2 weeks as we weren't sure where we stood with the other but it's gotten better over the last 2 weeks. He's been sharing stuff with me again and I with him. It feels good to reconnect for the umpteenth time - not going to put too much into it as there's usually a small fallout that leads us to not talk to each other for a while. It isn't because suddenly hate the other but I think some frustration in our own private lives. 

He's been great as I'd been getting my results of my most recent blood work; finally received the information today. My white blood cell count is off (can't remember if it's low or high) and there's something that's related to the wonky white cell count....it's caused by several things: vitamin B12 deficiency, corticosteroid medications, obesity, genetic illnesses, and infections. I was told by the nurse that the next time I schedule an appointment with my usual doctor, they'll want to discuss it with me and having my blood work redone. The nurse said that I've experienced this in the past - although I don't remember! - and when they drew my blood for follow up blood work, there weren't any weirdnesses with my white blood cell count as it "magically" disappear. 

Not great news

I ended things with Vince. A woman called me - she was  using Vince’s phone - asking me to ask who I was and why I’m in Vince’s phone as “My love, my life 💞”. I told her that Vince and I are together. She said that it was impossible since she and Vince together. I told her that she’s lying and then she responded that I’m lying. I hung up on her. 

An hour later, Vince knocked on my door. I ignored him. He said that he knew I’m home because my car is here, he saw me at our local grocery store getting ice cream and cookies, head to the liquor store and then followed me home. I opened my door - with the chain still in its place so he can’t come in - and asked him why the fuck would he drag me along in a relationship two timing myself and another woman….someone he’d been seeing a week longer than he’d be seeing me. He claimed that he’d broken up with her multiple times since he and I had gotten back together but she never got it even after spelling it out to her. 

I said that I don’t want to hear it because I’ve heard it before; I’ve been disrespected before by being cheated on in the past  and I will not tolerate it as I know my worth. I took the ring he gave me off of my necklace and chucked it at him. 

He was so shocked that I chucked the ring at him, he stepped back. I slammed the door in his face and locked it. He yelled through the door saying that they were over. I told him that I know better, I don’t believe a word he says and that he’s got about 3 seconds to leave before I press the button for security to come remove him for over staying, annoying me and that his behavior at this point is borderline harassing. 

I looked at the peephole. His face turned white. He picked up the ring and left. I waited 10 minutes before I called down to the security desk to send someone up. My favorite security guy, Julian, comes up. I have the door open when the elevator doors open and invite him in. I had coffee done the way he likes it ready. I explained to him what happened and asked him to share with the rest of the security staff that Vince is no longer allowed to visit me and I will not accept him up here; if he’s here to visit someone else, I can’t stop him from entering the building. Julian looked at me with an odd expression so I explained that he’s been seeing someone - seriously - while also being in a serious relationship with me….it’s happened to me before, I won’t tolerate it and Vince is no longer welcome to visit me. 

Julian looked as pissed as I felt. He came over and gave me a hug. I said that I better let him go but he said that if he’s got a few minutes after his shift, come on up because I have some bottles of alcohol to give him for his upcoming family party. He asked how I knew and I said that because of how hard he and the rest of the building security team works year round, I make it my ‘business’ to know so I can treat them with federal holiday gifts as well as gifts for birthdays, etc. 

The rest of the day, I was in bed sleeping. I didn’t want to deal with the world. The only person who’s call I answered was my brother’s. Vince called him and told him the same nonsense he told me. My brother told me that he VERBALLY laid into Vince explaining that no one has the right to treat women - especially his baby sister - the way my ex and Vince treated me….my brother said that he knew that if Vince asked me again to marry him, I’d say yes in a heartbeat but Vince doesn’t deserve me. 

I was crying. Not because of Vince but because how protective my brother is of me. I thanked my brother for being there for me, telling Vince he doesn’t deserve me and told Vince to leave me alone. My brother said it was his pleasure and asked if I needed more ice cream and cookies. I laughed hysterically and said that I was good but if he was at my door, I’d accept. The doorbell rang and then he said that I have a special delivery. 

I get out of bed - I was still in my sweats - open the door. My brother is there with Julian. I laugh and let them in. They have so much food from my brother’s restaurant as well as a ton of ice cream and cookies. There’s SO much food that my brother called all 3 shifts of the building’s security team - both off duty and on duty - up to partake and he called in another security team from a different company to cover for the security staff at my building the next 2 days. 

My brother, the building’s security team and I stuffed our faces with food, alcohol and joked with each other. We were having such a good time that I didn’t realize that hours went by and I was feeling better. Later that night, I find out that Julian also called my brother (I couldn’t determine if it was before or after Vince called him) to suggest my brother do something to cheer me up. That’s when my brother came up with the idea of having a little fiesta. 

It was about 1 am before the security team left the apartment; they all grabbed a few bottles of alcohol that I was trying to get rid of and my brother stayed the night. I set him up in the nicer spare bedroom and texted my sister in law that my brother’s spending the night; she thanked me, let me know that my brother briefly told her what happened and to let her know that if I need anything. I thanked her and wished her a good night. 

I checked in on my brother and he was already passed out on top of the comforter. I took his shoes off, put a light blanket on him, turned off the ceiling light, went to the freezer to grab him a frozen bottle of water and left it on the coaster of night stand for him. As I went to the kitchen, I found his dead phone so I grabbed a spare charger and started charging his phone. 

Once taken care of, I went into the living room and started cleaning up before I realized I needed a large garbage bag; I was too tired to keep running between the kitchen and the living room so I grabbed several garbage bags. Between the kitchen and the living room, I filled 6 garbage bags. 

Since I had the nicest apartment in the building, I had chutes in my apartment that went straight to the garbage dumpster and recycling dumpster. I had to shove the garbage bags as hard as I could down the chute to the dumpster since I packed the bags too much. The recycling, thankfully, was significantly easier as I just kept the chute door open and dropped the bottles - and other recycling - a few at a time. I cleaned the tables and counters with cleaning products, loaded the dishwasher, started the dishwasher, hopped into the shower, got dressed and tossed my towels, my bedding and my sweats into the washer and then went to bed. It was a struggle to fall and stay asleep as I slept for most of the day, so I started reading a new book until I realized it was from Vince - thankfully it was a paperback so I tossed it in the fireplace, telling myself to have a fire the next day. I then went trough my phone to delete all of the photos I had of both Vince and I (and pictures of just him), deleted our texts and emails. 

By the time I was done, I tossed my laundry in the dryer. I looked at the clock in the kitchen as I headed to the bathroom and it was 7 am. I took a shower to wake up, got dressed and started making coffee and breakfast. I’m a whiz at making oatmeal and grits as they’re both easy to make BUT I decided to make cheesy bacon grits, waffles, pancakes and cleaned and cut strawberries - I left the bananas alone as my brother is allergic and I want him to stay alive. 

As soon as the coffee was brewing, I heard my brother wake up and head into the shower. There was a knock at the door and I opened the door; it was a courier with fresh clothes for my brother. I put them in his spare room, took his dirty clothes, the blanket and the comforter in the washer. A few minutes later, he came into the kitchen. He was surprised at the spread and thanked me. He started digging in as I was washing the pots and pans.  By the time they were done, I took my stuff out the dryer, put his stuff in, started it and then I dug in.  

We ate in silence as I know he had a bit of a headache 🤕 I made sure that he had plenty of water and some aspirin to help. Once he announced he was stuffed, he moved to the couch. I packed up the rest of the food - split it into half so he could bring some home to my sister in law and their child. I placed his food in a bag at the coffee table. I sat down next to him not knowing I woke him up. He opened one eye part way, asked if I could put his food in the fridge for a bit and then followed up with asking if I was ok. I said that I’m better now after he spent time with me and cheered up the building’s security teams; let’s face it, they bust their butts day in and day out without a complaint - even on holidays. My brother hugged me stating that he’s happy that I’m doing better and that my “guys” have been treated well. 

I got up and put his bag of food in the fridge, took his stuff out of the dryer, folded it and put his stuff in another bag. I let him rest while I went to my room to check my email. Ugh. I get a long ass email from Vince - he tried to explain what’s truly going on. I text my best friend slash attorney and briefly explained what happened. She called me moments later to get the full story. I explained what I dealt with when Vince arrived and handed my phone off to my brother so he could share what happened on his end with Vince. While they were talking, Julian and a few guys emailed me expressing their feelings with what happened, I responded and then forwarded the emails to my friend. Seconds later, my brother handed my phone back to me. 

My friend was waiting to talk to me about the email from Vince and the security team. She said that she’d share this with her boss - who is also her mentor - and that she’d get back to me by the end of the day. I thanked her profusely and let her go. I headed back to my brother who was gathering his stuff and raided my fridge snagging a few bottles of water. I tell him that I have some tequila that he and his wife can have for themselves and vodka that he can use for the restaurant (a few recipes require vodka). As he’s grabbing the bottles, I go grab a box that he can put all of his things. He hugs me and kisses me on the top of my head. He knows I hate it but he knows I let him get away with it. 

