The courage to be real

By Wednesday night, I was back at church for midweek service. Marcus was there, of course, and as soon as he spotted me, he started toward me with that eager look that made me brace myself.

Thankfully, Mia—my church bestie and a gift from above—stepped in like a pro. She intercepted Marcus with a bright smile and a question about his family, dragging him into a conversation just long enough for me to duck away.

Linda caught me not far from the sanctuary and ushered me into her office, closing the door behind us.

“I got your email,” she said gently, settling into the chair across from mine. “But I just wanted to ask—why wasn’t Marcus a good match?”

I kept my tone calm. “He’s great. For someone else. But the conversations with him felt… forced. The whole thing felt like a setup, and not the good kind.”

Linda sighed, folding her hands in her lap. “Dan and I were just hoping to help Marcus. He’s been struggling with…well, his identity. He says he’s bisexual, but we’re trying to help him realize he’s actually straight.”

I blinked, heart sinking. “Wait. You’re trying to change his sexuality?”

She hesitated. “Not change, exactly. Just guide him.”

I leaned forward, my voice sharpening. “Linda, no. That’s not okay. It’s incredibly damaging. There is no ‘guiding’ someone into heterosexuality. That’s not love; that’s coercion. And let me be clear—it’s not just harmful to Marcus. It’s harmful to the entire LGBTQIA+ community.”

She started to speak, but I held up a hand.

“I’m bisexual too,” I said firmly. “I’ve been with both men and women. I happen to prefer men, but that doesn’t make me straight. It just means I have a preference. Like vanilla over chocolate. But sexual orientation isn’t a preference you choose. It’s who you are. Period.”

She looked stunned, speechless.

“And trying to force someone to pick their sexual orientation? That’s psychologically abusive. Full stop. Being gay hasn’t been classified as a mental illness since the 1970s and it NEVER was a mental illness- thankfully, it was removed from the DSM. The DSM is medical manual that outlines what is and isn’t a mental illness. This isn’t just about religion. This is about basic human dignity and science.”

Her hands clenched in her lap, her expression shaken.

“You know what else? Kids sent to conversion therapy camps are far more likely to commit suicide or run away when they are forced to ‘change.’ Why? Because being rejected by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally breaks something inside you. It tells you you’re wrong for existing and you’re not worthy of being loved.”

I didn’t soften. “That’s what you and Dan are doing to Marcus, whether you realize it or not. If you love him, you’ll accept him as he is—not as who you wish he’d be.”

She swallowed hard, her voice barely audible. “I didn’t realize…”

“I hope you’ll think about it. Really think. Because love without respect is not love—it’s control. And it’s not Christlike.”

I stood up. “God doesn’t always make sense. But I like to believe He—or She—gives us what we can handle – and doesn’t make mistakes. And sometimes, what we need to learn from, too.”

Linda looked up at me. “I’ll talk to Pastor Dan. I’ll share what you said.”

“Good. And you can tell him this too—what the LGBTQIA+ community needs most from Christianity is love and respect. Even if Christians disagree with them, they still deserve to be treated with dignity, compassion, and kindness. Just as much as the widows, the orphans, the poor, the homeless, the sick, the outcasts—everyone Jesus tells us to help.”