Talked with Vince

I shared with Vince that C came back into my life unexpectedly and wanted to hang out with me when we're both vaccinated and after we isolated. To be honest? Vince wasn't thrilled that my former lover came back into my life. I don't blame him at all. If an old lover of Vince's came back into his life, I wouldn't be happy either. I'd make a point that I would NOT be in the same room as her nor meet her. And yes, I am aware that everyone has a past. I have my own as you've read, right? Right.

Vince and I talked about this and we agreed that if C and I decided to follow through with meeting up, I would suggest a public place where #1. we could be socially distant to be extra safe #2. people would be around so there would like to be less of a chance that C and I would have sex #3. Vince would be within a 2 minute drive to come pick me up if I needed it. #4. there is a possibility that despite what Vince and I have and despite what C and his girlfriend have.....both C and I could walk away together as lovers again. Vince, clearly, didn't like #4. I don't blame him and I would be the same if it was he and one of his former lovers. We didn't need to talk about how many times C & I have had sex, nor where or how, etc. but he knows that we were lovers for about 2 yrs and we were quite "compatible" shall we say? 

When Vince and I are together intimately, it's quite different than it had been with our previous lovers/significant others/intimacies. There was passion, etc. in our previous relationships/lovers/intimacies, but this is Vince and I and where everything is different. Our appreciation for each other's intellect and appreciation of the other one's body and skill in bed is our own. We do NOT allow the ghosts of past relationships/intimacies to come in between us; not when we're gearing up, not during and not afterwards. It us and us alone. It was hard at first - on occasion - since we both accidently slipped names of previous intimacies so for a bit we agreed not to say each other's names or any terms of endearment until we could naturally utter each other's names. 

I am in a precarious situation here. I care as deeply for a man as deeply as does for me when a former lover comes back into my life and throws a curveball in my direction. Did I care about C when he and I were intimate? Yes; until we both found someone else. Was C the same when it came to me? Yes; until we both found someone else. Did C and I ever love each other? I didn't love him any more as I would a friend but not sure about him towards me; I don't know what went through his head then nor do I know anything that goes through his mind now. Will I always care for C? To a certain degree...there is no way to forget what we had nor forget what we did. A small part of me will always care for him and I wish him well in his future endeavors. Will C always care about me? I don't know. I think an even smaller part of him does to a point - he reached out to wish me a belated birthday; which is the first time in the 2 or so years we walked away from each other that he's done that. 

Despite where he and I with each other right now, I am grateful for him because he taught me so much about my body; what I like, dislike, enjoy and hate during sex. Prior to meeting him, when I had sex with a man, it was mutual pleasure of each other but with a hint of more his pleasure than mine. With C - of course, after him as well - I had a voice that I used to share what would and would not give me pleasure. Now, with Vince, I can use my voice to share with him what I would enjoy and be able to let him know how much I enjoy Vince's touch, passion and everything else