About an hour later, his child - with his help - calls me to let me know that my brother arrived home safely. I thanked the child for letting me know and asked how they’re doing; as the child is 3 yrs old, they don’t make a lot of sense but I got the gist of what was going on! LOL. My brother got on the phone to tell me that his child said that they had a sleepover in the living room with my sister in law - the child in a “pack and play” and my sister in law slept on the couch. I told my brother that I wish they had fun and he said that his child that had kept my sister in law up for a good portion of the night. I told him that his child reminds me of him back in the day. He laughed hysterically and said wait until I have kids. I told him that I’m not having kids so I won’t have that issue and wished him luck. He laughed and we hung up. 

As soon as we hang up, my door is getting unlocked and I run to the door to see who it is. Thankfully it’s my best friend and her boss - and I was also thankful that I cleaned up hours ago. As they’re coming in, Julian is coming out of the elevator to come to my apartment. I keep the door open and he hands me the key that Vince had been using. I thank him and he heads back down as his husband is waiting for his 2 hour shift to be over (the building manager’s request so he can help the security team from the other company). 

My friend has coffee going, I have food coming - I didn’t have enough leftover from what my brother brought last night - and we got to business. Both my friend and her boss/mentor said that since I was on the lease for the apartment, there’s nothing else I can do (they know that I discussed with the building manager and the lead of each security shift that Vince is no longer welcome to visit me), I cut off all communication with Vince, warned him not to contact me….there’s really nothing I can do right now. Other than the email earlier in the day, he hasn’t harassed me or stalked me so I can’t file a police report BUT they do suggest that the 3 of us go to the local police department and explain the situation. I agree with them so we all pack up in my car and drive the 5 minutes over to the police department. 

We get out and as we get to the door, we put in our masks then we enter. The police know who I am as they’ve ordered from my brother’s restaurant all the time, I help clean the building a few times a month (they know that I’m a clean freak and that I do this for free to help keep them safe); this time around, they’re surprised that I have 2 lawyers with me. We talk to the sergeant on duty and my friend and her boss explain everything. I chip in from time to time. The sergeant agrees that there’s nothing that can be done but he’s taken notes so that way he can update all leads of each shift; heaven forbid anything to happen in the future he said. 

The sergeant was grateful that I was clear minded when everything happened; I talked who I needed to with the apartment building, a family member knows and my lawyers know. I clarified that it was my friend who also doubles as a lawyer and the person with her is her boss and mentor. The sergeant nodded and said that he was grateful that I have good people looking out for me in personal and legal ways. We thank him for his time after he sent a formal copy of his notes to my friend and her boss  

We load back up to my car, head back to my place and they head on out. I clean my apartment again - not like it was messy but I like it organized. I checked my emails and my social media - thankfully nothing from Vince. I’m just happy I found out that he was cheating on me now rather than down the road. Since it was only 5 pm, I texted my therapist to see if I can have a phone session tomorrow to decompress; she said that she’s available now. I say great and give her a call.

I tell her 95% of everything - left out my friend, her boss and the police - as I needed to discuss the Vince situation. She was happy that I stood my ground and wouldn’t let my boundaries get broken. She did ask what Vince’s email said so I pulled it up, quickly summarized it and she said that it is a possibility that he is, in fact, telling me the truth. I said that I doubted it because he was defensive when I was calling him out and I know when he’s lying because he’s a bad liar. She asked me what his last name is so I told her. She said that we need to stop the conversation and send me to someone else in her office as she’s actually related to him…..she said that Vince is a common name in our area (it’s pretty common actually; there were at least 10 students in each grade at my high school named Vincent) and didn’t think it was her relative. I mutter something under my breath and agreed with her. She told me to come to the office and I do.  

I grabbed my stuff - mask included - walk the 100 yards over to the building, enter the building and use the elevator to get to the 3rd floor. She’s got the owner/director of the therapy office with her; thankfully he doesn’t know Vincent and is aware that she is; she’s given him her notes and got him up to date what was said over the phone before I walked over. 

He invites me into his office, we introduce ourselves and we start where my therapist and I ended. He is upset that Vince is now the second guy to cheat on me and that he’s proud of me for having good people around me as well as getting my friend involved and let the police know - although he felt that Vince didn’t seem the type to harass or stalk me….he said that it’s better off to be safe than sorry and I agreed. As the session was ending, he did offer suggestions of how to handle any anxiety that might pop up. I appreciate his help and thanked him. We bumped fists, I paid and left.

I jogged home, relaxed by watching one of my movies and eating ice cream and cookies. I start to nod off 45 minutes into the movie when my phone rings; I look at it to see who it is. It’s my best friend so I pick up. She asked me if I’m watching one of my favorite movies and eating ice cream with cookies. I tell her she knows me well and we laugh. We chat and she asked me how my session went; I told her it that it went topsy turvey as my therapist is related to Vince so I ended up with her boss as my therapist for this situation. She’s happy I went.  I thanked her for checking in on me. We got off the phone and it rings again and it’s my brother asking if I’m still shoveling ice cream and cookies; I said that I am. He laughed and asked if I’m doing ok and I said that I am. He said that he’s happy to hear and then we get off the phone. 

I finish the bowl, place it in the sink and get ready for bed, making sure that not only I brush my teeth but use mouthwash as well….after the amount of sugar I had, might as well. I bring a 48 ounce travel mug filled with ice water into my room with me, leaving it on my night stand as I grab a book - it’s a murder mystery mixed with smut; it’s quite the book but it’s entertaining. As much as I’d love to finish the last 20 chapters tonight but after dealing with the blow of Vince cheating and  it risking my general health of 2 nights of limited sleep, I read 3 chapters and went straight to sleep.

It was a dreamless night and only woke up once: woke up thirsty and just leaned over to my night stand to drink my water and then fell back asleep. I woke up naturally at 8 am. I finished my water - which thankfully is still ice cold - took my birth control, showered and got my day started with oatmeal with a little maple syrup and dark brown sugar and a large glass of milk. After cleaning up and starting the dishwasher, I put in my sneakers and took a walk in the neighborhood. It was a cool morning and took my time as I was not in a rush. 

I don’t know how long my walk was but when I got back, my brother, my best friend and the police were at my building looking for me. Guess I forgot my phone. Oops! Everyone was happy that I was ok. I let everyone in and up to my apartment; once inside, I asked everyone what was up. They all were talking over each other but my brother and friend called me repeatedly and didn’t hear from me so they came over - with the police - to do a wellness check. Apparently, my walk was 3 1/2 hours long. I went to my room to get my phone and it was dead. I come back out and said that they wouldn’t have been able to reach me as my phone was dead anyways. I plugged my phone in and then offered everyone a drink. They all decline but they’re all happy to see that I’m ok. I see everyone out and then check my phone; 3 missed calls from my friend and 4 from my brother…I listen to the voicemails, check out the texts and then my emails. I texted both my friend and my brother apologizing for not having my phone charged and not with me and also for their concern. They both responded with the heart emoji. I went into my bedroom with my large travel mug full of water and finish my book. 

The story line was cheesy as fuck but it was well written. After finishing the book, I decided to take a nap. I woke up an hour later feeling refreshed. I ordered matzo ball sleep from the 24 hour diner 1/4 mile from my apartment - their matzo ball soup was the absolute BEST that I've ever had. Twenty minutes later, the manager rang the doorbell. I open the door to see him with 3 bags of the soup! I let the manager in and he placed the bags on the kitchen counter. I offer him a bottle of water and he accepted; we bullshitted for a bit. He said that he needed to head back - I took Vince's bicycle and gave it to the manager to take and ride back to the diner. He was grateful as it was 85* F and it would be a quicker travel time. As I saw him off, I told him to keep the bike and wished him safe travels back.

I had a great weekend

It was one of “those” weeks last week (fight with the sister what - else is new? - AND the brother - which is rare) and I wanted to something fun with friends. I found something and suggested to make a weekend of it…my friends were on board and arranged to meet at a cabin on Friday around 6 pm; a few people joined us a little later as they worked later or were stuck in traffic. I’d gotten us a very cute cabin for the 7 of us - it was $800 - and everyone had stated in the group message what they’d bring food wise for the weekend; I picked up a few essentials that I knew everyone tends to forgets….shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste/toothbrushes, etc. I was able to do the shopping Thursday, picked up the keys a few hours later and went home to pack. 

I got up early on Friday. Packed up the food I purchased and prepared in a cooler and used ice packs, loaded up my trunk with the cooler and my bags, then I showered and got dressed. Two of my family members were spending the weekend at my place to take care of the pets, the indoor AND outdoor plants as well as the garden; which they were welcome to pick from and bring home veggies. Before I left, I gave them money to pay them and some extra just in case they needed to get more food for the pets. 

Since the cabin was the closest to me and I planned for it - I arrived hours early. Before I brought any of my bags or the coolers in, I grabbed some cleaning supplies to clean the counters, dressers, floors, sink, bathrooms, washed the bedding, etc. it was a fairly cool day so I had the windows open while cleaning. The beddings were the first to be washed and dried - and would take some time - I grabbed my bags and cooler from the car. 

I put the food away first and then picked the room closest to the kitchen. It was an average sized bedroom but it had a walk in closet - which I had no use for lol - en suite bathroom and a sliding door to the back yard. The bed was a California king bed (the biggest sized bed) and super comfortable. Not like I was going to take up the entire bed but glad I chose the room. On my way out, I saw a little chalkboard that I could hang on the door nob so I wrote my name on it and put it on the door so the others would know that I’d taken claim on this room. 

It was nearing 2 pm and I wanted to start cooking. I was making homemade meatballs, pasta sauce and lasagna. You know those big ass foil cooking trays for cooking 25+ pound turkeys? I brought 3 of them so I could make a ton of lasagna. I’m Italian….what can I say? Half way through cooking dinner, I realized that I’d forgotten to get Italian bread and tons of wine. I called Vince - to invite him last minute - and to ask if he could pick up both the bread and wine as well as other alcohol. He accepted the invite and asked if he should go to the “usual” bakery and liquor store as they had my credit card info and charged me whenever I picked items up from them and I told Vince yes. 

In about 45 minutes, he came walking in - I’d told him that I’d leave the door open for him - with 6 cases of wine, vodka and other alcohol and 4 loaves of Italian bread. I went over to him, kissed him and took the bread from him as he managed the wine. He told me that he’d reimburse me for the bottle of champagne he bought as it was expensive. I told him that he could if he wanted to but it wasn’t necessary. As I was putting the champagne on ice and was looking for champagne flutes, my phone chirped and a notification came up that Vince transferred $1,800 to me. I started choking on air as I unlocked my phone and accepted the transfer. 

Vince asked if I was ok and I said that I would’ve been ok if he’d asked permission to use my card for such an expensive bottle. He knew he pissed me off so he immediately called the credit card company - I added him as an authorized user - to make an immediate payment. Within seconds, his call was answered by a representative as my account was labeled as “mostly VIP”…..he used his checking account info to pay for both the champagne AND the rest of the alcohol (about $2,375) plus some extra because he felt bad. Poor guy. 

By the time he was done with his call, the lasagnas were cooked halfway so I pulled them out of the oven and let them cool on the counters before placing them in the fridge. Finally found the champagne flutes so I brought out the ice bucket - with the super expensive champagne - and the flutes to the living room. Vince had the radio on to a jazz station (gag me!). I asked him to pop the champagne as he knows I’ve broken TONS of shit when opening champagne - including my nose and the urn that one of my relatives is in -and I poured. I apologized for being super shocked about the price and he apologized for not asking me first. We clinked our flutes,  enjoyed the champagne and the music. We finished the bottle and I’d fallen asleep in his arms - clearly, one of my favorite places to be. 

I woke up when my phone rang. The rest of the gang was here. I went to the get the door as Vince took the lasagnas out of the fridge and was getting wine glasses ready. My friends loved the cabin once they came in and clearly they knew that not only did I clean like a clean freak, Vince would end up coming, I’d make my ‘famous’ lasagna and that there’d be plenty of wine. They all loved Vince, thankfully. 

I showed everyone where the bedrooms and the bathrooms were so they could settle in and freshen up. I put the lasagnas back in to finish cooking, the rest of the food was brought in from various cars and I turned the radio off, signed into my computer to use a music platform to listen to….the vote was for Josh Groban (take THAT, Vince! Lol). As I was getting the last touches done for dinner, Vince came in under the guise of offering help but I knew something was up so I called him out on it. 

He took the couple of steps over to me, chuckling, brushed some hair out of my eyes and kissed me deeply. I drew him closer and kissed him back. He pulled away and appeared that he didn’t want to. He said that he respects my answer of: “Not yet!” to his proposal but wanted to give me a different ring; it was a gift because he loves me and that he’s happy how we are now, we don’t need to get married but we can just stay as we are if that’s what WE decide….that it’s my choice which hand it goes on.  He opens the ring box. It’s a platinum silver, diamond encrusted ring; it’s beautiful. 

I start to cry. I gently take his face in my hands and kiss him. After a few seconds, I pull away, stick out my left hand and he places the ring on my left ring finger. He starts to cry a little bit. I ask: “It’s an ‘I love you ring and as long as we’re together, we’re a team!’ ring, right? An ‘I’ll always be by your side’ ring? An ‘I can be in your hospital room and talk to your doctor’ ring?” He said yes and I smiled. I told him that I have papers at home to make it so and he laughed saying that it sounded like a marriage. I clarified that it was paperwork allowing our doctors to speak to the other one of us if the other was in the hospital type of paperwork and that we are allowed to be in the room. He winked and kissed me. Seconds later, we were bringing out the the lasagnas and all of a sudden everyone stopped what they were doing and stopped their conversations to stare at my ring. 

Vince and I laughed and said it’s a: ‘The other is my ride or die, my bff, the love of my life, my lover, my champion and my love’ ring. They asked if I had a ring for Vince and I winked as I said that it’s on my person and Vince would have to look for it later….and not to worry, we’d be quiet. Everyone started laughing hysterically and then started eating. We were all up until 2 am talking, drinking, playing games and having fun. I glanced at Vince and I knew it was time. We said our good nights and went into the room I chose, locking the door after us. 

The curtains on the sliding door were still open and the moonlight was shining in on us and the room. I went into my purse and grabbed the ring box. I walked over to Vince, opened the box, took his hand and promised him to love him and be his best friend and lover forever. He brushed the hair out of my face, leaned down to kiss me and started to run his hands over my curves. I groaned. In between our kissing, we started to take our clothes off and make our way to the bed. Vince paused for a moment to close the curtains for the sliding door, lit a few candles and led me to the massive bed. We both climbed up and I got situated comfortably on my back, spreading my legs a bit. Vince became rock hard in a heartbeat. He got in between my legs, angled for my apex and slid right in. I gasped in pleasure. He pulled out completely and slid back in again; he took his time thrusting into me but I wanted more….I wanted him to let go. The second I called him: ‘My love!’ he lost complete control and pounded into my apex in all different positions….it was like we re-wrote the Kama Sutra. We spent HOURS having sex. Exhausted, we finally fell asleep. 

We woke up around 6:30/6:45 am, showered, got dressed, had breakfast and went over the day’s “schedule”. We’d made sandwiches from the left over bread from the night before, packed the coolers and loaded up my car as everyone was waking up. They all admitted that they didn’t hear anything, thankfully. We all laughed. We were going to the local lake and we were all excited. The lounge chairs, a few cabanas, umbrellas and the coolers of pre-made cocktails that I’d ordered when I rented the cabin we’re already at a spot pre-selected for us (it was a GREAT spot!!!). It took us no time for us to unload the vehicle and get our stuff set up. 

Vince and I stayed on the beach as everyone else got in the water. I went into the cabana to change into my bathing suit but Vince came in to ‘help’…we had sex. Finally, I was able to get into my suit, we stepped out so Vince could help spray sunscreen on my back and arms while I took care of the front of me; of course he wanted to help me. I kissed Vince - discreetly cupped his penis - and sent him into the cabana to get changed into his trunks. He came out, we grabbed some cocktails and headed to the water….before even reaching the water, we finished our drinks so we went back to our spot, had a more drinks as we were sunbathing. After we both had a number of drinks, we went back into the cabana to sex again…we were quite drunk but we did our best to keep quiet. Lol

When we walked out, the gang were coming up to our spot to eat and drink as Vince and I went to the water. By the time we got in, the water was warm. We swam around a for about an hour or two. I swam over to Vince, kissed him and started stroking his penis. As I’m stoking his penis, I tell him that I want to go back ashore, eat, drink more and take him again. Seconds later, he exploded. By the time we get to our spot, we see the rest of our group leaving their cabanas….they all turned red and we winked at them…we knew that not only did they have sex but they also switched partners several times. They headed back to the water as we went to the bar near where our spot was, we ate, took shots, and had more cocktails. The more we drank, the harder it was to keep our hands to ourselves so we paid and went to our cabana. We didn’t make it to the cabana but went to our lounge chairs and fell asleep.

I woke up to feeling something cool being sprayed on me. I opened my eyes and saw Vince spray sunscreen on me - as he was done with my back, I got up and then Vince sprayed my front. We grabbed some water bottles and went inside of the cabana. That’s when I noticed that Vince as sun burnt so I sprayed him down with sunscreen that has aloe in it…I knew I’d get some color on my back so after waiting however one is supposed to wait after applying sunscreen, I told Vince to either sit in the cabana or sit under an umbrella and he decided to sit under the umbrella. I sit in a lounge chair and stretch out to hopefully even out the color on my back. I fall back asleep but not for long - maybe 45 minutes - because it was getting hot. I went into the water to cool down and then head into the cabana.

By the time I get back, everyone is back, packing up and drinking. I check my phone to see what time it was but it was dead so I check Vince’s…it was 6 pm. Since we’ve all been drinking, we loaded up the vehicle with our coolers and most of out bags, Vince had someone that was employed at the bar area of the lake drive the van back while we had a paid car service bring us back in a large SUV. I fell asleep for the few minutes it took for us to get back. We unloaded from the SUV and went to the van to unload our vehicle. The guys decided to take care of the coolers as us ladies took showers and started making dinner. As the sun, the swimming and the drinks tired us out, we decided that we'd keep it simple to grill hot dogs and hamburgers; I'd already made potato salad on Thursday. 

Once the guys were done with the coolers and showered, they started up the grill and started grilling as us ladies set the table. With the alcohol that Vince picked up at the liquor store on Friday, I was able to make martinis, old fashioned, tequila sunrises and a few other drinks. Everyone was only partially impressed lol. Obviously they knew that I worked for my brother at his restaurant but when private parties were held at the restaurant, he taught me how to make cocktails and other mixed drinks. The gang, however, were impressed with my ability to make the drinks strong as fuck but NOT taste strong as fuck. Before we all started having our drinks and our appetizers, I said that I was going to take everyone's keys - including mine and Vince's - and put them elsewhere so no one be able to drive off until they were sober. They all thought that was a good idea so I grabbed everyone's keys and out them in the safe that I brought with me for everyone to share - only myself and one of the guys knew the combination because it would be more fair that way.

The burgers and hot dogs were ready as I came back from locking up the keys. We all dived right in and were too busy eating and drinking to talk. As we were all eating, I kept making sure that everyone was drinking plenty of water as well - not just to rehydrate after the day at the lake but to help hydrate after drinking alcoholic beverages. Clearly, I am the mom of the group! ;)

As soon as the food was finished, Vince and I took care of cleaning up the kitchen as the gang was trying to figure out if they wanted to watch a movie or if they wanted to play games. Eventually, playing games was the winning activity for the night. Vince and I opted out and hung out with the rest of the gang. Everyone stayed up until 2 or 3 before heading to bed. As they were heading to bed, I said that check out is Monday (today) so they could stay as long as they wanted depending on work. Most of them had work to return to but they decided to stay until early afternoon on Sunday to spend more time at the lake.

We could hear everyone having sex with different partners again but I didn’t care; they’re all consenting adults. V and I entered our room, locked the door and we began to rip our clothes off. Vince leaned me over the dresser and pushed his penis deep inside of my ass; I screamed his name. As he was thrusting his penis in me, he took a fistful of my hair and pulled back. V took his time thrusting in and out of my ass. Once he climaxed and filled my ass, he pulled out of my apex and shoved his penis in my apex. He was going so hard for a long time that as he was calling me his “dirty little lover”. Eventually, I passed out and he continued to thrust in me and filled me repeatedly.

When I woke up in a pile on the floor; V was nearby. I was sore when I got up and found some bruise all over me. 

I didn't put in a request for the lake but once some of the gang arrived there, they were given the same VIP area we were given on Saturday. They left early, enjoyed themselves and eventually came back around 1 pm so they could pack up and get home at a reasonable time to get things squared away for work. We offered them the remaining food and alcohol and a few people grabbed the cheaper alcohol and a little bit of food. Vince and I were the only ones who stayed and after everyone had left, we stripped the other beds to start laundry, cleaned the rooms and the other bathrooms. 

After the other rooms were cleaned, we had ordered take out and watched movies for the rest of the day. We napped, had tons of sex and a few drinks. Around 5 pm, we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood as we didn't have a chance while the gang was around....it was a really nice neighborhood and thought it would be a great place to move to eventually. When we got back, we ordered more take out from a different restaurant and talked about our future together; what we wanted from each other, what we were looking for in regards of privacy (like do we have 100% access to the other one's phone and/or computer), etc. Thankfully we were mostly aligned in what we looking for. Vince knew that I had been cheated on before and he knows that I trust him completely but he offered that I can go through his phone if I asked him. Knowing Vince, I knew that he never cheated on any of his previous girlfriends and none of them cheated on him, I offered the same - I didn't want to tell him that I felt like this was to make it fair but then again he's a smart man and most likely knew that my offer was just to make it fair - he didn't say anything other than thank you.

We played a few rounds of my favorite game as we had music in the background. Out of the blue, Vince asked if I'd go off of the birth control that I was on and have kids with him. Apparently, I looked super shocked/surprised. He said that he asked out of curiosity. I responded that right now, I won't but in the future I may change my mind . It was obvious that this upset him so I asked if he wanted kids and he said that yes he does but he wants them with me. I was honest with him - typically when I am honest, I am not the most pleasant person but because of how much I love Vince, I felt it was best to not only be honest with my answer but say it in a away that I won't hurt him. I said that I've thought about having kids with him but I'd rather us be together for a solid year before we have this conversation again because I always wanted to raise my kids in a 2 parent home instead of a 1 parent home like I was for a number of years. He said that he understood and we left it at that. 

We were both tired and went to bed not long after. I slept on the couch that night. I was exhausted and didn't want to deal with Vince waking up and pestering me about this. After I knew that he was fast asleep, I started packing up everything that I brought - leaving the food in the fridge until we left - and finally went to sleep but sleep didn't last long. Vince ended up coming into the living room to wake me up and bring me back to bed with him. I just gave a look, rolled over and fell back asleep. 

A few hours later, I woke up with a stiff neck and a sore back but it was worth having some peace. I love Vince dearly and usually happy with him. I don't appreciate him expecting me to have kids right away and not really respecting my decision. I showered, got dressed, packed up the food in the coolers and packed up my car. By the time I was walking back into the cabin, Vince was awake and was washing the sheets from our bedroom. He came over and apologized for his surprising me about having kids soon. I explained to him how mad I was when he assumed that I wanted kids right away. The only thing that I said was "Ok" and continued on my way to pack up and do the finishing touches of returning the cabin back to the way I found it.

In no time, the sheets were done, I remade the bed, went through the rooms to make sure no one left anything and then I put the clean dishes away. By then, Vince was packed up, loaded his car, offered to help me and I said I was fine. He asked about the rest of the alcohol and I told him that he can have it. I loaded up my car and followed Vince towards the exit of the lake/neighborhood. I stopped at the gate and returned the keys. I headed home and Vince headed towards his.

It took me 15 minutes to get home and it took me no time, I got my car unloaded, the coolers emptied, my laundry started, showered and in my sweats. I texted my best friend and told her about the weekend (minus the details of the hot sex). She was as shocked as I was about when Vince asked about having kids with me. She said that she was very proud of how I stood up for myself and the ability to verbalize what my wishes/desires were in regards of having children. We caught up on everything else and our jobs (did I tell you? I have a new job that starts next week!) and after a few hours, we ended the call. I was about to take a nap when the doorbell rang.

I plugged my phone into its charger and went to the door. I looked through the peephole and it was Vince. I groaned and opened the door. I invited him in as I was curious to see/hear what he had to say. Offered him some sun tea (over the weekend, my neighbor made it for me and tossed it in my fridge for me). After pouring two glasses of sun tea, we sat down to talk. Vince apologized again, I accepted and he explained that his one desire is to have kids and he knew that when we reconnected, he wanted kids right away and thought I felt the same. I was surprised at his revelation. I thanked him for sharing that with me and I explained that I appreciate his being honest with me but I am not ready to have kids but I am more than happy to repeat this conversation in a year to reassess where we are at the point. He - thankfully - understood and agreed that we should talk about this at another time.

He got up and told me that he needed to head out as his widowed sister in law was coming over. As we hugged and kissed, he told me that he loves me and I told him that I love him as well. As we were walking to the door, he noticed that I took off my ring that he gave me and said something. I pulled my necklace at from underneath my sweatshirt and showed him that it was on my necklace. He smiled, we kissed again and he left. Twenty minutes later, he texted me saying that he was home.

I finally take that nap that I wanted but cut it short as I didn't want to mess up my sleep schedule. I get up 30 minutes after I fell asleep, made dinner and turned on the TV. I watched a movie and now I am ready for bed. 

I gave Vince the answer...finally

I spent the last couple of days with Vince. We just hung out around his place, the local town and we both caught up on our own reading. I was evading in giving him an answer to his proposal until after his shower the one morning; I knew he was expecting an answer. Figured I’d pack up everything I brought this trip plus the miscellaneous stuff that I tend to inadvertently leave behind.

As I had packed the miscellaneous stuff in my car and I walked in as Vince had gotten out of the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist. Ugh. He looks sexy like this. I was so tempted to go off the pill! Lol. I kissed him and let him have his space so he could get dressed. After he got dressed, he'd come to the living room and saw a glass of brandy ready at his favorite couch. He knew that I might have an answer that he may or may not like but he knew that it was important for me to tell him what I was feeling and thinking. 

"Vince, I know it took forever for me to give you an answer but the only answer that I have for you is that I cannot yet. We have gotten through most of the things that I feel like we need to - which is wonderful - but I do want to marry you in the future."

"Baby, I get it. I understand. Thank you for being honest with your answer."

He then helped me bring back in the miscellaneous things that I had put in my trunk back into his place and I spent the night. We didn't sleep much as we stayed up talking and making love. 

Taking some time to center myself and try to find an answer

I am taking some time away from both Vince and C as I need to find some answers for myself. I know that at the end of the day, that, I, as a woman, do NOT need anyone but myself to me happy. 

It was nice to reconnect with C but the relationship just isn't the same as it was when we first met; he's more guarded than he used to be and I find it a little bit more difficult to hold a solid conversation when he's as guarded as he is now. Not that being guarded is a bad thing but it makes him a little hard to hold a conversation with. I don't know what you would consider this relationship as we BS, send memes but we don't hang out. It's like we're friends but we're really not friends...we didn't start out as friends....we started out as FWB; guess it kind of evolved from FWB to acquaintances that talk on occasion.

Reconnecting with Vince is always great both physically and emotionally. We saw each other through a number of things as our relationship changed throughout the years. As my teacher 20 odd years ago, he was a concerned teacher for not just me but for all of his students, when I was out of high school and we dated he felt like he had to kind of step in to protect me (don't get me started!!!), after we broke up it was awkward but he still showed concern about me when we were in the same room, when his brother died (think it was a freak scuba accident but I don't recall and he hardly mentions it anymore so I let it go) was even more awkward - I went to the viewing and the funeral as support to him and to his family as his family loved me (they love me still to this day) and now that we're kind of back together, I just don't know what to make of it. He proposed, I told him that I didn't know and that I would give him an answer (he's expecting one in the next week!)…we aren't dating, we're not "officially" engaged, we're definitely not FWB because that has no romantic feelings whatsoever and we love each other...guess you could call us friends as we do hang out (and we're not always having sex but it's an added bonus). 

I honestly don't know what to do about C as I feel like he doesn't have many CLOSE friends - yes, he does have a significant amount of friends (like 10 or 15 solid friends that he's spending time/hanging with) but none that are close.....that I know of -  and I don't want to abandon him as I think that he is a good person and that we all need friends that we do have a past with. Know what I mean?

As for Vince....I want to say that I will marry him but I don't want to be married to him for 5 years and then say: "Baby, I love you, but I am bored and want a divorce!" That isn't the type of marriage I want to be in plus it wouldn't be fair to either one of us. At the same time, I need to come clean to him to tell him that I don't need a piece of paper stating that he and I love each other.....it's between us and those we share it with. We both enjoy being with each other - spending a few nights a week at the other's place - but the same time we enjoy having our own individual place so we have the opportunity to give each other - and ourselves - some space.

I still don't know what answer I will give him when I promised him an answer. I won't see him again until Sunday - he gets back from his vacation on Saturday mid afternoon - and he knows I won't have my answer for him on Sunday. Since I have the key for his place, I plan on going over there later tonight, check again on his plants, dusting, vacuuming, doing some minor laundry as some of my stuff is still there and a few dirty things of his that he didn't feeling doing and a few other things so his apartment is in better shape for his return. I was thinking about doing a little grocery shopping before I go over tonight so that way he has fresh dairy, veggies and fruits but I think that I'll do that early tomorrow morning in case I need to clean out wilted veggies and fruit tonight.

I'll definitely do some light cooking - meals that he can just pop in the oven or microwave to reheat for the next few days. He doesn't like to cook when he gets some from a vacation. I know....you're all wondering that since I'm still not sure what my answer is going to be, then why on earth am I doing minor cleaning and minor cooking for him. The bottom line is that no matter what I tell him next week, I am always going to love him. That's never going to change. 

Speaking of which - lol - we all know that I am still going to love Vince (unable to stop the second I want to) but I have a little fear that he will stop loving me if I tell him no. I think that he - like me - won't stop loving me the second he wants.....I know that he's going to be hurt if I say no and I'm afraid that he'll shut me out. Guess that not only do I have to figure out an answer for next week, I need to be prepared for him to shut down his emotions for me and for him to walk away. 

He is a very fair man - always was and always will be - but I will give him all the time (and space) in the world if I tell him no...he wouldn't want to see me for a bit. 

No matter what my answer will be next week, I will tell Vince that I will always love him, he will always be a part of me and I am who I am partly because of him.

Talking with C

I called C last night to let him know what was going on; thankfully he and I reconciled our friendship about 2 months ago. He was both surprised and happy that Vince proposed but a little bit bummed that I didn’t give Vince an answer yet. My friends and family know that Vince and I love each other dearly but they - minus Vince - know where I stand on marriage; it’s not for me. I much prefer be dating someone for a really long time as I don’t need a legal document stating that my partner and I love each other. 

Anyways. C and I decided to meet up for drinks and to discuss Vince’s proposal. C had arrived a few minutes earlier than I did and had a few shots waiting for me when I got to the table. I take the shots back to back to back to back as I explain to him everything that happened this past weekend. He said that he thought that Vince would have gone all out for the proposal but he did admit that it was sweet that there were flower petals - despite me wanting to clean everything up. I agreed although I much preferred just in the living room and no petals.

C had asked what I was going to do about the proposal and when I’d give Vince an answer. I said that I wasn’t sure what the fuck I was going to do about the proposal but he - Vince - and I will still spend the night at each other’s places from time to time. C looked a little concerned then asked if that meant that Vince and I would be having sex; I said of course we would….Vince and I are together but not together together. He didn’t look happy so I asked what he was thinking and he replied that he was hoping that he and I could pick up our sexual relationship. 

I hemmed and hawed for a bit as I went into a reverie of how it was like when we had sex - there’s absolutely no way that I could possibly compare C and Vince sexually; they were both amazing in their own ways and I enjoy both of their penises - SEPARATELY…..I’m too old for shits and giggles like that. I reminded myself in my reverie that Vince and I were in no way “official” in any shape or form. After I took my fifth shot, I slammed the shot glass down…almost breaking it, realizing that I’d be toast if I had another shot. Fuck it, I thought, as I ordered another. I looked at C and told him just once more until I knew what my decision about Vince….tonight wasn’t going to happen because I was too drunk. He understood and respected that. I hugged him good night before I followed my friend out. 

My friend knew to bring another one of our friends to follow with my car. I fell asleep before we got to my place….8 minutes away. It took seconds to wake me up and my friends followed me into my house. They dropped my purse, keys and shoes off at the door, plugged my phone into its charger in my room, left a giant glass of ice water by my bed as well as a bottle of aspirin and then made sure I was ok. I said that I was fine. I hugged them good bye, thanking them as they were heading out the door. 

Once they left, I hopped in the shower, put on my comfiest pjs, went to the kitchen to get Gatorade.  I downed it in seconds and realized that I needed to let C know I’m ok so I texted him and then turned off my phone as I needed to get some sleep. As I headed to my bedroom, I tossed the empty Gatorade bottle in the recycling can, went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, tossed my clothes in the hamper, and went to bed. As soon as I hopped into bed, I was out cold….and it was only 10:30 pm. 

I don’t know how long I was asleep but I heard pounding on a door but thought it was my neighbor’s so I fell back asleep. Seconds later, I was woken up by the door pounding again and my name being yelled. I got out of bed, grabbed my phone and turned it on, went to the bathroom to quickly swish mouthwash and then opened the front door. The police and C were there. It was fucking cold as it was snowing so I invited everyone in. 

I asked what was going on, the cops and C were all talking over each other to tell me what was going on. As it was 1 am and that I was annoyed as fuck, I told them to shut the hell up or I’m kicking everyone out. They all shut up. I asked if anyone wanted coffee and everyone said yes. I made it the semi old fashioned way; I tossed coffee beans on a baking sheet and tossed it in the oven at 400*. I let the beans roast for 8 minutes and once done, I took them out and ground the beans and started the pot. 

As the coffee was brewing, C assisted me in getting coffee cups, sugar, spoons and heavy cream ready. The coffee was done so I took the tray of cups, sugar, spoons and heavy cream in one hand and the coffee pot in the other hand, C followed me into the kitchen. He put the tray on the sideboard and I grabbed a pot holder to put under the coffee and then I welcomed everyone for coffee. 

Once everyone had gotten their coffee and sat down at the table with me. I asked C to explain to me what the hell was going on and why the hell they woke me up at 1 am. C said that he got my text letting him know that I was home and ok, he responded but didn’t hear anything back. So he texted me 5 more times - he knows that I respond right away but I didn’t; even after I get a call, I respond right away.  After 2 hours of this and he hadn’t heard from me, C decided that he’d call the police near me to do a wellness check, hence why everyone was there.

I noticed the coffee pot was empty so I took the unused roasted coffee beans, ground them and brew another pot of coffee. It took no time to brew, thankfully. Got the coffee out and decided make everyone breakfast. Ugh. 

I took out my cast iron pan and started frying bacon. As the bacon was frying, I grabbed 2 dozen eggs from the fridge and a bowl from the cabinet…seconds later the eggs were cracked, whisked and mixed with a splash of milk. The bacon was was done and put on a platter and in the oven to keep warm, tossed the eggs in the pan adding a little salt, pepper and dried basil. I took 2 clean baking pans, put slices of bread on pans and tossed them in my other oven on broil to toast the bread. 

C came in to bring out the third pot of coffee, plates and utensils. Finally everything was done and plated; again C helped me bring the food out to the table. As everyone was eating, I was frustrated that everyone was still here so I finally asked if the cops are satisfied that I’m alive and well. They said that they’re THRILLED with my ability to cook so much food in so little time and that they LOVED my coffee but they’ll be satisfied about my safety once they see some ID. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I grabbed my license from my purse and my passport; they looked at both and said that they’re happy that I’m safe. 

The cops finally left after I told them how to roast the coffee beans so they have their coffee taste like mine. After they left, C helped me clean up which was pretty easy as I have 2 dishwashers and just wiped out the cast iron pan….they don’t get washed as whatever is cooked in it flavors it. 

It was 3 am by the time I started the dishwashers, C was passed out cold on the pull out couch in the living room. I went to the front closet - where I tossed my purse after putting my license and passport back - went into my purse, grabbed a condom and went back to the living room. I left the condom on the table, I took C’s jeans and tshirt off, I walked around the bed, stripped and crawled in beside him. He stirred but fell asleep and I followed suit seconds. 

I woke up not long after falling asleep. I got up, went to the bathroom, washed my hands and brushed my teeth, grabbed some water and went to bed. When I came back, C was awake, sheet pulled back and he was stroking himself…it was a great sight to see. I climbed into bed and opened up the condom, easily rolling on it on C’s penis. He rolled me onto my back, spread my legs, he got into position and then asked me if I’m sure…I said yes. 

In seconds, C slid inside of me. He took his time thrusting in and out of me…..fuck, he feels so good. He rolled me on to my stomach, grabbed my hips and started thrusting harder and faster…I was moaning his name over and over. In no time we came hard together and he screamed my name. We collapsed in each other’s arms, caught our breath and he eventually pulled out. He groaned and mumbled the word “fuck” under his breath. I knew that the condom broke but I didn’t react at all. 

I reached out behind me and started stroking C; he was ready instantly. He rolled on to his back, I sat astride him then guided him into me. I slid up and down him as he held on so my clumsy ass wouldn’t fall. I was close to finishing so he rolled me on to my back and thrust in and out of me like the world was going to end…I spread my legs even further as he continued. I started to orgasm as he was getting close; he didn’t stop as I finished. As he came, I came again but even harder than the first time just seconds earlier. 

He rolled over and fell asleep. I got out of bed and took a shower. After I got out and got dressed, I took an emergency contraceptive AND my birth control as I’d forgotten to take my birth control a few times this week. C isn’t quite the snoop but I hid the packaging just to be safe. I put my towels and sheets from my room in the washer.  I woke up C and told him that I received a message from Vince that he was heading over in the next 30 to 45 minutes. He shot up, went to his small drawer for fresh clothes, took a shower, got dressed and put his dirty clothes in a plastic shopping bag. I told him to check my entire place for his stuff as I emptied the dishwashers. Minutes later, he came back and said he was good. He kissed me on the cheek and left. 

I washed the sheets from the spare room and the towels to start a new load. By the time I was done with making my bed, Vince had arrived and used his key to come in. I stopped at the washer to toss the sheets and towels into the dryer then I went to greet Vince. I hugged him before I noticed that he had a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I gently placed my hand on his neck and guided his head closer to me. I kissed him so passionately that he’d dropped the flowers onto the floor and wrapped me in his arms. Then my phone chirped. He said that he’d get a vase while I take care of what I needed to. I was glad to see it was my brother and him thanking me for the ride home the other day.  

We met in the kitchen; he’d opened a bottle of wine and had some cheese and crackers ready. I stood on my tip toes to kiss him to thank him for bringing wine and cheese and he leaned down to accept. He broke the kiss, grabbed my hand and led me to my bedroom. We stripped off of our clothes, climbed into my bed, started kissing again; our hands exploring the other’s bodies. He reached down to my apex with one of his hands to see how ready I was for him.

He growled and rolled me onto my side, slid right behind me, moved my top leg a little bit and thrust into me. I moaned his name and that's all it took for him to start thrusting deeper and deeper into me. He wrapped his one arm around me to bring me closer to him and I placed my leg over his to open up a little more for him...his penis at this angle and in this position was a little uncomfortable. With his one arm around me, he reached up to my breasts to play with one nipple at a time. My juices began to drip down his throbbing penis...we both knew I was close. As I turned my neck to face him and kiss him, he slid his other arm underneath me...we started to kiss as he was massaging and squeezing my breasts, I tried to open my hips a little bit more for him to be fully able to slide his penis in me but I was too distracted and he slid completely in me anyways; I moaned. A few thrusts later, we orgasm together....laying like this for a little bit until I know that he's fallen asleep. 

I get up, throw on an old baggy shirt and head into the kitchen. I munch a little bit on the cheese before putting it into the fridge and put the topper in the wine, leaving the bottle where it was. As I was cleaning up a little bit in the kitchen and toss the paper towels, I see the foil pack from the emergency contraceptive kind of on the edge of the garbage can from earlier. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! I tell myself. I grab it and put it in a paper towel and then place the wad in the garbage can. I then head a few steps to the flowers that Vince put in the the vase for me and add the flower food when I noticed the card. 

The card said:
"You are my love, you are my life. I can't imagine my life without you as I'd be lost without you. I love you forevermore.
Vince"

I knew what I had to do. I was walking fast to get back to my bedroom to wake Vince to tell him but I took a turn down the hallway to fast, the rug shifted, I fell both hearing and feeling my left forearm snap before passing out.

I don’t know how long I was unconscious for - who does? - and woke up a bit later in the hospital. I remember breakfast with C and the cops, a little snack before Vince arrived and had very little wine when I had a little bit of cheese. I know me - and you know me very well, my beloved readers - I get a bit clumsy when I get tired. 

Minutes later the doctor showed up and introduced himself to me and explained that when I landed and broke my arm, it was a clean break, didn’t need any surgery to realign the bones and told me that I got the “fancy” cast; the kind that’s 3D printed to fit the contours of my arm. The doctor told me that I can shower with it and that I do NOT need to cover it at all like the old school casts from when I was growing up, I’d have an interesting tan once the cast came off and that I should be fine with Tylenol and Advil for the pain but if not, I should come to the office and he’d give me some kind of shot that’s similar to a cortisone shot. He explained that he doesn’t often write prescriptions for narcotic pain relievers as he believes that people need to try over the counter meds first; when OTC meds don’t work, he prescribes only 2 pills every 3 days so people have less of a chance of taking more than necessary. He explained that all my bloodwork was fine (I asked if I was pregnant and he said my hormone levels were fine) and he said that they did a CT scan to see if I had a concussion from when I fell and that was negative as well.  I said that it’s fine, signed my paperwork, got unhooked from all the machines and I headed to designated waiting area. 

Both C and Vince were there waiting for me. Apparently I looked confused so C explained that he’d called me while I was unconscious and in the hospital, Vince picked up and told C what happened…C had to explain where I kept my insurance card as Vince couldn’t find it in my wallet; Vince shared with C which hospital I was going to and C drove over.

Since Vince came with me in the ambulance, C drove us back to my place and invited them both in; they both accepted. I excused myself to take a shower and put on comfy clothes, Vince and C cleaned up the mess I made as well as ordering take out. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, my phone charger, a bottle of Advil and headed to the couch. As soon as I stretched out, I realized that I still had my contacts in so I got up, went to the bathroom to start the process. It was a little painful to use my hand from the arm that was broken…put on my proverbial big girl undies, sucked it up and dealt with it for all of 3.5 seconds. 

On my way down back to the living room, I went to the linen closet to grab a blanket and a spare pillow. As excited as I was to take some Advil and a nap, I took my time. The guys had set up plates and stuff in the living room - knowing full well that I don’t allow food in my living room - but I didn’t care at this point in the day because I was tired, my arm was beginning to hurt, I was hungry and more importantly, I was tired. 

I was glad to see my brother come in the door and with the food but also annoyed. Apparently the “boys” thought it was wise to involve my brother in the debacle of a day. I got a look from my brother but I didn’t care for. He has a friend who owns an Asian restaurant so he brought food from there with the well wishes from the friend. I hugged my brother and thanked him for helping out with the food. My brother being my brother knew that I just wanted soup so he opened it up, told me to belly up to the table and eat. Both C and Vince were SO confused, threw glances at each other, my brother and then me so I told them that my brother knows what I want and need before I even know what I want and need and THAT is why he’s older than me. The giggled, let it go and started eating.

I finished my soup, took 4 Advil - which my brother saw, of course - laid down on the couch, put on the blanket and passed out. Either I was sleeping heavily or the guys were quiet but either way…I didn’t hear them talk or clean up. The next thing I knew was that the pain in my arm woke me up, saw the guys all on air mattresses on my living room floor, walked around them as quietly as possible, ate a banana, took an Advil, went to the bathroom, chugged more water, grabbed an ice pack and went back to the couch to fall back asleep. 

Vince had woken up while I was up and had quietly converted the couch into a bed, grabbed more blankets and another pillow. Once he saw me get comfortable, he joined me. I whispered to him that he needs to keep his hands to himself as I need my sleep more than anything else. He called me an adorable grump and promised that he’d behave himself as he held me. I chuckled and fell asleep in seconds. 

Hours later, I woke up in my own bed in my own room. I checked my phone for texts and calls but nothing. On the dresser by my bed, the guys left me a note saying that they cleaned up my place, did my laundry, told me that they called the doctor to give him an update, did grocery shopping and put some manly stuff at the bottom of my area rugs so they nor I wouldn’t slide anymore. I chuckled and grateful that they took care of me without hovering….too much! 

I called my boss to explain the situation and that I was staying home from work for the day, my boss told me that I can take the next 2 weeks off and that I’d get my full regular pay. I was shocked and thanked him profusely; he said that it’s important to him that the employees get AND take the time they need to recover from an illness and other medical issues because in the long run, it helps the morale of the employees. Once we got off the phone, I went through the saved special occasions cards that I had, selected one that suited the situation, wrote a quick but grateful note, sealed it up and asked my neighbor to come on over to pick it up from me and put it in the mail for me; told my neighbor that I’d some cookies I’d made in the freezer for her payment. She was grateful for the ‘payment’ as she knows that I’m the ‘Queen of Cookies’….I always make cookies from scratch and store them in the freezer for situations like this (as well as for holidays but that’s another story for another day). 

By the time she came back, I gave her a few pounds of cookies from the freezer. Her eyes were so wide. I explained that she does so much for me when I’m at work and other errands for me that I’m so appreciative of her, she deserves it! She thanked me on her behalf, her husband’s behalf and her 2 kids’ behalf. We hugged and then she left.

I called my brother to thank him for everything and let him know how I was doing but I got his voicemail so I left a message. I did the same for C, Vince and the doctor….this time I stayed awake and my phone on just in case one of them wanted to reach out to me or in case the doctor called. 

The doc called first; I told him that I was sleeping a ton, was taking it easy on my broken arm, taking Advil when needed and using ice packs as well. The doc suggested that I take the occasional Tylenol if I had break through pain, napping isn’t necessary but still a good thing and was happy that I was using ice. 

My brother called back and we spoke for a few minutes. He was happy that I wasn’t in too much pain, he was happy that I spoke to the doctor and offered to be the go between me the doc in case I’d taken a nap. Loved the idea so I wrote a brief note stating who I was, the injuries and if the doc didn’t hear back from me 30 minutes from his call or text, he’s allowed to call and discuss it with my brother and then my brother would stick his head in on me to let me know. Once done, I faxed it over to my doctor.

C called back and it was a super short conversation as he was heading to his car to head home. He was happy to hear that I was alert and chipper, feeling pretty good and asked if I needed anything; I said I was fine and if there was something major, I’d let him know.

Vince was the last one to call me back. He was done with his errands and visiting with family….he asked if I wanted company and I said sure. When we got off the phone, I showered, brushed my teeth, hopped into some sweats and made an attempt French braided my hair. By the time I came downstairs, Vince was letting himself in. He dropped his overnight bag, placed more flowers on the table, took 2 giant steps over to me, put his arms around me, picked me up and kissed me. I giggled and kissed him back. He put me down - carefully - picked up the flowers, took care of them and brought them back into the living room. I brought his bag up into my room and came back downstairs. 

Vince was in the living room with a peanut butter and banana sandwich and a glass of orange juice for me and leftover Asian food for him. He’d set up one of my favorite movies for us to watch as we ate. If I hadn’t said it recently, I’m saying it now….I love Vince. About half way through the movie, he paused so he could clean up, get us some wine and turn the couch back into a bed. 

Once we both stretched out and were comfortable, we ended up turning off my tv, told Vince that I’d rather us just hold each other and fall asleep. He said that he was more than happy to as he loved me more than anything. 

I’m a little conflicted

Vince reached out to me one and half weeks ago to tell that he’d just retired from teaching and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up with him to celebrate (and thought that maybe I might spend the night or two nights). I thanked him for the offer but I’d have to think about it….thankfully I didn’t have to mention that we ended badly last time as he clearly understood my point. He’s not stupid but a little dense when it comes to me; I wanted his love, respect and trust but instead he was “trying” protect me from a previous lover which, clearly, I didn't need. 

I replied to him around 8 pm Thursday night that I'd come over Friday night for dinner and spend at least one night with him. He was grateful that I responded and said that he'd get his place ready for me; I knew that he was frustrated that I gave him about 24 hours notice of my arrival but he didn't say anything about that….which is pretty surprising. I could tell that he was frustrated because I usually give him  a few days in advanced notice of shit, this time I didn't. Considering that we're both neat freaks (one more than the other in certain areas), he didn't have the time to thoroughly clean his place.....he vacuums every day, washes his sheets and towels every 3 to 4 days, dusts 3 to 4 times a week, maintains the cleanliness of his bathroom although he practically sterilizes his bathroom twice a week. I was half tempted to send someone I know who cleans houses to help him out but I chose not to as I know that his place is super clean and he knows that I don't expect him to clean his place like a drill sergeant would expect him to.

I arrived at his place around 6 pm/6:15 pm Friday night. I have enough clothes get through Sunday mid afternoon; just in case. We ate (he cooked), split a few bottles of wine, watched a movie and went to bed to have sex. When we had sex Friday night, he made it all about me…he didn’t want me to return the favor - at first I was confused and then I was like: “Fuck YES! It’s about me and my pleasure tonight!”. It was great to have sex with him again and it helped us to reconnect physically again. I missed that connection with him. Afterwards we had fallen asleep...until the chirping of my phone woke me up. Should've turned the damn thing off.

It’s the ass crack of dawn Saturday morning. Just received a few texts from V…..you know the guy who worked for my brother and I was his mistress for like 2 years? Yeah. That sexy bastard. That sexy bastard that I wanted to have sex with almost every single damn day of my life. The sexy bastard had a fight with his wife as she found out about us (he drunkenly told her awhile back) and was drunk while texting me, complaining about his wife being so far up his ass about our past and that he was currently texting me right in front of her. I got so fed up with him and his current behavior that I told him to shut the hell up as I was in another man's bed getting my needs taken care of. Thankfully - despite being drunk - he got the clue and stopped texting me. Not only did I block him but I turned off the ringer by putting it on silence as I didn't want to wake up Vince. I fell asleep moments later.

A few hours later, I woke up and got ready for the day....Vince was still fast asleep. Lucky retired bastard. I started making myself a bowl of cereal and THAT woke up Vince (and how did my phone chirping at ass crack of dawn NOT wake him up????). He stumbled into the kitchen butt naked and getting ready to make coffee when he realized that I already did. The old man (what? he's 19 years older than me!), chugged a few mugs - mumbling that I kept him up past his bed time last night - and went in to kiss me....I said not unless his teeth have been brushed and he had been showered as I'm a stickler for good hygiene and he grumbled for not being able to kiss me. 

As he was showering and getting ready for the day, I called up an acquaintance of mine to ask him to make a picnic set up for two people and he'd asked what was needed in it. I told him that 3 bottles of expensive wine, wine glasses, Italian meats and cheeses, 2 loaves of bread, some Italian desserts and a bottle of water. He said that it'd be ready in about 15 to 30 minutes, I thanked him and said that I was sending a courier over with a picnic basket; he chuckled and grumbled that OF COURSE that's something I would do. I explained that the courier would wait until everything was loaded up, would give him the cash that I provided to pay my acquaintance and then he'd be on his way. My acquaintance asked who I was with and I told him that it was Vince....he laughed and said that the picnic was on him and that I was indebted to him as one Italian to another. I laughed and we hung up the phone. 

I was getting ready when the courier rang the doorbell. I offered the basket and a few hundred dollars for my acquaintance for his work and gave him a lasagna - that I made and had planned to heat up for dinner that night - to give to my acquaintance as a return of the favor. As he left, Vince popped out looking pretty nice; jeans, a polo shirt and his leather jacket for his motorcycle. He asked who was at the door and I said another favor and he groaned; I said that I was joking, that I had a plan for that afternoon and that he needs to take his allergy meds. He grumbled - yet again! - grabbed MY coffee (that bastard!!!), went to the bedroom, took his meds and came back out to see me take the basket from the courier and me push the poor man out the door. Vince laughed and finally saw what I was wearing....Skin tight skirt, a low cut shirt, my old riding boots (knee length, of course!) and my leather jacket. He knew it was a big afternoon planned. Before we left, I dumped my purse into a leather backpack type of purse.

We went to his motorcycle, I attached the basket and a blanket (with special attachments from the motorcycle company), he hopped on his bike, I followed suit and told him to go to some farmland that had once belonged to my family. He said that would be trespassing and I explained that I have permission to go whenever I want and that I don’t need to call ahead. He seemed a little bit in awe and grateful at the same time. It took no time to get there as it was close to where Vince lives. We hopped off of his motorcycle, gathered up the blanket and the basket and we went on our way to my favorite field; it used to have a horse barn and paddock but it’s now filled with daisies and a variety of other wild flowers as well as plenty of shade for my pasty white ass.

It took us 10 minutes to walk to my favorite spot, we spread the blanket out and as we ate, we caught up with each other and discussed where we saw where we saw each other in the future. We were able to repair our past a little bit as we were eating and Vince said that he hoped we could start dating again. I was a whole lot of surprised what Vince suggested and I shared with him my concerns of him trying control me, his jealousy when I was with male friends, giving me space when I ask for it, being there when I needed it and for him to actually trust me when I'm with my male friends. He understood and said that it’s definitely something that he’d work on in counseling and with me. Vince leaned over and kissed me.

I gently grabbed his shirt collar, pulled him closer to me and kissed him harder. He came over, taking his clothes off as we were kissing. He gently laid me on my back, lifting my hips and lifting my skirt past my hips and noticed that I wasn’t wearing any panties. He kept my hips in the air and clamped his mouth around my apex…he ate my apex like he hadn’t eaten in days; he was using his tongue and teeth…holy crap I was in heaven. In my entire life, I have NEVER ever been eaten like that before!

He finally put me down, spread my legs and slid inside of me…. It took a few seconds for him to get adjusted in order to fit inside; the afternoon was different from the night before. Once he was settled, he pumped in and out of me like his life depended on it…I couldn’t help but moan and scream his name; I wrapped my arms around him and didn’t want to let him go. He helped me roll over and he took me from behind…he grabbed my hips and he fucked me hard and fast; I was screaming his name. I loved feeling his  pulsating penis in me and make me feel this good. We finished together, turning to our sides - still connected - and laid like that for I don’t know how long as we both fell asleep.

I woke up in a jolt. I’d forgotten to take my birth control pill that morning. I gently pulled away from Vince as he was still inside of me. I immediately dug into my bag to find an emergency contraceptive pill, opened the foil pack, popped the pill into my mouth and chugged some water, hid the foil pack in a a smaller compartment of my bag. I woke up Vince but he seemed a little bit annoyed that I wasn’t in his arms: I fixed my skirt, he got dressed and we packed up our things and headed out. He attached the basket and blanket to his motorcycle; he gave me a hand to help me on his motorcycle. 

Once I was on, Vince leaned in and gently kissed me. I kissed him back, gently biting his lip so he'd open his mouth, which he did; he leaned in even further and kissed me harder. Vince couldn't wait any further so he got on in front and I wrapped my arms around him and he brought us back to his place. It didn’t take long as he sped; we hurriedly unloaded his motorcycle, went inside leaving the basket and blanket in the living room and we headed to his bedroom to finish what we started in the field and the bike. I did take one second - discreetly - to take the birth control pill that I’d forgotten to taken that morning.

It was a couple of hours later before we left his bedroom; we’d taken our time, finishing the wine plus others we opened when we returned, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. When I took a shower, Vince had called my brother (no big surprise there!) asked him to come on over. Ugh, I love my brother but this wasn’t the time for him to come over; it was time for Vince and I to enjoy each other physically and emotionally. In no time, my brother came over and brought some food. Apparently, Vince and my brother have some kind of bromance going on now; when Vince and I first started dating, my brother HATED it because Vince is nearly 20 years older than I but as time went on and my brother saw that Vince and I were happy so he accepted it and Vince; they hang out often to BS and booze. I knew that whenever they would hang out, my brother made sure that Vince didn't EVER go off with another woman; not that Vince would but my brother, he protected me - his kid sister. 

I threw on my “eat a ton” pants and one of Vince’s shirts….to throw my brother off, Vince put on one of my skirts that I had forgotten that I had left there at his place the last time I stayed over. That sure was a sight I’ll tell you! When Vince opened the door to let my brother in, my brother laughed so hard he almost peed himself! It was quite the sight to see.

Once their laughter subsided, my brother went about to heat up the food and chill the wine while Vince changed. This gave my brother and I a chance to catch up with the whole me/Vince thing; I spared no details as my brother is a good sounding board for me and friend when I need it. With most things, my brother was happy and with other things, my brother wasn’t thrilled about…of course. Older brothers, I tell you! 

Vince came out and they went off to do some bromance shit…no clue what they’re were talking about but it gave me time to check my emails. I dozed off for a little bit but woke up when they were laughing and having a rip roaring good time. I got up to run to the bathroom too brush my teeth - I hate having fuzzy teeth - and walked into the kitchen….grabbed a half empty bottle of wine. 

My brother kissed the top of my head as I hugged him. As Vince was setting the table, my brother asked if I’d known that I was chugging a $300 bottle of wine and I said yes, because I expect no less from him. He laughed hysterically and then asked if I was happy with Vince and I told him that so far this weekend, I am but I’m not sure what will happen once I left. My brother nodded to state he understood.

My brother fed us like kings as per usual. We ate and bullshitted for most of the night. As the night wore on and we moved to the couches, Vince wrapped his arms around me and brought me closer to him. I turned my head towards him, leaned up a little bit and kissed him and then snuggled up against his chest again. My brother raised an eyebrow, opened his mouth and then shut it; he knew I was too old to for him to say something and that he wanted me to be happy so he kept quiet. 

When I stood up, went to clean up the kitchen and finish the last of the wine, my brother stood up and said that he needs to get going. Vince offered my brother the spare bedroom but my brother declined. I told my brother that he’s too tired and drunk to drive, he said that he’d wake his wife but I interrupted him saying that there’s no way in hell that I’m letting him wake his wife up at 1:30 am to pick him up and said that it’s too late, that I have a few friends that are going to bring him home and one of them would follow in his car.  He asked how many friends I have and I told him that I have many people who’re more than happy to help me out as I’ve busted them out of trouble more times that they can count.  

He said fine. Minutes later, his ride arrived, well paid monetarily and with water…my brother said his car needed gas and I said that it was already taken care of and he said ok. As he got into the passenger seat of his car, I called my sister in law to tell her that both she and my niece can go back to bed since my brother was getting a ride and that his car was following him home. She thanked me and we got off the phone.

With my brother gone, we rushed to finish cleaning the kitchen and went to bed. We stripped off of our clothes, got into bed and took our time; this time was the first time we made love since we first got together years ago. We explored each other’s bodies like it was the very first time and took our time…we came together multiple times and each time was better than the previous time; “I love you!” was said by both of us. It brought us so much closer to each other than we had been before. We talked about us and our futures separately as individuals and together as a couple and eventually fell asleep entwined in each other’s body.

Despite the limited sleep, I woke up early, took my birth control and another emergency contraceptive because I was 10 hours late with yesterday’s birth control and I wanted to make sure that I was fully protected. In that moment, I knew I loved Vince more than I did before then when we first started dating, I knew that I’d always love him but I don’t know what the future holds for us….and I knew that right now is not the time to be a mother of his child as I am not ready to be a mother yet.

I went back to the bedroom, packed up most of my clothes, stripped and as I was heading to the bathroom, Vince had woken up, pulled the sheets back to reveal that he was ready for me again. As sore as I was from last night, I climbed back into bed and we’d made love a few more times before I pulled myself from his arms; I didn’t want to but I knew that I had to get up and get going.

I hopped into the shower and then got dressed. I gathered up the sheets and my towel to put in the wash as he took a shower.  I unloaded the clean dishwasher, wiped down the table and the counters again, tossed the sheets and towels into the dryer and packed up the rest of my stuff. Once I had brought my bags to the front door, I went back to the dryer, folded the towels, putting them in the linen closet and made the bed.

When I opened up the bedroom door, I noticed flower petals on the floor. This man is going to be the death of me especially after I cleaned his place up. Instead of getting mad at him, I decided to follow the path of the petals. I found Vince at the end of the path - in Royal Navy sweatpants and sweatshirt…..a very nice color on him - on one knee with a ring box in one hand. The ring was absolutely stunning….like absolutely stunning. I’ve literally have not seen such a glorious ring. 

“Vince…..what’s going on? Please don’t tell me that you’re proposing!” I asked.

“Depgrl…I hope that you know by now that I love you. Will you marry me?” Vince asked.

“Vince, the ring is more than anything that I could ask for and imagine. This weekend was absolutely amazing and I loved ever single second of it. This weekend will always be a great memory for the both of us. I love you so incredibly much that it physically hurts me and I know that you feel the same. Baby, we’ve just started to scratch the surface to heal our past,” I told him as I took him up to his feet. “Please, please, please, baby. Give us some time to heal and see where this takes us. I promise you that I’m NOT telling you no….I’m just saying that I need to think about this.”

“Ok, my love. Let’s take care of us and then see where this goes,” Vince said. “I’ll hold on to this ring until then, my love. We’ll take our time.”

I kissed Vince so passionately and he returned the passion that it nearly brought us back to bed again. We both knew that having sex/making love wouldn’t fix us but the both us taking some time together and some time apart, us going to counseling together, starting over but with an intent for a serious relationship. As we said our goodbyes, it was hard but we knew that we’d always be a call away.